


Synthetic Soldiers

by Deidara



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Dystopia, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-03-30 05:55:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 116,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3925360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deidara/pseuds/Deidara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twenty years old Allen Walker was an exorcist of the Black Order and suspected of associating with the fourteenth Noah, when he was murdered by the Millennium Earl. He is reborn in a cold birthing pit of the second exorcist project.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. O Mundo em Psicose Delirante Crônica

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man.
> 
> Notes: This is just a small experiment that will be ended if it proves to be a failure. AU with considerable differences from canon. May or may not have romance; please be prepared for both.

The city of Altinopolis brimmed with movement. Large flows of people strode in the numerous streets doing their daily business, making it impossible to imagine it was such a small town years ago.

The current world was being corroded by a war that had been going for just too long. It didn't allow much freedom, and was filled by suspicion and severe procedures before anyone would be allowed through any community's strong gates. Add to that the endless terror that permeated most people, and you had a difficult environment to live in, specially harsh to those who wished to travel or work in commerce.

Altinopolis' government, however, would have none of that. Already isolated because of their small population and weak economy, administrators knew it wouldn't live for long if they stuck to the world protocol. Decided to make their lives better by making a radical change in their works, they decided, against everything that was a normal procedure in the world, and against all safety recommendations, to freely open their gates for travelers and merchants, allowing entrance without the usual strict measures and identity tests. As a result, it became a refuge for those who couldn't find a place in major walled cities and its economy strengthened. Inhabitants' lives apparently took a turn to the better, and now they didn't have to worry about the impending doom of perishing in poverty as they did before.

Mysterious disappearances and deaths were completely ignored in face of the growth of the community.

Kanda didn't know how to react to such a place. On one side, the new procedures of Altinopolis benefited him greatly. As a lone traveler, he had great difficulties in finding places to stay, due to the justifiably paranoid nature of most of the communities in the world. He didn't have any friends or family, only very few acquaintances. Without any sort of useful connections, most of his journeys consisted on breaching security in order to enter a city and, once inside, inspecting the environment frantically in order to spot any law enforcers that could notice his misplacement. The greater states and principalities were almost impossible to break into, and he would only engage in such a life threatening endeavor if there was no way around it.

So, he couldn't condemn Altinopolis attitude if that allowed him to, for the first time in a long while, enter a city through its main gates.

On the other side, there were no words that could properly express how incredibly callous and irresponsible it was to just give up traditional security checks and leave the whole community open to friends and foes alike. While the city had grown impressively, having attracted people such as himself who had trouble in living anywhere else, such an advantage came at a great cost, one that couldn't really be worth it.

This city had to be crammed with Akuma.

They saved themselves from vanishing, but this couldn't last forever. Altinopolis became a utopia for Akuma, who could enter freely and feed without a problem, thanks to rulers who avoided investigating slaughters in order to preserve their new system. How many of these people were actually the monsters wearing human skin? How long before the amount of demons surpassed that of people, and the whole place fell down? Not only were these citizens killing themselves, but they were also doing a great disservice to the world. Akuma could strengthen and multiply here. Once this place ran out of nourishment, they would leave in search of new victims all around the continent, and beyond.

It was a wonder that this city hadn't already been destroyed. Its procedures scandalized the world, and no one even considered following Altinopolis' footsteps. He would have expected such a place to be exterminated by the higher powers, eradicating all citizens, visitors and Akuma alike. It was the strategic thing to do, yet this infected place was allowed to grow. Kanda's expression contorted into a fearsome frown.

_Cowards._ The Black Order, normally charged with the responsibility of dealing with such matters, had yet to make a move. It wasn't hard to imagine why that would be so; finding new warriors had been a problem to them for more than four decades. They wanted to destroy this place, but simply couldn't. So, instead of fighting, they must be hidden in their underground laboratories, manufacturing Exorcists-

The vendor who was handing him a bag flinched, and looked down. "T-that will be three silver coins, sir."

Kanda took his goods and slid the correct amount of money over the counter, before leaving. People stared at him with fearful eyes, but the man knew it wasn't because he had been identified. No, the citizens looked like that towards everyone. They weren't _that_ foolish; they knew what danger they were constantly in.

Placing the recently bought medicine in his large backpack, he decided it was time to leave. Yes, he was an Exorcist, one of the rare people capable of fighting the evil that permeated the world. Still, this place was so infested with monsters that any sort of action from him would only lead to his messy demise. He was used to battles, and proficient enough to survive by himself, yet he hadn't lived to adulthood by recklessly trying to save every single place he walked through.

Pushing down the disgust and his own impotence with practiced ease, he walked towards the gates, ready to leave. The tension that usually followed such an action wasn't present, simply because this city was as dangerous a place to be in as the outside.

Before leaving, however, he decided to climb the walls and have a look around. He wanted to see what the outside looked like before deciding which direction to go to. Thanks to his enhanced physical condition, he easily got to the top of the enormous wall, now only useful for sightseeing as it didn't keep anyone outside, anymore.

The view wasn't a pleasant one. The area around the city was nothing more than dry, infertile earth, with scarce vegetation and a terrible climate. It was no wonder they used to be dying because of the impossibility of importing provisions, and he wondered how long it would take for this to truly become a desert. Squinting in order to see the horizon under harsh sunlight, he decided to go south. According to one of his maps, he would eventually reach a path used by travelling caravans. After that, finding his next destination would be easy; Dautland, supposedly known as the city of entertainment, could by found in the end of that long road, even if amusement was the last thing Kanda was currently looking for.

If he had turned around just a few seconds later, he wouldn't have seen them. As it was, though, they caught his attention; small points dotted the distance, coming from an area relatively close to the direction he planned to go to. The small time it took for them to cross that barrier and come closer showed they were travelling at a fast speed. Kanda was alarmed. While they didn't seem as great in number as an army would be, he didn't think that was the usual behavior of the traditional visitors of this place. Choosing to stay where he was and keep watch, as the strangers approached, he decided this had to be abnormal. Was this city under attack? And what fools would actually do it? Anyone with half a brain would know this place was filled to the brim with monsters.

Looking around for any sort of guards of Altinopolis, he cursed when he saw none. This was ridiculous. Then again, the government that allowed this place to become a nest of Akuma would hardly care about taking any other measures of security to protect its people. He felt compelled to run and try to inform some sort of authority, but only for a while. What would these fools do, but panic and cause more destruction?

He looked behind him, where, many meters below, people continued with their lives without a care. If this place was raided, the Akuma would undoubtedly transform and raise hell, ending the already oscillating order that existed in the community. Both attackers and citizens would be dead, and Kanda would have to avoid the battle and leave. The smart thing to do was to silently disappear. How many Akuma were here? Dozens? Hundreds? One had to know his limits.

So why was it that he just wouldn't abandon his spot?

Making sure to remain behind a pillar, he watched as the small cavalry appeared – to his alarm, three people were running by foot and easily accompanying the rest. Most of them were dressed in heavy clothes to block the weather, including hoods and fabric that didn't allow one to properly see their faces. When they finally got close to Altinopolis, one in the front – of small stature, and wearing bright white clothes that made him very easy to spot – ran ahead of everyone in blinding speed. From the folds of his clothes, the black glint of a clawed hand could be seen.

Everyone left their horses and also ran, following their leader. Most seemed physically capable, and it was then that he felt it – the strong pulses of energy that were so familiar to him.

Innocence being activated.

Now everything was clear. They had decided to clear this city. But how would they go about it? Many Akuma would refuse to leave the safety of their disguises, specially when facing this many Exorcists. For a small moment he thought the Black Order was finally taking action, but these were just too different from the Exorcists who lived under that organization's control. Moreover, it had been a long time ever since Kanda last saw so many Accommodators together at once.

Watching to see what they were going to do, he observed, astounded, as the figure in command, still in incredible speed, ran like a white flash amidst the busy streets, uncaring for the people's surprise and fright. He would occasionally hit a random person, throwing them with great strength towards the ground or a nearby wall.

After that, the Exorcists behind him would kill these people, following their fast leader as well as they could.

_What the hell are they doing?_

Kanda tried to assess the situation the best he could, from his advantaged position. His eyes weren't playing tricks on him: he could hear, as well as see, the desperate people screaming as the Exorcists slaughtered them. Was that their plan? Since they couldn't know who was Akuma and who wasn't, were they just going to kill every person inside this place? He wanted to do something against them, but didn't know how. They were so many; after attacking a single one, he would be swarmed. Still, even if sometimes he was incapable of interfering with a situation, he couldn't stand to watch as people of his kind did such atrocities. Growling in annoyance and knowing he would be screwed after this all, he unsheathed and activated Mugen, trying to think fast. His body was enhanced by his seal; if he just got to the leader who was, for some reason, pointing out the ones who should be killed first for his followers…

Yes, that was it. In the end, what was the meaning of being who he was, of being so determined to find _that person_ , if he just watched a slaughter and did nothing to help? Abandoning his backpack and leaving his hidden spot, he ran over the enormous wall and jumped in the direction of the Exorcist in white who, instead of just pointing out their victims, started killing them by himself. Kanda raised his blade, and the short Exorcist's gasped in surprise. This was it –

An acrid and nauseating smell reached his nose. Hastily, he covered his nose and mouth, noticing the other didn't seem bothered about that. Looking meters behind this person, he saw that his latest victim, a teenager girl who was cut in half by his claws, had deformed into a centipede like monstrosity and now dissolved in black, toxic gas. Akuma.

Staring around him in the many places where people were crushed, he noticed that every one of the corpses was proving to be that of a demon's. With wide eyes, he wondered how that could be. Did they know exactly who was what? How would they get such intel?

"Hey, bro," greeted other of the Exorcist fighters in a friendly voice. His Innocence was an enormous hammer. "Lower the murder stick, nice and slow."

"You are just killing Akuma?" asked Kanda, refusing to acknowledge the other's request. There was no way he would do that.

"Yup. Now put it down."

"Leave him, we've got work to do," said the leader, voice muffled by the cloth over his mouth. The other looked uncertain, but quickly followed the order and left. The remaining Akuma had already been transformed, and they didn't need this guy to point out who to attack anymore. "Hey, you… want to help?" he asked, gazing intensely at Kanda, before taking a leap that should be impossible for a human and engaging in battle meters away, himself.

Confused but used to dealing with unexpected situations, Kanda did exactly that. He had wanted to destroy the Akuma, and now had an opportunity. Forgetting his doubts and remembering what he was created for, he charged his weapon with energy and tackled the nearest abominations that had just revealed themselves and were terrorizing the crowd.

Two hours afterwards, with a few scratches and lessened energy but mostly intact, Kanda finished the last Akuma he could find, and jumped to the nearest place where he wouldn't have to deal with the toxic vapor that floated from the defeated monsters. The movement in the streets had reduced greatly, most of the civilians having run off to their houses or becoming casualties of the battle.

The other Exorcists started approaching him, also wanting to rest in the safety of the tall building where the poison couldn't find them. The leader and another person with disturbing Innocence that looked like teeth finished off remaining foes who were trying to hide.

"You! Thanks for the help," said the one eyed person who had tried to stop him before. He took off his hood and unwrapped the scarf around his face, revealing youthful features of someone who must be about Kanda's age, and bright red hair. Most of the others followed his cue, also taking off the hoods and cloth that were, he now realized, to block the poison, and not in order to hide their identities.

"You were impressive there," said an Asian girl who seemed a little out of breath, but also fine. Unlike her companions, most of her legs were exposed, revealing her Innocence, a pair of black boots she still kept activated. "How many did you kill?"

"I lost the count," Kanda replied, not feeling very comfortable about being surrounded like that. He didn't partake in human contact frequently, and realized they had made a circle around him. Because of that, he didn't sheath Mugen, leaving it ready and in synchrony with his energy.

"Nice job, everyone," said the leader, who now walked towards them, "the city is now clean."

"Or as clean as it can be," sniffed the one with the teeth Innocence, who got there a few seconds later, inspecting the city filled with noxious gas. "What about the civilians? What if they breath it all in?"

"Almost everyone in this world know that they should flee from an Akuma's carcass. And you can't simply go house by house picking people by hand and taking them somewhere safe, or you will die, too. Casualties are inevitable, and our job here is done." He stared at Kanda intensely. "We are grateful for your aid."

"This chap destroyed a lot of them!" exclaimed the redhead. "He just went around killing everything that crossed his path, instead of choosing the ones easier to fight with his Innocence type, like we do."

"I don't live in a group, so I'm used to fight whatever appears in front of me," explained Kanda.

The redhead grinned, expression very different from the one he presented in battle – or, at least, his eye did, as it was the only thing visible back then. "You should join us, then! How do you cope with being all by yourself?"

There was some silence, accompanied by the incredulous stares of the other members of the group. Kanda thought this was because of the man's imprudence in inviting a complete stranger, but it was for a different reason. The redhead noticed, before wincing and glancing apologetically at the shorter Exorcist by his side. "Sorry, man. I know it's not my place to extend invites, but…"

"It's fine," said the other, even if his tone had a note of disapproval. "It's a sound idea. What do you say, friend? We are a humble group of seven Exorcists who help with the cleaning of this continent, and we also have the occasional clash with the bastards of the Black Order. Trying to rid the world of the two greatest evils, and all that. A though job, but easier when you've got friends."

'Humble' was far from the truth. In a world where Exorcists were so rare, seven of them working together were a fearsome force to deal with. It only made him more apprehensive about this guy, who was powerful enough to control so many people. "While I truly sympathize with your cause," said Kanda honestly, specially where it concerned the Order he hated so much, "I'm fine by myself. But thanks for your offer." It wouldn't hurt to be polite while having half a dozen people with dangerous weapons around him.

He knew there were some organizations against the Black Order, but he simply didn't want to be under the control of anyone, anymore. He would claw his way to his goals by himself, and simply die if he wasn't strong enough.

"Are you sure? It must be hard to be all by yourself. Wouldn't you like to have someone watching your back? You are strong. We would welcome you with open arms."

"I refuse," Kanda said curtly, because his reserves of politeness for the day had already been wholly consumed by the thanks of before.

"Come on, give us a chance," insisted him who, Kanda noticed, seemed to be just a teenager. By now, the rest of the group stared at their leader with confused looks, because of his strange behavior.

Kanda had it. "Listen here, you little-"

"This is worrisome for me, Yuu," the boy continued, ignoring the other's outburst. "Have you been alone ever since you left Laboratory number six?"

Kanda froze, incapable of believing in what he just heard. There was a long moment of silence with the people who watched them still looking confused, but they did not voice their thoughts. The man then tightened the grip on his sword, pointing its blade towards the strange guy once more. Mugen glinted dangerously under the now receding sunlight. "Who the hell are you? What do you know?"

A chuckle, and the youngster finally took of the cloth around his face and dropped his hood unceremoniously, revealing a head full of hair as white as his garments were before they became splattered with battle dirt. But it was the face that got his attention, that face that was so hard to forget and that still haunted him in many nights. Even if the boy's features weren't so firmly embedded in his memory, the silver eyes and the glaring red scar were unmistakable.

"Allen?" he asked disbelievingly and, dare he say, hopefully.

The boy let out that bright smile he only saw once or twice in that old underground prison they were born in. "Hello, Yuu. I'm so glad you are alive."


	2. Terceiro e Último Segundo Exorcista

_Six years ago_

There had been great expectations for the Second Exorcist project, so this failure rate was absurd. Five years into it, and they only succeeded to revive two Apostles. One managed to synchronize with his weapon, only to die moments later due to the overuse of the Chang family's seal of healing. The other had been in the project for two years, but had yet to be able to wield Innocence. Meanwhile, his seal also deteriorated at an alarming rate.

The church was very tempted to close the whole project, but reluctant to do so. They had spent an inordinate amount of money in research and construction, and ending it all would be admitting a terrible defeat. Moreover, the Black Order was in no conditions to give up in their Artificial Exorcist project. The Second Exorcist was one of the branches of the new ideal of the group.

Exorcists were becoming more and more scarce. Finding Accommodators was becoming an almost impossible mission, and it came to a point where the church became desperate. At this rate, they would lose the war. And thus, they reduced their efforts in finding Exorcists and decided to create new ones.

Rebirthing dead Exorcists by using their brains, that was the Second Exorcist project; there was also a Black Order branch that dedicated themselves to finding the family members of Exorcists and try to force a synchronization with the holy weapons. The most recent Third Exorcist project also seemed successful into creating unstable half Akuma people who weren't truly called Exorcists, but could destroy the enemy nonetheless.

That's why the whole team managed by the Chang family still existed and worked hard. There was too much at stake, and the other groups weren't faring much better. So they kept trying to reawaken deceased warriors and also focused all of their efforts in the only one they had now, the seemingly twelve years old Yuu. Dishearteningly, though, the boy seemed very close to a breakdown.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

It didn't happen all of a sudden. Instead, it was a truth that hanged over their heads for the whole span of their short lives.

When Yuu finally became close to Alma and they started interacting without violence and screamed insults, he noticed Alma would take longer than him to recover from their daily 'sessions'. They usually didn't broach the topic, though. When it came to the aftermath of their torture, they just wanted to stay together and wait for the pain to pass, for the wounds below their tight bandages to heal.

So there was no mention of it, no discussing. After months of experimenting, it wasn't hard to understand what was happening: their seals weren't eternal. Very much like with a battery, they would run out of energy if used every day. That showed in the way that, little by little, their bodies took longer to heal. In the way that Alma was once unable to get up from the floor where he lay as the experiments proceeded, and had to be carried back to his room.

The thing was, the boys didn't know whether it was for good or bad. It was another thing they wouldn't talk about: the way that death sometimes seemed preferable to living a long life of suffering under their oppressors' care.

And then, Alma was dead.

The synchronization had finally happened, but it had taken too much of a strain in the boy's abused body, which had been relying on an already defective seal. So Alma wielded his Innocence for the first time, only to breathe his last and fall in a bloody mess in the floor, never no get up again.

When the staff informed Yuu, they expected a great emotional outburst from the preteen, and were ready to try and console him, somehow. The boy, however, had only wide eyes and a silent, closed mouth.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

It was all very confusing, but Yuu knew there was something wrong with him. For now, however, he believed he was just acting normally. Yes, his friend had died, but wasn't that what they always wished? To have a chance to go and leave? Ever since they learned about death and the peace it brought, they started craving for it, somehow. So that's why he hadn't cried, and ignored the lab personnel's attempts at comforting him.

Alma was free, now, and Yuu was happy for it.

Or that was what he thought. Because, days after, Yuu went for his first test ever since Alma's synchronization, death and disposal.

After the whole torture was finally done, his mangled body was put into a stretcher and he was taken to his bed. The Crow members who carried him then quickly left, closing the door behind them with a soft click, and leaving Yuu alone.

In that white room, filled with machinery yet so silent, he could hear his ragged breath and his troubled heartbeat. He could focus on the slow reconstruction of his flesh and the torturous mending of his bones.

Only in that moment by himself, alone for the first time in years in a battered state, did the boy notice how utterly lonely he felt. How he was truly by himself, because yes, Alma had died, but that wasn't good. Because, unlike him, Yuu hadn't. There would be no more discussions with his thick headed friend, no more mock battles. No secret excursions to the kitchen, no reading together. No holding hands as they felt pain. Before he awoke, Alma had been alone. How had the other Apostle managed to endure it?

For the first time in a long while, he cried.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Because of the abuse in his seal through the years, Yuu's sessions now couldn't be once a day anymore. Months ago, they started making them once every two days. Now, they were once every three, because the boy would arrive still hurt to the tests otherwise. This was his second day of rest and thus, he would be put under the torture tomorrow. In the cafeteria, he slowly ate his meal, not even registering the taste.

"Yuu, are you well?" asked one of the scientists, sitting across from the boy in the table. They were lonely in the cafeteria; everyone else already had breakfast, and the cook went back to the kitchens.

The young boy could feel the man's stare, but opted to ignore it, focusing on slowly eating his bread, instead. They usually didn't even bother to try and talk to him, anymore. He never accepted any attempts at friendship from this place's personnel.

"I just wanted to say," started the researcher, since he realized he wouldn't be getting any response from their Apostle Number Two, "that… you aren't going to die, alright? I know it must have been hard on you, what happened to Al-"

Red. The boy saw red, filled with strong rage that had been absent from him for a while, while it had been drowned by sorrow and an attempt at acceptance. He kicked the heavy wooden table towards the scientist, who screamed as it hit him, pressing his body against the hard wall. Tempted to continue attacking the man but knowing he would be punished for doing so, Yuu ran away from the room, limping slightly because of a still aching leg.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

It was ironic, and had a tone of punishment to it, thought Yuu, as he walked aimlessly through the corridors. Two years ago he had awakened to this hell, and made sure to disdain Alma and to avoid him as the plague. Now, however, he wished nothing more than the boy's company.

Lately, he realized that this could very well be what his life was going to look like, from now on: loneliness through constant agony, where his body was mutilated frequently until a moment where it also reached its limit and broke down, like Alma's. Yuu thought he had been growing strong through these years, that he had learnt to deal with this painful reality. But, as the weeks passed and he drowned in solitude and longing for his only and first friend, he started to understand Alma was what had been keeping him alive until now.

His steps faltered, when he noticed where his subconscious had brought him to. The boy had been wandering around without thinking, and ended in front of familiar double doors that he used to visit with his friend every morning.

The place was terribly cold as per usual and, even with his heavy clothes and bandages, he felt the low temperature paining his still mending flesh and bones. He trembled, sitting in a corner and watching the glowing, water filled circles where the others like him were sleeping right now.

Two days ago, Yuu went through his usual session of synchronization testing. Ripped apart and kept from falling in pieces only by the tight bindings keeping his limbs together, he didn't find the will to move, being dragged by the scientists from the Innocence and back to his room, where he laid unmoving, taking much longer to heal than he used to two years ago, when he had been 'born'.

Not long after opening his eyes for the first time, Yuu had decided that the other Apostles were better off not awakening at all. This life wasn't one worth living, so he stopped hoping they would have more companions like Alma did. It was selfish to want others to go through this just for the sake of more company, he had thought. He wished to drop back in his pit and go back in a coma, now more than ever. Alma had always been there, a friend in his most difficult moments. While Yuu had learned to value his friend, he never expected being left behind would be so terribly painful.

This was the first time ever since Alma died that he sat in the place's floor. Leaning heavily in a wall and spreading his legs in front of him, he watched the shining depths in what used to be the two friends' morning ritual, and imagined Alma by his side. The friendly boy would be greeting everyone by their names by now, telling them stories about a surface world they knew only through the scientist's stories, and trying, in a so selfish hope, to convince them to wake up and become a part of this torment.

So egotistical, so cruel.

So why was Yuu, like he never had before, doing the same, staring desperately at each birthing pit and hoping to see some sort of movement, some signal of life?

Getting up and ignoring the constant ache in his body, he walked towards the middle of the chamber, and took a shaky breath. He always felt like the people inside the water were actually conscious and staring at him, only pretending to be comatose. It was silly and, logically, he knew it was untrue. He had, after all, been sound asleep there once, too. But the eerie sensation wouldn't go away. That was one of the reasons he rarely ventured amidst the sleeping boys and girls, choosing to stay in a corner and watch his friend interact with them, instead.

"Hello… Yuri," he greeted uneasily, staring down at the circle from which Alma always started. He then walked to the next one, to the right. "Hello, Anna."

Yuu never cared to learn everyone's names, always sitting in a corner and watching the other boy talking to them, instead. But after watching the morning ritual every day for almost two whole years, he ended up memorizing who everyone was, anyway.

"Hello, Marie," he said to one that had been added months after he first woke up. "G-good morning, Allen," he continued, trying to change his greeting a little. What would Alma have said? "How are y-you, Lucy?" his voice trembled, from cold and from emotion. This was so terrible. Alma was gone and, if no one else woke up, he would be by himself forever-

"Hi, Mei," he continued, trying to get a grip on his emotions. It wouldn't do to fall apart here. What good would it do? So the boy continued the process, until he was reaching the last one. "What's up, Ri-," he said, already out of creative greetings, when he heard a small sound which interrupted his words. He jumped and looked towards the direction where it came from.

Truly, it had been a very small sound. He had only heard it because this place was so terribly silent. It could be a breeze from the air ducts that kept the area's low temperature, or maybe a noise from one of the many pipes inside the walls, but Yuu's heart started pounding loudly anyways, his trembling worsening as he tried to identify where that sound came from. Please, please…

Another sound. This time, he could identify it – the sound of the movement of water. He quickly ran towards the center of the chamber once more, staring at one of the first circles he greeted. The water was rippling, its peace disturbed. The boy quickly knelt before it. "Allen?" he called in hope, remembering the name of the one inside the deep, freezing water. Impatiently, he shoved a hand inside of it, wincing at the pain that came from the cold. He should, as per usual, reach nothing, they were always meters deep down.

His hand touched something.

Something that quickly grabbed his hand, and then his arm. Still weakened, he struggled to avoid being pulled down, pushing the other up instead. A pale and small arm came out, followed by the rest of the body. A boy, younger than him, with white skin and long, red hair…

…and trembling, freezing to death.

" _EDGAR!"_

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·


	3. Um Mundo Monocromático

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

It was Alma who told him his name, and then presented himself animatedly, when he woke up. Alma babbled quite a bit until Edgar and the others took Yuu away, to clean him, dress him up, cut his hair and nails and start the health exams. Yuu still remembered those very first moments of his life, when he had been cold and confused, but mostly curious. There was no great worry, no terror in his heart. That is, until his first synchronization test. Then he was scared, enraged and in pain. But before that, all he did was question the world around him, innocently wondering about the grey walls, the cold machinery and the people in white coats, before he truly understood what his life would be like from then on.

A new Apostle awakened. Allen. In his worry, Yuu hadn't been able to think things through. There was no greeting, he didn't speak to the young boy at all. Yuu just held Allen's trembling form closely, before calling for Edgar because, at that moment, he was afraid something would happen to Allen. It was a miracle for him to awaken, and seeing his small frame as he curled on himself had awakened some sort of protectiveness in the older boy.

Allen had been taken away less than thirty seconds afterwards. The whole laboratory was in a commotion, as everyone went insane because of their new test subject. After seeing Allen being carried by the others and taken to the same place he himself had been taken to when he first opened his eyes, Yuu felt a sense of worry, of regret. He had just given the boy away to those who would become his torturers. Yet, what option did he have? It wasn't like he could hid the boy in a secure place and protect him from all the pain.

Now, four days had passed already, and Yuu was a nervous wreck. He had been so anxious to know this new person, yet the laboratory personnel wouldn't let him get close to Allen, no matter what. They said something about the other boy needing extra exams, but it was obvious they didn't deem him worthy of the true answers. Meanwhile, Yuu had been through another synchronization test, and had deal not only with the renewed pain, but also his own anxiousness.

Wearing long clothes that covered most of his damaged body, he walked away from his room and towards the cold chambers. He had kept this old habit because of two reasons: one was that he wanted to continue the old tradition he shared with his deceased friend, and the other was that he really needed to do something in order to distract himself.

It was when going back to his room that he saw him. The boy now slept in Alma's bed. At first, Yuu had been startled, because it was almost like he had seen Alma once again, but the illusion quickly dispelled. Alma had never been this small, even when they were both ten years old. How old was this one? Seven? He was heavily bandaged, limbs convulsing once every few seconds. His hair fell messily around his pale, troubled face.

So, he had been through the test, already. Yuu felt his chest becoming heavy with pain and some guilt. He wished he could have talked to the other boy before that happened.

Watching Allen's eyes, he noticed the younger boy wasn't asleep as he expected. His eyes were narrowed in pain, almost closed, to the point where he seemed unconscious from afar, but Yuu knew he was being stared at.

"Hello," he said tentatively. The boy didn't answer, and Yuu couldn't blame him. "Allen?"

Allen let out a pained gasp. Yuu raised a hand, hoping to comfort him. He'd never been good at such things, but learned to, for Alma. They always comforted each other. The redhead, however, seeing the hand approaching him, screamed hoarsely and jumped, falling from the bed. A loud crack could be heard from where he fell in the floor. Kanda winced in sympathy, seeing the boy's leg twisted at a strange angle. They couldn't just fall when still in the healing process, or such things would happen.

"Hey, let me help you," said Yuu, trying to calm the boy down. They should put his limb back into a proper position before it started healing. Allen, however, started crying loudly, making him jump in alarm, before looking around frantically as if hoping for a magical solution. The cry became louder and Allen was screaming hoarsely, dragging himself away from the older boy painfully. The commotion and fall caused his wounds to reopen, leaving a trail of blood in the floor, until the younger boy hit the corner of the room and curled into himself, having nowhere else to go.

Yuu was astounded. He had cried many times, and Alma, too. There was no such thing as holding back tears; it was impossible during their painful sessions. Still, after the synchronization ended, their tears were usually silent, accompanied of poorly restrained sobs and moans. They had never had this desperate reaction afterwards.

At least  _I_  haven't, thought Yuu, because Alma woke before him and was alone for quite some time. Who knew how the boy had coped? Alma never talked much about the times of before.

Not knowing what to do but unwilling to leave the hysterical child alone, he looked around anxiously, before deciding that the other would eventually run out of tears and calm down.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

What an irony. He, who once made sure to shun any and all of Alma's attempts at friendship, was now receiving the same treatment from the newborn Apostle.

While Yuu never expected his new companion to substitute Alma, he never thought he would be this different from the other boy. Alma was like a sibling, a comrade of the same age. Allen, however, was smaller in stature and younger in body and, apparently, soul, too. His attempts at avoiding any sort of talk weren't like Yuu's, where he had been violent and aggressive towards Alma for a long time. No, the child would simply sit still and silent whenever he was around, and make sure to run away if he came too close. Or he would cry, when hurt by a synchronization test, but still avoid the older boy like the plague.

It was after Yuu's fifth experiment after Alma had passed away. Giving up on trying to talk to Allen for a while, he was once more taken to the testing session. The expectation and anxiety from the scientists had been gone long ago, after years of trying to synchronize Yuu with the Innocence to no avail. When Alma's Innocence finally 'accepted' its Accommodator, though, they were ecstatic. Excitement awoke once more in the men and women who worked hard in their dark project, and they made a toast and commemorated while Yuu lost his only friend. Happy with their last success, they started experimenting on Yuu with the same vigor of before.

Yuu could hear their excited talk as he screamed in the floor, contorting over the burning seals.

"Maybe we… …sessions…"

"Too fast…"

"Yuu is not… ….regenerative seal… …slow recovery-"

He knew his seal was much weaker than before and, with the scientists wanting to make his sessions happen everyday like before, it was impossible to know for how long it would last. The one hour that it took for him to recover became two, and then three and four, until he took days. Alma had been even worse; his seal was weakened and lighter when the Innocence finally synchronized, straining his body to its limits and effectively taking him from this world.

Sometimes Yuu felt hope when the seal worked slowly, disappointing scientists, doctors and Crow members alike. Someday, he hoped, he wouldn't wake up. The session would be far too much for his body to stand, and the seal would disappear along with his consciousness.

After they were done with him, Yuu was carried to his bed, and the Crow members left. Hours of silence passed, and his breathing was labored. Even if the weakened seal was a chance of freedom, it didn't change the fact that it made the aftereffects of the session last for a hellishly long time. He gasped for air, wishing Alma was here. They always talked to each other, distracting themselves from the pain and thinking about other things. Being all by himself was oppressive, and made him desperate.

He abruptly felt like a heavy boulder had just fallen over his chest. Breathing became even more difficult, air entering as slowly and in so small quantities as if he was trying to breathe underwater with a very thin straw. His violent struggling made the bandages around his chest become wet with red blood.

A 'collapsed lung' was what they called it the last time it happened. Coupled with his other injuries, it made everything unbearable. If Alma was here, he would reach for his hand and hold it until the pain lessened. But Alma was dead, so when he outstretched his hand, he knew he would find only thin air-

With a gasp, he felt two hands, both tiny and warm, curling around his own. Glancing to the side through his tears, he saw the small Allen staring at him with wide eyes, holding his hand firmly.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Allen became closer to him, probably after realizing he went through the same troubles as himself. Yuu wouldn't call it warming up, because the boy was still closed off, and spoke very little.

The boy's sessions were everyday. His seal was brand new, after all, and he healed very fast. Even after being hurt every day, he would heal after an hour and be up and around. Instead of running around or disappearing as he used to, though, he would stay by Yuu's side after each of his sessions, staring at him while he slowly recovered. He was too silent, but it was comforting.

"Yuu," the boy said in his raspy voice. Yuu was surprised; the boy did follow him and stay with him sometimes, but he wouldn't speak.

"What is it?" he said, still sitting in the corridor. He was almost recovered, but didn't feel like walking around too much.

"Why… so long?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"So long time. You hurt."

Yuu was surprised at the boy's poor speech pattern, but at least could understand what he meant.

"I heal slowly because I've been through sync attempts too many times. You are new so you recover faster."

"Ah."

The boy coughed a little, before shifting closer to Yuu.

"Do you ever talk to other people?" the older boy asked curiously.

Allen shook his head. "No," he finally said. "Other people… um…" Yuu raised an eyebrow. "Bad," the smaller boy finally said with conviction.

"Can't really disagree with you," remarked Yuu candidly, marveling at how strange it was talking to the boy. Allen was like someone who needed to be taken care of, and must feel very lonely if he, unlike Alma, refused to talk to the adults.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Whenever Yuu saw Allen, the little boy was almost fully healed, already. While it was good that Allen wouldn't be incapacitated for long like him, he also felt a little guilty that Allen would always be there when he was hurt, and he couldn't do the same. So, he tried to go to the room where experiments were held when it was Allen's time, only to hear it was deactivated right now.

"Allen's sync happens in another place. His Innocence is different," explained Twi, when Yuu voiced his question.

"My Innocence looks like mist," said Allen later, when Yuu asked about it. "What about yours?"

Allen's speech pattern became much better after a month. They could easily talk to each other, now.

"It is… solid," he answered, not really wishing to talk about the thing. "Like a statue. Like Alma's was."

"What happened to Alma?"

"He… went away," answered the older boy uneasily. Lying was uncomfortable, but he still felt reluctant to tell the smaller boy about what was most likely going to happen to each of them. He wanted Allen to be able to hold some belief that he would get out of here, someday. It was unkind, considering that it could never happen, but he didn't know if the redhead would be able to deal with the knowledge that he would be here for the rest of his life.

"He died, didn't he?" said Allen, cutting his thoughts short.

Yuu was startled. "Who told you that?" He thought Alma became a forgotten topic around here.

"No one. But Alma is gone, and you are almost gone, and I'm brand new but I will be gone eventually, too. Because we have an expire date, like products in a store."

Speechless, the older boy gaped at him, both because of his ease in saying they would die, and because of the unknown terms. "Expire date?" he asked, because the other topic was difficult to deal with.

"Yes. When something is in a store, it has a date set, a day when it is going to go bad. So the people buy it but know they can't use it forever, because it is going to become… spoiled."

"How do you know that? What are stores? You speak like…"

"I… just remember. There are stores out of here, where everyone buys things with their money, you know?"

"I don't," said Yuu, "I don't understand a word. And how could you? Did the workers tell you about this?"

Allen's young face closed in an angry frown. "Of course not. I don't speak to them. I just have these things in my mind. We aren't normal, and we are born from the… birthing pits, talking and walking, while humans are born very small and from a woman. And since I know things about outside, it means I was taken from there, and brought here."

"I… what about me?" asked Yuu in a small voice, still astounded by the other boy's words. He usually didn't speak this much. Could at least some of it be true?

"You must be the same. Everyone in the cold room is," said Allen, before his expression became one of determination that Yuu had never seen before. "We shouldn't stay here forever, you know?"

And with every day that passed, Allen seemed more and more like an adult.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

But when he gasped and thrashed amidst his blinding pain, crying and asking to be held, Yuu was convinced, at least for a moment, that Allen was just a regular child.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Yuu didn't know how he truly felt about Allen, and wished Alma was here to give his opinion. Still, he knew having the company of the… redhead? Was keeping him sane through everything.

Allen's hair had been growing white. It was now an odd mixture between bright red and the new colorless strands. It was strange, as he thought only old people grew white hair, at least according to Alma who heard it from the scientists. Allen himself didn't care, though. But the workers looked at his new hair color with a worried expression, so Yuu hoped it didn't mean anything bad for his… friend.

Yes, friend. He considered Allen like that, even if the boy was strange. Alma used to be different from Yuu, but he wasn't a mystery. Allen, however, felt like something he couldn't understand completely, and never would.

They talked for long spaces of time. The boy became quite a chatterbox ever since he started having better control over speaking, even if he wasn't nearly as giddy and playful as Alma used to be. Initially, he would ask about things like the process they went through, the Crow members, the seals and the birthing pits. Yuu tried to answer him as well as he could.

But the topic of their conversations had been changing, lately.

"Today my Innocence gathered around my arm, before dissolving again. Everyone was very happy."

"I see."

"Do you want to synchronize, Yuu?"

"No. I don't like that thing. It is the reason we have to live this life."

"How naïve," remarked Allen. "You should do your best to synchronize. It is our best chance of escaping this place."

"And how exactly should I go about that?" Yuu asked skeptically.

"Innocence has a will of its own. Perhaps if you try to accept it, if you wish to make it your weapon? I have been showing considerable progress in my synchronization. They say I'm far away from truly doing it, but any progress around here is something to commemorate."

The dark haired boy frowned, not knowing how to answer. Allen had woken up as a small, scared child who barely knew how to speak. But, as time passed, he changed his position of a tiny and defenseless sibling, becoming more mature somehow, and speaking with certainty about matters Yuu had no idea about. The older boy was torn between believing him, or just deciding the younger was becoming insane.

Allen continued, "they always want to synchronize us with these strong weapons. Don't you see? That is our only chance at freedom."

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Today Allen seemed a little tense. "Twi was saying something about how they should start actively healing you, instead of letting your seal do the whole work. I asked her if she didn't have aspirin to give you, so at least your headaches will cease, and she got all tense."

"You… you actually… talk to her?" asked Yuu, blinded by said headache right now. Sometimes it hurt so much, it almost made him forget about the rest of the wounds in his body.

"No. But I let it slip. I wanted her to give something to you. Um…" Allen pulled on his now mostly white hair, as he usually did when he was tense. Only the tips of the strands were red, now. "So I said you told me what aspirin was, and that Alma had told you before, because a scientist told him. Is that okay?"

Yuu was confused and the pain in his head didn't help any, so he was still confused. "Sure… but why did you… do that?"

"They don't like it if we know things," said Allen in a small voice, like when he didn't want anyone to hear what he was about to say. "We are meant to know nothing, unless they talk to us about it. That is why they deleted our memories, you know? We probably would be able to get out of here, if we just could, remember…"

The older boy said nothing. He was already used to Allen's many theories on conspiracy and his supposed past life. Always torn between believing him or telling him to stop being insane, he just curled on himself, waiting for the invisible hammer to stop pounding on his head.

Allen's small hand wove through his dark hair and he felt better, somehow.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

It was bound to happen, really.

He'd always known.

But he expected it to be faster. Sadly, it wasn't to be.

Yuu's seal had finally died out, apparently. During his session, it simply stopped moving as it would, reducing to the small size it would assume when inactive, and changing into the weak, grey color of a faded tattoo.

Like Alma's had.

So the procedure stopped at once, and everyone left their places around him. Even if his healing used to be slow, he could feel the difference of now, when the seal simply stopped working. He wouldn't heal from this, he wouldn't recover, he knew, breathing with difficulty and trying to ignore the pain of broken bones, torn skin, damaged organs and an overall thrashed body. The Crow approached him and performed some strange ritual to stabilize him, as per their leader's instructions.

Instead of dying immediately, however, it seemed like he would live for a while longer, because they stopped the procedure just in time. He was taken to a room he'd never been at before, and lay brokenly in the bed as everyone, for the first time, worked to heal him themselves. At some point, they injected his body with something that made it numb. He was still awake, but the pain lessened to an extent he could easily ignore it. So he watched the men and women around him working on his body relentlessly, desperate not to have him lose his life.

Many hours passed before he was finally left alone. Still groggy because of the injection, the first thing he thought about was why they didn't use it on him more frequently, if it made the pain go away and also made time pass faster. And then he also thought about what would happen to him, now. Everyone seemed very worried. This was it, wasn't it? Even if he couldn't feel properly, his body was quite destroyed. He was not only bandaged, but tied down by heavy casts and still poked by needles, connected to thin tubes that constantly dropped something in his veins. The whole room smelt of chemicals and cleaning products.

He was going to die. The moment he had waited for so long; the one he had envied Alma for. This was where he would smile and wait patiently for everything to disappear.

So why was his heart beating so fast? Why were his eyes filling with tears, not of happiness, but of desperation?

His mind filled with memories of a week or so ago.

_Allen didn't believe in talking to the people who slept inside the cold circles. So he decided to talk to Yuu instead, insisting that, if the other boys and girls where somehow conscious, they would hear him from their positions._

" _What did Alma usually talk about, here?"_

" _About… things he learned. There is nothing interesting in this laboratory that we can talk about to them. So he would tell stories about the outside world, that he learned with the books Edgar gave to us."_

" _I see. What were the stories about?"_

" _Mm. They were about what people do outside. About hero Exorcists who save lots of people. About trees and fruits, because the books say the things we eat in the kitchen actually grow from the earth, you know?" Yuu couldn't help sounding skeptical._

" _That's right," said Allen, "they grow from trees… and bushes… fruits and… um, vegetables. And salad. The small seeds that are inside the fruits, you make a hole in the floor, and then put them inside." Allen's eyes adopted that faraway look, like whenever he talked about strange things only he knew about. "Then you cover then once more, and pour water over them every day. They will grow into sprouts and taller plants and sometimes they become a tree. The tree will… make the fruits, and you can pick them, eat them, and plant the seeds in the floor once again, so there is always food."_

_Yuu was silent. Allen stared at him, once he stopped blabbering about his strange visions. "You don't believe me at all, do you?"_

_Yuu startled. That was right, at least to some extent. Allen was just too unreal, his words too dreamlike. But he spoke like he truly believed what he was saying, and Yuu didn't want to bother his younger friend-_

_As if noticing Yuu's inner desperation, Allen smiled. "It's fine. I'm not mad. When we finally go out, I will show you it all, and then you can say how sorry you are," said the white haired boy, poking his tongue out playfully. Yuu smiled at the childish actions, so rare in Allen that they were to be treasured._

" _What else did Alma talk about?" asked Allen, after some moments of silence._

_Yuu hesitated. There were so many things. He finally decided on one he always found interesting. "There is this guy named Winter. Alma would say that, every year, he would run around and make everything cold. He lives in this room, and that's why we tremble here."_

" _Winter guy… winter…" said Allen, thinking carefully. "Ah! There's winter, and spring, and… um… I don't remember there is anything else. But I don't think they are people. No, they are… um…"_

_Yuu raised an eyebrow, interested. Even if he did admit not truly believing everything Allen said, he was still interested in what Allen would think about all of this._

" _I don't remember if winter is a person or not," finally admitted Allen, "but it is said to be winter's time when everything is cold, alright. The plants go to sleep… the trees don't make as many fruits as before. They also become darker and lose leaves. And everything becomes white."_

" _White?" asked Yuu, curiously._

" _Yes, white," said Allen with a small smile, closing his eyes. Like he wanted to see it all on his mind. "Things become covered by white. White… things. I don't remember its name. Sorry. But it is fluffy and you can… play with it."_

" _How so?"_

" _It's like a lot of white foam… only different. Everything is covered by it, to the point where you have to kick it away from you. But it makes things more beautiful. I liked it… I liked winter," Allen's voice became strained. "It was fun."_

Why was he thinking about these times with Allen? Yuu knew the boy wouldn't lie, but he could very well be hallucinating. He became so far away, when he started talking about things. He would exclaim and laugh and sigh, as if remembering things, and he never knew whether they were true or not.

Would he ever know, now that his existence would cease here?

" _What about spring?" asked Yuu, after hearing Allen's passionate talk about the Winter guy, who maybe wasn't a guy, after all._

" _Mmm, now you want to hear me, huh?" said Allen, with a petulant smile._

" _Shut up. You were a bit convincing. Maybe I will believe you, just a little," said Yuu, half playful and half truthful. Because he did believe, sometimes. But as he said, only a little._

" _Spring is, well, colorful. While winter was all white, spring is colors, which is good, because you feel relieved after so much white. The trees… become alive again. Everything does. And there are these small things, that are like, the symbol of spring, and they grow and… um…"_

_This time it was Yuu who closed his eyes, because he wanted to see what Allen saw, too. And it would be impossible to do so, while inside this grey room. So he closed his eyes and mind to this monochromatic place, focusing on Allen's young voice._

" _I also don't remember what they are called," Allen admitted. "But they start growing everywhere. And the cold goes away. Everything is warmer and comfortable, like when we are in bed with a lot of covers over us. They are red, blue, yellow… every color. Even white, like winter's white stuff."_

_Yuu tried to imagine what he was talking about. It wasn't like he could think of more than blobs of color sprouting everywhere, from Allen's unsure description. Yet, as he focused on his friend's words, he could see something. In the dark space of his imagination, something took form. Something colorful, with many petals. It floated above water, dark leaves everywhere around it. This water in his mind also expanded, flooding it. Many other colorful… somethings… floated around with their leaves. The water was clear and brilliant, and reflected a blue sky and white clouds-_

He remembered it. Yuu had, for the first time, been able to somehow see what Allen saw. He had gasped with the imagery, and stared at his friend with open surprise. Allen asked what it was, and Yuu proceeded to describe the things, which he then knew where called  _flowers_ , thoroughly. Allen was surprised with the description, but agreed with the name "flower".

" _See? You are capable of remembering them. I told you, we are from there! From the outside!" the boy had exclaimed animatedly. "We will get there, and I will show you everything. I promise."_

Ever since then, Yuu had listened very intently to every tale told by his friend, trying to have images form on his mind, but he couldn't do it anymore. Still, for the first time, he started believing more in Allen's words, even if there was always a fear Yuu was simply hallucinating too, himself.

Not that he would ever know, now that he would simply disappear.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·


	4. A Criança e o Adulto

Allen first woke up to a world of cold and darkness. He could understand little but the fact that he was in deep discomfort. Pulled from the place he had been resting at for years, he breathed in painfully icy air that made his lungs hurt, and trembled when he sat in the equally cold floor. Then he was enveloped by warm arms, and instinctively circled this person, whoever they were, with his own. There was a scream, and then silence, but he paid it no mind. With eyes stubbornly closed, he did his best to cling to this comforting figure who rocked him back and forth, engulfing in the soothing warmth.

The moment didn't last; he was taken away by other people, who blabbered and messed with him. His temporary sensation of security was gone, replaced by trepidation and confusion, as he finally opened his eyes to a world of grey rooms and people in white.

Not long after, the trepidation was a distant memory, substituted by a terrible pain.

In the beginning, Allen had been very much like a wild animal. Unable to communicate or understand the words spoken by the people around him, he lived in a never ending flight – an unsuccessful one. He would be taken by the people in dark robes whose faces he couldn't see, and then be tortured as the ones in white observed. Allen would then drag himself from the place and hid somewhere he could heal, knowing the same thing would happen in the next day. In deep fear of such a prospect, he longed for a safe place to hide.

Instead of a safe place, however, he found a safe  _person_.

Perhaps it had been a play of fate. He didn't know whether he would have managed to live for long in such an environment without a single person to rely upon. Nonetheless, he found Yuu, someone in the same situation as him.

Initially, Allen simply trailed after Yuu silently. The taller boy spoke to him, and it was soothing, even if he couldn't understand a word. Allen wanted to stay with him as much as possible, but it wasn't out of a wish to hide. He had learned Yuu was unable to protect him. Actually, his dark haired friend seemed to go through ordeals harsher than his own. He would stay incapacitated for a considerably longer time than his younger counterpart, but seemed to take some comfort from having company. Yuu quickly became Allen's whole world, and his name was the first word he spoke. Allen's free time would be spent observing the other boy, and he stopped hiding, because Yuu didn't. It was impossible to. His troubles were far from over, but having someone he could trust did make things more bearable.

With time, he finally learned how to understand the language, now that he finally had someone to talk to. Speaking was a difficult task at first, and he would constantly stumble in his speech, being corrected by Yuu frequently. So Allen decided to listen more and speak less, at least until the moment he learned how to talk properly without confusing his friend. Being able to understand Yuu was very satisfying, and the older boy started teaching him everything he knew. Yuu was his older brother and guardian, even if Allen didn't dare say these words aloud.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

It was on a dark night that everything started changing.

Yuu had been through one of his experiments and, as per usual, couldn't get out of bed for a long time. The boy was unable to sleep due to his wounds, so Allen climbed to Yuu's bed and pulled a cover over them both. Their bare arms touched, and he could feel Yuu's occasional shivers, always accompanied by a pained moan. Since the older boy wasn't able to rest, Allen decided to stay awake, too. Carefully avoiding turning over and hurting his friend with his weight, the silver eyed Apostle stared at the barely visible objects scattered around the dark room, in an attempt to avoid slumbering. At some moment, his gaze turned to the ceiling and stayed there. Before his eyes could choose a new point to focus on, it happened.

They appeared subtly. In the dark space over their heads, a tiny light was born, and then another. They quickly multiplied, in different sizes and scattered in various patterns, small and shimmering, turning the previously unlit room into a gleaming show. The luminescent dots entranced Allen, who stared at them with wide, captivated eyes. This phenomena was very unexpected, but so beautiful, he couldn't fear it.

"Yuu," he whispered, wondering whether the other would be able to listen.

"Yes?" spoke his raspy voice, after a few seconds of wait. Yuu was very hurt, but Allen felt the need to speak about what he saw.

"What are those?" the red haired boy asked in fascination, never averting his eyes from the beautiful sight.

"T-those… what?"

"The lights in the ceiling," answered Allen in a small voice. The room was so silent, and he was afraid that breaking this peace would also make the stunning view disappear.

A pause. "There are… no lights."

Allen wanted to refuse this statement but, as if Yuu's words had turned a switch, the lights started disappearing. First one, then another, until they all died out in quick succession, and the room was once again immersed in darkness.

The next day, Yuu would say Allen had been sleeping and dreamed of lights, because such things didn't appear in the laboratory. Seeing as he hadn't been able to find even a single light after they vanished, no matter how much he tried to, Allen believed in this statement, deciding his mind had played a trick on him, albeit a lovely one.

This was, however, only the first of many instances that he would initially consider no more than illusions of a broken mind. They would interrupt his days with a growing frequency, painting his world of black and white with new colors.

They were  _so pleasant_.

When eating an orange in the cafeteria, the taste suddenly became so much stronger and sweeter. He stared at the fruit he held. It looked brighter and delicious, but that was far from the most impressive sight. Around him, the scenario trembled and shifted, until it transformed into a view that made him astonished once again. By his side grew a tall tree, with bright green leaves and many fruits like the one he ate. Its roots were firmly embedded into the cafeteria's grey floor, which was a mix of the traditional concrete and random patches of grass that grew in random places around it. Allen's own seat became the rough trunk of a fallen tree. Like usual, when he started focusing on the imagery and tried to touch and feel it better, everything fell around him like dropped curtains, vanishing without leaving a trace.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

As soon as he had an opportunity, Allen talked to his friend about his visions. Yuu's reaction wasn't what he had been expecting.

"What in the world are you babbling about?" exclaimed the dark haired boy. Blue eyes narrowed below his dark fringe.

"-and there were those colorful things that grew out of the floor. I don't know what they are named, but they are incredibly beautiful. And other… things, flew over them. They were also colorful. They have wings, like in Alma's old book-"

"Allen, listen," said Yuu, but the younger boy wouldn't stop his tirade.

"And there were also the 'birds' from the book, they are larger than the other winged… things, and fly much faster-"

The older boy had enough.  _"Allen!"_

The small Apostle silenced with a startle, staring up at his friend with wide eyes, and only then noticing he looked angry. "Yuu?" he asked in a small voice, uncertainty replacing his excitement of before.

"I asked you what you are talking about. Ever since that night, and the so called  _lights_ , you are acting strange. Do you care to stop burbling nonsense and explain what this is all about?"

Allen was surprised with the other's words. "It's not nonsense. I'm seeing lots of things."

Yuu snorted. "Of course you are."

"Yes, I am!" exclaimed Allen in frustration, "I don't know how, but this has been happening a lot. I waited for a while to tell you, but it is like the expire date and the stores I told you about. I am really seeing those things. Just yesterday-"

" _Enough!"_

Allen closed his mouth. Yuu paced around, before coming to stand before the boy once more. "Listen, I know life here can be difficult.  _I know_. But resorting to this sort of delusions… even Alma didn't do that, and he was a silly fool!"

"Delusions?" asked Allen with a frown, not knowing the meaning of this new word.

" _Lies_ ," snapped Yuu impatiently, "you are lying to yourself to make things better, and now you're lying to me, too."

Grey eyes widened. "I-I'm not!"

Yuu sighed, unused to having true quarrels with his friend. "Listen, I… will forget about this. But don't sputter this garbage anymore. I hate it when you do that."

Allen's mouth closed in a tight line, and the smaller boy glared at the taller one, before turning away and fleeing from him. Yuu wanted to ignore him, but simply couldn't. Searching for Allen, he found the younger Apostle half an hour later, sitting in the cold room of the birthing pits, resting his folded arms on his knees.

"Allen, listen," said Yuu, skipping any greetings, "I'm sorry if I was too harsh with you."

Allen raised his head and stared sullenly at the depths of the nearest circle, but didn't answer. Yuu sighed, remembering his many fights with Alma, and the difficult moments where  _he_  had to be the one to make peace. Sitting by Allen's side and letting their arms touch, he was relieved when the other child didn't try to leave.

"Alma used to listen excitedly about everything the scientists would tell him," said Yuu, knowing he had Allen's attention. He always did, whenever he spoke of Alma, someone Allen wished he could have known. "Everything. He would thirst for these words from the adults. They would tell him about how the world worked, and describe things to him. They also eventually started gifting him books with pictures. You saw a couple of them, but there are more. Alma would see as much as he could, before coming to tell me about all of the 'amazing' things the scientists knew. He also told the tales to our sleeping friends here," continued Yuu, eyes closed as he dwelled in the memory and, once more, felt an ache of longing on his chest. "These stories would make his day. He would be so happy, and wanted to share everything."

Yuu opened his eyes, dispelling Alma's happy face from his mind. "I hated it. I hated how Alma would be so friendly with  _them_ , easily accepting everything those bastards said.  _Every. Single. Word_. They took him to the sealed rooms and tortured him for hours, like they do to us. After that, they dared come to him with sweets and tales, smiles and games, and he  _accepted it all!_  How could he? For a long time, I wanted to have nothing to do with him, because of that. It was like a betrayal. How could he make friends with the people he should hate? How could he have faith in those stories? If I can't see it all by myself, then I won't believe! Their amusement is not only to harm our bodies, but also to play with our minds!"

Allen was now staring at him and looking very shocked. It was better than his previous look of resentment, but still worrisome. Yuu sighed, wanting to end this talk for once. It hurt to talk about the past. "Allen, I have no right to tell you what you can or cannot do, you know? In the end, Alma remained friends with the scientists, and I just learned to deal with it. If… if that makes you feel better, then do it. I want to you to feel good, even if we are here. But don't share those lies with me. It's like going back to Alma all again, to listen to his happy drivel until the day he died by the hands of the same people who filled his thoughts with pleasurable gibberish."

Time passed, and they didn't know for how long. Seeing as Allen remained silent, Yuu raised a hand and ran it through his friend's soft, white-and-red hair. "I like you very much. Don't be mad, alright?"

The small boy's eyes widened and his mouth fell open comically, due to the surprise with this open statement. Yuu wasn't one to make such declarations frequently but, if Alma's death taught him anything, it was to say what he felt before he lost the chance. He would never be as open as his late friend, but he also refused leave his new one with doubts.

Allen laughed and embraced him, and that was it. Their relationship was mended, even if Allen refrained from sharing what he saw from then on. He didn't want to trouble the person who he considered his older sibling.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Allen's view of Yuu as his older brother wouldn't last for long.

Even if he decided to stop talking about visions, that didn't mean they stopped appearing. On the contrary, they actually grew in frequency, being triggered by random events and going from weekly to daily, sometimes happening more than once in a single day.

The water that ran from a tap would suddenly expand, submerging the whole bathroom in its blue depths, but it wouldn't suffocate him. Instead, he watched as the water moved around him, along with its many creatures. Once, the room where they slept in morphed into a more spacious and beautiful one. The whole set of decorations and furniture made it absolutely lovely and much better than it truly was, and a window in the previously empty wall opened, leading to a beautiful scenery filled of many things he couldn't name. When standing in a storage room, leaves started to fall around him, in different shapes and warm colors, piling up at his feet before also vanishing into nothingness.

He now had two good things to look forward on his day: Yuu's company, and the beautiful illusions.

Initially, he accepted Yuu's theory, that his mind was fabricating imagery in order to reduce his suffering. Yet, how could he conjure such things by himself? They appeared without him ever thinking about them before, and disappeared against his will.

The images and feelings evolved. Now he could sense much more from each time: he could smell, taste, feel. But he could never touch. More than everything else, though, he could see himself in these many places, as he started becoming an actor instead of a mere watcher. Other people appeared in each scene, and he could hear their voices. They sounded painfully familiar. Still, he could never make sense of their words, and their faces were blurred and unidentifiable.

It didn't take too long for Allen to discover those were memories, and not mere delusions; and this realization opened a whole plethora of possibilities that astounded him.

After a long time of interaction with these involuntary but welcome incidences, the new memories merged with his present ones, and it started becoming hard to separate his feelings, distinguishing those who belonged to his young, practically newborn self, and those of this other Allen he didn't knew about but, at the same time, he understood was himself. Every time he remembered something he would gain a new perception. He saw himself as a taller person, an adult, and accepted that as the truth. As soon as he did so, seeing everything as absolute facts instead of mere tricks, it was like new and abundant information flowed into his mind.

Everything was too fragmented to make complete sense, but he struggled to gather as much as possible. This was the proof that not only an outside world existed, but that he didn't belong here, in Laboratory number six. Every new remembrance became a breath of fresh air for someone who now thirsted anxiously to get out of this place.

Another consequence was that he stopped seeing Yuu as his guardian and protector. The older boy's actions and words started seeming more and more childish to him, as the image of a wise Yuu dissolved and gave place to one of a naïve boy. Allen still loved him dearly, but now it was more like Yuu was the younger sibling, this time. He was the one who had to be helped and protected.

Allen's memories didn't interfere terribly with his day. They happened three times a day at the most, and lasted no more than a couple of minutes. Still, they could happen at inconvenient times.

He had been walking side by side with Yuu in a corridor, going in the direction of the cafeteria. Today there would be sweets, Edgar announced proudly. The man insisted on keeping a friendly behavior, even after being given a cold shoulder by both the Apostles again and again. Still, Allen did like sweets, and Yuu gave in and followed the smaller boy.

It happened in the middle of their walk. A dizzy spell made Allen stumble and fall heavily on the closest wall, quickly sliding to the floor. He could hear Yuu's alarmed shout, but it was dissolved by the memory of today. Not alarmed, Allen let it happen, trying to see and understand as much as the usual.

He was in another corridor. This one had many windows, and he was tempted to look at what was outside, but there was someone in front of him – a long haired woman who was wearing an uniform. Her eyes were blurred, but he could see her small nose and smiling mouth. She extended a hand to him, apparently to help him get up. Allen knew he shouldn't do so, because he was forbidden from touching anyone from his memories, but he still did it, raising his own hand and trying to touch hers. As soon as he made contact, the woman and the corridor disappeared in the blink of an eye.

Yuu stood in front of him, in the grey and windowless corridor of the laboratory. He stared with troubled eyes at Allen's hand, which was extended at nothing, and his faraway look, before he blinked and gained focus once more.

"Are you alright?" asked Yuu, helping him to get up.

"Yes, I… just felt dizzy," said Allen, making excuses for his memories as per usual.

"You just had a… vision, didn't you?" asked Yuu. Allen turned to him in surprise. The taller boy was staring at a spot far away, refusing to look Allen in the eye.

"Um, yes," admitted Allen, because Yuu had been the one to touch the subject.

There was silence, and Yuu seemed worried, before his face set in a resolute expression and he finally looked at him in the eyes. "Tell me about it."

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Yuu never truly believed him, but he didn't mind listening to Allen's words. To Allen, that was a relief. He longed to speak about what he saw. Still, he only told Yuu a fraction of everything. He spoke about the outside world, but never about himself. He was still discovering this new personality of his, and didn't know how to deal with it. Adult Allen and child Allen fought for dominance in his mind, and never reached harmony. He had moments of fear and vulnerability, but also times when he felt more in control of himself and longed to fight his captors and get out of the laboratory together with his friend.

After a long time of telling Yuu his small stories and also sharing his hope of leaving, Yuu finally saw something. It seemed he could also conjure images in his mind, albeit in a much smaller scale than Allen. That could only mean the dark haired boy had a past, too, and that they had the right to leave this place and discover what happened to them so they became like this – children ignorant of their true selves and easily controlled by manipulative scientists and magicians.

Allen always felt a connection to his Innocence. Even if he hated the trials he was put through, he did honestly wish to synchronize. It felt like the right thing to do, and his only chance to leave together with Yuu – he always told the dark haired boy so. With his fragmented memories giving him more and more of a perspective about who he was, he wanted to slowly but surely concoct a plan for them to leave the laboratory together for once and all. Every time he started planning his escape and that of his friend's, he felt more and more like his past self, the one who had control, the one who had power over his life and decisions.

Then, Yuu disappeared after a synchronization test, and Allen discovered he didn't have all the time he had been hoping for.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

"Yuu? Yuu, get up…"

He opened his eyes. To his surprise, Allen was almost laying over him, with an uncharacteristically worried expression. His silver eyes were filled with tears. They widened when Allen saw he was awake.

"Yuu!" the boy exclaimed with desperation and frustration. For a moment, it looked like Allen was going to punch him but, remembering his state, decided to punch an empty space in the bed, instead.

"Al… len?" the recently awakened boy murmured, voice permeated by lethargy.

"You wouldn't wake up!" exclaimed the younger Apostle, who then started to sob. Already feeling more awake and alert because of his friend's distress, Yuu tried to move, and winced. He couldn't move an inch, the exception being his head. Some of the pain was back, and he was still heavily bound.

"S-sorry," he said to the younger boy. Allen's white head lay in his bed, and he seemed utterly devastated. Yuu wanted to run his hand through the white hair to calm him somehow, but simply couldn't move. So he watched in worry, waiting for Allen to calm down.

"It's… it's okay," Allen finally said in a small voice, wiping his tears. He then stared at Yuu, from head to toe and backwards. "Yuu… you don't look too good," whispered the boy, as if admitting a secret truth.

"Yeah… I just went through my sync."

"That's not true! It's been a week already!"

Yuu was surprised at that, and stared at the younger boy with wide eyes. "They wouldn't let me enter until now," continued Allen, "and I threw a huge tantrum."

"You… did?"

"I hadn't seen you for too long, and I heard them talk about your last session, and… I thought you could've…" the white haired boy's voice started thinning with emotion. "you know what. So I told them I wanted to see you no matter what and they said I couldn't."

"What happened then…?"

"I beat them up. They are a mess in the corridor outside. I guess someone will come to help them," said Allen with a resentful frown.

Yuu was surprised, but knew it was possible. They had always been stronger than most people here. Stronger than everyone but the Crow. If not for the magic wielding bastards, they would never allow anyone to force them to synchronize.

"I see… thanks for coming," said Yuu, not finding the disposition to chide his friend. The workers deserved what they got. He just hoped Allen wouldn't get punished.

"For you to be in this state…"

"My seal has deactivated," said Yuu frankly, tiredly. "I have reached my… 'expire date'," he continued with a smile, remembering one of their first talks.

"How can you talk about it so casually?" Exclaimed Allen in anguish. Yuu blinked, finding his next words hard to let out.

"Allen… I…"  _am going to die soon_ , he wanted to say, but then he thought about Alma and himself, and how Allen would be the one to be alone, this time. He suddenly understood, with a pang, why Allen was so desperate. The boy didn't want to be the only one left. And it was impossible to blame him.

"Shut up," said Allen, already knowing what Yuu was going to say. "You aren't going to die. We are going to leave. Today or tomorrow. I promise. So please hold on."

Ah. There was Allen, and his old promise of freedom. Yuu didn't want to correct his friend, he didn't want to make him feel bad. But he also didn't want Allen to hang on a false hope until the moment someone told him he was dead. "Allen," he said weakly, reluctantly, "that… isn't going to happen…"

Allen's eyes narrowed with anger. "Of course it is!" he exclaimed, sounding resentful. "I told you! Believe me! We will…" his voice then lost its strength, and he blinked. His shoulders sagged.

Yuu observed it as his friend deflated. Had Allen finally realized how unfounded his dream was? There was little chance of them ever getting out of there but, if any of them would, it would be Allen, who still had much more life left on him.

"I see it now," said Allen, with a weak smile, staring at Yuu's eyes. The older boy let out a pained sigh. He at least hoped Allen wouldn't be too hurt. But then again, how could he not be? The small boy had been talking about their dream escapade soon after they started speaking to each other.

"I'm sorry… Allen," exhaled Yuu wearily, but with sincerity.

"N-no. No, there's nothing to be sorry about," said Allen, still with that same watery smile. "I remember what you told me, about the way you think. That you have always wanted your seal to disappear, so you could rest in peace, because it is the only way out."

Yuu frowned. No, he didn't mean for Allen to think about that. He only meant for Allen to understand that it wasn't possible for them to leave, no matter how much they wanted to. His friend, instead, thought Yuu  _wanted_  to die right now, that he wanted for this to happen-

"You are happy, aren't you?" said Allen with a teary voice, confirming Yuu's suspicions. "You… are finally going to disappear, like you wanted to. But," he said, and then held one of Yuu's bandaged hands firmly, so much that it hurt, "that is not the only way to go. It isn't  _fair_. You whole life has been wasted here… but not anymore. It is  _not_  worth it, to die right now!"

The white haired boy stared at him with big, pleading eyes, and Yuu just needed to say something to calm the other's heart.

"Allen… I…" he said, already feeling fatigued from talking to the other while still hurt and under the effect of medications, "I didn't mean… that, at all. I," it now felt harder to breathe, "I always… told you that, but… right now, that I… think of it,"

"Don't say anything else," urged Allen. "You're tired, aren't you?"

"I noticed," Yuu continued, not minding Allen's pleads that he should rest. His eyes, for some reason, were stinging. "Noticed… that I was… wrong… I remember…" Allen opened his mouth, but Yuu went on, "P-please let me… talk. I remember you talking… about the outside and, I really had my doubts but, now that I think of it, I…" and at first he had planned to comfort Allen with nonsense and lies but, to his surprise, everything that came out of his mouth was the purest truth, what he truly felt in his heart.  _"I really don't want to die,"_  he finally gasped, choking in his own tears. No, Yuu couldn't believe it. He just couldn't. But it was true. Allen had told him about that other world for so long, about how things were better out there. He didn't want to perish without seeing that. Other people, stars, stores, the sun, towns, rivers, games, dances, the sky, music, winter, spring, everything-

Allen was astounded, and watched his friend's breakdown with a weak restraint on his own emotions.

"I… in the end, I believe in you. I wanted… to be able… to see it all," Yuu let out, baring the truth to his friend, before feeling a dizzy spell take over his vision and his mind. It was harder and harder to stay conscious.

The white haired boy's expression fell, before he shook his head and angrily wiped his fresh tears from his eyes. "Then you will see it all," he declared with determination.

 _I can't,_  Yuu wanted to say, but something was blocking his voice. He could barely see Allen properly anymore. Things were spinning, and his body urged him to sleep.

Once more, it was like Allen could hear his thoughts. "No, Yuu, you can. I am sure. Nothing I told you was a lie,  _ever_. I know how to get out of here. I've been holding back, but…" he whispered, close to the other's ear, " _I know how to synchronize_. I was afraid it would be too soon, but now…today I have a new session, and that will be it. Forget tomorrow, it will be  _today_. I will take hold of my Innocence and get us out of here. If you never go through a session again, you won't die. Wait for me," said the boy, never sounding more like an adult than now. "Just hold on, please. I swear, I  _swear_  we will be out of here soon."

Yuu couldn't move or speak anymore, but he heard every word, and could feel as the younger boy kissed his forehead and ran a hand through his hair, before turning around and leaving in a hurry. All the while, he wanted to call Allen back, because he was worried. Yet, he couldn't. Hating his tired and pitiful state, he succumbed to slumber against his will, wondering whether he would ever open his eyes again.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·


	5. Uma Promessa Quebrada

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Allen ran to his synchronization chamber as fast as his small legs would allow him, which was quite fast because of his enhanced physical prowess. The heartfelt talk he had with his hurt friend moments ago powered him up, not allowing him to hesitate or try to think things through.

There was, apparently, no security system or stationed guards around it. He supposed that was because all of the lab personnel were people in positions of trust, and the Apostles would never try to enter their torture rooms willingly.

Stepping inside of it, he took a quick look around, making sure he was truly by himself. The chamber was circular and the ceiling was very high. The only furniture were the chairs and desks in a platform where the scientists usually sat, so they could have a better vision of the proceedings. Wires and machines with purposes unknown to him were set along the wall. Yuu expressed curiosity about this room a couple of times, but never entered in it. It wasn't like Apostles would take comfortable tours through such places. Allen himself had conflicted feelings about it.

Every inch of the spacious chamber was filled with his Innocence. There it was, floating in the air in a barely visible form. It ran over the floor, spiraling everywhere and touching the ceiling – but carefully avoided any human being. Any human but himself, that is. His Innocence, in its vaporous form, touched him, trembled with his every action, and even entered his body every time he took a breath. Allen doubted others could see it as well as he could, but the scientists often commented that he seemed much more in tune with the weapon than Yuu was with his.

He didn't have much time. Allen wanted to concentrate, to forget Yuu for a moment, forget the whole reason for which he was here, because it made him nervous and distressed. Still, he believed the resolve that came to him at the thought of his dear friend was what would give him even the smallest chance of actually succeeding.

 _Hello_ , he said in his mind, knowing it could hear him. There was no other explanation to the way it shivered and shimmered, leaving the corners of the room and concentrating around him.

_I need your help today. Please._

Never before had he asked without the interference of the laboratory workers. It had always been as he was tormented in the circular magic seal. Would this new situation change anything?

 _It is me_ , he urged, worried about the way his words seemed to bring no results different from the usual ones. It was everywhere around him, but that was no novelty. Allen then tried to concentrate, to plead, to focus on his left arm which was the only part that always called to his Innocence, even if it was never able to hold it for long. He walked in circles, trying to summon many emotions of determination, of fear, even of rage. Anything that would make it answer his call. But his efforts bore no fruit, making Allen feel alone and troubled in this expansive room. The awareness that the clock was ticking and other people would be here soon only increased his worry.

His best friend was terribly hurt, laying broken in that bed, waiting for death to take over… and he had lied, because he didn't truly understand how to synchronize. Had he known, he would have done so long ago.

With that thought in mind, he didn't have to try to conjure any strong emotion. It was there, raw, desperate and incredibly genuine, hurting as much as, or perhaps even more than, the times where he contorted over the seals drawn to ruin his body.

His body shook because of his worry. _Why won't you listen?_ He asked in indignation. He was doing his best, it all depended on the Innocence, now. Would it abandon him? Was it truly the enemy, the way Yuu always told him? _It's me,_ he called, _Allen Walker!_

Those words finally had an effect on the ethereal mass, but it wasn't the one he expected or hoped for. The Innocence froze, its particles inert in their places around him. He felt the loss of the weak connection he had with it. What was happening? It had never responded to him in such a way before, even in those moments of insanity where Allen cursed it, temporarily blaming it for his pain. What had he done wrong, today? He just claimed to be himself…

He just claimed to be… him…

"You… don't recognize me, do you?" he whispered, speaking out loud in here for the first time. There was no change in its behavior, as if confirming his suspicions. Allen stood there without moving a muscle, understanding what was happening, and this knowledge weighed heavily on his shoulders. His constant failures at synchronizing had never been due to the lack of a special step, or a secret procedure.

He'd always wondered about what Alma had done in order to finally manage to do it. It was hard to broach the subject with Yuu. The boy would try to look nonchalant or simply annoyed at the questions, but pain was visible in his eyes. The most information he managed to get out of him had been that Alma had started acting strangely. Alma had been spacing out, speaking nonsense and sometimes keeping to himself. Yuu had attributed that behavior to Alma's weakening ability to recover from his wounds.

But in truth, Allen now realized, Alma had been getting his memories back.

Yuu never did, his only memory of the past being that of a flower, such a small and simple thing, unable of being compared with everything that Allen could see…

…and Yuu was notoriously the Apostle with the weakest connection to his Innocence.

So, Allen simply wasn't the Exorcist this Innocence was looking for.

Or, at least, it thought so.

And he could understand why, to a point. Being born here, he had a different personality. He'd never felt truly connected to this old persona of his. He knew he was Allen Walker, and not because the laboratory let him keep his first name. No, the memories revealed the last one, and much more. He'd seen many things through Allen Walker's eyes. The root of the problem was that he had always felt like a mere spectator, a watcher of someone else's story. As if he was invading someone else's mind, when he knew he wasn't. Being Allen Walker was his only chance at freedom, his only connection to the outside world he wished so much for. He knew that, he'd always known that…

Thus far, however, he had been hesitant. Fully accepting these memories had a strong impact on his mind. Allen was recently born and shoved into a world of pain… he was justifiably unstable. But he didn't absolutely hate his life. Not a hundred percent. Because he had been growing a mind of his own, his thoughts, ideas, feelings… and sometimes he felt like he would lose his connection with those new aspects of him if he let the old personality take over. It was as if he was a different entity from Allen Walker, someone invading the deceased young man's brain and, as soon Allen Walker returned, he, the mere 'Allen', would be erased from existence.

No matter how challenging one's life was, it was very difficult to just give up. Survival instinct was always there. He – and Yuu himself – were proof of that.

It all made sense. The Innocence had been searching for its companion on him, but couldn't find him, and thus refused to answer to his plea. He'd never allowed the new imagery to completely take over. The memories were a relief, a beautiful dream, but also felt like an invasion. They came without his consent, and whenever they wished to, interfering with his day and sometimes leaving his mind a mess. He'd been afraid of them, and carefully separated his mind into two places, one that was filled with the thoughts and experiences of his new life, and one that stored those of Allen Walker's.

But he had no right to be like this anymore. His weakness had allowed them to stay in the hands of their enemies for months; had allowed Yuu to be maimed for long enough that he was now in his current state. It was cruel, it was wrong, and absolutely unacceptable. A boy of a few months in a body of a few years would manage nothing by himself. It was time for Allen Walker to be let out.

There was no blinding light, no pain, no spectacle with his newly made decision. But there was a great change.

The white haired boy smiled, trepidation mostly gone. The Innocence shimmered and touched him once again, as if probing him and trying his body and mind.

_I'm sorry, but we have no time for this. But you are used to being in a hush, are you not? We've always lived on the run…_

He extended his left arm with practiced ease, and spoke words that would never come to the boy's mind otherwise.

"Crown Clown, activate."

Gasps behind him alerted Allen of other people's presences, unnoticed by him until now, but he paid them no heed. The Innocence was gathering around his arm, with more confidence than ever before, becoming a liquid before painfully slicing through his skin and entering his body through his veins, blemishing his previously white arm with a dark color, and hadn't that been what they wanted? He gladly accepted the pain of the invasion. Where a young boy would have cried, he stood firmly and resolute, because he knew he had gone through worse things before.

"He is doing it! Oh my God, call the others, quick! He is doing it!"

"Allen?"

"That's it, that's it!"

 _Why are you cheering for me?_ Thought Allen amidst his trance.

"Continue! It's going to happen, it is going to happen!"

"Finally, after so long…"

_This isn't going to end well for you._

He'd never expected the change to happen only on his arm. A parasitic Innocence affected the whole body, becoming one with his host. Feeling it running like fire through his whole body filled an emptiness he hadn't realized was there, and it took some moments before it finally stabilized on his left arm. He raised it, testing his muscles and opening and closing his hand in front of his eyes.

That left arm had always felt somehow wrong without this.

_Welcome back, old friend._

He turned around, facing the scientists that had entered the room. Their eyes shone with excitement and their mouths sported enormous smiles, but their enthusiasm faltered when they were faced with sudden determination and strange look in their Apostle's eyes.

"Apostle. Lower your weapon."

This wasn't a scientist's voice, but a Crow's. And it was so hard for the magicians to actually speak to him; they usually silently took him everywhere he was wanted at, and didn't utter a word even when Allen tried to resist. If they were talking now, they must be very alarmed and wary of him.

"Apostle. _Lower your weapon_."

Naturally, Allen ignored him once more, eyes carefully surveying everyone around him, and the only exit. The command was repeated for the third time, and Allen knew they were giving him a last chance. The Crow were getting in fighting positions, and he jumped.

It was always very easy to move or, at least, he supposed it was easier for them, the Apostle children. Their bodies were enhanced in order to withstand being maimed for long periods of time, and this came with many advantages. From fragments of memories of harder moments in his past life, Allen knew he'd never had this ease in jumping, in running, in dodging. Yet, thanks to whatever they did to him, this was all too easy. The only chance of the personnel to restrain him lied with the Crow, and only because they worked with advanced magic.

But now, Allen had his Innocence.

It was easy to get rid of the first two who advanced on him, spell tags ready in their hands. Allen didn't know what they could do, but a feeling of dread inside of his heart made him feel like it could be nothing pleasant. So he slashed at them without thinking of anything else. They were, in the end, humans with extraordinary knowledge, but ordinary bodies. If he got past their stratagems and simply hit them, they would be out of commission quickly.

And that was exactly what happened.

Commotion broke out, and the third and last Crow member in the room advanced, while chanting something. Allen had just enough time to get out of his range, almost getting hit by a ward of strong electricity. Not reaching its intended target, it ruined the chamber, breaking the place apart. Everyone would stop underestimating him now, and there was no time to hesitate. He slashed through the this last person, and it was with a much stronger hit; the Crow flew away from him, spraying an arc of blood.

Most scientists were frozen in their spots, and one even stared at the exit longingly, but with fear of trying to escape. Twi was the only one to narrow her eyes and step towards him, filled with the same air of authority she always carried around her. Allen hated himself for it, but he did feel a little scared of her. He had been conditioned to.

Allen threw Twi out of his way with more strength than necessary. When his heart reverberated with excitement at her pained gasp and the crack of her bones, he finally acknowledged it: he hated them all, and it was a hate stronger than he ever thought. He hated them, some more than the others, but it was hate all the same. He hated Twi and her superior looks, her nonchalant expression as he thrashed and screamed. For doing nothing for their pain. He hated her for scolding him as if he was a child. To her, Allen was just a lab rat. Who would speak with laboratory animals? He wanted her arrogant and confident face to twist, he wanted her to bleed and plead.

A scientist stepped between Allen and the wheezing Twi.

_Of course._

"Allen, please."

"No pleases," he said softly, sounding annoyingly childish, yet… that was what he was. A child. The fragments of memories gave him an advantage, but they were too little for him to truly consider himself a completely changed person. Edgar's eyes widened when he heard the white haired boy's voice. He wasn't used to having Allen speak directly to him.

Allen hated him too, because he pretended to be good, wincing when Allen screamed, looking guilty when the boy was hurt. Trying to engage him in conversation and give the boys small and senseless gifts.

But he did nothing to ease their pain… and thus, was the same as everyone else. Allen would see every one of them dead, every single one, for what they did to him and to –

He stopped.

What had he awakened his Innocence for? Hadn't he said he wanted to save his friend? Hurting his enemies wasn't his priority. He would get rid of anything that got in his way, but he wouldn't be tempted by the amount of power he suddenly wielded, he wouldn't be tempted by the vulnerability of his tormentors.

The Allen who screamed for revenge was the hurt, rancorous child. The one who was going to save Yuu was the adult, born long ago. He couldn't forget his role.

So he turned away, forgetting about Twi and Edgar, and running towards the door. To his surprise, the daft man tried to get on his way yet again.

"A-Allen, don-"

"I have no time for this," he simply said, before kicking the man out of his way. In the end, Edgar was a commonplace person. It was the Crow he had to worry about.

But even then, after he dodged and attacked the hooded members of the organization, he knew it.

Exorcists were the true powerhouse of the Light forces. Not the ordinary soldiers, not the Crow and other students of magic rituals and science.

The Exorcists' power was natural, and the strongest, as long as they learned to be one with their weapon. As long as they synchronized to perfection, working towards a goal both Innocence and Accommodator believed in.

That was what he had preached to his friends and followers, years ago. What got him targeted by the Black Order in the first place.

"That boy… he shouldn't have such control over his Innocence!"

_That's what you get for awakening the dead. This weapon is one I have handled for years._

"We are not yours to control," he said, and watched as the Crow who spoke widened his eyes, mask broken and discarded in the floor meters away. Allen felt those black eyes were somehow familiar, but didn't dawdle.

The clock was ticking.

And he wasn't so arrogant as to think he would be able to leave this place easily. He could control his weapon, yes, but he knew that it had been better than this, once.

He ran at his maximum speed through the corridors, the image of Yuu's health state still fresh in his mind and increasing his sense of urgency. His Innocence and his seal powered his moves together, turning him into an almost invisible flash as he made his way towards his friend's room. Still, he couldn't help but feel he was being too slow.

He got intercepted, and would either dodge or attack his enemies powerfully, depending on their potential strength. His control over his arm was better than that of a recently made Exorcist but still somehow faulty, and his attacks would sometimes miss the targets and hit the building instead. It eventually startled trembling in instability, and he could hear crashes of pieces of concrete and metal falling down, but ignored them. His chance of surviving was already small, and it wouldn't do to fight while trying to keep this place intact, so he could only hope it would hold on.

It was with relief that he finally reached the correct door, slamming it open and entering in.

"Yuu! I have-"

There was no one in the room. Startled, he looked around the place with a rising anxiety gripping his chest. What was happening?

"Yuu?" he called uselessly, going so far as looking below the bed and see if the other was there. But no, there was nothing. The bed sheets were still crumbled, so he couldn't have been gone for too long. Allen put his hand over the bed. It was cold. At least if it were still warm, he would know the boy was near. How could this be? Yuu stayed in that bed for a whole week! Why did they have to take him now of all times?

Did he…

 _NO!,_ his mind screamed, unwilling to continue with that thought. That's right, that couldn't be. It had to be something else. Throwing one last anxious look to the room, he left it, running once again in the maze of corridors of this wing of the laboratory.

What would they do with Yuu, that would require them taking him out of his bed? The boy certainly was in no condition to leave by himself. Where could he be? He had to go back to the room he shared with the older boy, and hope to find him there. That would only complicate things, though. The place would be the most filled with Crow, and they were now alert about his rebellion. Going back there would only complicate his escape, and they could even find a way to seal the water passages before he got there.

But it's not like he had a choice. He would get his friend, one way or another.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Yuu was nowhere, he simply couldn't find him.

"Yuu… Yuu…"

And then the surge of determination and power that was taking control of him moments ago quickly vanished, giving place to despair and confusion. He was terrified. Where could the other boy be?

In that moment of weakness, his enemies appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. It seemed like those were faster than their unluckier counterparts that fought Allen earlier. Already done with their chants, they threw their tags towards the boy so quickly he couldn't avoid them, this time. It seemed like there were much stronger Crow members ready to fight.

The seal tags glued in his skin and were activated. Terrible pain took over his whole body as it was set on fire; he was used to torture, but this was one of a new kind. He fell to the floor as his flesh was eaten by the flames. Someone was screaming in the background, but Allen paid them no mind – it wasn't like he could. He thrashed as he was melted to the bones, his Innocence apparently as hysterical as he was. It destroyed nearby walls and the floor around him. Was he going to die? Yuu…

No. He wasn't allowed to die.

His arm expanded and attacked the nearest Crow, ignoring the terrible state of the rest of his body. Bones were crushed, flesh tore apart, and he didn't care. Not while he was being so hurt, himself.

The second Crow met a similar end. It came to a point where Allen was attacking recklessly, merely wanting to get rid of his assailants in order to survive. This one lost his head, so he knew this was, at the very least, his first kill of the night.

Now there was only one person, and he advanced on him, ready to kill once more and find himself alone again. Yet it was like his brain gave a shout, and he steadied his claws a couple of centimeters away from the person's face.

Edgar was no danger.

But he was no friend, either.

"Allen," was the man's soft whisper. He was plastered with blood, the blood of everyone Allen had hurt in his escapade; the blood of killed Crow, and of his wife, perhaps. Edgar's cheeks were being washed by his constantly flowing tears.

"Yuu," Allen said in a barely understandable whisper. "Where…"

More tears spilled from the Edgar's eyes. "Allen…" it wasn't hard to imagine why he seemed to be in such a broken state. Not only was this place a whole mess and many people were hurt or dead, but Allen himself was not an easy sight to deal with. His seal worked furiously, trying to rearrange his flesh around his bones. Around the hurt boy the building trembled, and debris fell from the cracking ceiling.

"Where is he?" snarled Allen, refusing to listen to the man's blabbering. Edgar closed his mouth, but seemed to hesitate before finally making his decision. He most likely knew what was going to happen if he didn't, and Allen was a mass of carbonized, slowly healing flesh and anger. He wasn't going to stop and talk.

"T-the synchronization room. But that is because-"

Allen's heart almost stopped, and his eyes widened so much it was painful on his mending skin.

"Synchronization?" he whispered brokenly, and dashed away before the scientist could answer him.

 _No, no, this can't be_ , screamed Allen inside his mind as he ran, ignoring his pained body's urges to please stop. _He is in no condition to get hurt. He is surely going to die. What are they thinking? No, please no, please no!_

It seemed to take him years to finally reach the feared place, but it actually took no more than a minute. He kicked the door open, and it hit a wall far away. For a moment, he winced, angered at his carelessness. If his friend was inside, he would have gotten hurt by it.

But there was no one, he saw with desperate eyes. The place was empty, but that didn't calm his heart.

Because the air still cracked with the remnants of harmful energy, the painted seals in the floor blurred by apparent thrashing. And the blood… there was blood in the floor. It was fresh, he could recognize it anywhere and, for the first time in that day, the smell of iron made him want to vomit.

Another sound of falling concrete reverberated not too far away. This place was falling apart, and Yuu…

He simply couldn't find the boy! He would search every corner of this laboratory again, then. He would destroy walls in his way, and find any secret passages. He would…

Loud crashes reverberated around the place. The systems started turning off and darkness encompassed everything. The whole building fell apart, and only his reflexes helped him get out of the way of the first heavy, falling ceiling pieces. Earth trickled from the broken walls, and he knew there was no time. _No, no, no._

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

He hadn't been fast enough. The building collapsed with him inside, and he had no idea of what his progress was by that time. Bent into an awkward and painful position, and still deeply hurt by the attacks issued by the Crow, he gasped and struggled. It took time and persistence for him to be guided by a thin line of light that caressed him, until he could finally move the last piece of the ruined building that held him down. The white haired boy got out of the debris, gasping and coughing uncontrollably, until the fit finally subdued. Allen could still feel his fast regenerating seal working, repairing mutilation that would have killed a normal person. His Innocence, however, was exhausted, and out of commission.

Allen was finally under the sun rays. The air was fresh and the breeze wasn't that of ventilation tubes, but the one provided by nature. The sky was a beautiful blue. Yet, he couldn't see any of it.

Because, somewhere inside that monstrous crater of twisted metal, concrete and destruction, was Yuu.

His dear friend, who he had wanted so much to save, had his grave built by Allen himself. This was his final place of rest; Laboratory number six, the place he had been born in, the place he never, ever left.

Allen's loud sobs echoed in the dense forest.

"I… promised you…"

Yuu was there, but he was dead. It wasn't like he could hear Allen.

" _You won't die. Wait for me."_

"I promised you we would leave…"

Yet, he couldn't stop himself from speaking. Allen trembled uncontrollably. Tears flooded his eyes and dropped over the ground, unrestrained; his words were barely understandable.

" _I swear we will be out of here soon."_

He saw Yuu's face in his mind. The thin preteen, so pale, with the silky dark hair he liked to tie in a high ponytail. His beautiful eyes, framed by long lashes. His many smirks, snarls, pouts, complaints. His few and treasured smiles. His tentative hugs. His unstable temper, and his innocence. His purity. His obliviousness of someone who grew inside of a tiny box without any windows, and was never let out.

" _What does the sky look like?"_

"Yuu, please forgive me. Please. P-please. I…"

" _Now that I think of it, I… I really don't want to die."_

Letting out a wrathful scream, he punched the wreckage with all the hate he could muster; a good part of it fell apart under his small fist. He went on and on, because he had so much energy, because he simply couldn't rest. Allen gasped and trembled as he made a crater in the already ruined place. Eventually, however, his emotions of pure sadness started giving way to a new, stronger one. His eyes still dropped fresh, hot tears, yet the despaired expression slowly morphed into one of pure contempt.

But as with everyone who once felt filled with anger and sorrow, his energy eventually ran out. It took him a long time to calm his breath, and to state his resolution with a rasping, tired, but furious growl.

"I am going to destroy them."

The _Black Order_.

Because he didn't follow through his promise to his friend, but he had another, one that was deep in his heart. It was made in a time that felt like so long ago, when he lived in another body… when he lived another life.

His promise to his comrades of the past. His promise, now made also to Yuu.

Allen Walker wanted to destroy the Black Order, and now he had more drive than ever to do it.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

 **A/N:** Next chapter, we're back in the present.

 


	6. Admirável Mundo Novo

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

The General, accompanied by a small, albeit powerful team of Asian Exorcists and a couple of finders approached the site of the destruction.

The Black Order's Asian Branch had a deficit of Exorcists powerful enough to be Generals. It was a problem that affected them worldwide, but even more so in this continent. Because of that, they had to ask for the help of members from all around the world.

Even then, it was rare of them to enlist a high ranker to a mission so simple as checking the aftermaths of a battle. Not only that, but he got the help of temporary subordinates. It was a situation that was out of the ordinary... terribly so.

Laboratory number six. His mission was to try to discover who had attacked it. Tiedoll had known of its existence, but had never been very privy to the sordid details. He knew they could be no good, ever since he learned it was the place where one of the Artificial Exorcist projects happened. No matter how much of an influential position he held, the ones who truly controlled the Order knew it would do no good to inform people such as him – those who had some empathy left.

Even now as he inspected the site, the man was not fully aware of whatever used to transpire in the underground system. He watched as the Exorcists and Finders started the more manual labor of actually delving the heavy rubble in the hopes of finding clues about the perpetrator.

So much destruction, so much power. An entire base gone in a day, throwing the Order in chaotic confusion. Who could have done it, if not the Earl or one of his most powerful servants? Everyone assumed they already knew who the culprit was.

But with his decades of experience in the traumatizing field work, Tiedoll had grown an instinct for the presence of the enemy. It was like his senses were more sensitive to the trails they left behind – the fearsome Dark Matter. Even weeks after an attack, a site would still reek with the remains of it.

So why was it that he couldn't feel even a single trace of the evil element?

A few hours of exploration, with his help – his Innocence was very useful in the manipulation of the wreckage, in ways no human power could imitate – started making him decide they would probably have no answers. Until now, all they had done was removing the broken bodies of the fallen workers. Men and women all dressed in white who, even in death, didn't seem to have peaceful expressions. Some didn't have a face left to identify. Others were members of the Crow, robes indicating their high ranks within the Order. That established even more the possibility of the Earl being the culprit, but something wasn't right, and he hadn't lived this long by not trusting his instincts.

After finding more pieces of broken machinery and deceased people, he started losing hope of completing his mission. Tiedoll didn't feel particularly fond of the goal of informing the Black Order, but he had always been curious about what happened in these undergrounds, and whether it could be as terrible as those who had visited seemed to think.

Moving another part of a fallen concrete wall, he found a new body, but that one almost made his heart stop. That wasn't a body that should be found under this debris – no, such a person shouldn't be in this place, before or after its annihilation.

Because, dangling out of the heavy concrete wreckage, was the small and bruised arm of a child.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

He couldn't remember when it was the last time that waking up was a pleasant and slow experience. His body was enveloped in warmth, and he rested over a very soft surface. Low noise that was impossible to identify surrounded him, but it was soothing, somehow. Nothing hurt – his body felt perfectly fine.

And that absurdity was what alerted him, and made him open his eyes and sit up quickly, blinking fast in order to have an idea of his bearings.

This would be far from the first time Yuu woke without remembering about willing going to sleep. Still, the place he awakened in was always the same. Because of that, he expected to see the same scenery he woke up to every day in his life – Grey and white and the steely cleanliness of the laboratory, together with the eerie silence.

The preposterously different place he opened his eyes to, however, had him opening his mouth in surprise. It was the absolute opposite of his expectations.

He was in a room that could, more than anything, be described as  _warm_. The walls were painted a soft cream color. The furniture was made of a dark brown material. The floor was a soft, dark green and the covers over him were very colorful, more than anything he'd ever seen in his life. There were many, many more details in this room that were new to him, but those were what he noticed first.

A quick recollection of his last moments of consciousness before somehow ending here flooded his mind. Alarmed, he looked at his body, temporarily forgetting about the world around him. He was clothed in light blue pants and shirt with dark blue trimmings. He frowned – that wasn't like any of the uniforms he was used to, even the ones to sleep. More than that, however, what surprised him was the absolute lack of pain. He felt so well it was hard to believe in it and, in order to test that, he started moving and stretching, but his body let out no complaint. Pushing his strange shirt up, he saw, to his surprise, that his seal was still there, now strong in its black color – very much like Allen's still was.

 _Allen!_ He jumped out of the bed, mind quickly becoming busy with thoughts of the smaller boy. He could remember the last time he saw him, and all the things Yuu said – he winced in embarrassment. He could also remember Allen's promise that he would somehow synchronize. Where in the world was the white haired boy?

And, before that, where in the world was  _he_?

He stepped away from the bed, noticing how soft and warm the flooring was below his bare feet. It was very pleasant. Coming close to a door, he observed it was closed. It was possible to break through, perhaps, but he was afraid of taking rash actions in an unknown place. Deciding to discover more about it before making a decision, he walked towards a strange piece of furniture. Pulling one of the drawers open, he saw it was filled with different pieces of fabric. They were also very colorful. Unused to such a bright sight, he started picking one by one, running his hands through them before letting them fall over the floor. They all had different patterns and textures. He was only used to variations of white, gray and black. Somehow, it felt good to rest his eyes over things that were so different.

Forgetting about the beautiful fabrics – they were all covers and clothes, apparently – he stepped towards a window. First he opened the part made of glass, and then the one made of wood. The sounds he heard before became louder. He expected to see another room when he opened it.

The sight before his eyes took his breath away, however. It was a far cry from what he thought he would see – terribly so.

Because out there, meters below where he was yet so close, there were more people together than he had seen in his whole life, and they were so strange. Many were dressed in different clothes, some as bright as the colors he found in his exquisite room. They talked animatedly and walked here and there, laughing and speaking things he couldn't understand. The place outside was filled by many buildings and pathways everyone seemed to come from. That impressive sight, however, was quickly forgotten because of what was over it.

Above the whole place was an enormous, expansive blue. It was brighter than any ceiling he'd ever seen, and seemed so, so far away – impossibly so. In the middle of it was the source of light, the brightest lamp he ever saw, so bright he was forced to look away. Dotting the blue ceiling were many soft looking traces of white, that looked like the softest cotton. It was everywhere, and seemed to have no end.

" _The sky... it is like the largest ceiling you can imagine, and you can never touch it. It is blue, but sometimes it changes. No matter what color it is, though, it is always beautiful."_

" _We are going to leave. Today or tomorrow. I promise."_

" _I swear we will be out of here soon."_

"Sky," he breathed in awe, unable to turn his gaze away. Allen had done it! Somehow, Allen had followed through his plan. They were out! He didn't know how long he spent watching the scene before him, before the sound of a doorknob turning distracted him. He turned towards the opened door with a big smile.

"Allen?"

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Tiedoll worriedly wondered about what he should communicate to the Order. They would call him soon, and he would have to think carefully of his words by then.

Knocks interrupted his thoughts. "Enter," said him, already waiting for the only person who could be there.

The young boy, already used to this word, opened the word and stepped inside of the room. Tiedoll looked him from head to toe, and was pleased to see that, this time, the youngster hadn't made a mess of himself. The little Exorcist had been making sure to explore every inch of the house. The simple things the long haired boy would find so interesting made the situation quite endearing. Tiedoll gestured with his hand, signaling that he should approach.

"General," said the boy with a heavy accent. That was one of the few English words he knew.

"Yes, Yuu?" he asked patiently.

The boy's face scrunched up, and Tiedoll felt bad for him. It must feel terrible, not being able to communicate. But for the boy's own good, he would have to learn English. It was the language of the country he was taking Yuu to.

"Hmm..." the boy was pensive, clearly trying to come up with the correct words. After some contemplation, he finally gave up. Using a gesture Tiedoll learned meant 'come with me', the boy stepped away from the room. Amused, Tiedoll followed him through the small house.

And then the smell of burning wood hit his nose, and Tiedoll knew something was very wrong.

Unaware of the adult's alarm, Yuu continued his very nonchalant march towards the kitchen, which was flooded with dark smoke. The central table was being consumed by fire, and it threatened to reach the rest of the furniture.

"Fire!" exclaimed Tiedoll, before quickly dousing it out with water, using a hose he was suddenly very glad this rented house had been equipped with.

After the dangerous ordeal had been dealt with, all that remained was a black circle in the kitchen and, over it, the remains of what was once the table they dined in, dripping wet.

Yuu, who Tiedoll had temporarily forgotten about, had remained in the place, watching the whole scene and his guardian's struggle with fascinated eyes. Tiedoll stared at him.

"Fire," concluded Yuu with a solemn nod, and that air of accomplishment he carried whenever he learned a new word. He then picked a box of matches – the cause of the whole trouble – and easily lighted one. He then proceeded to stare at the tiny flame with interest, before it consumed the wood stick and burned his fingers. With a yelp, he threw it away. The flame fell in a nearby trash can and quickly ignited it.

Tiedoll watered it so fast that it didn't have time to destroy the house. He then quickly snatched the box from Yuu's hand. The boy didn't seem to understand what was wrong.

Suddenly, the world of discoveries of a curious child didn't seem so appealing, anymore.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

At first, Yuu had been terribly defensive against the first adult he saw after waking up. No matter how different he looked from the lab personnel, mistrust for older people was a defensive mechanism he had ingrained in his mind. Because of that, he had tried to avoid the man's grasp and leave the place. When that proved to be impossible, he attacked. This man didn't dress like a Crow, so he should be able to overwhelm him physically.

It seemed, however, that his tall caretaker was a wielder of very powerful magic. He had quickly restrained him, rendering Yuu's natural strength useless. There was no punishment, however. The man seemed troubled at having to hold Yuu down.

Then he opened his mouth, and Yuu couldn't understand a word of what he said.

Initially, the dark haired boy thought the man, who he would later learn referred to himself as General, had been enchanting something, but those words felt like they were part of a normal conversation. Yet, he couldn't understand even of them.

Unable to leave the place, he started a strange relationship with this person. They had yet to speak to each other properly, but could communicate through gestures, and the General never seemed to be hostile.

At first Yuu asked himself if he was wronging Allen by not trying harder to leave this place, but the fact was, if he couldn't even fight off this one person, what chance did he have against the many others that roamed the pathways outside, seemingly endless in their numbers?

So he reluctantly stayed, and tried to be compliant to this person, at least for the time being. It seemed to be the most convenient thing to do. But there was also another important factor that played on his cooperation.

Two weeks had passed, and he had yet to go through a single synchronization test.

Never before had he been so peaceful. He still tensed, waiting for the moment his situation was proved a farce and he was forced through the torture of always. But this had yet to happen and, very reluctantly, Yuu started to believe that maybe, and only maybe, he wouldn't have to be so hurt anymore.

He was 'outside', after all.

Even though he wasn't allowed out of the confines of the house, just being able to watch the movement through the window felt like incredible freedom.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

It wasn't a sudden change: fall had been morphing into winter for a while now, the drop in the temperature and the frozen water being a prelude to what was to come, what everyone expected. Everyone but one boy, thirteen years old in body but three in soul, who woke up once to see the world covered in white.

 _Well, I should have expected this_ , Tiedoll admonished himself, when the surprised gasp came from his young charge in a morning and he quickly left his temporary studio in order to see what it was. Sudden shouts and frenzied questions became a routine ever since the child learned how to speak English. The boy knew so little of the world, yet indirectly supplied Tiedoll with knowledge of the consequences of the Black Order's Artificial Exorcist projects. No matter how endearing he found the curious child to be, that absolute innocence and ignorance had a dark cost translated into years of horrible suffering left behind.

So there should be no surprise in Yuu's reaction to his very first winter, and his quick dash to the boy's room stopped when he saw him.

Yuu was leaning on the window. He had recently opened it, so the chilly air dropped the room's temperature and a few snowflakes fell in the otherwise pristine wood floor. He was leaning so far towards the outside Tiedoll feared he would jump out, and so he readied himself to make a grab for the boy should he really try to do so. The old General walked towards the boy, putting a hand on his small shoulder. When there was no reaction, he positioned himself by the child's side, and was entranced by the utter fascinated look in the small Exorcist's face.

"Winter guy?" asked a small voice, and Yuu now looked at the Black Order veteran with a questioning gaze, before returning it to the far more fascinating view of the outside.

Already used to strange statements from his charge, Tiedoll didn't blink. "Who?" he asked, knowing Yuu wasn't referring to him.

"Winter guy comes and makes things cold, by running around and touching them with his frozen fingertips," whispered the boy, still staring at the scenario that was very normal for anyone else but which, for him, had to be a spectacle.

"Allen said this?" asked Tiedoll, mentioning the boy Yuu talked about sometimes. Allen seemed to have been a strange child who had explained some things about the world to Yuu, accurate even though he supposedly had never left the laboratory. It was strange to think the other boy, described by Yuu as a short and loyal younger sibling, would have said something so imprecise. Then again, it wouldn't be the poor child's fault – it was a surprise he even knew about anything.

"No," answered Yuu with a lower voice, taking Tiedoll out of his contemplation. "Alma."

Ah, Alma. Yuu talked so little about him, sometimes Tiedoll wondered whether the boy had truly existed.

"Oh, that's right, Allen said there is no winter person, and that things change by themselves. From flowery to... um, fall, and then this white stuff?"

"The order is spring, summer, fall and winter," explained Tiedoll patiently.

"Winter exists?" asked Yuu with curious eyes, absolutely trusting. It was endearing, albeit a little painful, to watch.

"Not the... winter person. But winter, as in the season. The same way we were, weeks ago, in fall. Do you understand?"

Yuu nodded solemnly, as if he should have known that from the start. The wind got chillier and made Tiedoll tremble. He had half a mind to close the window, but he had learned the boy had incredible health. He had yet to catch even a single cold or have a lasting scar.

 _I hope he never has to deal with diseases and wounds, for the rest of his life_ , he thought, staring at the child. It is the least he deserved.

But that seemed like such a naive hope.

"Hmm, General," said Yuu with a reluctant voice, not removing his gaze from the snowy lands.

"Yes, Yuu?" he asked good-naturedly.

"Allen said... that we can play with it. That it's fun," he said, running a finger over the window ledge in atypical shyness.

Tiedoll felt his heart warm. That was what life with Yuu was like, a poignant mix of happiness and pity.

He guided the excited boy outside. The false report to the Black Order in his study could wait.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Eventually, Yuu was allowed to go outside, but only if he stayed very close to Tiedoll and didn't speak to strangers. The boy followed through his caretaker's orders without a problem. Not only did he enjoy going out, but he also never felt like trying to speak to other people. They felt unsafe, somehow.

The General seemed to think the same. At first, Yuu thought the man was a very happy and carefree person. As time passed, however, and the Japanese boy learned to read the man's expressions better, he noticed there was always some sort of tension within his caretaker, something that worried him a lot.

Tiedoll started telling everyone they met that Yuu was his adopted son, whose name was Kanda.

At some point, he started saying that to Yuu, too, even when they were alone. And so, the boy started wondering whether that was becoming the truth.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Tiedoll stared at the boy he called to his study. It was early in the morning, and he had just woken up. Yuu usually didn't like having to stay still for such a long period of time but, just today, he wasn't fidgeting at all. Perhaps he noticed that what the General was going to say was important. The young teenager had always been very perceptive.

The day had finally come. The thought of it had tormented Tiedoll ever since he first got hold of the child and decided to personally take care of him. This past year had been tense. They were always fleeing, always trying to deceive the Order one way or another, in an attempt to shield this poor boy.

But he wouldn't be able to protect Yuu forever, he knew he wouldn't. That's why he knew he had to do this today.

It didn't stop it from being painful.

The boy still stared at him expectantly. Tiedoll picked, from a nearby cabinet, a treasure he had kept securely locked for too long. Something he found with Yuu the first day he saw him. It was still hidden between folds of fabric but, as soon as he held it before Yuu, the boy's eyes widened and he flinched, as if sensing the importance of what was being put in front of him.

"Yuu..."

"General, what is this?" asked him in a strained voice. He seemed torn between the wish to touch and explore, and the wish to run from it and never come back.

Tiedoll slowly took away the covering from it, before revealing the object to the world. There was Yuu's Innocence, strange and deformed, but still holding an impressive power. The power of God's crystal.

Yuu recoiled instantly, taking quick steps towards the door, his gaze never leaving the object.

"Stop," commanded Tiedoll in a fierce voice. He hated doing this. Hated it, more than anything. But it had to be done.

"General..." murmured the boy, eyes widened with fear. "This is... Innocence..."

"Yes, it is," confirmed the older man, not surprised Yuu knew the name. But that didn't necessarily mean the boy truly knew its essence, what it truly was.

Yuu shook his head. He hadn't left the room, reluctant to disobey, but his eyes still shone with fear. "Why..."

"I'm sorry, Yuu. I hate to do this. But I don't want to hurt you. You know that, don't you?"

The boy seemed reluctant to answer. His eyes never left the focus of his fear. The reason was quite obvious. His most painful experiences must have been before this very same object. Forced synchronizations that never harmed the crystals, but would destroy the humans who dared to try to become the chosen ones... even if they never actually had a choice to begin with.

"This is not synchronization, because you already did it, Yuu. They hurt you many times, but they managed it. They made you an Exorcist. You have been one, ever since that last day in the laboratory. Don't you remember?"

The boy automatically shook his head, but it was obvious that he was thinking about back then. And whatever he was thinking about, it couldn't be pleasant.

"This Innocence already recognizes you. It won't try to harm you. It won't deny you anymore," he continued. Though the boy shook and uttered denials, Tiedoll knew he was listening to his words. "I need you to take it, Yuu."

"No... General, I don't want to."

"You aren't a mere experiment anymore, Yuu. You are this Innocence's Accommodator. The only one in this world."

"NO!" screamed the boy, backing away. "Why do I have to? Why,  _Gensui_? Everything has been fine until now. We've been living well," complained the youngster, tears spilling from his eyes in an uncharacteristic show of sadness. It was heartbreaking. The amount of distress the simple sight of the Innocence could cause to the small Exorcist was immensurable.

"I know, Yuu-"

"We have been fine," protested the boy once more. "Why must... why must you-"

Tiedoll finally couldn't stand it anymore. He had planned to finish this as soon as possible; to handle Yuu his Innocence as quickly as he could and deal with whatever happened afterwards. But this boy was very much like a son. How could he remain unmoved by this scene?

Turning away from Yuu for a moment, he put the Innocence over his desk. Then he turned back to the boy, approaching him. The young Japanese seemed much more willing to come closer now that the dreaded weapon was out of the man's hands.

"Why? General... I don't want to," reaffirmed the boy, seeming smaller than ever. Tiedoll tried to approach the boy, hoping to put a calming hand on his shoulder. Instead, however, and to his immense surprise, Yuu jumped to his arms in a swift movement. The boy's strength almost knocked him backwards. The thin arms encircled his waist. For a moment, shock stopped him from moving, before he finally encircled the boy in an embrace, too.

Yuu had always been against physical contact. To finally be able to share a hug with the boy meant so much for the pseudo father, yet the situation made it all a bittersweet moment.

"Let's just stay as is, General. Please?" asked him, and Tiedoll hated himself, because this was the first thing Yuu asked him from the bottom of his heart, and he would still have to deny it.

"Yuu... I care about you very much, and I would love to take this weapon away from you," he started.

"Then do it! Please, General. I... I thought it was over," he confessed against the older man's chest.

It hurt him to do so, but Tiedoll pushed the little Exorcist away from him, keeping him at arm's distance, because he needed to look the boy in the eyes.

"Yuu, listen to me. This cannot last forever. I am very sorry. I would love to, but I cannot... you've been with me this whole time. You have noticed we aren't completely free, haven't you?"

"Yes... we must lie and hide. I will hide very well. I won't speak to strangers, as you always said. I always did as you said."

"I know, however-"

"I won't ask to leave the house anymore," tried the boy in despair. "I have bothered you, haven't I? I won't mind staying here. I... I... have to find Allen. But, right now, I won't leave the house. Is that alright? Please don't do this."

"We've always been fleeing. It has been difficult, but worth it. You are very sought after. Our enemies will want you, both of them, and that is why we hide, why we live differently from everyone. However... that is not enough, anymore. The circle is closing, Yuu, and, as each day passes, they are closer to getting us. To getting  _you._  There will be a time when no matter what name we take and what story we create, they will still get us. And then, it will start again. Everything you have been through. You will be back in the Black Order's hands."

"The... Black Order..."

"Yes. The ones who controlled the laboratory. The ones who need Exorcists, no matter what. Yuu, I am incredibly sorry to say this, but... you cannot live like a normal person. You will, unfortunately, confront them someday. Or the Akuma, the monsters created by our enemy, the Earl. That is unavoidable. The only chance you have against them is by having your weapon."

Reluctantly, the boy stared at the dreaded Innocence that lay over his mentor's desk. It was clear that, this time, the General wouldn't relent, no matter what.

"This is your best chance of ever finding Allen. The only one you have, maybe."

That seemed to settle it.

Stepping towards the desk once more, Tiedoll picked the Innocence and presented it to its Accommodator once more. The boy seemed positively sick, yet determined. That proved how much the mysterious Allen was important to him. Overcoming this fear was a very big and difficult step to take.

Considering all the emotional pain this talk had caused, the simple reaction of the Innocence with its wielder was anticlimactic. Still, Tiedoll had seen this happening many times to other people, and that is why he assured Yuu he wouldn't have to deal with the same pain of before. The weapon easily turned into its true form once held by its Accommodator – a big, albeit a little rudimentary long sword. Time and training would improve it.

From that day onwards, Yuu Kanda became Tiedoll's Exorcist Apprentice. It was a difficult transition, and the General always feared for the teenager's life. But such was the destiny of an Exorcist, he knew very well; the moment Innocence chose a person, they would never live as an ordinary human. So if Yuu couldn't live a peaceful life, the General would make it so the boy could at the very least  _live_.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

The moment came: the day when their goals clashed. There was much General Froi Tiedoll had to work for, and Kanda's heart had always been restless, never forgetting about his missing friend.

Tiedoll tried to force a serene expression on his face, but pain could still be seen through it. "I have done everything I could for you. This dear wish of yours also became mine. I hope, more than anything, that you will find your friend, Yuu," said the man sincerely. He never once dared to question whether the mysterious Allen was alive. It was clear the boy's existence was what motivated Yuu to keep going, and he would never extinguish that flame that kept his apprentice – his dear son – alive.

"You have helped me greatly. I will someday repay you," said the tall Japanese solemnly. Now eighteen years old, Kanda surpassed his mentor in height. That didn't alleviate the older man's worries in the least, however.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do much to help your quest."

"You taught me how to fight and survive. More than that, you gave me this," said Kanda, holding a file up.

"Are you sure this is the right person?"

Kanda opened the folder for what had to be the millionth time. Tiedoll had made sure to gather every file on every Exorcist who had 'Allen' in their name that he could get his hands on. One of them had stood out.

_ALLEN WALKER [deceased]_

_Exorcist – European Branch_

_Born in December 25_ _th_ _, 1750 (estimated), England_

_Weight: 60kg_

_Height: 170cm_

_Relatives: Unknown_

_Innocence: ( ) Equipment (x) Parasitic_ _left arm_

Above the scarce data was the picture of a young man. He sported a small but charismatic smile, and long, dark red hair locks framed his face, which was very unfamiliar to Kanda.

The scar over his eye, however, left him no doubt. This was the person his Allen used to be, and he would somehow use this information to find the actual one, no matter what.

Closing the file, he carefully stored it in his backpack.

"I am more than sure. It can only be him," said Kanda. "Well, I am going."

"Are you certain?"

"What?" asked Kanda, frowning at his teacher. He had never been more determined about anything in his life, and never expressed any sort of reluctance when it came to meeting Allen.

"This world... it isn't what you expected, right?" asked Tiedoll with a soft voice. "You were taught by your little friends and, sometimes, by the workers who experimented on you. They have always painted this place as perfect. Doesn't it hurt, to know that it is so far from what they told? It is filled with enemies and traps. No one can walk upon it while retaining their innocence."

Kanda rolled his eyes, but answered his worried mentor. As this could very well be their last moment together, it wouldn't do to leave the older man unnecessarily worried. "General... this world is corrupted and perilous. However, it is still more than I ever expected. There is nothing better than being out. The Black Order and the goddamned Earl are ruining it. We only have to destroy them, that's all."

"Simple as that, Yuu?" laughed the General sadly.

"Yeah. See you, old man," said Kanda and, with a respectful bow that didn't match his apparently rude words, he departed.

He would miss his mentor, but his heart was light with the knowledge that he was finally taking action.

His target: Allen Walker. A hint? He is somewhere in the planet.

This would suffice.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought we would be back in the present in this chapter. I was wrong. Apologies, but I feel this is a necessary transition.  
> Thanks for leaving comments, that means a lot to me.
> 
> Please feel free to point out my mistakes. This hasn't been checked, I haven't had much time lately, unfortunately.


	7. Estrada da Morte

_1811_

Hours before the Black Order was informed of the demolition of the Second Exorcist project, one of their synthetic soldiers was already long gone. Without an ally to aid him in this new life, Allen could only hope his memories and instincts would guide him.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Not long after his making his decision, Allen left the wreckage. Without any idea of where in the globe he was or which direction he should take, he strode towards an arbitrary route. He only wanted to create distance between himself and the laboratory as quickly as possible. The building itself was done for, but he was sure the true consequences of its destruction had yet to make themselves known.

But they couldn't be any worse than the greater one, the death of his friend. Feeling the grief trying to take over once more, Allen forced it down. He wanted to focus on his rage and push the distress down to the recesses of his mind, but anger wasn't an endless emotion, and would eventually run out. So he allowed his determination towards an important objective to clear his mind. The boy couldn't avoid thinking about Yuu forever, but he would, for now. It wouldn't do to fall apart in the middle of nowhere.

Allen's walk through the forest was not as fast as it could be. His enhanced body was already healed and fit, but his mind was in a less than perfect state. Warring inside of him were two contradicting elements, his heart and his mind. Because his heart insisted that he should go back and look for his friend's body; Yuu shouldn't be left to rot in the place that tortured him for his whole life. But his mind, always rational, argued that going back was a rash course of action. It would be almost impossible to find Yuu below all the heavy wreckage of the underground lab, and he would likely be caught by the Black Order before he did it.

Allen stumbled, losing his speed, before he finally stopped to lean against a tree. His vision was unfocused. The image of the brown earth, the fallen leaves and the many trees distorted until it was eventually unrecognizable, and he already knew what it meant. Another memory.

_He was sitting somewhere. It wasn't stable. A wooden boat. It swayed as they – he and a masked man who carried a great backpack – navigated through the water tunnel passage._

_There was tension in the air. Wherever they were going, there would be some sort of conflict._

" _When will we reach the church?"_

" _I estimate approximately thirty hours, Master Walker. That man of the white suit will be the-"_

" _Shh," said Allen, raising a finger to his lips. "We are still in the Order, my friend."_

The scene fell apart, and with it the sense of urgency and secrecy that he had felt. Water solidified into earth, and the stone walls and boat disappeared together with his mysterious companion, leaving only trees and the clear sky. He breathed slowly, trying to focus. It was always hard to adapt to the transitions, and remember where he was before everything happened.

Ever since the start of his journey, the visions had been happening in a greater frequency than ever before. And he knew why. In order to be recognized by his Innocence, he had finally acknowledged the fact that Allen Walker wasn't just a memory, but  _himself_. He had embraced that side in detriment to this new, artificial one. And in exchange for his weapon and newfound power, he was now  _forced_ to accept his true personality, as the fragments of an old life were forcefully excavated from his mind.

And so, his march continued – uncertain, with frequent stops. Two minutes of walk, and then twenty seconds of recollection. Another five minutes of walk, and then a minute in the past. A flight that should have been fast and efficient was reduced to an uncertain treading of a battered looking boy through the silent woods that circled his 'birthplace'.

The trees that circled the laboratory were few, and not the forest he had initially imagined. As soon as he found his way out of them, he was presented to dry, infertile earth and an empty horizon that promised a long walk under the harsh sun. Steeling himself, he marched forwards, wondering what sort of desert the laboratory had been built into. He'd just gotten out, but this ugly sight had to be unnatural. Once away from the trees' shadows, the refreshing breeze disappeared, revealing how truly hot the temperature was around here. The walk went on, and little changed, the horizon always the same. To his relief, the memories stopped. Allen knew his pace was steady and fast, as permitted by his modified constitution. So how long would it be until he found a place to rest?

The young Exorcist eventually found a road, and he let out a breath of relief. A road would lead somewhere, and perhaps help him meet others. Even as he closed his eyes, he could see them in his mind – roads filled with people and their children, animals and carts. The roads were paved with dark stones, he remembered, and everyone was in such a hurry. He was standing in the sidewalk, and someone he had been looking for was in the other side, the image sometimes blocked by the carriages that would run between them. This person – a man dressed in elegant robes and sporting a top hat – smiled in recognition, and beckoned him closer-

And just like that, it was over. Loud noises of human voices and wooden wheels over the pavement subdued until they finally disappeared, and he was once more in the present. The dead silence and utter emptiness of the place contrasted against his vivid memories in a disheartening way. This road was barely paved, old and almost completely covered by earth, but still visible. He started following it, hoping for a change in the scenario soon. The boy started conjuring pleasant thoughts. He would find people soon. He would get information and sustenance. A road was here, and a road was a good sign.

Ten minutes later, he found the first bones.

Morbid curiosity made him started digging around them, temporarily forgetting his rush to move. The bones were of a human, he noticed, after unearthing them with apprehension. No matter his hopes that they would belong to some animal, as soon as Allen excavated the skull, he knew it wasn't true. The young Exorcist wondered, with heavy uneasiness, what had happened to this person who had been unlucky enough to die in a deserted place – and, of course, whether the cause of that death still lingered in the area. Carefully setting the bones back in their place, he resumed his march, now in an unconsciously slower pace in his journey to find living people.

Only remains of them could be found.

The bones he had seen at the start of his travel had only been the first of a series of mortal remains, from people and from animals, though the first appeared more frequently. Every three hundred meters or so, Allen would find some new memento of a tragedy – corpses, skeletons, and carts that had been turned upside down and were now being destroyed by time. Each bone, old piece of clothing or ruined equipment told the story of the fallen. It came to a point where he stopped checking every carcass, because they were becoming too much of a normal occurrence. He tried to be detached, but his hands trembled slightly.

With a lump in his throat, Allen resumed the now painful walk. He almost gave up on ever finding anyone, but the thought was too unproductive to his quest. Still, he couldn't avoid feeling like he was treading in a death road, and that the only thing that awaited him in the end was his own demise, his corpse soon to join the hundreds of others he'd already seen. His senses screamed for him to leave, but to  _where_? Both the left and the right of the road looked discouraging, and going back would mean returning to his starting point.

What had happened to the utopic world that would glimmer in front of him so often back then? Was Yuu right? Were they just pathetic delusions?

 _No, this isn't it_ , he thought, because he knew it wasn't, and also so he could calm himself.  _That world did exist. I'm just at a new, unpleasant part of it. Or... something happened to the life I once knew._

Realizing his pace had drastically slowed due to fear, he chided himself and forced his legs to work as fast as they had before.

When he finally found a town, he was so emotionally weary that he didn't breath a sigh of relief. Walking towards it anyway, he noticed the dilapidated state of the buildings and the dead silence. As expected, it was abandoned, and likely filled with more mortal remains.

Decided to try and find something useful, or even just hide from the punishing sun under one of the tattered roofs, Allen chose a house that seemed to be in a better state, which wasn't saying much considering the whole place overall. Entering it, he found ruined furniture and objects that were already being crushed by time.

He sat on an old chair, but just as he finally allowed his weight to rest over it completely, it fell apart under him. Unprepared for this, he fell together with it.

Somehow, that was the last straw. Sitting in the dirty floor over the broken wood, Allen trembled. Feeling that persistent desperation that had been trying to overcome him this whole day return stronger than ever before, he drew his knees up and folded his arms, hiding his head in them. Breathing a deep, shaky breath, he tried to calm himself and think. Yes, he was in a new environment. Yes, it wasn't what he had expected. Yet Allen wasn't a child, but an adult, one with experience in this world, if he would only properly unlock it. Diving in the recesses of his mind, he tried to recall memories of catastrophic roads filled with death and abandoned cities and how to deal with them, but there was nothing. His mind was filled mostly by places full of life and other people, or areas favored by nature's beauty. His current reality wasn't like that at all, however, and he felt the cold fear washing over him in a wave. He was alone and confused, the memories he unlocked were useless and Yuu was dead-

"Why, look at this, guys," said the voice of a young person. "What do we have here?"

"That's quite an young one, ain't he?" answered another. Allen tensed, his heart beating fast. There were other people here. How so?

He'd been looking for someone for hours, so one would expect him to quickly get up and greet them. Still, he had yet to look up from the shelter of his folded arms. Though he should have been glad to have finally found company, this situation only added up to the number of odd occurrences he could not explain. This place was abandoned and seemed devoid of any sort of provisions. Why would anyone be investigating the houses?

 _You are_ , he pointed out to himself.

"Hey, little boy. Hey, hey," said a female voice, sounding playful. Allen finally raised his read.

There were four children in front of him, of varying ages. Three were boys and one was a girl. Their clothes were in an immaculate state and didn't fit the ruins around them. They didn't look like they had even sweated; it was as if their bodies and garments ignored the dirt and the heat around them.

"What happened to you, little tyke?" asked the youngest child, slightly smaller than Allen, staring at the Exorcist's ruined clothes. It was strange to be referred to as a child by someone who was clearly younger than Allen himself.

As he examined the four strangers, his left eye suddenly twitched once, twice, until it became uncontrollable; bothered, he rubbed it, but to no avail. To his alarm, whenever he looked at the strangers, his eye would burn and, when he looked away, it would feel relieved somehow.

"What is it, hun? Aw, you are so cute I could eat you whole," said the girl in an abnormal manner, before moving Allen's hand and white hair away from the left side of his face, and revealing his scar. Her eyes widened at that. The friendly expression on the children people fell apart. More than that, the place where the black haired girl was touching him felt positively horrible; his heart beat fast and his body was rigid with adrenaline. What was happening? They were just average, young people, and he was a strong, modified Apostle. An Exorcist. What did he fear?

He watched the girl's eyes. They were a normal brown with black pupils, very much like those of many scientists. Still, they made his insides feel frozen, as if her mere stare was a threat to his life. As if whatever she kept hidden behind her gaze was evil and vicious.

Unable to stand it anymore, he got up. His eye was now positively on fire, irradiating pain to the left side of his brain.

"You carry our symbol," whispered the girl in an absolutely inhuman voice. He didn't know what it sounded like, but it shouldn't be coming out of the mouth of a person. "But you aren't one of us."

Allen was finally able to open his hurting eye.

He screamed.

His right eye saw nothing but normal children standing in the ugly house, the expressions in their faces the only sign that something was wrong. The left eye, however, saw the world in inverted colors and, above each person, there were other people, wounded ones, chained to the bodies and floating above them in a strangely incorporeal form, screaming as if going through the worst kind of torture, their faces hollowed out skulls, deformed and consumed by death. Dead, yet alive, and radiating evil. His heart almost stopped.

" _Aah... ahh,"_  moaned Allen in panic, staring at them with both eyes wide and filled with tears. He thought he had seen ugly things, but that was the absolutely worst. This was horrible and, for a moment, he wanted nothing more than to wake up inside the clinically clean walls of the laboratory, Yuu by his side, as they contemplated what to do with their day – something that wouldn't involve seeing such a sight.

"I don't like this," said the tallest boy, who was tired of staying silent. Even though the image of the floating, tortured person remained above him as it was, his physical body contorted and snapped until it morphed into a grotesque creature of the sort not even his worst nightmares had been able to conjure until now. The other children seemed unfazed and did the same, and he was soon facing four enormous monstrosities that advanced for him.

Maybe his memories had finally decided to make themselves useful, and helped him do what he should to survive. Or perhaps it had been his Innocence's automatic reaction to evil – wasn't it supposed to destroy monsters? The fact was that in a matter of minutes he had all of his enemies torn into pieces and fallen to the ground, the house now nothing more than pieces of rubble scattered everywhere. Under the strong sun rays, he watched as the bodies dissolved into disgusting, darkened smoke he instinctively knew he shouldn't come too close to.

And then he watched as the ethereal chains that tortured the ghost-like people broke apart, their bodies slowly recomposing into a more human like form before they smiled in relief and, together, faded into nothing. The sight felt right, somehow.

Still, it was too much for him to take.

Allen finally allowed himself to collapse, now that there seemed to be no danger imminent. His left eye finally stopped hurting, and he could see the world as it should be with both his eyes. His arm retreated to its usual form, the noxious poison that filled the air and the destroyed house the only clues to what had happened.

Sobbing, he quickly marched away from the place, not really knowing where he was going to, only that it should be far away from the still dissolving remains of his would be murderers. Images of extensive claws, malevolent eyes and salivating, feral mouths mixed with machinery replayed themselves again and again. The only thing he could think about was that this wasn't what the world should be like. It shouldn't be horrible, not to this extent. Was there anything to look forward to? Where were the things his beautiful visions promised him in times of blessed ignorance?

A few minutes later, it started again – it was as if the traumatizing events had fed Allen's mind's abilities of recollection. Not far from the ruined city, they returned – many visions that would once more fill his world, in the same dramatically increased frequency. Every hundred steps or so, they would make themselves known, forcing the boy to stand still and let them unfold.

" _The fervor and precision with which you destroy these creatures surprises me, Walker," said a young man who, despite his age, exhaled authority and power to anyone who looked at his harsh face. "I'm almost believing the stories about your eye."_

" _They are true, sir," he heard himself say with a deceptively polite voice._

_A fist hit the desk between them, making two pens and a small, golden decorative statue fall. A cup of wine tumbled and broke apart in the floor. None of the men paid it any mind. "Cut it out, Walker! Akuma, with souls? Don't make me laugh!" he screamed, for once losing his usually cold façade. "We are fighting a war against these monsters! You can't spread such nonsense without ruining the morale of those with a soft heart! From now on-"_

The office disappeared, and Allen felt somehow relieved. No matter how horrible and lonely the desert he currently found himself in, he felt this man from his past was someone who had caused him no small amount of distress.

A few more steps. Was there something in front of him? If only he could reach it...

" _What... what have you done?" sobbed an inconsolable woman, who had watched his actions with horror. He'd managed to kill the demon so fast it hadn't been able to transform; that, however, would only make the scene worse in her eyes._

" _I'm deeply sorry, madam," said Allen, commanding his Innocence to deactivate. "Your daughter is dead – she has been long before I came. She was turned into Akuma. That must have happened long ago, considering how much it evolved. I know it is hard to believe, but-"_

" _You are lying!" she screeched. "Filthy demon! I've been living with her ever since she was a baby! I would have known... I would..." she fell apart into desperate sobs._

_Allen's hands clenched into tight fists. Sometimes, dealing with relatives could be the hardest part in a battle. "Soma Akuma can perfectly imitate the behavior of the human whose place they stole, ma-"_

" _G-get out," sobbed she, before her voice heightened back into a scream. "Curse you, Exorcist! Curse you! I wish you burn in hell for doing this to my daughter!"_

Allen breathed in and out, slowly. This had been horrible. He could remember it, and now, many more occasions where he had to do this hard job. Akuma would frequently remain with the family of the deceased person whose body they were occupying. Armed with their memories and mannerisms, they had been known to be able to fool close friends and family for years, while killing people from nearby communities and avoiding neighbors in order to avoid unwanted attention. Families rarely believed an Exorcist's explanation for the impostor's demise. Many mothers, fathers, siblings, daughters, sons, friends and other countless people had cursed the very sight of him, likely loathing the red haired young man until the day they died.

This time, he managed more steps before the new interruption. He could see it – down the hill, there was an enormous city, much different to the ruined one of before. Perhaps this one would –

_Above the strongest Akuma, a soul was bound – but not like the others. It was completely disfigured and twisted in a bizarre position, thrashing in pain that reverberated in his eye and in his soul. Another person damned to unearned, eternal pain, unless he did something to end it._

He wanted to end this vision, but the fact that it was being played by his mind didn't allow him to avert his eyes. Losing strength, he fell to his knees. The vision was very much alike what he saw earlier that day, only worse. It was only through great resolve that he managed to force himself to continue after it melted away, despite the fragility of his mind.

The city he found many meters below after a downhill should be a relief. From his advantageous point of view, he could see some of the insides – many buildings in good state littered the place. It was clearly well cared for and lived in. The enormous walls that surrounded it, however, looked forbidding and dangerous.

 _It must be because of the monsters,_  he thought.  _The Akuma._  If they were roaming free, it was only natural any community that wished to live would employ means to keep them out. While the whole scenario bothered him, the fact was that this was his first vision of an almost normal human community in a long time. He just wanted to enter there and rest. With his stressful experiences heaving his mind, plus the tiredness and pain from the long walk in the harsh environment, Allen needed sleep and nourishment before he was well enough to trace his next course of action.

Descending the hill in weary feet, he finally reached the large wall. It was made of stone and seemed quite sturdy. He started circling it. The whole wall was filled with signs that seemed none too friendly, but he couldn't read. That made him frown. He knew he had been literate in the past. But as he thought about the few recollections of reading, he knew the writing was of another language. He gulped, realizing that yes, this place wasn't, by any means, the one he had lived in for years before... dying? Being caught by the Black Order and turned into a child?

He finally reached a point where the wall stopped, to give way to an enormous gate made of iron. It was so tall his neck hurt to look at its top. There, many meters over him, were two people he could barely see. They were in uniforms, hopefully not related to the Black Order, and held weapons. This made him tense but, hopefully, he looked unthreatening enough that they would put them down and let him in.

"Hey, Daichi, look," said one of the guards before Allen could try to get their attention. "A child!"

The other turned at him, but Allen couldn't see the expression on his face because of the distance. "It... does look like one," he thought the man said.

 _Look_  like? How so?

"Look at his state, Daichi," said the other with a pained voice. "Oh, my. I wonder what the poor boy's been through out there... we've got to do something!"

"Are you insane?" questioned the other, sounding incredulous. "Of course we can't do anything. You know the rules. And he is most likely a-"

"Shut up! He's covered in blood and looks like he will fall over any time! I always knew the conditions outside were harsh, but... to a little boy... oh my God, I can't stand it. Wait a moment, I will find a way to help him."

"You can't possibly be thinking of allowing him to enter!" exclaimed Daichi, sounding scandalized and ready to shoot his own friend down if need be.

"O-of course not. They would have our heads. But new clothes and food... it wouldn't be a problem, right?"

"I... don't know," said he. "Well, perhaps. It's not like it would help him if he is an Akuma. But make sure to lower the stuff without getting in his range, you could-"

Allen listened to the talk with some difficulty, and also apprehension. This was far from the welcome he expected. As he pondered on what to do – food and clothes would be great, but he really didn't want to be let out for who knows how long – an unlucky breeze hit him. It messed with his tattered clothes and also his hair, displaying, for a moment, the scar he'd had for as long as he could remember – even before waking up in a new world.

"Have you seen that?!" the older guard screeched, and the other nodded, before quickly shooting. It was a miracle that Allen's reflexes allowed him get out of the bullets' way. They sank in the ground he was once in, and he stared in wild surprise at the people who had, seconds ago, been thinking about aiding him. Allen had jumped a good distance away.

"Those movements... inhuman! I knew it! He is one of these monsters. He was one all along! And we almost... we almost..."

"Stay there. I'm calling the central."

Still quite confused but smart enough to know staying around here would do him no good, the Exorcist quickly ran away, towards a forest he had seen beyond the city.

Once there, he found himself alone once more. The sun was now retreating and giving way to the night. Allen stared at the darkening sky in relief. Being amidst trees also made him feel better than on an endless desert. His body had taken quite a tool from the harsh day, however, and even walking was tiring. He leaned heavily against a tree, breathing deeply. This was a different kind of pain than the one he was used to. He was used to heavy damage to his body, that would heal in a few hours. This time, nothing had hurt him badly since the lab, and he had healed back then. Still, tiredness filled him completely, and he wondered why that was so. Surely a synchronization session was harder than a day in the sun.

His stomach grumbled loudly.  _Ah, there is that. I've never been hungry before. Is that it?_

Feeling uncomfortable by being in the floor, he climbed a tall tree, resting in one of its sturdier branches. Nausea hit him and he had to brace himself in order not to fall. While he usually would be sure falling from fifteen meters would do nothing to him, this day had been absurd enough for him to fear even that. The memories could also come back any time, temporarily cutting his link to the real world. They had stopped ever since he saw the city, and he wondered what else could trigger them.

The sound of dry leaves being crushed under boots made him tense. There was someone coming. Still, he couldn't think of a better place to hide in than the one he currently was in.

Below him there was a travelling couple. They had a horse and three large bags, the heavier one being carried by the animal. Allen shivered after remembering what happened the last time he saw civilians, but since his eye didn't show him any nightmarish visions, he supposed they could be safe. Still, he would watch before making any sort of movement.

"I think this is a good place for us to stay, Hinami. It is getting dark," said the man, stopping the horse. "And we are too close to Nagoya. It's better if they don't see us."

"You're right... let us rest here. Tomorrow morning, we continue our walk," answered 'Hinami', who sounded tired.

They started unpacking some things. From the large pack the horse carried they removed a tent, which they proceeded to set. Then they put a blanket over the grass, sitting cross legged over it and pulling some food out of baskets.

Allen couldn't take it anymore. His stomach rumbled loudly, startling him and the ones he observed.

"What was that?" asked the woman, sounding alarmed. Giving up on hiding, the boy dropped from his place in the branches and slowly walked from the woods and towards the couple, trying to seem as unthreatening as possible. He was tense for any possible threat that could arise. The imagery of his last fight had yet to leave his mind, and he suspected it never would.

"Hi," he said dumbly, surprised at his hoarse voice. He cleared his throat. "Um, hello."

The woman was incredibly tense, and stared frantically at the backpack a few meters from her, as if thinking about drawing some weapon. The man also jumped in fright, before frowning at the sight of Allen and taking a few steps towards the boy, eyes shining with some sentiment the white haired Exorcist couldn't comprehend.

"Hello, boy," said the man. "I'm Hideki. Are you lost?"

Allen nodded, because it was the truth. His stomach rumbled once more. It seemed like it wouldn't stay silent from now on.

"Come here. We have some food, and we will share it with you. Would you like that?"

"Hideki!" exclaimed the woman, eyeing Allen as if he would jump and kill them at any moment.

"We've been helped in the past, Hinami," said the man, who was now taking more food from the bag and placing it over the fabric in the floor. He gestured for Allen to come close, and the boy did so, picking a nearby cake. The first bite had him sighing with relief. The man saw that and gave him a sad smile. The woman, however, huffed and busied herself with more unpacking.

"Well, my name is Hideki," he said once more, "and that was Hinami. What about you?"

Allen frowned. He didn't want to give out his real name. "I'm Nea," he finally answered, knowing that if he hesitated for too long he would know it was a lie. Allen didn't know where the name came from. It wasn't any name he could remember but, strangely, it was the first that came on his mind. "I just came from there," he continued, pointing towards the imposing walls that could still be seen from their spot amidst the woods. "I tried to talk to the people in there, but they attacked me, and I had to flee."

The man had his eyebrows raised. He then sighed, patting a hand over Allen's head. The boy almost flinched, but held back.

"You must be new to living alone. I will tell you something very important, so please pay attention. Don't ever come near those walled cities. Alright, Nea?"

"Why not?" asked him, thirsty for some knowledge. He hoped the world would eventually start making sense.

"Because they will kill you, boy," the woman spat angrily, finishing some sort of fruit preserve before getting up and wiping the crumbs from her skirt. "But suit yourself."

Hideki rolled his eyes at his companion's antics. "Don't mind her, Nea. Life's just been... difficult for us. And she is right. They  _will_  hurt you if you get close."

"They seemed very scared and angry when they saw me," said Allen. "Are cities special places for certain people?" he asked, not liking the thought. Discrimination was the first thing that came to mind.

"You could say that, yes," answered the man. "It is very complicated. But suffice to say, this world is filled with... bad things. You know what I mean? Demo- no, forget it," he interrupted himself hastily, as if he'd forgotten he was talking to a child. "The fact is that not all of us who roam the open lands are normal people. The guards were afraid you were one of those... abnormal ones. So they won't let you – or myself, or even Hinami – enter."

It wasn't hard to connect things, by now. After his horrible experience in the abandoned buildings, Allen had quite a decent idea of what 'bad things' this man was talking about.

Yes, it all made sense. The monsters disguised themselves as humans. The guards, not knowing who was human and who wasn't, wouldn't let anyone enter. And Allen was an Exorcist, therefore, his duty was to destroy evil. It all clicked in his mind. Although the knowledge was dark and disturbing, it felt right, and made sense with what he knew.

Something was bothering him, though.

"Mr. Hideki," he said, "how do you enter a city, though? How do you ever find a safe place?"

The man turned haunted eyes towards him. Allen's heart clenched, already guessing the answer before the other said it.

"We don't. We don't, ever," he whispered. "We are exiled out here, with these monsters."

÷±‡±±‡±÷

_1813_

The young sailor breathed deeply, fighting the foreboding feeling that took over her whenever they reached the continent. Louisa heard that, once upon a time, people feared the sea, finding respite only when they finally left the waters and could step in land. The mere idea sounded ludicrous; being at the sea in a ship properly inspected by the Black Order or inside a reinforced city was the only way she could breathe easily. Stepping in the dangerous land between those two safe havens did no good to her blood pressure.

Still, this was the time to be professional, not to dwell on the journey ahead of her and the others – even if they  _would_  be escorted by the Black Order.

The passengers were leaving the ship in an organized line. Her duty was to check their documents for authenticity before they stepped outside, where they would immediately be inspected once again by the Order's officials. It felt like a moot point, considering they had all been checked when they entered the ship in Japan, but security measures were never enough in this world.

She was finally done, when the last person in line showed his documents and went outside. The sailor would now leave, but was stopped by the sight of a child wandering around. It looked as if he had just left the cabins.

 _How strange_ , she thought in alarm. She was sure she had checked every last one of the passengers who had initially boarded. How come this child had been left out? She must have made a mistake, Louisa thought in embarrassment. Thank goodness she had realized it before one of her strict superiors – or worse, the Black Order – called on her for that.

"Hey, dear," she said, speaking to the child in English, because he didn't seem Japanese at all. He was dressed in fine clothes that identified him as a member of the high class, and had a dark green satin bow around his neck. His most distinctive features, however, were his very light blond hair, so light it was white, and the bandages that covered the left side of his face.

"Um, hello," he said in English that sounded quite natural. He was a native, then.

"Where are your parents? Or caretakers?"

"I... I am looking for them," said the boy, sounding a little scared. Her heart ached for him. He seemed to be about ten years old only. She knew there was no passenger left on the ship, and as they were now in the line to be checked by the Black Order, she couldn't interrupt the proceedings. And how come these people had left their son or charge all by himself? Surely they hadn't forgotten? This place was dangerous, no conscious parents would ever release their child's hand when leaving the ship.

"I see. I think they are already in the line for the check up, dear. What is your name?"

"I'm Nea," said he, staring everywhere. "Can we go and find mom and dad?"

"I'm so sorry, Nea," she said, thinking she had heard that name  _somewhere_ , but unable to put her finger on when exactly. Then again, many people had similar names, so it was silly to give it much thought. "The Black Order is checking everyone. We can't exactly interrupt them right now."

"W-what do we do, then?" said the child, looking anxious.

"Don't worry. I will take you to one of the officials. Let's go, shall we? The ship is going to leave soon."

Holding his gloved hand, she guided him towards the outside. There was the line with each passenger in alphabetic order. Officials in the Black Order standard uniform checked the people's identities, escorted by soldiers. The hooded ones were magicians, she learned, while the ones in black uniforms with red trimmings were the Exorcists.

Exorcists were so impressive. Looming around, speaking to few, looking like mere officials with special clothes, until a situation arose and they took hold of their powerful weapons.

Trying to forget her curiosity, she stepped towards an official who seemed to be the least busy of them all. "Good afternoon," said she timidly. "I am sorry to interrupt, but this child lost his parents."

"Documents?"

The sailor stared at Nea hopefully, but the boy's frightened eyes already told it all.

"He is just a child. Nine, ten years old? He isn't with his documents."

"He should be," grunted the man, staring hard at Nea, who flinched. Annoyed, the sailor huffed, but didn't dare voice her displeasure. Still, this was absolutely unnecessary. Before she could ask what they were to do with Nea then, someone stepped in to intervene.

"Hey, Mark," said a middle aged man. Louisa's eyes widened at the red trimmings of his uniform and the cross displayed over his heart. An Exorcist! "There is no need to go so hard on the kid."

"But, master Exorcist," complained the other, "we are ordered to only allow those with documents to follow everyone to London."

"Why, thank you, I didn't know. It isn't like I was forced to read the Order's regulations a hundred times over. But seriously, you can't expect a child to have to deal with such responsibilities."

"The rules-"

"Are you going to throw the child into open land and let him wander to his sure death? Because that is what the rules say about people without identification."

At that, the burly man stared at Nea, and winced at the horrible thought. Louisa's shoulders drooped a little in relief. At least he had a heart.

"No... but what do we do, then?"

"Let him in the line. If anyone asks, say I vouched for him. What are your parent's names?"

"Marvin and Sophia Morrison," said the boy.

"Right. Take note of the names, Mark. In the city's entrance, we will look for them; they will provide us with the boy's documents and we will allow him to pass. Everything will be fine. Alright?"

The official nodded dumbly. "Hey, lady. Hand over the child."

"Yes, sir," said Louisa, ushering the boy towards the official, but not before giving him a friendly pat in the head. "Don't worry, Nea. It will be fine."

The boy, to her surprise, smiled calmly. "Yes, miss. Thank you very much."

She smiled back, happy everything would be alright.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

It took a day of travel until they reached the passenger's destinations. The gates were opened, with many Exorcists and Crow ready to fight any invasion attempts. The line of travelers passed through, relieved once they found themselves protected by the tall walls of the capital. As instructed, they searched for the parents of the boy named Nea.

Marvin and Sophia Morrison were nobles who had been one of the first families to leave the ship, and the first ones in line. They already had a young boy with them, about Nea's age. A notable fact was that they looked nothing like the white haired child.

"Excuse me, Lord Morrison, Lady Morrison," said a guard, just before the couple would take a carriage and leave. How strange. Weren't they missing their other child? "We have found Nea. He is in the city's gates, and just needs his documents in order to enter."

Silence answered that statement. Then, Lady Sophia Morrison frowned. "Nea? Who is it?"

"Your son, my lady," answered the guard, but now he knew something was wrong. "A boy named Nea was lost in the ship. He claimed you are his parents and forgot him there." The couple's disbelieving looks made him frown. "I take the information is wrong?"

"If you would look at the Black Order's registers," said Lord Morrison, seeming intrigued by the whole situation, "you will realize we have only one child. Marcus," said he, gesturing towards the boy with chestnut brown hair, very much like that of his mother's.

"I see..." the man gulped. "If you would follow me, please. We need to clarify something in the gates."

The couple was understandably reluctant to go back to the city's entrance. It never meant any good, if you were called back. Once there, they vehemently stated they had forgotten no child. A look through the registers and their documents proved that, true to their words, Nea Morrison didn't exist. Alarmed, the guard turned to the official who had reported the occurrence, only to find him searching frantically for the boy who had disappeared as soon as they walked past the walls.

The occurrence was registered as a B-level security breach and the Black Order ran an extensive search, but they never saw a sign of the mysterious white haired boy again.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

_1816_

Hasty breaths and things falling to the floor denounced the nervousness of the inhabitants of the room. They both tried to pack as fast as possible, throwing their things haphazardly in their large bags. Whatever wasn't essential was left behind, indispensable possessions being hurriedly put together.

"Listen, stop your games. We need to get Reed, now. We are going and we aren't coming back for him, y'hear?"

The other man huffed in annoyance, which was quite a feat in such an stressful situation. "Reed is gone, Davies. Listen, I care about the guy as much as you do. I'd never leave a friend behind. I'd search for him in this whole damned city if need be, but he's not here anymore, understand?"

The blond haired journeyman finished his packing and slung his bag over his shoulder, staring everywhere to make sure he forgot nothing, before turning serious eyes to his lifetime friend. "So you're being serious, huh? I guess I will believe you. Not like we have time to argue. You done?"

The smaller, brown haired man nodded his assent, and then they spared a last glance at the small place that served as their home for the past couple years. Considering their situation, they had been lucky to be able to stay in the same place for so long. They didn't dwell, though. Soon the doors and windows were closed shut and they were gone, running through the darkened streets of Marincek.

"What is it that he told you, again? Something related to that Walker?" asked Davies as they ran together, avoiding the streetlights and trying to hid from open sight at every chance they got.

"Yup. A group dedicated to the ideals of Allen Walker."

"Hah. Reed is insane," Davies said, shaking his head in disgust and sadness. "How many of those groups are there? All for nothing. I hope Reed is fine."

"Hey, there aren't so many. They've dwindled a lot ever since the guy died."

"So, he is in a powerless little association. What then? How does that make it all any better?"

"Dunno. But Reed is no fool; you know him. If he went, that's 'cause there was something good for him in it." The brown haired man sighed. "Too bad. It was awesome to have an Exorcist in our group."

"Yeah, it will be a waste if he – shit!  _GET DOWN!_ "

They fell to the floor just as cards with magical scripts flew towards the place they were in, burning everything with furious flames. Thanking their fortune for avoiding death just in time, they rose from their positions, decided to run to far away. The city borders were close. Leaving a walled city was considered suicide, but so was getting caught by the Black Order without having documents. Just as they readied themselves to go, they realized an enormous group of Black Order members – Crow, if Reed's description was accurate – circled them, blocking any route of escape.

"Damn it," choked Davies, unconsciously reaching for his friend and grabbing him, though it was useless. Fear paralyzed them both, but the ability to run would have been useless, anyway. "It's over."


	8. Allen vs. Allen Walker

1761

_Four years. That was how long it took for him to recover from that horrible and unexpected attack. Four years inundated in the pain of reconstruction of his self in body and spirit, a time accentuated by the agony of betrayal, that eventually became an insane hate, utterly uncontrollable. He would do anything to get revenge against the one he once loved more than anyone in this world... more even than his dear mother. He would commit atrocities he never once believed he would be able to. He would maim, destroy, annihilate –_

_But the flame of the murderous thoughts dimmed with time, the time he took to learn to live in this world again, and the time it was taking to find_ him _. Wherever his brother was, he had been hiding well. And though hatred remained as strong as always, insane rage slowly morphed into cold calculation._

_And that was why he spent so much time circling the Black Order's European fortifications, places even he didn't dare to casually enter. All because of that boy, who was related to the man he now hunted. It could be a fake clue, but it was his only one._

_An infiltration was unnecessary, however. For all the surveillance the Order forced upon its exorcists, the one he was looking at right now seemed quite alone in his moment of distress. Nea looked at the numerous Akuma that circled the object of his interest. They had already killed everyone in the village the boy had just sworn to protect, and would end the young exorcist, too. The redhead was skilled, but their level was too high and the child was trying to compensate lack of experience with raw talent._

_Fortunately for the lad, however, Nea was quite capable of finishing the monsters that were, to an extent, under his control._

÷±‡±±‡±÷

_Present_

The newly formed exorcist group travelled through Europe, with Altinopolis as their next destination. The city's government had given up on any measures of protection, and this insane decision made it so Allen and the others had to interfere before everything fell apart.

They were still unable to leave the landmass. Even if they somehow left together and got to the Americas alive, returning would be a miracle by itself. Furthermore, they had to stay in this continent. It was where the root of the evil could be found, and also its solution. Allen could feel it in his very bones.

Consequently, their effort was limited to the mainland – but that wasn't to say it wasn't extensive. Actually, they had so much to do they could only work as hard as they could, even though they knew the problem was endless.

The Akuma. Always multiplying like cancer cells.

Allen had initiated his work in Japan, all by himself. Once he understood where he was and where he had lived in his past, his first objective had been returning to England. His plans had been drastically stalled by the difficulties imposed in travelling due to the current state of affairs in the world. It took him months to go from one side of Japan to the other, and even more until he finally managed to leave it by ship.

Whenever he thought of how depraved Europe was now, he remembered Japan, and what a country completely devastated by Akuma looked like.

Now he travelled the open world in search of Akuma, freeing the remaining open human communities of danger, even if only temporarily. Many had survived thanks to his work and that of his companions, that he had found and enlisted mostly due to his careful usage of the name Allen Walker. As several people said, a group of so many exorcists was an impressive thing to achieve.

But it was so, so far from enough.

Inside his heart, a fire of restlessness and indignation raged. It didn't matter that words of his rebirth were starting to spread through the world, and it didn't matter that some of the few who were privy to it thanked him so profusely. Because what he was doing right now was nothing if compared to what  _Allen Walker_  used to do. Allen Walker, Allen Walker... he was a seemingly unreachable standard of perfection. Both his memories and tales from admirers built that image of the tall red haired man that was pure power, determination, ruthlessness, care and efficiency at the same time.

Allen honestly found the only similarities between them to be in the form of the scar and the Innocence.

And for many, it was enough. He had the eye that could see evil. He had the famous Crown Clown. He had the knowledge... but only shards of it. And  _that_  was the main problem.

No matter how much he tried, he had yet to become his past self. Allen was under no delusion, and knew his current persona was unable to win the war. No matter how many memories he managed to extract from his mind, they were never enough, and the reason was obvious. Even if he immersed himself completely on his past life, it would take twenty years of recollections for him to recover the twenty years he had lost.

But he didn't have twenty years. More than that, everyone eventually wanted more confirmation that he was Allen Walker. He could feel the unending expectations coming from every side... and he could feed them such confirmation only by being  _him_ , something he did through careful analysis of what he could gather of his past self and forceful repression of his current identity. He had managed to collect much, and the information he had from his previous life was what had kept him alive for enough time for him to grow back into an adult. But it wasn't sufficient.

There were so many complications in his life it was a wonder he wouldn't just let go of everything. It would be so much easier to throw his problems on someone else's shoulders. But who? Everyone else expected  _him_ to end this war of more than a thousand years.

And then, there was Yuu.

Really, he thought, Yuu could very well be the origin of his dilemma. Allen had denied his new self so many things... but not the recollections of his friend. The pain had somehow ebbed, but only to a certain extent. It was still mostly raw and hurtful inside of him, somehow making itself known at least once every day. In every moment of privacy and silence Allen was gifted with, there were those conflicting elements: searching for memories, the drawing and redrawing of plans, the careful scribbling of a tentative timeline of his first life... and a certain young boy's face.

The face that was always resting over the left side of his chest. Allen's thorough inspection of any Black Order data he could find also reached information about the laboratory, though that hadn't been essential to his mission, but he did it anyway, because he was so weak. And then he found the single file with the Japanese's picture. There was also Alma's and his own, and he destroyed those. But that one, that special one, of Yuu so young it had to be of a time before Allen was born... he had kept it with him, not hidden amidst his things or in some safe place. No, it was on his body, and he knew someone could eventually find it, but  _he was so weak_ , and he wanted it nearby, to hell with consequences.

What in the world was he doing, carrying a clue to his past over his breast? Anyone who saw it could make the connection and discover Allen hadn't miraculously stayed alive and young for the past 49 years, but had instead been slaughtered by the Millennium Earl and had his brain frozen by the Order, and then awakened as the pathetic and feeble child who had no chances of saving the world.

And if people stopped believing in him, it would be all over.

Still, he stared at that picture every night. Even as a clueless kid back then, Allen had known he had  _something_  to fulfill, and wanted to take the other Apostle with him in that journey.

And that anchored his actual self to this world, because Allen Walker had no feelings for Yuu; he didn't even know the boy ever existed. For as long as Allen remembered and cared, it meant he was failing on wholly adopting his former self and reaching his full potential. He should destroy the picture as he did the others.

But he wouldn't.

He was so weak.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Who knew he would find his friend not in the afterlife, but in the ugly city called Altinopolis?

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Yuu was alive.

Allen had known from the very moment he set his eyes upon the taller man. No matter how many years had passed, he had kept that face in his mind, Yuu's young, approximately twelve years old face. And so, so many times, Allen indulged in fantasies, wondering what the man would look like as an adult. What his appearance would be if he was still alive, by his side, as it should have been. It had always been a pitiful pastime of his, a flaw in his carefully rebuilt personality. He was allowing 'Allen' to permeate the newly reborn 'Allen Walker'. But he didn't care, because while it brought him pain, but also kept him alive, somehow.

And then the man was in front of him, and his heart almost stopped. It was only because of years of self recrimination and exercises in control that Allen was able to push down every impulse to just grab him and see if he was real, dragging him somewhere they could talk and he could simply understand what in the world was happening, because Yuu should be  _dead_. It was one of the greatest, most horrible facts that existed in his world, and the one that most pained him every night.

But discipline won, even if temporarily. Noticing he hadn't been recognized, Allen merely asked his friend to aid him in the extermination of the Akuma – Yuu had Innocence! – and prayed Yuu would comply, because if the older man decided to ignore his request and leave, Allen would crack and just go after him, consequences be damned. Yuu was not being let out of his field of vision... even if Allen had to reveal a part of himself to his comrades that he really shouldn't.

And so they fought their enemies, Allen most furiously than ever, because every Akuma that was alive meant more time without enlightenment. Once they were done, the plan was to calmly reveal himself in a way that would make Yuu stay, and then pretend their meeting was of little consequence until they had somewhere private to talk openly in.

Or as openly as Allen would be able to, in his state.

But his mind was a war of Allen against Allen Walker – and here he was, thinking of himself as two again – and Allen wanted to understand, to feel, to be sure that the horrible events of 1811 were a lie. Meanwhile, Allen Walker tried to take over and wash his body in the cold concentration that usually reigned in but, this time, it was a lost battle.

"This is worrisome for me, Yuu. Have you been alone ever since you left Laboratory number six?" said him instead and, in order to escape any violence Yuu seemed to want to throw upon him, he revealed his face.

The other exorcist's eyes widened in recognition, proving that yes, this was the one Allen though he was, and no, he wasn't mistaking a stranger for Yuu in a pathetic delusion.

" _Allen?"_

And that voice was so broken, so desperate and so full of longing only as great as the one Allen himself felt, that it broke him apart.

"Hello, Yuu. I'm so glad you are alive."

And there were only the two of them in the world; in Allen's world, that is. And if Yuu's face is anything to go by, he also felt the same. Because everything else was of little consequence, and how could this be happening-

"Did you just speak in Japanese?"  _that_  voice, that sounded so absolutely wrong, broke the illusion of privacy, and Allen Walker was back in the world – the real world, where everyone stared at him, observing and judging his reactions, his movements, his everything. The world where he must play his part, and play it to perfection, no matter what the product of the sixth laboratory wanted. Lavi's question was a shock.

 _I have unconsciously reverted to my previous patterns_ , he growled internally at himself.  _At Allen's patterns. It has been so long ever since I was in Japan, ever since I spoke this language. It's always been fresh on my mind, but I did my best to hide it..._

His resolution became firm; there was little to do now, no way to deny his Japanese proficiency and thus, his apparent past in the country or, at the very least, with Japanese people. Even if he managed to fool the others with a story of studying the language out of mere interest in it, Lavi was here. The redhead was a powerful exorcist, an important ally, but also an enormous nuisance because of his perfect memory and his amazing observation skills. The white haired exorcist liked having the future Bookman around because not only was he useful in a team that needed every exorcist they could get, but he also kept Allen on his toes. If he could fool Lavi, then he could be sure he was also hiding his truth from everyone else.

Now, however, he wanted nothing more than to curse the redhead.

"Ah, old habits die hard," said Allen in his friendly manner. It was a truth, though half of one, but the best lies have a measure of truth, and he would have a reasonable excuse for his proficiency in the language by the end of the day. Right now, he needed to pass it off as something of little importance and have everyone else moving.

"Very well," said the young leader, clapping his hands. He was amiable, yet commanding at the same time... the way he always was. "Our job here is done. Shall we take our earned recompense?"

"Recompense?" mumbled Yuu, in clear confusion, because Allen was clearly not acting as the Japanese man had expected. And the younger Allen inside of him wanted him to stop this game and just open up because  _god damn it_ , this is what he had dreamed about his whole life. But the unkind personality, the one who isn't friends with the dark haired second exorcist was in control once more, so the cry was repressed in the very back of his mind.

As it had been, so many times.

"Yes. It is always like that, you will learn. An unofficial organization such as ours needs funding, and it certainly won't come from the government. Now, where are the city's coffers?"

Some questioned their honesty and morals, but Allen had little care about it. Every time they rid a place of Akuma, they would take something from it, because being too good and doing things for free wouldn't keep them alive. exorcists needed food, clothes and medicine like any human being. They also needed many other provisions for their long travels and the times they had to hid for an extended amount of time. So they would always take money and goods from the cities and communities they helped, usually from the place's treasury itself. They only refrained from doing such a thing when they dealt with a very poor community, but that wasn't the case of Altinopolis, so there it was.

Allen guided everyone else towards what he believed to be the place the city's treasury was kept at. Yuu fortunately followed, though Allen felt the other exorcist's extreme confusion and prayed the older man won't give in to the temptation of asking Allen about it in front of the others. Allen had already decided to deal with it later. But before they came close to their targeted building, people started leaving their houses with frightened but reverent eyes. Ah, was this what he imagined?

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Kanda was going through the confusing ordeal of being speechless, but also of having so many words to say.

He had imagined this meeting so many times.

Kanda had always told himself it would happen, and soon. The hope was what kept him moving. Allen. Allen. Because no matter how much he tried to put the goals of destroying Akuma and finding Allen in the same level of importance, he'd always known only one of those were truly imperative to him.

So many scenarios. He was so pathetic he had almost prepared a speech for the day he found him. It was all useless, of course, because words fled the man as soon as he recognized that face, and knew the moment had come. And he had expected many things: perhaps a secret meeting as they fled from the Order; or it could me amidst a battle, torn by destruction and madness. Maybe they would randomly meet in a market. But in each and every one of those scenarios, he imagined them as being incredibly emotional. Kanda wasn't terribly expressive, but he'd always known he wouldn't be able to maintain control when the time came. It would be one of the highest moments of his life.

And now Allen, who had done little more than identify himself and smile to him, had turned away to lead his group to some quest for a reward or such nonsense, and Kanda was absolutely thunderstruck, because...

How in the world could Allen be so nonchalant?

It was only this absolutely unexpected surprise that kept him silent, but he still followed the white haired boy, as there was no way in hell he was leaving Allen out of his sight, even for a moment. And then people started leaving their houses, some having been hurt, but most seeming quite fine. They exclaimed praises and heartfelt thanks to the exorcists, and started placing many offerings before them as a thanks. Allen, always leading the group, thanked them for their generosity and started picking up the more valuable goods, including food and clothes. They then started leaving the city, despite the citizens insisting they could rest there.

"It is no safer here than it is outside," Allen clarified as they left Altinopolis through its main gates. "I pity them. They will never be able to transfer to another city, and Akuma will appear once more."

"Will we come back to help, then?" asked the redhead.

"If it is convenient," said Allen calmly, and Lavi shrugged. Everyone seemed to be expecting this reaction.

The other exorcists tried to speak to Kanda, presenting themselves and asking about him. But the Japanese man was in such a state that he only stared at Allen's back, which he followed all of this time. He was sure his behavior was a source of concern for them, but he didn't care, because this was too much.

If Allen didn't clarify the matters soon, Kanda would just grab him by the arms, shake him and ask what the hell was happening.

Allen seemed only a little surprised at seeing him, and Kanda tried to rationalize in order to keep his actions in check. Actually, while still covered and disguised, Allen acted like a complete stranger. Then, Allen revealed himself, but didn't care to do much more than asking Kanda to follow him and, since then, it was as if Kanda was a nonexistent entity, or perhaps just another member of this strange group.

And then a possible but bitter truth made itself known to him.

Had Allen never looked for Kanda, at all?

That was the only explanation – pure disinterest. Because no matter how much Kanda found it hard to associate such uncaringness with his dear friend, the fact was that Allen was certainly acting the part. Allen had destroyed the laboratory, and then left. Tiedoll found Kanda some time later, the only human still alive in the whole wreckage. Had Allen actually left while knowing Kanda was still down there? Was he finding his new life more important than wasting his time trying to find a childhood friend that he had known only for a few months?

Yes, it made more and more sense, though Kanda with a bitter scowl. At the start of his journey, he had expected Allen to be living in the shadows, perhaps working in a simple job and leading an irrelevant lifestyle so as to escape the Order's notice. He could have been travelling in a caravan in the outside world, helping exiles to survive through the power of his weapon. Or he could have found a way to infiltrate a city and become a legalized citizen, though Kanda had quickly discarded that possibility because it was a practically impossible thing to do.

But as his investigations continued and Tiedoll's stories came to mind, he came to see a new side of his friend that he had never imagined. Because Allen – Allen Walker – had been an incredible person in his past life. He used to be a powerful Black Order exorcist, working with efficiency and great talent. He had grown in rank and eventually came to the top... or close to it. Then, some event or other made him a suspect, and he, who was close to becoming a Black Order General, lost his position and became a low tier exorcist, incredibly controlled and monitored, kept in a tight leash by the Order's superiors.

Allen then eventually proved that yes, he had been working against the organization, by creating his own – one that preached for peace and freedom. One that not only attacked the Earl and Akuma, but also that condemned the Order due to their discrimination towards unregistered people and their harsh treatment towards their own exorcists. Allen had been charismatic, and touched on points that were very important for civilians and oppressed Order members alike. But, more than that, Allen had been powerful. He was renowned as someone of not only incredible fighting prowess, but also revered as the only human who could distinct Akuma from humans without fail. Such a possibility was astounding – humanity's very first chance of getting rid of gates that cruelly separated those who weren't able to prove they weren't demons. Actually, the gates would still exist in order to protect the communities but, with Allen Walker's miraculous help, any person could be evaluated and allowed to pass. Once inside the fortified capitals, they would be registered and become true citizens, not having to worry about the hunger, poverty, disease and violence that permeated the ruined outside.

Suffice to say, Allen became a clear sort of savior. Black Order members who thirsted for some sort of freedom liked his speeches. Exiles who finally found a chance of entering a safe place loved him. And the movement grew in size and power, until Allen had a sizable army of sorts at his disposal.

But then they came – the accusations about a secret association with the Noah family, creators of Akuma and origin of all evil. Conflicts between Allen and his closest allies. And then the Earl's attack in a cold night, sudden and without any sort of warning, that doused the fire that Allen Walker had been in story. His ruined body was found by astounded and remorseful supporters, and the truth ran as quickly as fire. Their leader was forever gone, and desperation permeated everyone, crumbling the movement and only leaving empty people behind.

Now Allen,  _his_  Allen, the one he'd embraced once he'd been reborn, the one he held when in pain, who he talked and shared dreams with, the one he consoled and teased and played with and... and loved, that tiny boy with illusions he'd thought insane had awakened to be the same Exorcist of the past, rebuilding his old movement stone by stone and once again becoming a painful thorn on the Order's side, one that could very well become the source of its destruction.

Allen was a powerful, constantly growing force.

Meanwhile, Kanda was a lone Exorcist with absolutely no recollections of his past besides floating lotus flowers in a lake that reflected bright blue sky. He had tried to recollect his own history and hope to use it as an advantage, but it was all in vain. Allen had decades of life experience; Kanda, only enough years to make him a child in everything but body.

It wasn't so hard, now, to understand Allen's disregard.

It was tragic, nonetheless.

But he kept following.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

It didn't take long for them to leave Altinopolis. Everyone followed through their old routine. Get away from the city until a deserted point. Set an encampment, with the proper measures of hiding their traces and looking out for any enemies. Get ready to rest.

Allen entered his tent, organizing his things. He set a blanket over which he would sleep, and then picked new clothes. He clumsily stripped from his dirty ones, and dressed in the grey pants and white shirt, leaving his feet bare. He needed a shower, but not now. He was yearning for tea quite a bit. Setting the useful miniature oven in the floor and noticing the battery was still almost full, he put a kettle over it, filled it with water, activated the fire and waited for the water to start boiling, holding a tea sachet in his hand.

Then Yuu entered his tent unannounced, standing and staring down at Allen's sitting form.

Silence ensued for a few minutes, until the water started boiling. Allen ripped the sachet open and raised it, intending to allow the chamomile leaves to fall inside the kettle.

It would be easier if his hands weren't trembling convulsively. As it was, half of the contents spilled over the floor.

"Allen," Yuu finally said in that grave, adult, strange tone of his, that held no vestiges of the softness it had nine years ago.

"Yuu," whispered Allen in answer, before he got up to stare at the other exorcist's chest – never his eyes. "I take it you want some tea?"

"What?" asked the man's incredulous voice.

"I can't blame you. This one is of a good brand, you can smell it a kilometer away," said he in a ridiculous exaggeration. "They were ever so generous to give it to us. Then again, I guess after killing hundreds of Akuma, the least we deserve is an expensive box of tea, right?" laughed he, and it sounded unnatural and it was the absolutely  _worst fake laugh_  he had ever let out. For someone so used to feigning happiness in any situation, his performance had fallen very hard. "W-we also have Lemon Balm. It's amazing f-for the body. And the mind. You seem a little tense-"

"ENOUGH OF THE TEA NONSENSE!" Exclaimed Yuu, with such rage Allen's Innocence almost activated. And he could feel it, his control falling apart. But then again, he had been losing it ever since he entered this tent, fleeing from everyone's attentive eyes.

"Y-Yuu?"

"Just be direct with me. What are you playing for?!"

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Kanda had had enough. His distressing conclusion during their long march to the middle of this nowhere had dampened his spirits, but he still entered the tent, even if what awaited him was a white haired stranger who would say they had had a decent friendship, but it was time to let it go. Even if he was to be treated with insulting, hurtful nonchalance for the rest of his life.

But then, from the very moment he entered, he could see it as clearly as day. Allen's tension, so strong it almost suffocated Kanda himself. His stiff body. His trembling hands, his labored breath. The young man looked ready to snap.

And he dared to pretend as if nothing of importance was happening?

"Just be direct with me. What are you playing for?!"

Allen breathed in deeply, and Kanda hated it. The other exorcist was trying to put his act together, but he wanted the uncontrolled, emotional Allen back. He was the only one Kanda had a hope of getting through. He had so little time to interact with Allen until now, but he simply knew it – if Allen returned to what he would refer to as his cold state, they would get nowhere. It was like the boy was temporarily possessed by a different person.

"Playing, Yuu? We just met, and I was offering you tea. You refused it in a way so rude I believe it is unprecedented-"

And there Allen was, doing exactly what Kanda feared.

_Oh, no, you don't._

"I will tell you what you are playing at," Kanda growled with restraint, but tangible fury nonetheless. "You are playing a game where I am an insignificant, easily forgettable acquaintance of yours. Where we have never been each other's world."

"Y-Yuu..."

"A game where you became such a powerful, incredible leader," continued Kanda with disdain dripping from his tongue, forcing himself not to scream once more, "that you think you have the right to distance yourself from the person who has dedicated himself only to finding you for  _fucking years._ "

"You... have?" asked Allen in a weak tone.

Kanda hated it. Because he had just admitted that Allen had been the center of his life, while said boy had barely spared him a thought. But the white haired exorcist was breaking, so he forced himself to continue.

"You are playing a game," continued Kanda mercilessly, "where you were a child born in a lab, and you grew up only in a matter of months, thanks to your  _marvelous_  memories. And then all of a sudden you were an adult on a mission and had to leave no matter what," Kanda said, pacing around Allen, who stared everywhere but at him, seeming extremely pained at reliving his past. "So once you understood what could happen to you, after seeing me rotting on my deathbed, you decided it was time to leave-"

Allen's voice then lost its uncertainty, expressing instead cold desperation. "No... no, Yuu," he whispered with a broken expression, finally gazing at the Japanese's eyes. "No way.  _It wasn't like that_ -"

That pure and unadulterated anxiety in Allen's tone almost made Kanda stop. Almost. Because Kanda didn't truly believe in his words. He had seen the sincerity and desperation in Allen as he promised him they would be free. Those weren't words one would say to a dying boy they didn't care about.

But he was getting to Allen, so he would insist on his horrible tirade, even if he didn't believe half of it. "And so you awakened your Innocence... killed everyone... and destroyed everything, easily leaving me inside of that grav-"

"THAT IS NOT TRUE!" screamed Allen, silencing Kanda's hateful discourse permanently with a screech filled of entwined pain and rage. " _That was the worst day of my life!_ "

÷±‡±±‡±÷

That did it. After screaming, he broke, and Allen Walker was  _finally_  gone, gone as he hadn't been for years. There was only Allen.

The same Allen who had cried convulsively over the horrible wreckage that covered his best friend's body. Fresh tears and renewed shaking took over him, as finally gave up any sort of attempt at controlling himself, because damn it all. How could he?

"Y-Yuu," he called in a strangled voice that was as weak as he felt, and his friend's image blurred because of his tears. He angrily wiped them away, but they kept coming, so he let it be. Filled with fear, he stared at his friend but, to his immense surprise, there was no hate there. After all of Yuu's insane words – he really had misunderstood everything – he had expected the dark haired man to be so filled with loathing he would attack Allen in any instant. Instead, Yuu looked at him in a way that was so open, so filled with expectation it was only age that made him different from the person he had known so many years ago.

Yes, Allen Walker was gone, even if only temporarily. And now that he was once again in control...

Allen ran towards the taller man, ripping his shirt open with both hands, the normal and the one full of Innocence. Yuu seemed confused until the moment Allen stared firmly at the seal that was drawn over his heart, a deep gray, almost black, that indicated his good health. Allen raised a hand over it, curling his fingers over Yuu's chest, before sobbing, "it is really you."

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Kanda held the smaller boy in a tight embrace, feeling that things were finally right, that his recently born worries disappearing from his mind. Allen's past and many experiences from the laboratory until now didn't matter. He was the same, the very same. He could feel this fact, so undeniable in its truth, seeping from the sobbing, broken mass he held against himself.

" _A-Allen?"_

The feminine, unwelcomed voice broke their moment. Kanda honestly didn't care whether they had witnesses or not, but Allen was clearly of a different opinion. To his disbelief, the white haired teenager quickly let go of him, taking a few steps away, as much as allowed by the tent. Turning his back to the girl and him both, he picked a cloth and wiped his face on it. Allen took many calming breaths, until his shoulders stopped shaking, until his breath was controlled and he had a semblance of normalcy, and then he turned around to face her.

It was so incredible Kanda couldn't believe. If not for the blotchiness of his face, Kanda would have never believed the young man had just gone through such a mental breakdown. His expression was stony and in absolute control. Nothing relevant was happening, it said. He was tranquil and distant from the other two exorcists in the room.

It was very unpleasant to look at.

And then Allen spoke, "Lenalee."

"Yes?" asked her uncertainly.

"You saw nothing," said he in a voice almost mechanical, but there was a hint of steeliness in there – a warning. Kanda stared at their interaction in surprise.

After a few seconds under the hard stare, the Chinese girl nodded. "Y-yes. Of course. Please forgive me. I just wanted to see if everything was alright."

"It is," Allen deadpanned.

"Okay. Excuse me," said she, before hastily retreating. Kanda stared at Allen in surprise, but his expression was the same. Allen then turned towards the kettle. The tea still boiling, but they had spent so much time in their confront the water was almost gone. Allen proceeded to fill the kettle once again, and stare at it, readying a new dose of tea.

"You won't be acting like this around me again, Allen," Kanda warned. He wouldn't be fooled anymore. He didn't know what sort of game Allen had been playing, but he wanted no part in it.

"Forgive me, Yuu," said Allen, and it felt honest enough, though he clearly had his emotions in a tighter hold. It was strange, specially since Kanda still had to manage to do the same.

"For what?"

"This whole ordeal. I know I have been acting strange. There is an explanation."

"You don't want them to know about me?" Kanda rationalized.

"I don't want them to know anything about my past. As a Second Exorcist, that is," whispered the whitehead in Japanese, "it would ruin everything."

"Everything what? Your plans of world domination?" asked Kanda sourly, sitting with crossed legs, as Allen readied that damned tea for them. They were exhausted, and it wasn't because of the battle in Altinopolis.

Allen seemed to ponder over something, before his shoulders fell, if in relief or in resignation, Kanda didn't know. He waited patiently, because at least Allen wasn't wearing that damned mask.

"I have so much to talk to you about," said Allen finally and, as their eyes met once again, Kanda knew he was in for a long story.

But now that he was here, he had all the time in the world.


	9. Juízes Vestidos de Família

1761

_"What is your name?" asked Nea but, as the seconds came and went, he realized the boy must have been in shock. "Hey," said he, now pulling on a strand of the dark red hair._

_"Huh?" the boy blinked, awakening from his trance. "Sorry. I'm Allen W-Walker."_

_"Is that so?"_ Walker? _How could that be? Had the infamous Millennium Earl actually_ adopted _this child?_

_At every minute that passed, the boy's potential usefulness grew before his eyes._

_"Is that so? My name is Nea."_

_"T-thank you for saving me, Mister... Nea." It seemed he had manners, and was recovering from his fear. Not surprising. One would get used to it, working for the Order, he supposed._

_"Don't mention it."_

_"I'm sorry, but..."_

_"What is it?"_

_"You don't have the Order's uniform. Are you really an exorcist?"_

_Nea laughed internally at the ridiculous notion. But yes, why not? "You can say so. I did destroy the Akuma, didn't I?"_

_Allen's eyes were filled with admiration. "You are so strong," said he, before staring mournfully at the fresh corpses around them. "How come... you don't work for the Order?"_

_"Thank you. And it is normal. I'm a free exorcist."_

_The boy's face was now filled with surprise... and hope._

_"I-is that possible?" he whispered, as if afraid an invisible spy could be listening right now. Nea's internal smile only widened._

_This would be_ so easy.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

_Present_

While she descended the makeshift path towards the lower ground where the others set their tents, her heart still pounded loudly, reverberating against her ribcage. Trepidation filled her senses, and she tried to gather her bearings by thinking about trivial things such the weather or whether she had set her own shelter in firm ground, but it was useless. She couldn't forget the short but emotionally charged minutes she'd just spent in Allen's presence.

 _It is my own fault, for forgetting about how it is._ And she did forget often, though not as frequently as years ago... when she had spent only a few weeks in Allen's company and did the mistake of thinking of him as nothing more, and nothing less, than a close friend.

And he _was_ a friend. No matter what. He was the dear friend whom her brother trusted; the one who took her away from the dreaded Black Order that had made her contemplate suicide so many times. Allen was her hope, and that of many people. Together with Komui, Allen was one of Lenalee's two most important people.

But she should remember her place.

He enforced that upon her, time and again. Because in the midst of their strong camaraderie and their fights for their lives and those of others, she would now and then get too close, and then he would swiftly push the Chinese woman away. Allen's invisible boundaries shouldn't be crossed, or his usual amiability would quickly sour into cold reprimands, until he was, once again, alone inside of his self built walls.

Today, however... today had to be the worst time it happened. It was all so bizarre. Lenalee had been on watch, and heard screams coming from Allen's tent, where he was alone with that mysterious man who entered with such purposeful strides she had almost intercepted him. Almost. But instincts had told her to stay put. If Allen did need help, he would signal them, she knew it.

But as the tension inside escalated and they seemed to get into an argument, she lost it. Just a quick look, to see if everything was alright. Allen liked his privacy this time of the night, but he was now with a stranger. Surely he wouldn't be meditating, or doing whatever he did every day that required solitude and peace. Her intrusion would do no difference, right?

How wrong she had been.

She had never, in all these years, seen Allen Walker in such a fragile state, and she would bet one leg no one else in their group had, either.

There he was, sobbing in distress and sadness and God knew what other emotions, while enveloped in the Japanese's man embrace. The scene was so bizarre that, had anyone else been witness to it and tried to tell her, she would chastise them for making a bad joke. It was so irrational, so unexpected, so... bizarre. So incompatible with Allen, who was pure kindness to people, and pure coldness in the field, with the occasional bout of fury. But _never_ weakness. And who in the world was this person? Who was this man who, having met Allen only hours ago, opened such a wound in the usually impenetrable man?

 _I have only met him as a teen, though,_ thought Lenalee, _and he has lived for such an absurdly long time. I don't really know Allen, do I?_

Immersed in her thoughts about the enigmatic exorcist, Lenalee only noticed the approaching redhead when he was one meter from colliding with her.

"L-Lavi?"

"Hey, Lena. What's up?" asked the redhead in his usual friendly manner, though he raised an eyebrow at her exclamation.

She tried to submit her voice into a more normal tone. "Lavi, are you looking for Allen?"

"Yup. Just going to see him, right now."

She frowned. "You know you shouldn't. Not at this time."

Lavi let a good natured chuckle. "But haven't you just done the same? Or am I wrong?"

 _Always perceptive._ "That's why I think you really shouldn't go there right now. He is talking to his friend, and it is private."

"Friend?" Lavi tilted his head. "So they already knew each other, huh?"

Lenalee shook her head in frustration. Trust Lavi to meddle. She really shouldn't be giving him clues like this.

She liked the redhead – truly and undoubtedly. Together with her, he had been one of the first exorcists to join Allen. They actually did it at the same time. She could still remember that day, when her brother, who managed to secure a post in the Black Order for her sake, thwarted her mission and instructed her to descend the stairs down that building in Central Park, where she would find the person he had trusted her to. And though it pained her horribly to separate herself from Komui, she had never regretted it. There had been no other way.

Lavi had been there, too. And ever since, he had been a spot of light in the middle of darkness. He was that good natured, fun person that would somehow keep everyone in good spirits. A source of happiness, and also a very strong exorcist. Allen was one of these sources of light; each of them was, in their own way.

But he did have this bad habit of being _too_ interested in Allen. Allen's past, Allen's intentions, Allen's plans. She didn't like it. Allen had always been a very private person, no matter how cordial. Lenalee thought it unfair of Lavi to pester him so. She could sometimes see weariness in Allen's eyes because of it.

Now decided, she grabbed his arm and started dragging him back to the encampment.

"Huh? Lena?" asked the young man in surprise, unused to this rough handling.

"It's time to make dinner, Lavi."

"Ah, but Al-"

" _Dinner!"_ she ground out, and his shoulders sagged, with the redhead letting her lead the pace back towards the others.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Tea was served but quickly became cold, as the two exorcists in the tent were too occupied with their talk to take more than a sip.

"So it was like that, huh," said Kanda, whose eyes never left Allen's.

"It was not my intention to leave you behind. For all I knew, you were dead for sure. In your state..." Allen quickly raised eyes that had been resting on the floor. They now were set upon the dark tattoo over Kanda's chest. "And how come you are alive? I'm... immensely grateful for that," he asserted, and for a moment, Kanda feared the white haired boy would succumb to his emotions once more, "but how can you be here, like this, in front of me? Weren't your seal gone? And your body... you were on the brink of death! How come..."

Allen's anxious doubts drifted between them, as he stared at Kanda expectantly. The taller man sighed, before frowning.

"It's a crazy story. Now that you say that, though, I also wonder..." said Kanda, reaching for Allen and lifting his shirt. He didn't expect anything out of the ordinary. Just Allen's own tattoo, darker than his, since the shorter exorcist's seal had been at its prime when they left.

Instead, to his shock, he found the drawing a blurry, light grey.

"You..."

Allen grimaced, knowing what was coming.

"What the hell happened? You bastard!" raged Kanda, now forcing the shirt out of Allen in order to take a better look. The now shirtless boy tumbled, almost falling, as the cloth was harshly pulled from his torso. "Your seal... your seal..."

Allen smiled sadly. "It's been a tough journey out there, Yuu."

Kanda's breaths were ragged. He couldn't believe it. This seal was so weak... how much healing power did it have? It actually looked like his own did, when Allen was born. It looked...

Spent. Dying out.

His heart clenched.

"How. Did. You. Do. _This_?!" Kanda demanded to know, shaking the boy by his shoulders. Allen winced, but the Japanese's angry glare didn't recede. "How did you manage to to ruin the only useful thing those damned scientists gave us? The thing that kept us _alive?_ "

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Allen felt pressured under Yuu's glare. It was strange, to be intimidated by the one who he had grown to see as a little brother. Though as Yuu's tall, dark figure loomed over him, he looked anything but _little_.

Allen cursed his carelessness. He shouldn't have broached the topic of the seals. The truth had been something he had wanted to keep to himself for a while.

_Better to tell him everything. I've promised not to lie again._

He heaved a sigh, before forcing the words out. "I'm... not as strong as you believe me to be," murmured Allen with difficulty. It was a shameful truth he hid every day.

"So what? I can't believe you. I had to have my body destroyed and rebuilt _every day_ for _years_ before my seal came to look like that. Did you spend your whole time out getting smashed by Akuma?"

Allen looked up with a bitter smile.

Silence.

"You... can't mean that," said Yuu, still looking angry, but deflated somehow.

"On my first day outside... I had just awakened my Innocence, that had remained untouched and immaterial for _years_. Defeating the Crow and leaving was a miracle. I... killed some Akuma, initially. It seemed easy enough, and I thought I was strong and could make my own way through Japan." Allen laughed quietly, unpleased at his own childish ignorance. "I was so wrong."

"They had been low leveled, Yuu, recently created and thus quite weak. But Japan is filled with Akuma that had the time to grow for years. I eventually found one of those, and it wasn't pretty."

He could remember it like yesterday, because it had been his very first battle with a opponent so strong – that is, if it could actually be called a battle. His seal had been the only thing that saved him; without it, even with his Innocence, he could still be considered a civilian, so weak it was.

"It was only one Akuma, but it was so fast, so strong... so intelligent. Filled with a homicidal intent, and I couldn't lay a scratch on it. It would destroy me again and again, and I could do nothing."

Yuu's mouth was pressed into a thin line. "Then... who helped you?"

"Huh?" Allen tilted his head. He hadn't implied such a thing. "No one."

Dark eyes widened. "Then, how did you escape?"

"Escape? Hah." Allen covered his face with his gloved hand and shook his head, "I didn't. The Akuma eventually grew tired. It wanted to feed from my death, but no matter how many times it dismembered me and ripped me apart, I would recover after a few seconds. Brand new seal, and all that. It eventually decided I was a strange anomaly and left. How ridiculous is that?"

Allen smiled now, with more sincerity. Yes, it had been horrible. Being ruined by every strong monster he found was hardly a better predicament than hurting in the synchronization chamber, and he had been alone. But he had eventually grown strong enough to fight his way somehow and, once he reached Europe, he got even better. Experience allowed him to become a warrior above many others. His Innocence had always been an exception, but it had taken years to readapt.

Unfortunately, his body had needed to 'die' many times before he achieved such a state.

Yuu seemed crestfallen.

"Hey. Don't be like that," said Allen softly, putting a hand over the Japanese man's shoulder, but it had no effect. The boy frowned in worry. "Yuu. Hey," said he once more, now lightly slapping the man's cheek with his right palm. That seemed to do it; Yuu blinked before his eyes focused on Allen once more. "It's over now, you hear? I've grown strong. I promise you won't have to watch me being smacked around by Akuma, alright?"

That didn't seem to lighten the taller man's spirits. "I have had it easy," concluded Yuu, humiliated by the fact.

"None of us ever have it easy, Yuu," reprimanded Allen, bothered by the current mood. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He hadn't told that story so the other exorcist would pity him.

"Che. _Baka moyashi_. You seem quite optimistic for someone who is reaching his _expire date_ ," said Yuu somewhat scornfully, still staring at the spent seal.

"I'm not going to di-" Allen blinked. " _Baka moy_... how dare you?" he exclaimed indignantly, quickly understanding the mockery towards his white hair and shorter height. "I'll have you know I'm quite capable of defending myself!"

"Yes, you've just shown me," growled Yuu, gesturing to the seal with a flourish, before snorting. "Now I know why these vagrants are needed around. They must have a hard job protecting you."

Allen fumed, flabbergasted. "Now you did it! Let's go outside! I'll make you apologize on a bent knee!"

"I'd rather not end your last life, you ridiculous beansprout."

"Listen here-"

÷±‡±±‡±÷

" _DIIIIINNEEER!"_ a male voice screamed so loudly they heard it all the way up there. Kanda would bet it was that obnoxious redhead. Still, the shout made them snap out of their fake argument.

Because that's what it was. Kanda had been having such a difficult time in realizing not only Allen's seal had much less to give than his own, but also the horrible life the boy had been going through, even when he was smaller and looking like a kid young enough a woman would carry him on her hip. His snarky comments were a way to change subjects. He had much to reflect upon.

It had been foolish of him to imagine Allen would be almighty just because of his past.

Said boy's stomach let out a loud rumble. If they needed anything else to break the tension, that was it. Kanda raised an eyebrow, and Allen blushed.

"I'm a healthy young man, you know," said he defensively.

"Man? Are you sure? I was hoping you'd grow some more."

"My height is perfectly average!" protested the boy with a red face, before his shoulders sagged and he chuckled.

"What is it?"

"This is... sort of fun," said Allen, looking genuinely happy. His pale skin was flushed, as the happiness, temporarily free of any other emotion, dissolved away the tightness in the boy's face and made him look much younger.

Another loud growl.

"Let's go before you eat me instead," grumbled Kanda, uncomfortable, before Allen put his shirt back and they left the tent.

They both ran down the rocky descent, easily jumping and making their way over the tricky stone constructs, instead of choosing the path in the soil. Allen was leading, and Kanda carefully watched his every movement. To his relief, nothing showed weakness. Allen had the same dexterity and ease with acrobatics as any Apostle should.

Kanda had the impression that he would have to watch Allen very closely from now on.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Kanda watched warily as Allen inhaled the enormous amount of food put before him like a sacrifice to some tribal god.

"Do stop to breathe, will you? How long has it been ever since you last ate?"

"Twelve hours," said Allen in between bites, with a despondent tone. Kanda was incredulous. That was hardly so long!

"He's always like this, Mr. Kanda," said a brown haired man with a large sword. He had a much smaller, normal sized portion. Actually, everyone had, even the strange one with Innocence teeth. Kanda would have expected him, of all people, to devour food like Allen did. Instead, however, the older looking man ate with surprising finesse.

"Pig," grumbled Kanda towards the white haired boy, before reaching for his own portion before nothing was left. He had, in his hurry, left his bag in Altinopolis. He only hoped it was still there.

People around them all stared with startled eyes, first at him and then at Allen, as if expecting a dangerous reaction. Kanda frowned. Was Allen a severe leader? Somehow, the idea just didn't seem right.

It seemed the boy had finally finished his food. He sighed in contentment, while Kanda wondered when the boy would explode from the inside out. _Perhaps the seal has been spent trying to constantly repair his stomach_ , he groused sourly, before Allen clapped his hands.

"It's introduction time. Everyone, this is Yuu Kanda," said he, though a glance told the taller man he would eventually have to explain how his last name came to be. "He is a friend of mine, from before I first met any of you. You may trust him as much as you trust me," he continued, and the other exorcists seemed to now evaluate Kanda with new eyes. "Now, it's your turn. Name, Innocence and your favorite hobby!"

Kanda was surprised at Allen's bubbly personality. He had expected the boy to tone it down in front of the others.

"Me first!" said the redhead, who Kanda just _knew_ he would eventually learn to hate. "Name's Lavi. My Innocence is that huge hammer you saw. It can call the elements of nature forth, but I'm fine with just bashing Akuma with it in the good old way. I like charming ladies. I dislike-"

"Thank you, Lavi," said Allen with a smile that said shut up so perfectly Kanda had do admire it. "Next."

"Aleister Crowley. My Innocence is my teeth, with which I drain Akuma's blood. I used to enjoy gardening."

"Kazaana Reed. My Innocence is this crossbow, so if you are a close range fighter, I can help reaching what you cannot. As of now, I don't have a hobby."

"I'm Lenalee, and these Dark Boots are my Innocence. They allow me the same mobility you and Allen seem to have. As for hobbies... I just like helping around," she said, grinning in embarrassment.

"It's a little difficult to have hobbies when on the run... um... I'm Miranda Lotto. My Innocence is called time record and can temporarily freeze time or make it go back, up to a certain range. A-and my hobbies haven't ended really well so I've decided to give it a break."

Kanda was surprised. That seemed to be quite an impressive Innocence. The ones he knew were usually weapons or an enhancement on the Accommodators body but, besides Tiedoll's Maker of Eden, he had yet to see anything capable to manipulate so different.

"I'm Chalker Laboun. My Innocence is this sword, and I like collecting pogs."

A couple of exorcists chuckled at that, but everyone seemed to already know that. Kanda honestly didn't give a damn, since he would have to know what a _pog_ was.

"Thank you, Laboun. I knew I could count on _someone_ to have a hobby," said Allen good naturedly.

"Then what is yours, beansprout?" asked Kanda, and Allen's eye twitched.

"It's a secret. What about yours?"

"Hunting your bothersome self down across the country, I guess."

"Then I think you have to start a new one, now. How about tea making?"

"What's it with you and the goddamned drink? Fuck you and your tea! Is it an obsession of yours or what?"

Everyone seemed entranced by their interaction. Frankly, Kanda found them creepy. What's with them watching him so closely? Was it so rare to have someone new in their midst?

Conversation eventually died down, as Kanda hadn't been forthcoming. People eventually said their goodbyes and entered their tents, with Reed maintaining watch.

Allen and Kanda sat side by side, watching as a very turbulent day finally came to an end.

"So, what do you think? Will you fit in?" asked Allen, nibbling on some fruit.

"Tch. They are annoying."

"Haha, Lavi is a bit... outspoken."

"That bastard is a piece of shit. What the hell is his problem? He spent a whole hour trying to talk to me!"

"Don't worry, it will get worse," laughed Allen, and Kanda only grumbled in response. Silence ensued for a minute or so, before Allen spoke again. "Thank you for finding me, Yuu."

"Che. I had nothing better to do."

Allen tilted his head. "Now that I think of it, what happened to you? You are so irritable!" said he, seeming quite amused by the notion. It only made Kanda more irritated, so he said nothing.

Allen closed his eyes, and Kanda wondered whether they would be retiring for the night soon.

"Allen?" he finally said. Allen opened his eyes, returning his stare. "I know it's been difficult, but... I'm glad you've got them."

Grey eyes seemed curious, as if not knowing what he was talking about.

"Your friends, idiot. It's good that they have been with you. You are the kind of person who needs a family... so I'm glad you have one."

He expected one of those soft smiles and a happy agreement. To his surprise, however, Allen was expressionless. The boy eventually got up, brushing crumbles from his trousers.

"A family, huh?" said Allen, before turning towards the cliff's direction. Oddly, his voice seemed tainted by disbelief.


	10. O Começo de um Desvio

Life with Tiedoll had brought the easiest years of his life. Yes, there was hiding, worrying and running. He could even remember being carried on the man's arms once or twice, before the General noticed Kanda was quite capable of escaping even faster on his own. Even then, in all fairness, nothing terribly bad had happened. Kanda was used to far worse, and thought of that time in his existence as quite peaceful.

Then he synchronized with Mugen, and everything changed. Tiedoll expected him to fight. The Akuma the General used to kill so fast Kanda would barely see now were his direct opponents. And so he battled, though the man had always been there, ready to help when the boy couldn't handle the fight on his own, or that ridiculous time when Mugen refused to activate.

He had thought of it as a wake up call. Now fighting by his mentor's side, the temporary peace was broken, but he also got to learn about the darkness he would have to face if he wished to meet Allen once again. So he learned not only about fighting, but also about tactics to invade a city, the best travelling routes, and even earned a few contacts. When student and teacher separated and went on their own ways, Kanda was certain, despite Tiedoll's many warnings, that he was ready to start the search by himself.

How wrong he had been.

Once he lost Tiedoll's protection and guidance, many doors were closed to him, and he learned that it was almost impossible to infiltrate a city by himself without his mentor's help in smuggling him in. The world outside was filled by extreme poverty, disease and hopelessness, and he was trapped in it. Gone were the fulfilling meals, the soft beds and even the comforting hoof over his head. His provisions drained quite fast, and money was useless in a world where people only valued what they could wear, drink or eat. Broken economics and constant hunting by Akuma turned humanity into a mass of hungry and ill people, that either turned to violence or became catatonic and wasted away. Of course, he had been warned about all of that, but once by himself he understood that, even years after activating Mugen, he had still grown shielded.

Hunger forced him to cut his daily intake of food drastically, and illnesses that initially looked like simple allergies or weak colds left him incapacitated for weeks. He had slept so many times in the open that the mere idea of having a room once more seemed alien to him.

He eventually gathered the courage to invade one of the fortified cities. Under a great risk, Kanda found himself amidst proper civilization once more, after many months of isolation, and it had brought him a strand of hope. With the money he had been uselessly carrying around ever since Tiedoll gave it to him he restocked food, carefully selecting what was easier to carry around and at the same time more fulfilling, and also bought medicine. Outside, the outcasts would give an arm and a leg for one of the small bottles or boxes of pills that were sold so cheaply inside the walls.

That first invasion had gone well, all things considered, but many times he had almost lost his life. His enhanced physique allowed him to run and fight ordinary guards with ease, leaving them behind without breaking a sweat. The Black Order officials were another matter altogether, though, and once forced to fight more competent soldiers, Kanda would eventually be forced to draw Mugen.

Using his Innocence was always a last resort action, because showing to the world he was an exorcist could be a quick ticket to hell. The threat of a fleeing stranger would quickly be upgraded to a top priority retrieval mission, and he would have a small army at his heels, bent on capturing the precious resource Kanda was and dragging him to the Order.

Basically, searching for Allen had been a mix of hunger, cold, the occasional strong illness and a terrible quality of life. Fighting Akuma became as important as hiding from people who would try to kill him in his sleep in order to steal his hard earned goods, and more than once he almost lost hope. Still, he hardened himself and survived, and finally managed to join Allen... and six extra people he had yet to decide whether to classify as allies or nuisances.

Life in a group such as this changed many things. Though the world remained the same, the way of dealing with it was different. For starters, he no longer had to hide from groups of Akuma that were so large and high leveled fighting them by himself would risk his life. With so many talented exorcists together, such threats would be erased with little trouble, and he understood what they meant by having everyone play on their strengths. When by himself, there was no such thing as choosing the opponent better suited to his combat style; he would have to destroy whatever was in front of him if he wanted to survive.

And though so many Accommodators together were bound to attract attention, the Order would never manage to overwhelm them with anything less than an army, one they didn't have at their disposal, unless they were to leave more than one city unprotected.

Of course, there were other consequences that came with joining in. Individualistic thoughts were clearly banned on the team: if you had something others needed, you were supposed to share. That meant that while his resources were no longer his own, he also had, at his disposal, whatever the others had gathered. There were still shortages and difficulty, but Allen had denied ever having to deal with life endangering hunger or thirst.

It wasn't to say things were easy, because they weren't. Their way of life still relied on frequent invasions to fortified cities, where their money was worth something and they could purchase industrialized goods. An infiltration was never done by the whole team as that would be impossible to hide; instead, one or two exorcists would enter at a time, responsible for gathering whatever the group needed by a limited span of time. If they failed to return in the time limit, they were to be left inside.

The harsh rule was easy for him to understand. If all of them gathered near a city, the risk of capture would be too great. Invading it as a group would mean falling directly in the Order's hands. Still, such a rule only showed Allen could be ruthless when needed, and that somehow eased his concerns. The boy managed his group well, and had yet to lose one of them. He would also always send the best suited people for whatever mission needed to be done.

That's why Kanda hadn't expected one of his first tasks to be like this.

"Miranda, Yuu," said Allen one day to the very unexpected pair, while the frightened woman sent scared looks his way, "please help me find this drunkard."

And so, it started.

He questioned not only their target, but also the person he had been tasked to work with. What was that beansprout aiming towards?

" _Y-you are better suited to this part of the mission, I think. My presence would only complicate things. We will meet when we start the infiltration in the cabinet."_

Was she telling the truth, wondered Kanda as he was sandwiched between two scantily clad females, or was the apparently shy woman having him on? If she was here, perhaps the prostitutes would leave him alone.

" _Have you seen this man,"_ he snarled in what sounded more like a threat than a question, but amidst their unwelcome groping of his person, they at least had the decency of looking at the picture he carried in his hand.

"General Cross!" sang the skinny blonde, eyeing the picture with obvious affection. "But of course. It was such a pleasure to have him by."

"Not as much as having you, though," chanted the redhead, running a hand with long red nails over his thigh, and Kanda repressed a strong shudder. Around them, women eyed him as vultures would a piece of meat. They were easily ignoring the other patrons, and the Japanese wondered what was happening. Did they think he had a lot of money, or what?

Actually, the bean had provided him with a surprising amount of currency before letting him go. _Finding this man is always a very strenuous and expensive task, but I do hope you enjoy yourself,_ said the boy with a wink, and now Kanda only wanted to leave this city and strangle him. Did the kid think he would really enjoy this sort of activity?

Noticing the women had quickly ran dry of information about the mysterious redhead, Kanda got up from the red plush seat, leaving money in the table for the drinks and their 'attention'. One thing he had been instructed to was not to be too tightfisted with payment, as he should be classified as a normal patron and avoid unwanted attention. Marching towards the exit in what he refused to acknowledge as running away, he left the dingy and colorful establishment and resumed his walk in the red tinged streets.

Though the initial instructions of exploring the shadiest places of the city had been initially taken with scorn, he had to admit they were accurate; this man had to have been in each bar, brothel and casino Kanda set foot into. After what most would classify as a night of fun but he considered very hard work, he returned to the small room they had rented, worried about the many stares following him. He usually didn't attract this sort of attention; it was dangerous.

As soon as the woman set eyes upon his lipstick stained, messy haired, stinking person, she cringed apologetically. "Sorry for that, Kanda. Ah... it's just, they wouldn't reveal as much to a girl."

Kanda just grumbled under his breath and removed his outer clothes. Miranda squealed, quickly turning away with mumbled apologies. _Weird_ , he thought, before going to the shower in order to remove any remains of today's horrible ordeal.

When he returned, a towel circling his waist and troublesome hair wet and tangled, the woman was still turned to the wall and hunched on herself, and he wondered what the hell was her problem. From the recesses of his clueless mind, a voice said he was probably acting indecently towards the female, but he disdained the thought. She _had_ been resting in this room while he dealt with all that shit.

"What do we do now?" he grumbled, wondering whether she wanted to sleep or go on with the final part of their assignment. Kanda wanted to do it by himself, but Allen had to have called her for some reason other than wishing him luck from afar.

She turned a head of wavy hair as dark as his own, shoulders sagging in relief once she saw he had already dressed. "W-we better do it all tonight, Kanda. It is not wise to stay inside this city for longer than we have to."

"Agreed. Are you coming?" she nodded vehemently at that, and they gathered their meager possessions and left the establishment.

Apparently, the Order had also been looking for the outlandish, womanizing exorcist. He was their General, but acted mostly like an escapee. At the very least this eased his worries about finding a powerful ally of the Order; he couldn't be too loyal to them if he fled like this. Because of that constant pursue, the Order had to have some sort of information about Cross Marian and, according to Allen, it was all bound to be in a small office in the northeastern part of the city.

The one probably filled with security and Crow, because life could never be easy, could it?

Still eyeing the woman by his side doubtfully, he continued approaching the office warily. He would usually have done this with greater ease, but there was someone weaker and slower than him by his side to consider.

To his surprise, she walked towards a small but strongly locked back door. "Do you have a key or what?" he asked as she eyed him in expectation.

"How could I? Please break it, Kanda," said she simply.

His eye twitched in annoyance. "Are you insane? They will know we have invaded, stupid!"

Miranda's mouth tightened, whether in annoyance or hurt he didn't know, but while he didn't want to antagonize her, it wasn't easy when she made such a ridiculous suggestion. "I can repair it. Please, Kanda," she said in politeness that didn't match his own discourtesy.

Seeing as she seemed sure of that, he easily ruined the iron padlock inside his clenched fist. She stared at it with wide eyes and as she glanced to the sword in his back, he understood she had expected him to tear things with his weapon.

Kanda opened the door and they passed through. He raised an eyebrow in expectancy, and she easily revealed her Innocence clad wrist. With a low leveled activation, Kanda watched as the padlock pieces in the floor floated back in place, quickly securing the heavy chains once more as if nothing had happened.

"Let's go," she said, and he followed her in the dark corridor, absorbing this new information.

Through careful avoidance of guards that fortunately weren't Crow, they found themselves in the coveted office, a rich room filled with comfort and clearly inhabited. Lighting a few candles, they explored it, until he found the coffer below the desk. At least this politician didn't bother to uselessly hide it below a painting or the carpet, he thought, before staring at the woman in askance. She nodded, and he proceeded to also force the coffer open. It was made of sturdier material and he actually had to use a lot of force, but it eventually gave under his enhanced strength. It was only fortunate this place wasn't equipped with seals and magical wards against which muscle had no effect.

The coffer was filled with papers, and they started sorting through them with practice. From city reports to unimportant files they didn't care about, they eventually gathered everything that had to do with Cross Marian.

"We've been here long enough. I don't know how we haven't been caught yet," said Kanda in alarm, standing up. "What are you doing?" he exclaimed in horror, as the insane woman proceeded to pour oil over the remaining files, and then the wooden furniture and rich carpet. "Hey!" he grabbed her hand in order to halt her actions. "Stop this, we need to go. Now."

"Just trust me for once. Allen always likes us to leave some destruction before leaving if we can," she explained, lighting a match and setting the table on fire. It quickly ran, fueled by the inflammable liquid, the flames starting to consume everything, and he pushed back a memory of Tiedoll shouting at Kanda's similar destruction of his kitchen years ago.

"They are going to see this," he snarled, but she activated her Innocence, and everything went back to normal, even the coffer, now perfectly repaired and locked.

"I can explain later. I thought you were in a hurry?" she asked in nervousness, before hurrying away. Kanda cast a confused glance at the now untouched room – even the candles were repaired and the oil magically returned back to its lamps – before hurrying after her.

They made it about a hundred meters away from the office, before they ran out of luck and the bright light of a lantern hit their fleeing forms.

"Who's there?" called a patrolling guard far away, and it was clear he wasn't alone. Kanda's mind ran with the possibilities. If they were simple people with common weapons, the two exorcists could easily incapacitate them. That was it – before they could raise any sort of alarm, he would –

He felt a strange, tingling sensation flow over his body. It surprised him and, for a moment, he thought he was under a Crow's spell, before he noticed Miranda's Innocence activated and discreetly pointed towards him.

"Act properly," she whispered in his ear, before the men finally got to them. The strong lights were disturbing and it was difficult not to react against the dangerous attention.

"What are you two doing here?" asked one of the uniformed men who had some sort of device in his hand. Kanda eyed it warily.

"Ah, mister, I'm so sorry. Brother lost control today. Ah, please, brother, try to come with me, alright? I know it should be difficult in your state-"

_What?_

It was then Kanda realized what had changed about him: his shower gone, he was back to the state he was in after the dreadful walk through bars and brothels. Though his clothes were still fresh, his hair was the same disgusting mess, he stank of alcohol and could also feel the revolting lipstick stains against his skin.

"A drunkard, huh?" snorted another patroller with disdain, and Miranda let out a distressed sob. Trying to play his part, Kanda fell to his knees, and Miranda hurried to help him.

"You should be ashamed, young man! Giving your poor sister such trouble! Lady, let us help you bring this guy back to your home. Or perhaps he could spend a day in jail. Would do good for his character, I think."

Kanda tensed. This would be no good. Before he could do anything, however, he heard screams coming from the building they had just left.

" _Fire! Get some water!"_

" _Security!"_

There it was. From this distance, he could see the flames destroying the room they had been at just minutes ago, likely under the fire Miranda had set and then stopped. No matter how strange the whole situation was, it was with relief that he saw the guards quickly forget them and run towards the calls for help.

"How-"

"My Innocence. I think we should leave this city _right now_."

And it was through both the path they had already created through the wall and the lack or proper patrol created by the fire in the city's main building that they got out, and found part of the group outside. They ran towards the embracing arms of the vegetation that always hid them so well.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

"She has quite an interesting Innocence, doesn't she?" asked Allen with a smile the other day, once they met in an old room that was the best looking part of the ruined house they had invaded.

"You could have explained it before. I was lost during most of that infiltration," grumbled Kanda, handing Allen the papers Miranda and he had found before turning to the instantaneous soup Allen had just prepared for him.

"Time Record... she can't take people back in time, forcing them to relive their actions, but she can restore things to their original state up to a point. She used to activate her Innocence in order to keep us healthy in fights and temporarily repair structures, but we also learned the appeal of purposefully destroying and then repairing things, only to watch them fall apart later. Like ruining a bridge, mending it, letting the enemy run over it and then deactivating the hold in time, allowing everyone to fall. Cool, huh?"

"'Cool', alright," Kanda admitted, surprised at how useful the woman could be. She did seem pretty strained afterwards, so he guessed using her ability to secretly ruin the bases of the Order's greater buildings was out of consideration.

He also handed Allen the money bag he had been lent, and Allen laughed. "Ha! I knew you were the right person to send. The others would never have returned with quite as much. You are a stingy client."

"I haven't enjoyed myself," growled Kanda, but it was now obvious Allen's insinuation had been a mere jest.

"Thank you so much, Kanda. Now I am one step closer to finding this son of a bitch."

Kanda's spoon almost missed his mouth at the rare expletive that left the usually polite boy's mouth. This Cross had to be special in order to elicit such a reaction. Not saying anything else, he watched as Allen, strangely enough, started setting random objects in the floor, before sitting on it.

"It's that time of the day," said Allen lightly, "I guess I won't be any good company for an hour or so."

"I'll just watch," said Kanda, and this wouldn't be the first time he stared at Allen's nightly dive to his past. He sat on a chair and allowed the boy to slowly close his eyes and meditate, with a furrowed brow. Perhaps today he could ask Allen for a certain something.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

_He had been getting more and more acquainted with this person as time passed. Always covered by refined, noble clothing, hands gloved in white. Always guiding his movements and showing him how he should proceed. His features, however, insisted on being obscured by a shadow he knew didn't exist in the memory. So he accepted this mysterious tutor, the one without a face and a name._

_His adult hands held Allen's smaller, younger ones. They guided him through an exercise. Allen had been a semi analphabet when he worked at the circus, being able to read no more than the very basics. Once put under the Black Order's command, he started studying more, as they didn't want an illiterate Exorcist. Still, his writing was shaky and he had to carefully draw and redraw each symbol, one more complicated than the other and always frustratingly different from the originals he was trying to imitate._

" _I'm sorry," said Allen, after making a mistake for the third time. A wrong stroke would nullify the whole effect of the work, or, in the worst possibility, warp it and become destructive. "This ink is very expensive, isn't it? I... I will try to get it right next time."_

" _Don't worry about it," said that soothing voice he was becoming increasingly fond of. "I have resources. Just do your very best."_

_And so he continued, stroke after stroke, careful of the order, the curves, the space needed away from each border, the thickness of this part and thinness of this other. Hours went like this, and the work became more and more like the original. He was almost there..._

_The world around him started warping. His instructors' soft words also distorted into something barely intelligible. Allen forced himself to focus. He was almost there..._

" _I... I think I did it," said Allen with certain trepidation, looking at the carefully drawn scripts. "Am I right?"_

" _That's right, Allen, you did very well. I'm sorry to put you through this, but an enchantment always have more power when its cards have been created by the one who casts them. This one will be useful to temporarily force Akuma down. Anything with dark matter, actually. Now-"_

Everything warped once more, and this was it. He had held for too long, and was at his limit, but at least he got to his objective. Letting go of his hold over the memory, he watched as it fell apart and he was pulled back to the present in the usual nauseating experience.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Kanda watched, enraptured, as the other exorcist went through his nightly ritual. The oil lamp accentuated the boy's paleness, only increased by his usual choice of equally white night clothes. Sitting with legs crossed as the only light element in the dingy room, Allen was quite an ethereal sight.

This time, however, he had a brush in his hand. Close to him was an ink bottle filled with black ink, and scattered white paper. Allen's eyes started moving frantically below his closed eyelids, a sign that whatever he was seeing was coming to an end. The hand with the dripping brush was slowly raised before being placed carefully over the paper. The eyes opened partially, only a sliver of white and silver being seen through thick lashes, as Allen remained in his trance, mostly unmoving.

Then, with a jerk, his right hand started working furiously, as if possessed. It started scribbling in a mad frenzy over the paper, too fast but also too precise; complex symbols that clearly held important meaning were quickly written in front of him, though Kanda didn't understand them, as they didn't seem related to either the Japanese or the English language. Allen's work went on, only stopping for quick dips in the ink pot. Eventually, he ran out of paper, and Kanda quickly supplied him with more, lest the boy started writing over the dirty floor. This went on for twenty more seconds or so, before the brush finally stopped and was eventually dropped. Allen's shoulders sagged and his head lowered, before he looked up once more, eyes now open and aware of his surroundings.

"Took you long enough," said Kanda as a means of greeting.

"Ah, Yuu," said Allen weakly, accepting a cup of cold water. "Yes, this time I had to stay for as long as I could."

"Precious information?" asked Kanda, looking at the scattered paper, but not touching it. Not that trying to sort it would make any difference for him.

"Yes, very likely. Remember that teacher I mentioned to you? Today I caught a memory where he was tutoring me on spells. The magic now wielded by the Crow and a few privileged Order guards."

Kanda was impressed. "So that's what this is?"

"I hope so. Teacher told me it is an useful binding spell. I have yet to learn the words, but I got a good grip on this memory, and he used to teach me things monthly, when we could hide during my missions and create an excuse... I think I can call forth the next meeting, when he will teach me how to use these," said Allen, clearly happy with today's work.

"Good for you. Private classes, inside this very room."

Allen chuckled, before going to his cot and dropping in the customary exhaustion he presented before going to sleep. "Guess so. These are my way to learn safely, though they can be quite troublesome."

"You are always complaining about them."

"They have their downsides," said Allen, seeming very sure of his words.

"Like what?"

Allen was now spreading his limbs on the bed, covering the whole surface. "Um, they are annoying, confusing and give me headaches. And sometimes I'm forced to see really boring stuff."

Kanda didn't answer. He was used to these silly complaints, but he was sure there was more to it. This was someone used to great pain, both emotional and physical; no way he would be so cross because of such small troubles. Kanda fell into troubled thought. Would he say it tonight, or should he wait for a while? For the life of him, he couldn't understand his own reluctance, but there it was.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

"Yuu?" called Allen, noticing his friend had fallen silent. That wasn't really unusual. Though they had much to talk about, Yuu had clearly remained more of a quiet person. It was usually comfortable for them to share the same place, even while silent. They would always have things to share, and quiet companionship was one of them.

This time, however, it didn't feel quite like that. It seemed a bit uncomfortable, that kind of quietness that just begged to be broken. "Yuu?" called Allen once again, noticing the man, still sitting on a corner of the room, hadn't really heard him.

It was a little disturbing.

"What is it?" said the Japanese finally, to the white haired boy's relief.

"What are you thinking about?"

The long haired man looked as if he was going to say something, but he just shook his head, as if giving up. He got up, starting to walk towards the unhinged door. "Nothing. Just go to sleep. You look dead on your feet."

Allen frowned. No way; he wouldn't be able to sleep, not now that he had this new, although small, worry in his mind. "Yuu, stay here. What is it that you were just thinking about?" insisted Allen.

"Go to sleep, beansprout! I'm going to watch the surroundings," grumbled the annoyed man.

"Miranda is doing that. We are going to talk _now_ , you grouchy, secretive man," insisted Allen, jumping from the cot and quickly reaching Yuu and grabbing the man by his shoulder. "Come on!"

Still frustratingly uncooperative, Yuu grabbed Allen's arms instead, dragging the man back to the cot and shoving him there. "Listen to your older brother for once. No way we are going to have a decent conversation with those huge dark circles under your eyes."

"Hah! Older brother? Considering my past, I'm older than you. Thrice your age actually, _otouto_ ," said Allen with a mocking smile. He expected a snarky retort, something that would return their usual vibe. Instead, Yuu wore a troubled frown, and his grip on Allen slackened. "Yuu?" asked Allen, any playfulness now gone.

The taller man finally gave up, sitting on the cot. Allen did the same, sitting by his side until their arms touched in that familiar way, his eyes never leaving the other's. "Seriously. What is it?"

Yuu closed his eyes and fell into thought, before finally opening them and showing impressive determination. "I also want to recall my past."

That phrase was so simple, to easy to understand, but it still made Allen flinch. "I... I see," murmured he finally, because he didn't know what else to say.

"It is only natural. I also want to have the advantage you do, to recall anything that might be handy. I must have been an exorcist; there must be some knowledge of mine that could be useful."

"Perhaps," said Allen with hesitation, not wanting to bother his friend.

"So, I'm going to ask for your help in doing it. You already have your own methods. I understand your memories are much more forthcoming than mine, but any small recollection will do. I have to start somewhere."

"Okay."

"Not today, though. I was serious when I said you need some sleep. But can we start tomorrow? I understand our stay here will last a few days."

Allen laughed weakly. "So... so soon?"

Yuu frowned. "Of course. What of it?"

There was nothing of it, really. Actually, the other man was right. This was a good chance to start; they had found some temporary stability here in this town. Starting any later would mean doing the process on a much more dangerous environment.

But he knew the time wasn't the reason, and nor was the place. No, there was other reason. One in the form of a presence always in the back of his head.

"Allen? Snap out of it. What do you say? We start tomorrow?"

A presence that he initially thought of as a mere impression, an illusion. But it was there, growing each day. And while he had always wanted to get as close to Allen Walker as possible, there was also a certain trepidation. More than that, there was an instinctual fear for his life.

"Answer me, you annoying sprout. What are you daydreaming about? Allen?"

Because that presence grew more and more, and really, that was insane, because that was him; he was Allen Walker. He _had_ to be. But the recurrent sense of danger was suffocating. A part of him wanted to repress that presence and any memories that came with it, because they were a trap-

A blow to the back of his head stopped his contemplations. Allen rubbed the sore spot, staring in surprise at the fuming samurai whose fist was still raised, promising more punishment.

"You annoying bastard! I will make you listen to me!"

"Calm down, Yuu!" exclaimed Allen, raising calming hands. Yuu also got to his feet, seemingly furious. Really, that anger was unusual – or, at least, it wasn't usually directed towards him. It was quite frightening, very different from the usual and admittedly amusing moodiness of the other exorcist.

"Don't ask me to calm down when you are ignoring me! Why is it that you don't want to help?"

"It's not that I don't want to. It is not," Allen said quickly, trying to calm the other down. "I-it's just- ah, give me a moment, I need to think," said he sincerely. Even when backed to a corner, Allen would usually find a convincing excuse to earn him time against his verbal sparring adversaries. But he wouldn't fall so low as to act the same way with Yuu.

Not that the man could understand how Allen felt. "Think about what? Is there anything unreasonable in my request?"

"There's no-"

"Every night you get to do it. To close your eyes and dive into your past, rebuilding yourself, recovering your history. That is what I want to do, also. I've always seen my past as something untouchable. Perhaps it is. But I want to try," said Yuu, seeming to feel more determined than Allen ever thought he could have been about the subject. "Your memories used to appear without your consent... they were out of your control. Now, they are bent to your will. Surely you can help me with something, damn it!"

"Yes, I can. It is just... there are consequences, Yuu." _You could develop an insane sense of two selves, and have them fight inside your heart and mind day after day._

"Consequences, huh? I heard about them already. Headaches, tiredness and nausea, yes? You think I can't deal with these? You insult me," he snarled.

"There is more... ah, forget it," said Allen in frustration. _Acknowledging this problem will only make it worse. I am Allen Walker. I've got to get it through my head. Talking about my internal conflict will only make him think I am insane._

Yuu already worried about Allen's physical health. It would be unbearable to have him also worrying about his mind. The man would probably want to lock him down in an mental hospital, if such a thing existed for exiles.

The unexpected sound of steps startled him. "Enough," snarled Yuu in glaring, cold anger. Anger Allen was scared of and hated having directed towards him. "I see you don't want to do it."

The white haired boy shook himself out of his stupor. No, staying silent and allowing him to leave would do no good. For the first time, he was truly worried that something could cause a dent on their friendship. Decided, he strode firmly towards Yuu's back and did the only thing he knew would make him stop his retreat.

It worked; Yuu's body froze once circled by Allen's arms. The mismatched hands joined over his abdomen, and Allen rested his face on the comforting back, turning his nose away from long, ticklish hair.

"I will help you," stated Allen calmly in the newfound silence and peace. "I promise. From tomorrow onwards."

He felt Yuu deflate, but not in a bad way. No, that was just the anger and frustration seeping away from his body. "I... just want to recover my past. The same way you do."

 _No, it is not the same,_ thought Allen. _If I could stop watching my past... if I could stop gathering the pieces... I would. I do this because I_ have _to._

"It's just as you say," revealed Yuu, "I am but a child. Compared to you... I am nothing. Hell, even the eyepatched airhead has lived and experienced far more than me. I feel crippled. And, it is more than merely gathering information. I... just want to know."

Allen let the knowledge sink in, finding it a little disturbing, but also enlightening. Because it was obvious that was what a normal person would want to do. Yuu had his whole life stolen by the Order, and it was his right to get it back. Who was Allen to say he couldn't? He had no right to think Yuu would have his same problems, his same limitations. Yuu wasn't as unbalanced as he was, and likely didn't have such an insane and troublesome past.

"Then let's do it," whispered Allen, tightening his arms around his most important person. "Let's do it together."

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Inside Vatican, the enormous tower buzzed with movement. It was quite intricate and decorated by extravagant designs that provided it with a beautiful yet fearsome appearance, while sinning in practicality and defense. But then again, it had been built during the time the church had the greatest control over the Order as a whole and, to it, looks were as important as power. In the past years, the great building had been improved with many quality devices that raised an insider's ability to defend and attack from it, and it also counted with the help of some of the best exorcists, scientists and Crow that the Order had at its disposal, while retaining that old religious look that made more than a few tremble.

The war had stained the church with an image of violence and menace that it wouldn't be able to get rid with chants and praises to God.

Most members inside the tower were living a day as normal as any and wouldn't be able to guess anything was wrong. Inside of the conference room few had the clearance to enter a meeting among the highest ranking members of the Order happened, hidden from prying ears and eyes with security provided by trusted personnel. It should be perfect, but it is said that every large group is bound to have one or more traitors.

This one was no exception.

The discussion had been happening for hours. No one dared to leave the room, the thick tension that permeated the air compared only to that of the rare instances where the Earl himself attacked the once religious group.

Amidst it all, the mentioned traitor that was sure to exist carefully memorized each and every word said by the Black Order leaders, while thinking of the implications and calculating the damage.

Oh, the damage. It seemed immensurable, and he could only hope he would be able to control it, even if just a little.

_Allen Walker, what are you doing?_

It was interesting that so many leaders could be reunited with the purpose of deciding on a course of action, yet no move was made in so much time. The worry in everyone's minds wouldn't allow them to reach an agreement, as any suggestion offered by any member would be seen by the others as a possible ploy. The greatest human organization in the world couldn't exist without the constant worry of being infiltrated by the enemy, whose powers they had yet to fully understand.

The good part, if he could say there was any, was that they weren't suspecting _him_ ; No, he, who was a powerful leader on his own, remained seen as a nothing from those supposedly more influential figures, who only allowed him at the meeting because they needed someone to represent his province.

"The accusations you make are quite serious, Inspector Leverrier. I hope you realize that a mistake on such an important matter could result in your permanent... termination from our esteemed Order."

 _Ah, death threats. They don't usually fall so low towards their own personnel. This one must be truly unhinged._ "I merely report what I know as true. The conclusions you make with my information are of your own responsibility, esteemed General."

And of course this man wouldn't like accusations towards another General, simply because that showed that someone holding the position didn't mean they deserved absolute trust. This would hurt him, to an extent. Sometimes he thought the Order could have won the war long ago if it wasn't composed by leaders who thought first and foremost about themselves before considering the pros and cons to the organization.

The story of the Order went so many hundreds of years back, to a time when humanity didn't enjoy even a tenth of the progress it had achieved now but already fought against the likes of the Earl and his damned family. Then it changed when an internal conflict between the Noah weakened the evil clansmen temporarily and, afterwards, with the birth of Allen Walker. The next important moment occurred with his death, that gladdened the Black Order, but it was foolish of them to be so happy, as Walker had also been a powerful enemy of the Earl's.

And then story was marked once more with the rebirth and escape of a certain exorcist from the broken laboratory number six, though that day had been considered as nothing more than the loss of an important project and brilliant minds.

Until now, that is.

"Ever since I was a lad and heard about Allen's Walker death, I've had the misfortune of listening of the pathetic whispering of hopeful followers who tried to spread that he was back. More than once, exorcists and even civilians would try to impersonate him, to no avail, of course. I had hoped such ridiculous play would be limited towards those senseless people, but to see it in the Black Order is very disheartening."

"Allen Walker has always had supporters everywhere. It doesn't surprise me they can also be found in the Black Order," said another disdainful voice.

Leverrier sneered internally at the two commanders who had spoken. They liked to speak of others' foolishness, while the Order was sabotaged under their very noses.

Then again, their idiocy has only been fortunate for him, until now.

"Considering it was the Black Order that revived Walker," said the black haired man who Leverrier suspected enjoyed a much higher intellect than the previous speakers, "What I find disheartening is to see everyone here so adamant to deny his existence now, the same way our predecessors made the mistake of believing he was no threat until he had thousands under his control."

"What are you saying about Allen Walker being _revived_? People cannot just-"

"This was a secret project conducted in the laboratory in Japan, whose destruction you all have heard of already," clarified Leverrier, because if he didn't speak others would, and being too silent would only make him a suspect. "The reduced number of Innocence Accommodators has been a crisis for almost a hundred years, already. The only solution found by the Order was to create or revive their own exorcists."

When none of the higher ranks denied his admittedly unbelievable words, the room explode in arguments.

"Reviving? How could you?"

"I heard about forced synchronization, but rebirth-"

"-chose _Allen Walker_?"

" _You can actually bring back the dead?"_

Ah, finally, that anticipated question. The one that was made half of morbid curiosity and half of the immediate greed that would awaken in any human at the possibility of rebirth. He could already hear the wheels turning in their greedy little minds, screaming words about power, revival and immortality.

"We cannot, actually," said Renny Epstain, one of the few who had clearance to follow the proceedings in Japan. "Not anymore. And the procedure had great limitations. You would need a freshly harvested brain from the deceased Exorcist, which means they couldn't have died from a severe head wound. The brains would need to be put inside synthetically created bodies, for any natural human one would result in instantaneous rejection. Even then, the procedure has been done with dozens of exorcists, and only three awakened after so many years of work."

Noticing everyone's attention on her, she continued. "Those who awakened went through the same forced synchronization process we perform on relatives of exorcists who passed away. The first one, Alma, synchronized moments before his death. That made him useless to the cause, but created expectations to the one still alive, Yuu. And little time after that, a third Apostle awakened, giving us hope: Allen."

"Allen Walker?!" shouted an indignant young man. "But how-"

"For goodness' sake," growled Leverrier impatiently, "you've all been prepared to hear this. Save your indignant shrieks for later. Please continue, madam."

"Thank you, inspector. Yes, that was Allen Walker. Do understand, however, that part of the procedure was to erase the Apostles' memories of their past lives. That was the best way to ensure them to be loyal and molded to the Order's standards, shielded away from the world as they were. Walker should have been nothing more than a child, though a powerful one."

One of the leaders raised his hand politely before speaking when she nodded. "What I do not understand is your mention of years of synchronization attempts. As we all know, one failure is enough to have the Innocence attack and kill the rejected Accommodator. How would you manage to keep them alive for so long?"

"The Chang family is responsible for that. They have always produced the best scientists for the Order, ever since the 1400s. Their seal of healing allowed the Apostles to take deadly damage many times, thanks to the fast recovery rate. The synthetic bodies were also made in order to be much stronger and faster than that of the average person's."

"A seal of healing... how come other... exorcists do not have that?" said an elderly man, the same one who had exclaimed about the possibility of resurrection. Someone was clearly thirsty to live longer than was his due, thought Leverrier sourly.

"The synthetic bodies were made to withstand it, sir," murmured a short, young blond teenager who sat in one of the most distanced chairs. "Normal bodies will reap no effects from them."

"Bak Chan!" exclaimed Louis Fermi, smiling like a predator. "How come I have not noticed a member from the very family we are speaking about?"

"Well, if the youngest Chan is here, I guess he can help clearing many of our doubts."

"I'm not the youngest, I'm the last one," said Bak with his strong Chinese accent. "And due to my great involvement with the Black Order, my family has never informed me of much but the basics. I have always been seen as somewhat of an outsider who shared their blood."

Leverrier doubted that very much. The Chan family had been a very powerful and influential group that aided the Black Order while charging it expensively. More than that, they had been its co-founders centuries ago. Guarding their secret techniques like the treasures they were, they made sure the Order would always depend on them for most of its medical and weapon related advancements. Their strong sense of duty towards family wouldn't allow them to exclude young Bak who, despite his young age, was hailed as a genius.

But it the boy didn't want to cooperate with the Order, it was better for him, Leverrier thought with an inward smile, while storing this information for later perusal in the recesses of his mind. Bak Chan had the potential of becoming an important ally, and the boy was clearly shaken by the loss of his parents and great-grandfather at the laboratory incident.

It was obvious the group wanted to ask more about the seal of healing and the resurrection procedures, but held their tongues for now. Bak was questioned for a few minutes but, clearly, nothing of useful was going to come out of the boy's mouth for today. In the end, there was only one conclusion everyone could reach.

The reluctance in their hearts was great, but they had been preparing themselves for this ever since the first signals started to appear.

"It seems like our little paranoid friends were right," said Morris with a smirk, though it clearly stank with anger. "The Second Exorcist project was a mistake, and it is very likely that Allen Walker is alive."

"Yes," agreed Epstain, before surprising most in the room with her next words, Leverrier included. "But he isn't the only Apostle we need to worry about... and, perhaps, Walker isn't even the most important."


	11. Paranoia

"More important than Allen Walker? Madam, what are you talking about?" demanded Leverrier and, this time, his disbelief wasn't an act.

The tall blonde woman sent, to his surprise, a malicious glare towards their youngest participant. The teenager seemed to shrink into himself as, once again, every eye in the room turned towards him.

"Are you willing to clarify matters to us, Mr. Chan?"

And though the boy's body language was clearly intimidated, he still answered with unexpected dryness. "Not particularly, branch head."

Her eyes narrowed. "Then I will do this favor for you," and turning her attentions back to everyone, she added, "the seal of healing many of you seem so interested in is still within our reach. Its secrets and answers lie with the Apostle I am referring to."

"Only synthetic bodies-" started Chan tentatively.

She waved him off with ease. "Yes, we know. Only artificial bodies were ready to receive the seal, and only once, wasn't it?" she asked, and the teenager shifted uncomfortably. "The first version, that is."

Eyes shone with hope and other less savory emotions. "So there is more than one Seal of Healing?"

"As the leader of my own science team, the Third Exorcist project, I have always been one of the few people outside the laboratory who got to accompany the progress of the second exorcists. I knew it when one would be born and when one would die, and received reports on their progress in synchronization and also the steady rate of deterioration of their bodies. The first Apostle died a decade ago. The second one was described as very close to death a week before the laboratory's downfall, while the third, our famous nemesis, still enjoyed a relatively new seal.

"I found it fascinating, then," continued the woman he would now classify as very dangerous, "that they spent so much effort into keeping his crumbling body alive and that, after the laboratory's destruction, no remains of him could be found. Coincidentally, a certain Zu Mei Chan hurriedly visited the laboratory in the morning before its end, wishing to do a certain _procedure_ that could save the second Apostle..."

Her palms hit the table loudly, and made a few jump. "Do you follow me, ladies and gentlemen? The creator of the seal performed a certain technique and, hours later, we have broken remains of an once expensive and innovative facility plus two Apostles – and their Innocence – missing."

"Why have we never been informed of this?!" demanded one loudly, " _Innocence_ disappeared! That is a scandal!"

"Silence, Morris!" snarled Leverrier. The meeting that had previously been under his control now seemed to be spiraling into insanity. Could the woman's reports really be true? If so, he hadn't been wholly informed. "You mean to say a new seal of healing has been performed into this... _Yuu_ , and he left together with Allen Walker?"

Epstain clapped slowly with a saccharine smile. "Indeed."

It was easy to believe Allen Walker, who should have recovered his memories, to do so. But what of the other Apostle? Was he an ally of the legendary exorcist?

"That would prove an astounding amount of intelligence and blood thirst for two Apostles who, in the end of it all, should have been reduced to ignorant, young children!" exclaimed Fermi.

"It seems these ones are special. What if the memory erasing wasn't perfect? What if it only worked with Alma, the first Apostle, but never with the other two, and they had their past selves slowly resurfacing while carefully maintaining the childish pretense and elaborating a plan to flee the place while killing each and every laboratory worker in their way out?"

Silence filled the room, and they could imagine it – in the underground laboratory, two children with adult minds and already used to bloodshed, growing bitter because of their new harsh reality and eventually murdering the whole team, scientists and sorcerers alike.

"The seal..." murmured one after a couple of minutes, and Epstain nodded in approval.

"Yes, the seal. Walker's is an ordinary one, working merely because he hasn't been put under forced synchronization for longer than one year. But the second Apostle... he is the one we have to watch out for. Whatever the genius sorcerer Zu Mei Chan did that night, it was a seal able to be written over someone who had been under it already, and, more than that... it was a seal compatible with any human being."

Murmurs broke from practically every leader present, and they eventually became louder, until someone impatiently exclaimed for order.

"The seal cast upon the second Apostle is the Chan family's finest creation. Revolutionary. It can ensure anyone's health, and can be applied once more after expired. Visualize an army of exorcists and sorcerers immune to wounds, to the point of almost instant bone and flesh regeneration."

She smiled at everyone's wide eyes, and Leverrier finally understood this powerful woman had had the whole meeting under her control from the very start.

"This seal, my friends, _will win us this war_."

÷±‡±±‡±÷

"-General Cross then went to this brothel," continued Laboun, "following the patterns we are used to."

"But the interesting thing," pointed out his partner, Reed, "was that he didn't stay only for a night, as he is used to, but for three whole days."

Allen nodded. "That can be considered quite long for an exorcist in the run."

" _And_ , while he stayed," continued Laboun, "two men and one woman also got in. We are separating them from the average patrons because they either went in during non business hours or also stayed for more than a day, and their departure was quite... hasty."

Allen tilted his head. "How so?"

"The thing is, the meeting, or whatever was happening inside the brothel's walls, was interrupted by an inspection. It seems we weren't the only ones following the General around, as a finder, five Crow and an exorcist demanded to take a look at the place. We didn't see General Cross get out – the last we saw of him was through a window in the third day, and then he was gone and the Order was left with its hands empty. But these three we have pointed out... they fled the establishment even before we noticed the Order's presence, with noticeably inhuman movements, and one guy even... _transformed_ for a moment," he said, giving Allen a pointed look, "before taking off."

"Akuma?" demanded Allen in furious surprise. "Inside a city? _How?"_

"We don't know, Allen," said Laboun with an apologizing shrug.

"Ah, whatever. What matters here is that Akuma were near a bunch of ordinary people _and_ a powerful exorcist, who stayed with them for days and did _nothing_! What is that dickhead _thinking_?"

"Uuh..." said Reed helpfully.

"That... that scumbag! Old bastard. Motherfucker! _Aaah!_ " Allen pulled at his hair in enragement, shaking his head wildly. "I don't know what he is doing, but it must be something _bad_. What could that arsehole be planning? Guys?"

The two men stared at him dumbly. Ever since they joined, they had learned about Allen's angry reactions at the mere thought of the promiscuous redhead, and wondered about the day the General and Allen would meet each other and whether a battle to the death would ensue. For now, however, they only patted Allen's shoulders, willing the boy to calm down. No matter how many times it happened, it would always be strange to see him cursing.

Allen's shoulders sagged and he took a couple breaths, before raising his head from his hands with a peaceful, bright smile that just _didn't fit_.

"Sorry, you two. Sometimes General Cross unhinges me a little bit, haha," he said with a friendly grin and a violently twitching eye, ignoring the other two exorcists exchanging knowing looks. "You've done a great job and almost got caught by the Order! I'm very sorry you had to go through that. Here is a reward."

The boy then extended a white, closed hand towards Laboun, who opened his own hand with a curious expression, before Allen let the item drop.

"Ooh, thank you, Allen!" said Laboun brightly, staring at his new, shiny, limited edition pog. "I didn't think I would ever get this one."

Allen leaned towards him with a conspirational, evil look. "That's just the tip. There's more where that came from," he stage-whispered, before leaning back. "So please keep doing a good job."

"I don't see any reward for myself," complained Reed with a smirk.

"You don't have a hobby," grumbled Allen, before everyone chuckled and the men went back to the camp.

Allen observed the other exorcists as everyone reunited once more. He had sent them in teams of two to gather info about Cross, whose help would be needed very soon. Allen had been the only one left alone, setting himself in a ruined building in the outskirts of the city Yuu and Miranda had invaded. Now, a week later, they were all together once more, and it was a great relief. No matter how much he planned things out, the possibility that someone would not come back always tormented him in more ways than one.

" _You are the kind of person who needs a family... so I'm glad you have one."_

Yes, he needed a family. That's why he had a bleeding hole in his heart that only started healing once Yuu came back. But as he stared at the group reunited around an itchy Crowley who was on cooking duty for the day, he couldn't classify them as such. He cared for them, but, in the end, they were together out of necessity. None of them would do anything for his person. They only cared for his ideals, for the dreams he stood for.

The only person who would stay with him even if he fell, powerless and defeated, was sitting a few dozen meters away from everyone, in a silent place where he could meditate.

He marched towards Yuu, who sat in a perfect lotus position below an enormous, gnarled tree. Allen made sure to make his steps as light as possible, before sitting in front of the man, mimicking his posture. He stared closely at the man's closed eyelids, looking for some sort of movement, but found none. The breaths were very slow and rhythmic, hard to detect without paying attention. He was still deep in, then.

Allen waited, watching the other exorcist during a comfortable moment, before he finally observed the signs that meant Yuu was leaving the meditation.

Suddenly wanting to take a chance at an idea that had pestered him lately, he quickly got up and kneeled behind Yuu instead, placing his hands over the man's shoulders and leaning towards him.

"Wait. Don't break it yet," whispered Allen into the other's ear. "What have you seen today?"

"Still the same goddamned flowers," murmured Yuu in an equally low voice, and Allen chuckled discreetly. Yuu was so very used to having a dirty mouth he would say bad words even as he meditated.

"Okay, let's try something new, then. Keep the flowers in mind, don't let the image break. Now, I want you to visualize something else. Stop looking for new memories. Instead, I want you to create new things in your mind, with the flowers and the lake you already see as a basis."

"How so?" murmured Yuu, and Allen knew he had his attention. His previous reluctance about teaching Yuu had waned away; he would now do anything to help his friend recuperate his past and, until now, Yuu had been unable to do so, but today they would try something new.

"Calling forth new memories seem impossible because you have no link to them. We need a mental map to search for way to old stories, and you only have a piece of it. So I want you to imagine random sceneries around the flowers. We are trying to discover what was around them in your original memory. Were they in the middle of a forest? Was it a pond, with a nearby house? Was there someone with you? But the first thing you imagine, it has to be very unlikely, something that surely couldn't have been. You can... you can try to imagine that the pond and the flowers are inside a huge library."

Yuu stayed silent for a few seconds before saying. "Alright. Done."

"Good. Now remember the faint sensation of rejection your mind has at such a questionable setting. This means your guess is wrong. Now, I want you to imagine _possible_ scenarios. Be creative, and think about things that could have been around this lotus filled lake where you once were in. Imagine, visualize, and hold it for a minute or so. If you still feel a sense of rejection, throw the idea away and elaborate a new one. We are trying to get elements of the original scene right, so they call forth the rest. Alright?"

"Yes," said Yuu simply, and Allen watched as he fell back into his trance.

Allen stayed like that, close to the other's warmth, though he knew Yuu didn't need him anymore for today's session. In his own mind he remembered the many moments they stayed close to each other like this, just sharing warmth meters below the ground in that monster of metal that was their cage. The situation was still like back then, with the two of them circled by a world filled with monsters and people they couldn't trust, but it was so relieving to be able to be together again.

The white haired boy got up and was sitting casually by other tree far away from Yuu's with speed and stealth only an Apostle could have, looking for all intents and purposes as distant before a third person entered their place.

"Guys, food is rea-"

Lavi abruptly silenced himself when he noticed the quiet ambient of the clearing, and the Japanese exorcist's meditating state. Allen raised a finger to his lips at the redhead's raised eyebrow, and the usually loud teenager nodded.

" _Today it is rice with mushrooms uncle Crowley and I got from the capital"_ , Lavi whispered, _"are you guys coming?"_

 _I'm going to wait for him,_ Allen mouthed and, even considering the darkening twilight and the great distance between them, he knew Lavi could see his lips moving. Useful, but also quite disturbing. _Save something for us._

The redhead nodded before disappearing, and Allen could only be glad he hadn't witnessed the small moment of intimacy.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

The war. Ah, it was growing tiring. It had lasted a few thousand of years too long.

This eternal battle between the Noah Family and the wielders of sorcery and then, later, Innocence, used to be a source of amusement to his always superior clan. They would sit back in their thrones in these ancient times, watching as humans, always pathetic and ignorant, fought uselessly against them. Organizations were created and then erased at any Noah's whim; a member of his family would be able to end the strongest human in Earth by snapping their fingers. Sometimes, they would even allow the enemy groups to grow and become stronger, only to end them in the same quick and violent manner of the rest, proving again and again the difference in strength between them and the humans they considered as little more than animals.

But if there was something unexpected about humans, it was the astounding speed with which they acquired and earned control over new knowledge. They had been little more than insects below the Noah's feet for thousands of years. Now it seemed like the clan's arrogance had cost them greatly. They had the chance to control and subjugate humanity centuries back, but didn't use it, and now they paid the price.

Innocence. Sorcery. So many things threatened their dominance. And now, a new problem of this era – human awareness about history and his most powerful creations, Akuma. His soul-fueled machines of destruction had been kept in the shadows for long, until the Order decided to spread the truth to the world and the whole population became aware of the existence of Akuma and how they came to be. Whereas demons and the 'supernatural' were considered mere legends or components of fairytales years ago, now almost every human, even children, knew about their existence and were warned against their creation. Convincing a human to follow the crucial steps to the creation of one became a harder and harder task, as even the most grief stricken refused to call upon him.

He had found a way to strike back, of course, and there was always a way to take advantage of those who lived outside of the sheltered communities controlled by the Black Order. Still, the battle wasn't the same as it had always been. Instead of a constant one sided win, the Noah family now actually had to work hard to keep on pair with humans who became intelligent and absolutely ruthless. He would praise them, if that didn't make him so angry.

But those weren't the last of his problems.

Oh, no, far from that. A bane greater than any of those threats aforementioned tormented him ruthlessly for the past century.

Because at one point, and only one point in his whole story of seven thousand years ever since he ended the first Innocence heart wielder, only _once_ he had vanished from this world.

And he couldn't remember a single moment of these years.

What he knew was that he, the Millennium Earl, had a brother, absurdly enough – a sibling, a replication of his self or a conjuration from Hell, he didn't know, but he was there, he was _alive_.

And he was an enemy.

Willing to do anything to win the war, the Earl killed his brother – or, at least, he tried to. It was horribly unpleasant but necessary for the Noah's survival, and he just _had_ to do it, but he miserably failed. And that failure was costing him so very much.

Nea had been tracking and tormenting him, the Creator, ever since. Nea, who he had killed not once, but twice – first by devouring the black haired twin he had grown with, and then by decapitating a head of red hair.

And now Nea was back, a fearsome predator clad in white.

His heart clenched with that old but suffocating fear he had lived with for years. The Earl _would_ kill Nea, for the third and last time.

He had to, if he wanted to survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!


	12. Menino Especial

_Since the failed breakdown in the Eastern Fortress, the Black Order has changed its security protocols and wishes to build an external wall around every city. The citizens would stay inside the internal wall and, between the two, there should only be military. Though this plan would take many years to come to fruition, orders have been sent for caravans with workers and material to travel to almost every European city classified as of top priority. The Vatican conference also mentioned the possibility of applying blood tests on travelers instead of merely checking their documents. More information will come as soon as possible. -4_

Allen sighed, seeing his plans for the next weeks crumble before his eyes. He turned towards his exorcist and occasional messenger man.

"Is it bad?" asked Lavi, who had been watching him this whole time.

"Read it then dispose of it," said Allen, giving Lavi the letter, "have you seen any unusual activity when you travelled to the Vatican?"

"Yeah, there seemed to be a lot of hubbub among the civilians. The worker class, mostly. Seems like they are preparing for a huge travel." He quickly read the message. "Oh. Now it makes sense."

"Argh, I knew that Akuma attack in the East would affect us," said the white haired exorcist in lament. "If what Komui says is true, even the mostly unused roads will be filled with people and their Order escorts. This is so terrible."

"Um, does this mean what I think it means?"

"Yes. Please tell everyone their tasks are cancelled until further notice. And it is time to reduce food intake again."

Lavi nodded and was going to leave, but then he stopped in uncertainty. "Um, Allen. What about Lena?"

"Lenalee? Oh. Of course. Please tell her to come."

The redhead's smile was blinding. "Thanks! Hey, don't stress out. At least not about the blood test part. The Order has new advances in technology but, to be able to start mass testing in each city's gate... man, I bet the war will be over before they manage that. It's impossible, seriously."

Allen raised his head. "Is that so? Well, that is a relief, somehow. Are you quite sure?"

"Yup. I mean, they may manage to start it in the greater cities, but that's it. Plus, it will slow people's entrance drastically and keep more of their personnel occupied. It will work for us one way or the other. Who tries to invade through the civilian lines, anyway?"

"Kanda."

"Oh. Well, don't get white hairs from overthinking it, alright? Bye."

Allen rolled his eyes at the lame joke, but let him go. There was some truth in Lavi's words. They would just find new ways to exploit the system. Still, with loads of carriages and exorcist personnel filling the continent's pathways, there was no way he would send anyone in a mission. Most of them, at least.

As predicted, Lenalee appeared before him in less than a minute. Her eagerness had been so great she had actually activated her Innocence in order to reach him faster, Allen noticed in amusement, watching as the glowing boots returned to their basic forms, circling her ankles.

"Allen! Hi! Um, is that true? Brother..."

"Letter for you," said Allen with a smile, delivering the other piece of paper, this one destined to Lenalee. She quickly snatched it from his hands and started reading right in front of him. It was a scene he was used to: first, a quick read, then a slower one, as if to enjoy and feel every word, as her eyes filled with tears she didn't try to hold back. They spilled as she read the paper for the third time.

"T-thanks, Allen... it's been a while since I've received something from him..."

"I wish we could communicate with him more frequently," he said honestly, handing her a kerchief.

The Chinese girl dried her tears, before thanking him and hiding the letter in a pocket.

"Komui says... Komui thanks you for caring for me, Allen. As always," she said with a calmer tone.

Allen knew what Komui had written. He always read it all before handing the letters to Lenalee. He would, of course, never tell her that. "Caring for you? Is this the environment he envisioned for his younger sister?" he asked instead.

Lenalee frowned. "We are very thankful for it Allen! The walls are safe for civilians, but they are a torture for exorcists. I'm glad to be out here with you. With you all," she corrected hastily, blushing and staring at her black shoes.

"Alright," said Allen, bothered by the subject. "Has Lavi warned you about the food shortage?"

"Um... no... we do have plenty of food."

"We will be saving from now on, as there will be no new expeditions for a while."

Lenalee's lips pursed, knowing such rest wasn't necessarily good news. "I see. Well, lunch is already done..."

The white haired boy got up and brushed his trousers clean. "Well, let us enjoy our last fulfilling meal for the next weeks, then," he said, expecting her to blanch, but she only nodded.

"I brought lots of dango from my last expedition," she said with a mischievous smile.

Allen smiled pleasantly. "Those expire fast. We better eat it all," he said, and they marched towards the encampment.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

The next days had been, for Allen, mostly about hurriedly gathering intelligence in order to discover what he should do next. Lavi was quickly sent to meet with his precious contact, the actual Bookman, in order to discover which cities would be the most vulnerable during this whole ordeal. Allen sent Crowley with him, as the two shared good team dynamics, despite their bickering. Crowley also needed to consume Akuma blood with a certain frequency, and Allen wasn't sure they would manage to get their hands in enough monsters as they hid in this cold forest. So Lavi and Crowley were out. The other exorcists, however, Allen kept close to himself.

Not that they stayed motionless. They always trained, even when unburdened by tasks and Akuma. Dedication to stay alive forced them to.

He saw Yuu leaving his own tent. As the Japanese man marched towards him, Reed tried to engage him in conversation, but Yuu just shoved him away, leaving the now angry archer behind.

Allen merely raised an eyebrow. "You know, I tell them this meditation of yours is anger management therapy. Can you try not to botch the story, please?"

"I swear that every time the rabbit is gone, someone tries to fill his role instead," grumbled Yuu once they were close enough.

With a chuckle, Allen slapped the back of his head – immediately avoiding the resulting punch Yuu sent his way in retaliation – before they both marched towards Allen's tent.

"So... report your progress," said Allen jokingly, nibbling in a protein bar and wincing at the horrible taste.

That seemed to lighten the samurai's mood. It always did, lately. "It's getting better. The memories are still just short images of scenery, but they stay for longer and I'm getting more sensory perceptions, such as hearing things or feeling them. As if I'm truly there, instead of just watching something in my mind."

"That is wonderful-"

"There is this enormous temple – it is in a nice place filled with nature where I can see people walking freely from my window, and there are no walls to be seen. But it is not the outside, not considering how happy and carefree the people seem. The building is a light gold... no, I'd say a cream color. Tending to yellow. And inside of it..."

Allen watched as his friend eagerly told him recollection after recollection. Few days after his piece of advice, Yuu had managed to see more than the usual flowery lake, and he only got more and more each time. Thanks to their stop, the Japanese man had much more time to work on his past than he would when the group was more active, and meditating became as important to him as training or doing his duties for the group. Yuu had yet to piece enough to be able to tell a whole story, but Allen knew it was merely a matter of time.

With a small smile as Yuu told him more and more, Allen let his mind wander towards thoughts that had been filling his head lately.

The end of the war.

Visualizing it was pleasurable: the Earl and his family, forever gone. The Order, destroyed. Walls falling apart as people from both the inside and outside reunited once more.

What would they do? Most of the people in his group were insiders with career plans, before they were discovered and had to chose between working for the Order or fleeing. He knew Lavi would just succeed the Bookman. Lenalee didn't talk about dreams, just about being with her brother and everyone else, and he wondered what the older Lee sibling would do once the war was over. Have his own laboratory? Work with science, or just grab the money reward destined for those who fought for the winning side and spend the rest of his life happily procrastinating, as Lenalee often said he would?

Reed had a group of friends he wanted to return to. Laboun only spoke about a few family members, but he didn't seem very hopeful they were alive. Crowley, their oldest member, had a family manor and properties inside a city, which he left before they could even discover he was an exorcist. Would everything be whole and waiting for him? What about Miranda? She said being an exorcist was the only thing she could do right, but he doubted this was her only talent.

And what about Yuu, thought he, staring with warmth at the man who now spoke about a bright wheat field and a happy woman. Yuu... he was so much like Allen. He had no memories of being anything but an exorcist, and thus didn't entertain thoughts about what he would do once this task of theirs was done.

He would recover his past, though. What had Yuu been before being an exorcist? What would he do afterwards? He chuckled imagining Yuu dressed as a cook, or a policeman, or even a businessman, barking orders, scaring subordinates and growling at office niceties-

"What are you laughing about?" asked the object of his thoughts, seeming amused by Allen's daydream.

"Don't ever become a businessman. It is unfair of you to scare people into signing contracts," said Allen, answering with the first thing that came to mind.

Yuu blinked. "Huh. Alright."

Allen repressed a laugh. "I'm thinking about what we are going to do after we win the war," he explained.

The other Apostle raised an eyebrow. "I suggest we kill the Earl and destroy the whole Order before you even entertain the thought," said him skeptically.

"Oh, come on," said Allen, crossing his arms. "Have you never thought about what you are going to do besides being an exorcist?"

"No." _Ouch_. That frankness.

"Why not? It is nice to have something to look forward to."

Yuu shrugged. "What do you want to do, then?"

That question surprised Allen, and he blinked. He hadn't expected Yuu to ask that but, then again, he should have. It was sort of obvious, considering the turn the conversation had taken.

Noticing the shorter boy's reluctance, Yuu snorted. "Of course you would whine about the importance of planning the future while you haven't even spared a thought about it, yourself."

"I have," Allen defended himself. "Only for the others, though."

"Stop messing with other people's business and think about your own. What are you going to do? Open a restaurant? Start a family?" Yuu asked mockingly.

"Hey, what's so funny about me starting a family?" Allen asked, offended. "And a restaurant... well, I'd better not. I would eat the business away."

"What made you start thinking about this all, anyway?"

Allen blinked. That's right... he was acting as if thinking about the future was the most normal thing in the world, but he had never truly done that, had he? He never spared the future outside of the war a thought, as if it would never exist for him.

And then it clicked, and the numerous possibilities appeared before him.

"I..." said he, but he felt this was an important, life changing declaration, so he said it more firmly. "I am going to survive after we win the war, Yuu."

There, he said it.

Yuu didn't seem to find it as relevant as Allen did, however. "Of course you are," said the man simply, and Allen was surprised with the certainty he expressed. As if no other outcome was possible.

"I... see."

They stared at each other somberly, before Yuu got up. "Che. I'll talk to Reed. He wants a spar, he will have one, since he wants to substitute my eyepatched punching bag so very much."

Allen quietly observed the other's retreat. It was a relief, in the end, that Yuu wouldn't want to discuss about this.

Had Yuu really understood the truth – that the white haired exorcist had never expected to survive the war?

In his mind, he accepted no defeat, but no surviving, either. He always imagined that, with the last strike to his enemy, he would also perish. And that was why he gave himself whole to the cause, why its end always seemed so bittersweet. Why he always unsealed more and more memories, despite the fact that they had been eating him alive.

But he had stopped, hadn't he?

Ever since Yuu started looking for his past, Allen had created excuses not to do the same. Usually they would be about guarding Yuu, or helping him through the process, or even random things such as reading a report or tracing a plan. Every night, at that time where he should be dwelling on Allen Walker, he would find something else to do, instead.

It had been weeks already and today, for the first time, he had thought about his future, not as a leader, not as an exorcist, but as Allen.

Perhaps there was a way to win, even without being Allen Walker, thought he, pacing in circles. Why go through the memories that, day after day, were making him grow more insane? Why feed the monster that grew in the back of his mind?

Maybe... maybe he could stop doing it. Maybe he would. It had been too long, and he had learned much, so maybe it was time for him to say goodbye to that past life that never felt like his own, and suppress all that unpleasantness that came with it. Yes, he would do that, Allen decided. Living would be much easier without that other side of his trying to take over. He could already feel its grasp on him weakening, whispers becoming more and more silent, as Allen's mind became his own.

A sharp pain ran up his right arm. Allen winced and stared down at it in surprise.

His right hand was clenched in an incredibly tight fist and the muscles on his arm were shuddering in spasms, as blood trickled in a steady flow through his fingers and into the earth.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Allen would be found unconscious hours later, with a bloody, broken hand, but no other visible injuries.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

_1758_

_Akuma – Japanese word for demon, fiend, evil spirit. They seem to fuel their lives by killing humans._

_Walled cities – sanctuaries that provide protection against Akuma. Only humans are allowed to enter._

_Humans – the world's dominating species. They seem to fuel their lives by killing other humans._

_So, contemplated the young boy, what was the point of the walls?_

_There were Akuma outside and inside, too._

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Water poured strongly over the carriage, some drops making their way through the cracked wood and dropping over its somber occupants. This was the oldest carriage in the whole line. That didn't seem like a problem, until that terrible storm started falling over them. Shoving his blanket to a corner lest it became wet, Allen gazed despondingly at the much newer, stronger, comfortable carriages that ran by their sides and in front of them. Some were filled with Exorcists, and others by people better off financially than them.

Cosimo seemed to notice the boy's discomfort. "At least you aren't a horse, boy," growled the ugly clown, though Allen knew the man was as bitter as he was about their means of transportation, or perhaps even more. Cosimo always thought he deserved better than what he had, and seemed very cross at having to share this carriage with Allen and the other low tier circus performers.

This time, however, the hateful man had said a truth. For the life of him, he didn't know how the horses could keep going. Actually, yes, the passengers had gotten a better deal than the poor animals. Not that Allen was unused with animal abuse, but it was still something bothersome to look at.

The circus Allen worked at didn't travel too frequently. Though it had been successful lately, the group didn't hold enough importance to be able to request the church's escorting like the richer merchants could. Because of that, they had to wait until a sizable group decided to leave the city, so they could enlist themselves among the ensemble and make their way to the next town.

"Make yourself useful boy," growled Cosimo, interrupting the redhead's thoughts. "Train some malabarism."

Allen stared at the clown in disbelief. "That's impossible! This carriage is bumpin' every ten seconds!"

"Shut up! A worthy performer can do it anywhere, you brat!"

Allen had a rude answer at the tip of his tongue, but opted to keep it to himself. Though the boy wasn't above saying exactly what he thought to anyone who bothered him no matter their age, the prospect of getting beaten up during the travel didn't hold any appeal to the seven years old. And he knew quite well the other occupants would merely watch.

So, to his great consternation, the boy started juggling. He was quite good at that, but the conditions they were in didn't help. In the end, he couldn't keep the clubs in the air for more than ten seconds before they fell painfully over his head and the cold, wet floorboards below him.

"Stupid! I don't know why the ringmaster keeps you," disdained the man hatefully for what had to be the thousandth time ever since Allen joined the troupe. Yet again Allen fantasized about putting an end to the man's life. Perhaps a little nick in the rope Cosimo walked?

A commotion interrupted his useless training. The clubs fell once more but, this time, Allen did nothing to retrieve them. Instead, he looked through the glass window outside. Where he once saw only the Exorcists' carriages and empty horizon were now about a dozen people or so who ran in their direction, ruined clothes and dirty bodies pelted by rain and wind.

They screamed something and ran, ignored, until one woman threw a stone at one expensive looking carriage. It shattered the window, and likely hurt someone inside.

A loud, piercing whistle was heard, and the carriages slowed motion. They never stopped, but the agility reduced to what would be a person's walk. From the beautiful carriage two men jumped, tall and menacing in their black and silver uniforms.

A flash of light could be seen, and then he felt a strange pulse, before large weapons appeared in the exorcists' hands. His eyes widened in surprise.

They couldn't really be meaning to...

The woman who had thrown the stone was slashed by a large scythe. Her body fell in a large pool of red that quickly dissolved under the strong water pour.

"Keep out! Move away from the carriages!" screamed one of the exorcists, swinging his own weapon threateningly.

"We aren't Akuma!" screamed a man who carried a small child in his arms. The others soon followed his example, exclaiming the same thing again and again.

"This is the last warning! _Move away from the carriages!"_

Allen was frozen, unable to look away from the scene, though it was somehow hard to see due to the other carriages, horses and the persistent downpour. The people screamed something or other, and then attacked the exorcists.

_Are they crazy? They have no weapons!_ Thought Allen in dark fascination, before the exorcists attacked more people. Eventually, two or three seemed to run away, giving up on reaching them. Or reaching the carriages, such as the one Allen was in, now. The exorcists returned to their place, closing the carriage's door behind them and sounding the whistle once more. The horses ran, quickly picking up the previous speed.

Allen shivered.

He eventually stared at the others. They didn't seem as surprised as he was. Allen was the only one there who had never seen those people – the so called outsiders. Before his first travel with the circus, one of the female acrobats, who was somehow nicer to him than the others, explained they could be attacked by Akuma any time.

"They are monsters that pretend to be people", the teenaged brunette had said, "And that is why the exorcists watch over us, to protect us from them, you hear? That's why you can never travel alone."

Allen had had a morbid curiosity that made him wish, even if just a little, to see a real Akuma. As long as the exorcists did their job and killed it, of course.

The carriage shook violently, and Allen almost jumped out of his own skin. In the now broken window there were two dirty and wounded hands, grabbing desperately. The boy ran towards the other side of the carriage so fast he almost fell through the opposite exit.

" _L-let me enter! Please, plea-"_

The young man, whose pained face Allen had only managed to see for about two seconds, let out a scream as a blade sliced through him. Warm drops of blood splattered the red headed boy, who stared at the now empty window with unblinking eyes.

An exorcist now frowned down at him, from the place the male teenager had been seconds ago. His Innocence was slick with the lad's blood.

"Sorry for that, kid," said him dispassionately, before turning jumping back to the carriage adorned with a cross.

Allen trembled in the opposite corner, not minding the steady trickle of rain that hit his head.

" _That is why the Exorcists watch over us, to protect us from them."_

From them what?

They were only people.

Cosimo and the others didn't seem as surprised as he was but, for the rest of the trip, no one told him to juggle again.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

_1761_

Ten years old Allen Walker couldn't point out when exactly it started.

He learned to study other people's behavior so early in his life he couldn't remember exactly when. It was a defense mechanism: to analyze other people's habits, voices, mannerisms. To learn about what happened to them and to observe any changes, in order to predict their future behavior and act accordingly.

This way, he knew when someone was pleased with him or not, and whether it would be possible to make a request. Thanks to it, he also knew when that acrobat had decided to give up on her own life, and the idea of stopping her had crossed his mind, until he realized he couldn't make her life better afterwards and that it was none of his business, anyway, so he let it happen.

It made him know when Cosimo was planning to beat him up and he fled and hid accordingly, though he didn't always manage to. No matter how perceptive, a child was a child, and wouldn't be able to always fool their adult counterparts.

So it was natural that he would become adept at reading Mana, the one he cared for the most, and the one Allen would observe and try to understand not out of fear, but out of love.

That's why he knew something unpleasant was going to happen. It was a certainty that bothered his mind, yet he hoped whatever shadow loomed over them would go away without leaving consequences. Mana was always so warm, so loving, so protecting, so... him. It wasn't natural to see that darkness in his eyes, that confusion in his step.

Yes, the middle aged man had always been a little unhinged. Sometimes he said nonsensical jokes and laughed too loud. Sometimes, he spoke to himself, or would become immerse in something that happened in his past and would not answer Allen for minutes or hours.

But this was too much. Whatever was the strangeness that Mana carried with him and just made him an eccentric clown, it had grown to greater proportions and made Allen worried. Mumbles to himself wouldn't be pensive or distracted, but tormented. Nights wouldn't be slept well, and Allen now cared for him in his sleep, instead of the contrary that had been the usual in the last years. And more than that, the usually carefree man who was always untroubled to the point it was dangerous now carried a paranoid air, staring with fear at every corner and every shadow, as if seeing an enemy invisible to anyone but himself.

Naturally, this troubled his ten years old charge.

Terribly.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

But he hadn't predicted this.

"What are you saying?" asked Allen in a voice so terribly calm he couldn't believe it was coming from him. "Are you tired of living together?"

The man's face distorted into a terrible frown, and Allen tensed for the painful truth, heart beating uncontrollably fast. Mana glared at Allen with hardened, cruel, _strange_ eyes that didn't belong in his face.

And then after a blink, his whole countenance sagged, as if that anger had been artificial and he now was letting it escape from his body; Allen let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, as he watched his guardian – his father! – look a little more like his old self.

"Allen," said Mana with that soft, loving voice Allen was so used to, the redhead expected him to say this all had been a distasteful joke. "Allen, I should say I am tired. I should say I don't want to be a clown anymore, or travel in poverty. I should say you were a pastime, a substitute to my pet and something to be thrown away after a while, but..." his shoulders dropped even lower under his heavy old coat. "But... you don't deserve this. I don't want to leave you in pain. Or at least, I should leave you with as little pain as I can..."

" _You shouldn't leave me!"_ shouted Allen, the solution clearly obvious. Mana had just admitted his hurtful words had been a pretense the whole time; why would he leave, then, if he loved Allen so?

And he _loved_ Allen. The boy knew it as clearly as the sky was blue and the sun was bright. It was just a fact, undeniable in its existence.

"I have no choice," said Mana softly, and the boy knew he wasn't lying, not really, but...

Allen sobbed. "I won't let you-" he started, but Mana brought a finger to the boy's lips, silencing his protests, strangely enough. He wanted to scream, to fight, but it was as if he was immersed in a forced trance. He could feel himself battling to react once more, while, outwardly, he merely watched his father with a pained but controlled countenance.

"This world is too dangerous," continued Mana. "I wish just leaving you would be enough, but I know it will not be. The Akuma-"

"-are outside," the little boy managed to whisper.

"Not always... not always. And they aren't the only demons, aren't they, Allen?" asked Mana, his dark eyes once more filled with fear, staring at every darkened alley, every shadowed corner something could hide in. "The Akuma are outside, but the monsters are _everywhere_."

Allen trembled in response to his guardian's warning. He didn't look like an unhinged person. No, now he sounded like someone old and wise, whose advice should be heeded. Like every word out of his mouth was the undeniable truth.

"Then let us stay together," pleaded Allen. "You said it is dangerous, so why are you going to leave me by myself? Isn't that much worse?" he asked, feeling much smaller than he had felt in years. As small as he had felt in the circus, and in the times before it.

Those loving hands of his father embraced him, circling him and treading through his hair, very much like always. Allen closed his eyes and savored this moment, wanting to remember it forever.

"He is after me," he heard Mana whisper in his ear. "They are. All of them. We must separate, because I am not strong enough. Do you understand?"

Allen didn't. If his father was in danger... "if they want to hurt you, then I'll stay with you! I won't leave you! You think I will feel better? And who are they?" he demanded, gripping Mana's coat.

Father shook his head. "I can't expose you to this. I'm sorry, Allen. Just... just survive. And don't attract too much attention."

The redheaded boy felt his father releasing him. The cold air of December invaded his body, and he shuddered terribly, staring up at the figure of the much taller man.

"I apologize deeply. Goodbye, Allen," he said with a bitter smile.

That did it.

He snapped.

"You aren't going away!" shouted Allen.

Mana ignored him, and turned away, marching firmly towards... somewhere.

Allen knew this city. He knew each turn, each corner, every street.

But, somehow, he knew that if he lost sight of Mana now, he would never see him again.

"I said..." whispered Allen in a mix of fear, anger and love, "I said _YOU AREN'T GOING AWAY!"_

Unthinkingly, he ran towards Mana and grabbed the man's hand with his deformed left arm, using unnatural strength he would otherwise hold back so as not to hurt the other clown. He should have expected a snap of bones, and perhaps a pained scream.

What he got, instead, was a face so livid it made him immediately release his hold, and golden eyes – _golden eyes?_ – staring at him with such a pure hatred Allen was sure he was going to be killed by his own father, right there.

It all happened in the matter of seconds – he released his father, but didn't get away in time. Mana's hand slapped his face, with such strength he was thrown meters away, colliding with a close wall and a few trashcans. His back felt wounded and his legs were pained against the icy ground. He raised tear filled eyes towards his aggressor, who approached with slow but unyielding steps and, suddenly, Allen didn't want him to come close, anymore. This was all he had wanted ever since this nightmare started, for Mana to come back and stay with him. But as the man came closer and closer with that fearsome expression, that threatening countenance and those bizarre eyes, Allen wanted more than ever to flee.

When Mana finally reached Allen's sprawled form, he removed his glove. The man's hand was burnt exactly where Allen had grabbed him, one ugly wound that looked like an infection.

"I see," murmured Mana with a voice that didn't belong to him at all. "You aren't so defenseless, after all. I should have known," he said, staring at Allen's arm as if it was a weapon.

The boy shivered, one tear sliding down from his left eye and caressing his cheek. "I-I'm sorry," he whispered, half truth and half fear.

"So am I," said Mana, hiding the wound once more, and kneeling before Allen, golden eyes insisting on remaining that way. "This almost makes it certain that we will cross paths again though I hope, for your sake, that we do not," he continued, before removing the glove from his right, unharmed hand and raising it to Allen's face.

It was colored a sickly, unnatural grey.

"What are you?" whispered Allen in fear because in this world, a person who displayed unnatural changes was never a good sign.

"I am your father," answered Mana with ease and, just like that, Allen believed.

Then Mana's hand, thumb poised over his temple right above his left eye, _pressed,_ pressed painfully, and Allen gasped, but he simply couldn't move.

The boy whimpered as he felt that thumb dig on his forehead, yet he couldn't react. Piercing pain invaded his skull and he breathed in gasps as the blinding agony took him.

"This is my last gift to you. It is not pleasant, but it will help you stay _alive_ , and that is what I want the most," said Mana calmly, even as his thumb traced down over his left eye, and then his cheek, spreading a warm liquid that had to be blood. "Don't stop, Allen. Keep walking. And don't attract attention. Not from the Order, not from the people, and not from Akuma, if you can help it. Most of all, don't attract attention from the Mi-"

Mana's words were cut short, and he retrieved his hand, now using both to hide his face. The right one wasn't stained with Allen's blood, as the boy had expected, but with a strange dark liquid that resembled black ink. Mana trembled as he got up on shaky legs.

"I can't even mention his name, for God's sake," he rasped, and then laughed at something Allen couldn't understand. "Don't look for me, son. You won't find me, no matter what happens. And no matter what you do, don't trust this face."

Allen didn't get up from his place. He didn't move towards his father, made no movement as the man retreated further and further down the eerie alleyway, filled with snow and dirt.

"I love you. You made this short time worth it. I love you more than anything," affirmed Mana with certainty, as if begging him to believe and remember, even as he disappeared for the last time. "But _don't trust this face._ "

÷±‡±±‡±÷

_1771_

Allen did everything Mana asked him not to, but not on purpose. He had tried to be inconspicuous, but it seemed as if the moment Mana disappeared, an invisible veil that hid Allen from the world's notice did the same. It only took a few months for him to be noticed by the people who warned the Order, then by the Akuma and, years later, by the legendary Millennium Earl.

At the very least, he said to himself in consolation, he didn't stop. He kept walking.

Or so he thought, until he was killed by the very Mana Walker who raised him.

_No matter what you do, don't trust this face._

But really, how could he not drop his guard before the face of his beloved father?

_I love you more than anything. But_ _**don't trust this face** _ _._

Allen cried as he breathed his last, torn apart by the sword of the Noah.

_I'm sorry, father. I didn't keep a single promise._

Twenty years old Allen Walker was an exorcist of the Black Order and suspect of associating with the fourteenth Noah, when he was murdered by the Millennium Earl. He was reborn in a cold birthing pit of the second exorcist project.


	13. Separações, traições e fratricídios

The sun set and, a night later, rose above the exorcist encampment set far away from the walled cities. Kanda changed the wet cloth folded over Allen's forehead and tried to wake the boy up for what felt like the hundredth time. Despite his efforts, the exorcist remained trapped inside his feverish dreams.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

In one of those secluded corners that were bound to exist in any city and would be the scene of some sort of crime at least once, a man's figure emerged from a white, bizarrely shaped portal. Above it shone the number 59. As soon as he had both feet over the dirty pavement, the door disappeared without any visible command of his. He ruffled his hair, trying to minimize the damage of the sea winds that had made a mess over his head just a few seconds ago, as he had previously walked on a coast that was now at least four hundred kilometers away.

Taking control of this feature of the Ark had been a taxing but very rewarding endeavor. There were few locations he couldn't go to or escape from, now. His greatest limitation was his need to know the place he wanted to open a door in, but the times he had needed to travel as any human would were long past. More than that, a small but notable part of the Ark was now inaccessible to the other members of the Noah Clan. The Musician's Quarters now belonged to him and only him, and while he didn't have the power needed to walk past the corridor that connected it to the rest of the Ark, his dear _family_ would find the entrance to the rooms that held the piano and the portals permanently locked.

That had to be causing his brother no small measure of frustration, he thought with a satisfied smirk. Road's door handed the girl a great power, but it was inferior to the Ark's own way of travel. More than that, there was a chance that, at times, Nea and Mana would be in the Ark at the same time, but forbidden from reaching each other thanks to the Fourteenth's little stunt. The Earl was likely maddened by such a possibility. Granted, Nea also wanted to circumvent the bothersome barrier and conclude his life's mission for once and all but, considering how unhinged Mana had been for a long time, he was very sure their possible proximity was more upsetting to his now older looking sibling than Nea himself.

Mingling in the city's crowd with the ease of the lawful citizen he was not, he made his way over well-known streets until he reached a place he had visited many times before.

"Sugar?" asked the waiter after he ordered a cup of coffee.

"Only one, please. No cream," said he, as he always did. Nea liked his things simple, including his coffee. He wasn't like that silly boy, who would add so much sugar, cream and other sweet things to his drink it would become a disgusting concoct only he could drink. The Noah could still remember that head of dark red hair bending over his latest sickening creation, smiling widely before downing the thing in a couple of gulps and then chattering away about his projects with the excessive energy provided by his diabetes inducing formula. He would always sit right there –

And if Nea could hit his head against the sturdy table without getting attention, he would. Because no matter how many times he told himself he had come here to check the Order's progress in their battle against his brother, it would never be true. No, there was only one reason he periodically returned to this same coffee shop that had managed to exist for more than fifty years. To his shame and annoyance, he did enjoy the bittersweet experience of pathetically reliving the past, staring at the quality, antique wooden chair that had never been substituted, only cared for. This establishment was one of the few places that didn't change as the years passed, allowing him to believe, even if for a limited time, that he was five decades in the past, having just infiltrated this city under the disguise of a young lord and waiting for his exorcist apprentice.

The fact that this had been the place where he last saw Allen alive also didn't help.

" _Thank you so much for everything," said Allen with a bright smile that wasn't appreciated by the then annoyed Nea. "I will see you soon."_

 _No, you won't,_ Nea corrected the memory automatically, even if he was a tad too late. The next he would see of the young man would be a battered corpse, bathed with so much red the Noah couldn't identify where long hair ended and blood started.

This was pitiful.

Today was the last day he visited this place to indulge in wretched trips to the past, he told himself. But he always did so, and the old promise had been broken so many times it hardly carried any weight.

He had always been a person with a strong mindset and an unchangeable objective. Ever since he had been betrayed by his brother, he had wanted his blood, and nothing else. If any vivid memories plagued his mind, they would be about Mana's half of the Millennium Earl's Noah trying to devour Nea's own. There was hatred, blood and screams, and they would fuel his thirst for revenge, even as decades passed and he succeeded in nothing more than stalking his brother and waiting for the ideal moment to strike.

Now, however, his thoughts and dreams were also haunted by other remembrances, but those were from a very different time. There was hatred and blood in those also, but not screams – only the silence of an abandoned corpse he had stared at for too long, until every single detail was burned in his mind for what he suspected would be eternity.

How had the boy managed to do that to him? Allen had always been the means to an end. But the end never came, and the young exorcist was killed anyway, uselessly, by his wretched, insane brother who Nea hadn't expected he could hate any more than he already did.

Nea was a member of the Noah Clan, destined to live free of the chains of disease and old age. He had been sure, even then, that he would eventually forget. Decades passed, and Allen became more of a blurry, greyish memory amidst more important ones. That happened not only to Nea, but the entire world, as the once powerful young leader was slowly but surely forgotten.

And then, all of a sudden, he was back.

Not _truly_ back. Death had found Allen and that was definitive, Nea had seen it with his own eyes. But the whispered secrets and angry shouts saying the boy's name in the streets found Nea's ears and, once they did, everything came back to him, every memory and thought he had imagined locked or burnt by time.

He didn't believe a word – by heavens, he didn't, but it grew bothersome. In his search for his brother, Nea had to deal with many information webs. Watching as the humans fidgeted about the so called return of Allen Walker, amassing clues and supposed proofs and fanning the fire gave him a headache that didn't come from mere annoyance, but pure hatred. Nea had always despised this characteristic of humans, of deluding themselves with unfounded lies and foolish hopes instead of fighting the damn battle by themselves. Allen had been impressive, yes, but he had died, yet humans everywhere insisted on trying to revive their imaginary hero – because the Allen they pretended to know didn't exist. Allen had been a strong exorcist, gifted with a special ability and an apt scholar, but he had never been the god humans created in their heads.

Every few years, a new pretender would appear, but it seemed whoever was playing his student's role as of now was more apt at it, as many were falling for this time's ruse. The Order itself worried about it now, and Nea wanted to kill them. Of what use would they be to him, if they acted like such fools?

Allen was dead. He _had_ to be.

But the humans were so sure. They talked about seeing the Innocence, about seeing the eye, but Allen _had to be dead_.

He tried to picture his student fighting with long, brittle white hair tied on a ponytail as he killed Akuma with his struggling seventy years old body, and the bizarre imagery made it easy to reassure himself of the truth.

Allen was unquestionably dead.

Though ignorant of it back then, Nea had caused it.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Kanda filled a bowl with soup and walked back to Allen's tent, that he had hardly left ever since yesterday. The place was filled with a warmth that reminded him of disease and fatigue, and he wondered how in the world one would feed a sleeping person.

Allen moaned in his place in the makeshift bed, but Kanda paid it no mind. Whatever Allen was dreaming of, it had been causing the boy to become restless and noisy, but after that he would fall back in uneasy sleep. Instead, the Japanese man stared at the bowl and then at Allen's lips with no small amount of trepidation. How would he go about this? Should he just make the boy sort of sit and tilt the bowl, hoping the food would meet a stomach and not a lung?

The boy's mouth opened, likely another of his unconscious movements, and Kanda was ready to do it and hope like hell he wouldn't choke Allen to death, when Allen suddenly moved, but this time the movement felt different – conscious. A head turned towards him, eyes still closed, and hands tried to find support in the mattress. Almost dropping the bowl and its contents as he hastily put it in the ground, Kanda placed a hand on the boy's back and forced the awakening boy to sit up. He wouldn't waste this chance.

"Allen? Wake up! Wake up, you damn bean," he said, frustration and the worry that had been gnawing him for the past hours making him even more irritable than usual. He was careful as he handled the other, though, and watched closely as silver eyes opened slowly, before flinching from the lamp's light.

"Stay with me," he said, not liking the still drowsy expression in the white haired boy's face. To his relief, however, Allen took a deep breath, ignoring the cloth that fell from his brow. He then blinked a few more times before his eyes gained focus and he started rubbing them.

"Finally," murmured Kanda, his shoulders releasing some of the unbearable tension he had been feeling the entire day. He observed the other closely, ready to start asking questions as soon as it was prudent to do so.

Allen seemed confused by the situation. Instead of jumping in surprise as Kanda thought he would, however, the boy merely stared at his hands that were relaxed and rested on his lap. Allen then slowly raised his arms, placing his hands in front of his eyes and opening and closing them, not minding his wound. His eyes then opened wide, and he seemed… almost in wonder about something.

Kanda allowed the other exorcist some more seconds to regain his bearings, but then he eventually lost his patience and harrumphed. "You gave us quite a scare, beansprout."

Startled, the boy quickly turned his head towards Kanda, staring at the dark haired man in surprise. Kanda raised an eyebrow, wondering whether Allen was absolutely awake or not. Already used to the fact he was no good in caring for sick or hurt people, he just held the other's gaze, which was now strangely alert and cognizant for someone who had been so sick. Kanda had thought Allen was in a dreamlike state, but now he knew he had been wrong: the boy seemed watchful to a strange extent.

Allen's dry lips finally parted. "Kanda?" asked he in a low tone.

Kanda raised an eyebrow at the use of his surname. "Walker," he answered drily, not amused by the other's antics. Though relieved by Allen's recovery, he felt something important was off, but couldn't put his finger on it.

As if to confirm Kanda's paranoia, Allen chuckled lowly at the Japanese's response. "I can't believe," he said, still lost in that happy but strange smile. He rubbed his mismatched hands together, then separated them and flexed his fingers as if testing them.

"Stop flexing them, idiot. The wound has yet to completely heal. How did you manage to do that, anyway?"

Allen turned an inquiring gaze at him. "It's not-," he started, but then his eyes closed and his Innocence hand was raised to his forehead, as the boy clearly winced in pain.

" _Allen?"_ called Kanda, worry growing in him once more. "What is happening?"

"I..." gasped Allen, head still lowered and eyes hidden by dark fingers, _"I hate this."_

And just as he said those words it was over, and the boy fell back to the bed, muscles relaxing all at once as he apparently lost his hold over his mind. Kanda grabbed him, however, forcing him up once more.

"Oh, no, you don't," said he brusquely, but he was more confused than anything else. Allen's eyes then narrowed in obvious pain as the boy escaped from unconsciousness once more, but Kanda had seen enough today that it didn't provide him any relief. The boy then sagged in tiredness, but not the one that reminded of a coma. Finally getting a hold over himself, Allen frowned at finding himself held by Kanda, and likely at the discomfort his body had to be feeling, after hours of fever and a still healing broken hand.

"Yuu? What in the world…"

"You were found unconscious in your tent, and with a broken hand, but we know of nothing else," summarized Kanda hastily, making sure Allen was paying attention. "Tell me what happened, now."

Considering Allen's unreliable state, it would be better if they at least knew what had caused this whole problem so, should Allen fall into slumber again, they would have clues as to what they should do, or so he hoped.

Allen processed Kanda's words, at first in confusion, but then understanding shone in his eyes and the boy got up from his makeshift bed so quickly Kanda would admit, even if only to himself, that it had startled him a real deal.

"No good… this can't be happening," murmured Allen, pacing in the tent. Kanda eyed the sloppy paces and the jerky movements with a frown, but he wouldn't do anything that ended in Allen returning to his bed.

" _What_ is happening? Because I am seriously starting to question your mental health."

He had expected some sort of scathing retort. Some provocation or insult at Kanda's own intelligence, or perhaps that Allen would just tell him to shut up. The shorter exorcist didn't seem annoyed, however, but truly worried. His eyes avoided Kanda's, as if trying to hide some sort of secret.

"For how long was I out?"

"Ever since the afternoon of yesterday. You were alone in your tent-"

"Yes, I remember now," said Allen, who continued his erratic pacing in the small space. "Did something happen in my… absence?"

"Besides everyone worrying themselves sick and proving they are absolutely useless at taking care of sick people? Nothing," grumbled Kanda, remembering the other exorcists' pitiful state once they learned what had happened to Allen. Apparently, only Crowley and the rabbit were adept at healthcare but they were gone, and Kanda himself was of no use as he had mostly travelled by himself.

His words, however, seemed only to worry Allen even more. "God, they know…"

"Of course they know. Actually, Laboun was the one who found you. We've got to tell them you're fine… or sort of fine, anyway. What's eating at you? I will ask again: what put you in that state?"

Allen hesitated, and Kanda would have pressed, but he had heard the footsteps outside. Sure enough, in a few seconds someone was opening the tent's entrance, a head of dark hair staring inside with wide, dark rimmed eyes.

"Oh… oh, I heard some noise… Allen, you are up," said Miranda in her simpering tones, clearly emotional at seeing Allen up and well again.

"Ah, hello, Miranda. It seems I caused you all a bit of a problem," said Allen with a weak smile and, though Kanda could internally applaud the attempt at looking unruffled, Allen was just too battered to play his part right now.

What proceeded was a emotional display from the sobbing older woman, who then got the attention of everyone else in the encampment and quickly had the small tent overflowing with people, some left outside. He watched as the others asked the same questions as he did, but noticed, with annoyance, that Allen managed to sidestep the interrogation with assurances that he was quite fine and almost unnoticeable subject changes. Only his loyalty to his friend prevented Kanda to tell everyone the displays of imbalance of just a few minutes prior.

Allen was clearly too tired, however, and even the thickest headed among them could see that, so he watched as the white haired boy humored their worries for a few minutes or so, before a whisper of frustration could be seen in his grey eyes.

"Now, now, everyone, that is enough," he said eventually, still under the pressure of concerned gazes, questions and offers of help. "As I said, this was all the result of a poorly executed experiment. I will be much more careful from now. Please return to your posts. It must have been tiring, to stay here for so long, but it won't be long before we are in the move once again," continued Allen, ushering everyone from the tent, and also leaving it himself.

"I thought we would have to stay put for a while more," remarked Kanda, unable to stay silent for much longer, and also doubting Allen was in a condition good enough as to plan what they would do.

"Lavi and Crowley are bound to return soon, and I rather believe they will have good news for us," said Allen, clapping his hands together. Kanda watched as the others seemed to relax a bit at Allen's cheery behavior, but he decided to pay them no mind. It was clear the others couldn't be trusted to understand Allen no matter how much more time they had spent with him, and the Japanese exorcist was more worried about the glove now covering Allen's Innocence and the backpack he had swiftly removed from his tent without calling attention.

"You look like you are leaving," said he, staring firmly at Allen's attire. It was hardly a proper traveler's outfit, but it wasn't something one would use to stay in the camp, either.

"It is just a small stroll, Yuu, I will be back soon," said Allen, acting as if there was absolutely nothing wrong with the statement, and the others – damn them all – also seemed quite comfortable with it all. Weren't they worried sick just a few minutes ago? Was he surrounded by idiots?

He wanted to share a piece of his mind, but Allen quickly turned away, telling someone or other to return to the watch post and saying he would be back before it became night once again. Unwilling to make a scene in front of everyone else, he just strode after the boy as soon as he was far away enough that he wouldn't notice.

Kanda had expected to confront him in private, but Allen seemed to be using his enhanced body almost at full extent because, as soon as he was out of the encampment's line of sight, his speed drastically improved, as he made his way in the wild with the alacrity of someone who was being pursued.

It wasn't too far from the truth.

Kanda watched as Allen disappeared amidst the trees, his purposeful jumps not befitting of the state he had been in just an hour prior. Damn brat. What had he been thinking?

"Damn sprout," he growled, externalizing his anger, and then said, "he must be really out of it if he didn't sense me, plus you up there."

Only silence answered him for the next seconds, but then there was a rustle and the Chinese woman deftly jumped from her place in the higher branches of the wet forest. Her eyes shone with worry, and he was glad at least someone here had common sense.

"He really seems out of it," said she reluctantly, as if even contemplating that possibility was deeply wrong. "Let's hope he returns safely."

Kanda snorted. So much for praising her. "I will do more than hope, I will ensure that is so," said he, before he started following Allen once more. "We will be back."

Allen fell unconscious for no reason, acted out of his mind after waking up, and now had a strong urge to leave to somewhere he had never mentioned before. It was all too sudden, too rushed and unexplainable. Something was very wrong and, whatever it was, he doubted it would be good news.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·


	14. Caindo aos Pedaços

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

The information about Walker had leaked, and the science department intern's eyes glowed with excitement. "I'm surprised at the Order's advancing technology. Floating platforms, advanced potions, almost sentient machinery… and now they froze this guy's brain for fifty years!"

A weak smile and a raised eyebrow was the answer he got from the neuroscientist. "No brain lasts preserved for that long, you know, no matter how advanced the technology may be."

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

The forest was humid and slightly cold, the leaf covered ground soft beneath his feet. There were sounds of insects, animals and the occasional wind, but it was absent of any human noise, and that was a relief.

He honestly couldn't stand the oppressive air of the encampment.

It had been too much. To faint all of a sudden, to wake up to a sloppy explanation and demands, and then to have everyone circling him and wanting to know things even he couldn't explain… he had wanted to get away from everyone, _needed_ it. Just to find his place in this whole mess, and to figure things out.

But how would thinking help, when his own mind was unreliable?

He didn't stop his progress, his running and jumping, even considering how uncomfortable he felt, because he needed some sort of anchor. Just dwelling on whatever was happening inside his head would surely make him insane, if that hadn't already occurred.

" _Tell me what happened, now."_

Back then, Allen had ignored Yuu's question, but he could try to answer it here, by himself. Try to remember and understand what had happened just before he fell – the mystery the whole group wanted out of him. He had… he had been thinking. Always thinking, but about what? He'd been so angry…

No. _Allen_ hadn't felt angry, not at all. He'd been happy, so happy. He had decided he would try to survive this war. No, more than that, he had decided he definitely would, and it had been so liberating. He had chosen to stop looking at the memories of his past –

Ah, that was when that hate started, right? That was when that great anger he couldn't recognize as his own invaded his heart, and his hand hurt in a way his fragile seal had failed to heal completely, the weak but persistent pain an uncomfortable reminder that everything definitely wasn't well.

Something had been enraged at his refusal to continue observing the memories that had been directing him through the years… and that was only more proof that Allen was right, that they were dangerous.

But what could that something be? He was just Allen. Why would another entity be present in his mind?

He was afraid of being taken over by his past…

Self?

"Aren't we the same?" he asked weakly, the defeated admission of the problem leaving his lips and being absorbed by the greenery, and no answer came.

He laughed without humor, before continuing his anxious tread. The treetops above him were a thick, effective leafy ceiling, that forbade any but the smallest hints of light to come from the sky. Here and there, however, he could see a few clearings as he travelled. He shied from them, always preferring the comfort of the shadows.

Allen had grown to appreciate the dark and the cold. It was not that he had become gloomy – he certainly could enjoy a bright day after months of winter or forced seclusion from the outside. But though the sun was beautiful, he couldn't tolerate the strong rays for too long. It had much to do with his journey away from the laboratory. He had always expected the beautiful sky of a warm day to greet him, but instead only got to walk the path he still called the Death Road in his mind, the burning sunlight punishing his body and making the semi buried white bones gleam brightly in front of him.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Kanda followed Allen from a certain distance, not wanting to be caught. It admittedly wasn't his first plan: his initial purpose had been to confront the boy as soon as they were far enough from the encampment, considering he had imagined Allen's reluctance to open up had been because of the possibility of others hearing about whatever problem he had.

Kanda wasn't an idiot. His initial impression that Allen had found a trusted group of close friends, or even family as he had once called them, had been dissipated with time and observation. Allen would turn into a new person whenever in someone else's presence. Subjects would be quickly changed or dropped, and this behavior that he had at first believed only applied to their shared story in Japan actually was repeated over everything, even small matters such as hopes or feelings about a particular situation. An expressed worry about the oncoming group mission would immediately change to strong optimism when someone other than Kanda asked, and any sort of pain or discomfort would be instantly hidden by a carefully prepared act.

It wasn't about great secrets only. He was like that about everything, and he trusted no one.

The Japanese never truly questioned the boy after the realization became clear. He had no right to, he didn't know these people as well as Allen did, and he could hear Allen's cynic tone when Kanda had called the other exorcists Allen's family. It bothered him to a point, to know Allen had been without anyone he truly trusted for all of those years, but Kanda also couldn't see himself ever becoming as close to the others as he was with his fellow Apostle and so, in order not to be a hypocrite, he remained silent. It was just another small trouble about Allen Kanda kept to himself.

Now Kanda tagged Allen with difficulty, careful not to have any noise denounce his presence. He should easily solve the whole affair by calling the boy and forcing him to stop and explain himself, but he couldn't. Because yesterday Allen had been found unconscious and with a strange wound, but there was no way anything could have gotten inside his well watched tent. It was at the heart of the encampment, and Laboun swore he had never left his post. Even if the man had lied, and Kanda had no reason to think that, anyone powerful enough to take Allen down would have caused enough of a commotion to get attention from the others. Even considering the minuscule possibility of the existence of an hostile trespasser capable of invading the encampment and fighting Allen without raising any sort of alarm, why in the world would he or she leave the boy with only a broken hand as a warning?

Only Allen could have those answers, but now he ran in strange patterns, speed changing here and there and tracing unexplainable paths. Kanda also thought he heard the white haired exorcist speak something at least once, though he was too far away to be able to swear it. Basically, whatever suspicions he had about the other's mental health weren't exactly being assuaged, and he thought there was a chance he would actually get more information by secretly observing than from a direct confrontation.

Guilt gnawed at him, but he brushed it away in annoyance, as he watched Allen hold his head yet once more before making a nonsensical curve that didn't seem to take them anywhere. Even if he didn't get his answers today, he would at the very least make sure Allen didn't wander off the continent, or whatever the insane plan inside that white head of his was.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

He couldn't say it with absolute certainty but, if pressed, Allen would say it all started when he reached a small river in his path. It had been by then that he noticed he hadn't been truly paying attention to the way he had been walking and that, though he had been honest when saying he would be back before nightfall, it would be impossible to do so if he continued wandering in such an irresponsible way. Berating himself, he turned back, trying to regain clarity and decide which path to take in order to return, but something in his peripheral vision just _shifted_ and he halted.

A small fire appeared in front of him in the same way people and objects would in the laboratory, illusionary trees growing straight from the cold floors years ago. Allen observed as the area around the fire became darker, as if shrouded by night, even though it was midday. Someone sat in a tree trunk that seemed to be conveniently placed there, cooking a fish. Allen tried to see the features but, as expected, that made the curtains of the memory fall.

The experience wasn't distressing or surprising; Allen had been used to it for years, though by now he should be able to decide the time when they should appear, and Allen had learned to restrain the occurrences so they would only happen inside his closed eyelids. This newfound lack of control was a warning, and he wondered what he should do from then on. The scene didn't seem to have been pulled from something that happened in another place. Instead, it seemed to fit this riverbank, as if he had truly been here once, decades ago, living what he just saw.

That brought him some trepidation. What should he do? Allen wanted to do the responsible thing and return to the others in the encampment, but he also wanted to follow this first clue and search for others. For the life of him, he couldn't understand whether this feeling came from himself or… something else, but the idea of abandoning this place and going back seemed unappealing. What would he do, returning to his tent only to undoubtedly remain tormented by whatever ailed him?

Wouldn't it be better to try and go to the bottom of this? He would never be able to work properly if he had frequent bouts of mental and physical disease.

With that assumption he justified his decision and continued his path, easily jumping over the river to the other side. His erratic walking had stopped, becoming more of a sure travel as he felt a distinct safety in making his way within a place he felt he knew by some means, and a deep satisfaction rose from his core, as if to reward him for his good behavior. He tried not to let the implications of that worry him.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Protect Allen, that's what he had told himself, but he couldn't do even this damn thing.

Whatever Allen had been looking for with his senseless meandering, the boy seemed to have found it in some river so far away from the camp Kanda started wondering whether he had lied when he said he had planned to come back soon. Uncertainty seemed to vanish from Allen's features as he stayed immobile by the river, before he jumped over it with speed and a certainty of direction. Alarmed, Kanda had followed. And in his internal debate of whether he should confront Allen or not, he allowed the whole situation to go to hell.

This was fucked up, beyond proportions.

It had been all of a sudden. In one moment, Kanda had thought they were both shielded by the thick and annoyingly wet forest and its noisy animals and, in the other, he saw the wall. He brusquely stopped his pace and hid behind one tall tree, heart hammering with the danger ahead. It had been the almost impenetrable treetops, the natural growth that allowed little view and also his own wandering thoughts that put him in a situation where he only noticed he was close to the Order once he almost hit his face against its goddamned border.

Allen, meanwhile, disappeared inside in a feat he was absolutely sure he wouldn't be able to imitate.

His mentally confused, sick friend was now wandering inside of their worst enemy's fortress, and Kanda wanted to beat himself dead.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Whatever guided Allen to the city, it seemed to stop clouding his mind as soon as he was close to it.

He made his way, circling the wall. It wasn't completely watched due to its enormous expanse, and he hoped that, should he be spotted, he would merely be mistaken as a harmless outsider looking for help. He traced the concrete, hot because of the sun, with the tips of his fingers, wondering whether he would get a clue or a shot to the head first. This wall, as many others, told stories of fights, attempted invasions and attacks that all ended in the Order's victory, and he examined the signs of conflict, both new and old.

Where the wall met the ground there was some thick foliage, sometimes taller than him. He saw himself, only taller and red haired, fall to his knees in a certain area and move away a few blocks. Following the instruction, he found it – a place where the heavy concrete chunks were loose and could be moved and later replaced. It didn't look like it had been used recently, fortunately, or he would have worried about the city's safety.

"Is this what you have to show me?" he asked, before deciding to follow through. He was already willing to take risks, plus it would be very hard to go back the way he came without raising an alarm.

Having made sure to pick his bag with basic necessities before, he quickly donned his wig and applied the make up over the left side of his face as he had learned. The bandaged face trick had grown old and was now a telltale of his identity for those who knew him, so he had to hide his scar in such a way instead. Only a very close look would denounce the tattoo-like blemish on his face, and hopefully it wouldn't come to that. After cleaning his boots and clothes from any clues about his travel in the forest, he waited for the ideal moment to merge with the citizens.

Now for all appearances a veritable brunet, Allen walked the market, face apparently untarnished. Thick gloves would seem inappropriate in the hot day, so he opted for an improvised sling to cover his arm, instead.

At the very least, he was doing something useful to the others. Even if this endeavor proved itself useless, he could bring back the encampment much needed provisions. Allen walked through markets with the apparent ease of someone who was in their right place. He didn't spend time haggling with vendors lest that made his face memorable, but was also by no means hiding, as he had always understood that would only complicate matters.

He could recognize some things here, though the remembrances were weak. That was likely because it had been so long ago he had been here that the streets couldn't possibly look the same. What the boy was absolutely sure of was that he had never set foot on this place as his newly born self.

After spending some coins in a new pair of shoes one of the exorcists was sorely needing in the group, he also bought a pack of unhealthy salty chips. Munching his way to the bottom, he frowned when he realized the circular freebie wasn't a limited edition. There would be no addition to Laboun's collection this time, then.

Deciding he had done enough and that there was nothing of importance to see around here, and also knowing he would be spotted should he walk the streets too late at night, he returned to the same way he had come from, hoping to accomplish a swift escape. If he could just disappear without raising suspicions, Allen could even return some time, and instruct the others as to how to enter undetected.

Walking towards the entrance when he thought no one was looking, Allen felt a sense of insecurity and quickly hid behind a small house's fence. To his surprise and alarm, Black Order personnel walked in the same path he came through. Worried about his path having been found, it took him a while to confirm they didn't actually get to see the gap in the wall. They walked past it without paying it any attention, hidden as it was, but seemed alert nonetheless.

"-called everyone from the central-"

"-can't believe it, a rogue exorcist! I hope he gets caught. We could do with more manpower."

Allen couldn't believe it – he'd been spotted. But if so, why had he been allowed to calmly shop around? When the Order suspected an invasion, everyone was ordered to stop their business and return to their houses, and an extensive search would ensue. In addition, Allen had been quite sure he hadn't made any mistake while entering, but it was obvious now that he wasn't going to leave any time soon – at least, not through the same way.

He kept watching for as long as he could remain undetected, but it didn't look like they were going to leave that section of the wall. Knowing he couldn't be seen wandering the streets after the mandatory curfew started, he started thinking of another route of escape or, at the very least, a place to hide in while he waited for his previous path to be clear.

He circled the city nervously, always making sure not to wander too close to the walls and watch posts. Providentially, he eventually found a large spread of what looked like a small forest of sorts.

It seemed like this was one of those cities whose large expanses also covered a place for nature, and that was unanticipated, as unpopulated but protected lands would always be used for agriculture, farming and other productive activities. He felt the same urge pushing him forwards, as foreign as always, and he wondered, sourly, whether he should truly obey it. It had been what put him in this unenviable position. Knowing he was effectively locked in the city as of now, however, and that the sparse woods were his only chance at hiding until morning, he warily walked towards them.

This place was clearly uncared for, so the city likely had to export their goods from somewhere else. He wondered why that would be so and, as he treaded through nature that was allowed to grow as wild as that of the outside, he observed remembrances of a streets filled by humbly dressed people and a few poor houses. The imagery this time was a weak, translucent veil that didn't substitute reality and he could see that, as of now, it had been so much time since the small wooden buildings had existed that he couldn't find vestiges of them.

It had already been the era of the fortresses, however, that he was sure of. Ignoring the information, Allen continued walking, hoping for some place that would be a little comfortable to rest in. He was by no means picky or unable to sleep in the open, but having some semblance of protection was always favorable, even if it was a small cave or the inside of a large, old tree.

He was almost deciding to simply sleep covered by the foliage only, when he spotted it. A different color in the middle of tree trunks, leaves and general vegetation. It caught his attention, and he strode towards it, making sure not to create much noise. A disturbance in the grove's pattern could mean a place that was already inhabited.

He didn't know what he had been looking for, but this wasn't it: in front of him was a large circus tent. It took a few seconds to recognize it for what it was; made of leathery fabric that was once filled with colorful stripes, the years had covered it with grime. Tree branches hit it from every side, growing through the old material and making it a miracle that the whole thing still stood upright.

It was a depressing sight, thought Allen. He was already so used to seeing things consumed by age, but not inside of the walled cities. This circus was clearly unnoticed and thus, had never been taken away.

Still, if he wanted somewhere to hide in, he had found it. Circled by soft earth that didn't display any sort of disturbance, it was clearly abandoned, and he would hardly find any place better than it. He felt compelled to enter. Without further ado, Allen pulled the tattered curtain to a side and went inside the ruined circus.

The interior wasn't as filled by darkness as he expected, as the moon shone above the roof, light streaming through the many holes and tears. It was possible to see most of the place, though the cold light and crumbling appearance of the objects let out an eerie feeling that left him, admittedly, a little unsettled.

He walked through the circular place, running a hand over the old fabric. Many objects and even some clothes littered the floor, most already half consumed by the earth. Some vegetation grew inside, such as grass, weeds and small flowers, though nothing more, perhaps due to the limited exposition to sunlight.

His hand stopped as he came close to a darkened area in the tent. Squinting in order to discern it, he managed to make out the old splatters that were scattered around.

Blood.

It was incredibly old, dark brown due to age and mixed with dust, but he still could easily recognize it. More than that, now that he paid attention, the dreadful stains could be seen everywhere – in the walls, the structure, some of the abandoned objects and even parts of the ground that hadn't been taken by wild plants. Actually, one of them could be seen in the ceiling. It was large up there in the dirty cloth, and then was dragged in a sick trail until the ground, as if someone very hurt had been thrown up there before falling to their demise.

Allen sighed in unhappiness. That explained a lot. This circus hadn't been abandoned – its workers had been left to die right here.

It was dreadful, and made him feel empty inside. And why was that so? Allen was used to the sight of ruin and death. It had been presented to him on his first day outside the laboratory, and never stopped ever since. So why was it that seeing the state of this circus made his heart clench and his strength slowly seep from him, drained by this atmosphere of abandonment and loss?

A circus…

A circus.

But of course. A circus, and Allen Walker. It wasn't that difficult to make the connection.

"Did you work here?" he whispered, and continued, undeterred by the silence, "are you sad your friends died?"

Memories of beatings, of pain, hunger and shouts from adults much taller than him filled his mind, as if to show a strong denial to the question. But then, as if escaping from a secret place, whispers of more pleasant recollections floated amidst them – a shared laugh with a couple of teenagers, a friendly young woman and a… clown… with a… dog…

The flow of memoirs cut itself abruptly, as if a window had been closed shut with a bang by an angry person. Allen steadied himself, unused to having the visions stopping in such a brusque manner.

He knew who they were, knew because of the visions from the last night, but the mere thought caused him physical pain and he knew better than to touch that subject, so he allowed the loving and at the same time disturbing older man disappear from his mind for now. That brought him some relief.

Still, he had entered in search of a place to rest, but this circus simply wouldn't do. The white haired exorcist felt the longer he stayed here, the weaker he would become. The idea of sleeping in this place went against his very instincts. Knowing it was irrational of him to act like this but also remembering he had managed to escape death many times by listening to his gut feelings, he started walking towards the exit once more, eager to distance himself from the unnerving stage.

His foot kicked something – something large, and he jumped. It was a ball, about half his size or perhaps a little more. It was clear it used to be pretty and colorful, though the bright colors now had a hard time trying to appear through the muddy brown. To his surprise, however, it seemed intact. Besides the dirt, it was as filled as it must have been many years ago. How could it still be in a good state?

Annoyed at his foolishness – he had been so out of his mind he had actually not seen a thing so large – Allen forgot his previous urge to leave and walked towards the ball that had bounced towards the very center of the old stage. For some reason, most of his trepidation had left. Now he felt some odd sensation. What was it? Ah, yes. As if he was being watched.

And though being observed by unknown entities at night in a bloodstained circus should have been absolutely nerve wracking, he felt strangely in place. As if this was how things should be. Forgetting any previous worries, death, his waiting comrades, Yuu, _everything_ , he started picking the heavy clubs scattered around – one, two, three, four, until he lost the count. And then, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, he jumped over the ball, still holding the objects in his arms.

He swayed a little, before managing a comfortable balance, and threw the clubs to the air, before he started juggling then in an easy circle, while moving around in the ball.

And though his attention was in the objects he currently manipulated, he could now feel where the ones watching him stood. They were all there, in the numerous rows of chairs. The stands were almost invisible due to darkness, but it was normal. The light should be at the stage, and so it was; the moon shone now only over him, as every eye drew to his performance. It became more and more complicated, professional movements guided by innate knowledge that came with years of training. Always please the audience. Always please the-

The ball popped loudly as it gave under his weight, and Allen fell heavily in the floor. The many clubs that had been in the air now fell down, two hitting his head painfully. Allen gasped and massaged his throbbing scalp, and it was over.

It was like waking from a dream after being thrown in cold water. Not a sensation he was unused to, but this time it was just unexplainable. This wasn't a memory... or was it? He had been at this circus the whole time, yet he was so sure there were people in the stands. The public. Now, however, the rows were silent and empty, and he resisted the urge to check each and every chair.

Allen tried to ignore the fact that his movements had been basically controlled just a few moments ago.

He forced himself to get up. _I need rest, and now. These days have been hard on me... on everyone. I should make good use of the hours I have to recover my energy... and, apparently, my lucidity._

So he set back to his previous task of trying to find a place somehow suited to sleep, though if he didn't manage to, he would merely drop over a patch of grass.

Knowing none of the visible objects would be useful, he started opening old wooden boxes while hoping not to find any rotten food, though even the spoiled remains should have turned to dust by now. And there it was, he finally found it: performer's clothes, with some holes here and there and also some mold, but there were also some old blankets. Crinkling his nose at the smell and not wishing to cover himself with it, he just started organizing the fabrics on the floor and trying to create a soft place to rest over.

Just as he picked the last old fabric he saw it – a flash of yellow at the very bottom of the box. A bright yellow, that called attention to itself amidst everything else that was so faded and old. Curious, Allen carefully touched it. It was a golden ball of sorts. Lifting it, he was surprised to see small wings and a tail unfold, resting softly over his palms. It was a strange creature – he could discern a closed mouth and tiny horns, but nothing else.

The cross etched over it, however, was enough to sober him up. This was a golem, even if it was the strangest one Allen had ever seen. He lifted it by a wing, and jumped when, as if electrified, the golem suddenly sprang to life. It flew away from his hand and floated around in an unsure way, clearly not having stretched its wings for a long time. With his heart beating loudly, Allen jumped and grabbed it with his darkened hand.

The golem seemed resilient and full of vitality, but could only struggle inside the unnaturally strong fingers. A golem was a bad signal. Who else had them, if not the Order? It could have been left here as a trap. Right now, it could be readying itself to send the images of Allen to the Order, and he would have an army at his heels.

Making his decision, he started clenching his fist. No matter the resistance of whatever material the bizarre golem had been made with, it couldn't withstand the strength of his holy weapon. Putting an end to it would be as easy as stepping on an egg and watching it break apart. As his fingers closed more and more, the thing squirmed, wings creaking under pressure and a tiny wail left its mouth as it was crushed.

Or at least, as Allen _tried_ to crush it. The sight of the struggling little thing, for some reason, made his heart clench. Something, something wanted him to stop. Told him that he would regret breaking the golem apart. And though rationality dictated he should just finish it already and that the damn _something_ was what had been tormenting him all along, Allen eventually relaxed his fingers, giving in to the foreign feelings. The golem shook a little, but eventually recovered, and Allen marveled at how it acted as if it was alive. Trying to shake the feeling of having almost squished a small animal to death, Allen sighed and looked at his poorly made, makeshift bed. This would have to do, and he had wasted enough time as it was. Laying over the moldy but soft bundle, he decided to leave any worries about creepy circuses and yellow golems for tomorrow. He closed his eyes, but made sure to trap the little creature inside his bag so it wouldn't flee while he slept.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

When he woke up, the sun was already halfway up the sky and the birds chirped loudly. He was startled – the plan was to wake up much earlier. More than that, as he got up, he noticed his body felt truly tired, as if he had spent the whole night awake and in movement, which was far from the truth.

It must be because of exerting his body after being sick, he concluded in annoyance, but one thing he noted was that his head felt surprisingly light and he felt more able to think properly. And with proper thinking also came the consequences of his actions, and the obvious fact that everyone must be worried sick – he was always one to follow through his schedules and promises, and Yuu– oh, Lord, _Yuu_. Forget the others, he'd have to go back to the encampment ready to dodge a lethal blade, that was for sure.

Knowing wasting more time would only make things worse, and also honestly not wanting to cause anyone any more problems, he rummaged through his things. Inside his backpack was also the little golem, that he had almost forgotten about. Its lax wings and tail and opened, drooling mouth showing it was asleep, and Allen watched it with fascination. He wondered whether there was blood running through the little thing's body, and felt very glad he hadn't smashed… _killed_? It yesterday.

Still, no matter how much it gave the impression of a tiny and bizarre little animal, it could still be a communication device, albeit a weird one. He didn't want to leave it here, but couldn't safely take it with him, either. Looking at some of the food wrapped in their shiny packages, he quickly removed all the layers of aluminum foil he could find and wrapped the now tied up golem in many layers of it, hoping that would keep it from transmitting any radio waves to anywhere.

Giving one last, disturbed look at the circus that also had a touch of melancholy – its crumbling appearance was only worsened by the strong sunshine – he turned away and carefully made his way to the fend. Noticing, with relief, that whatever commotion had made the guards alert had ended and no one was watching that particular spot, he managed to slip inside of the wall crack, close it again and run in immense speed from it and back to the forest as soon as the watcher turned her head to the other side.

He noticed, in apprehension, that a part of the forest's border had clearly been the setting of a fight. He could see the burning remains of damage clearly caused by Order weapons, and also slices in some trees and earth that were strangely familiar. Had Akuma inconveniently attacked the city just as he invaded it? That wouldn't explain why they were mentioning a rogue exorcist, though. Still, it wouldn't be wise to linger, and he hastily made his way back to the encampment.

He stared at the thick and undiscernible trees and then at the sky he could see in a particular opening in the middle of the leaves. _The city is behind me, and the sun has risen from the… ah, east, and I sort of think I have seen that berry bush before, and the wind is sort of blowing to the… south? Southwest? Huh, and this means…_

That meant he was lost.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

 _Find the river, find the river_ , he had been repeating mentally to himself, because it was the last reference point he could truly remember. So he just made sure to get away from the city, and it was with immense relief that, hours later, he eventually _did_ find a river – but then he realized it could be a very extensive one, and he didn't know at which point of it he was.

" _You,"_ growled a voice he would usually recognize, if not for the utter animosity that it carried. Allen turned in surprise, Innocence activating without his command.

"Y-Yuu?"

It was the Japanese alright, in a place Allen never expected to find him – hell, in a place Allen hadn't expected to find even _himself_. The taller exorcist was an utter mess. His clothes were ripped apart, tattered fabrics displaying large wounds that oozed blood. The red liquid also seeped from a cut on his brow and had invaded one eye, and the hair that was usually kept in a tight ponytail was set free, wet and tangled. His whole figure was quite wet, both from water presumably from the river and the blood that persisted on escaping his body, and Mugen was unsheathed and ready in his right hand.

"Oh my God," exclaimed Allen, immediately forgetting his previous fear. "Yuu, what in the world happened to you?"

" _What happened?"_ the other snarled, but Allen paid it no mind, immediately inspecting the damage. This was bad, not enough that it wouldn't be healed by the seal, but it was enough that it would take a while. If the wounds were like this now, he couldn't imagine what they looked like when Yuu fought, and he now could understand the splatters of blood and familiar slices in the battleground outside the city, his stomach churning with the painful realization.

"They hurt you," said Allen uselessly. "How could this happen?"

"I'll tell you how," said Yuu, slapping Allen's hands away. "You didn't come back, and then you went all happy and drooling and _insane_ inside that bloody city and just wouldn't return! What the hell were you thin… no, no, don't you tell me. I know whatever you say will be a lie or misdirection!"

"I… I just wanted to gather provisions," said Allen, because though it hadn't been what he had planned, it was true. "Here, we won't have to eat the rations today," said he, opening his bag, but a strong pain that made him see stars interrupted his thoughts. He fell to the floor, his recently bought goods scattering through the ground.

"You didn't lie and risk both of our lives to buy us trinkets! _Tell me you didn't!"_

Allen didn't answer, instead trying to touch his now pained face, for a moment thinking he could have dislocated his jaw. It seemed to be in place, but it hurt greatly nonetheless and he was sure he had heard something crack. That wasn't his greater worry, though – it was the furious man towering over in his tall form, almost unrecognizable in anger that was usually never directed towards him.

"It's… food…"

Yuu grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, a few buttons ripping and scattering in the ground. Hitting Allen's back against a tree, the dark haired exorcist then ripped away the brown wig and, using a piece of rough and dirty fabric that had been falling from his jacket, started rubbing it roughly against Allen's face. It took him a while to realize Yuu was removing his makeup – and, with it, some of his skin.

In that moment, there was not a thought about his visions and the strange things that had been happening to him. There were only the two of them, Yuu's battered body and his own bloody face. Still being held by a hurt but surprisingly strong arm, he wondered whether the beating would continue, but honestly couldn't find the will to defend himself.

They stared at each other like that, labored breaths and incessant insect bickering the only noise that cut the silence, until Yuu finally let his shirt go, grabbing his pulse in a none too gentle grip instead.

"W-where are we going?" Allen gathered the courage to speak, as he was practically dragged towards the river.

"Back to the camp. Don't think I didn't see you dawdling and walking towards another direction. Back before night, my ass," growled he, unrelenting in his hauling.

"The food," said Allen weakly, wondering whether he should really.

Yuu growled. "Get it already!" Allen turned back to the scattered food, noticing that the wrapped golem fortunately hadn't moved, so he started putting the objects back in the backpack, not thinking mentioning he was carrying what was possibly a Order tracking device would do any good to the current state of affairs.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Lavi and Crowley came back from their mission days later to find the encampment in such a bizarre state of affairs the pair's own tale about their travel paled in comparison.

He remembered noticing something was strange as soon as he entered the site. Though most exorcists tried to act normally, everyone seemed a bit strange, and he almost did a double take when he was greeted by Allen, who had a bloated face blemished by still healing bruises and a Kanda who seemed in a mood so fouler than usual even Lavi didn't feel bothering him would be terribly wise.

After reporting his findings, he quickly went to the others to get an explanation about what happened. And then he learnt about it all – Allen's 'disease', disappearance and return, together with Kanda, both looking battered and shabby and barely talking to each other, though the Japanese man seemed to be shadowing Allen relentlessly. It seemed Allen had decided to go on a walk and, all of a sudden, infiltrated a city nearby. It wasn't hard for the redheaded Bookman apprentice to connect the dots and understand what was truly happening to the boy, whereas others were only puzzled and quite worried.

It had started.

The moment he had been waiting for, the moment the old panda talked so much about and Lavi never truly believed. Yes, it had started, and he should be happy that this horrible stalemate in history was finally coming close to its end. Allen's actions meant one thing, and one thing only.

Lavi did his best to push away the discomfort he felt at the notion. He should be satisfied and ready to act when needed, so it wouldn't do to worry too much about… Allen. Things wouldn't bode well for the white haired pretender, but Lavi had always known that.

So he would watch those silver eyes from now on, until the moment they stopped belonging to their child leader. War killed good people and bad people, and there was nothing he could do about that.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·


	15. Eu não quero morrer

 

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

The Allen Walker pretender had been an annoyance, yes. He had been bringing up memories Nea would rather not dwell on, making the world reminisce and proclaim things the Noah couldn't ignore. But in the end, if Nea controlled himself properly, he could remove his focus from this mystery person's exploits and have them as nothing more than ignorable background noise in the very corner of his mind.

This, however, was too much.

It had been just a few days ago. A certain city had suffered an invasion by an exorcist. That by itself was relevant enough, but the specific city was what truly bothered him. It had been one of those important enough in his life and that of Allen's, so he had felt like checking the situation, and why not? He had certainly been in there enough times as to be able to easily open a door to it.

Stepping in tall, uncared for grass just a few seconds after making his decision, he stared at the area around him – buildings in decadence, streets barely visible and wild nature everywhere, that didn't hold any of the freshness inherent to most greenery, exhaling instead something very alike musty, old decay. It was funny, the effect Mana's disgusting creations could have in an area even years after touching it.

And still, he was ever so fond of the area. Was it cruel of him to care for a place that had been the home of torment and suffering to his young charge so long ago?

The rogue exorcist hadn't even managed to enter, his source said, but he still felt an itch. Years ago, in a bout of sentimentality, Nea had left one of his most prized possessions inside this very grove. It had been long ago, and felt somehow right. Allen had been so terribly fond of the playful little golem, he remembered. Actually, it had been one of the important keys in the development of their… relationship.

Nea had always meant to leave it to Allen, but then the boy died and there was no known grave. No matter what he did, Nea could never find the place where the body had been put to rest, and eventually he did what he thought as substitute for going to Allen's grave – he left the golem dormant at a place that had been part of the starting point of Allen's story.

With the recent invasion and the subsequent paranoia that threatened a whole investigation in the place, including this very grove, Nea finally understood how foolish his action had been. He would be damned if he allowed one of his first creations to be taken by the Order of all people. That would actually be a great insult to Allen's memory – allowing the boy's nemesis to get their hands into the small thing he had declared his friend.

Entering the tent but paying it no mind, as he had enough recollections for hopefully a long time, he went towards the box he had once closed himself, ready to take the golden golem from the middle of the fabrics he had carefully nested it in.

When he saw not only the box open, but the fabrics, now old and dusty, strewn aside, he knew something had gone very wrong.

Calm now gone, he immediately tore the box apart but, as he had suspected, there was nothing left but old circus rubbish. He then proceeded to inspect the whole tent, but it was for naught. Timcanpy was nowhere to be found, and the place had clearly been messed with recently. It had to be so; Tim would never wake up from the programmed slumber if not touched by one of his masters.

"Fuck," he cursed uncharacteristically, kicking a large ball nearby. He heard the rogue exorcist never managed to enter, but that was clearly not the case. Who was he? Who was this person playing Allen so well to the point of knowing this place, of knowing Timcanpy?

"Marian… curse you, if you are messing with me…" he threatened the redhead, but knew it couldn't be Cross. The man had no time nor reason to do any such thing.

Nea let out a tired breath. _Forget it_. He had wanted to ignore the impostor, but that had been far too much. He'd discover who it was – not Allen, he hadn't grown desperate enough to believe that – and understand exactly how and why he had so much knowledge, before the Noah would put an end to him.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Having enough data to calculate a route through which Order caravans would hardly pass, they finally left their spot in the forest, this time going East. Leaving the forest near the city meant also the near end of their uncomfortable food restrictions. The fact that Kanda had fought in an attempt to infiltrate the walls and had revealed himself as an exorcist only served to make their travel hasty, creating distance between themselves and the place of the battle hurriedly.

They had told the others they had, during Allen's fatidic 'stroll', decided to invade the city all of a sudden. Though the story had been improvised the moment they were asked, it wasn't nonsensical; in their world, they would frequently choose to take an action when an opportunity arose, lest it didn't appear again. It was also believable considering Allen's backpack, filled with useful goods as it was, and since invading a city was exceedingly difficult it made sense Kanda would some day fail in stealth and engage in combat. His clothes certainly reaffirmed his tale.

They now travelled in a line, Allen guiding them and Kanda right behind. The rabbit was the third of their procession, but was so silent it was the same as if he wasn't there. _All the better,_ though Kanda irritably. These past days, he had been absolutely intolerant of any of the idiot's drivel.

It was the third day of their journey and there had been five encounters with Akuma – and Allen, for some reason, had insisted on killing them all by himself. The sky started darkening and their pace slowed. The white haired boy eventually stopped, thus interrupting their walk.

"It is good if we stop here, don't you think?" asked he, but it didn't seem like a question as he had already started to set things down. "The point is high enough that we can easily see any sizeable forces approaching, but the greenery does a decent job of hiding us. It is a full moon and the climate is quite decent, so I doubt we will need to light a fire, too."

"Let's light one anyway. It will attract Akuma and we'll do a cleaning in the area."

"No way, Lavi," protested Laboun. "We are all tired. Nothing of that today."

Lenalee, Kanda and Allen weren't truly tired, she because of activating her Innocence whenever travel was needed in order to work as an scout and also preserve physical strength. Kanda and Allen had improved bodies, and Lavi was just strange. The others, however, were exhausted because of their pace.

Kanda observed the exorcists as they readied their sleeping places, some not even bothering to set tents. He also paid close attention to Allen, who had merely picked a square of terrain to call his own and had his backpack, now lighter, readied on his back once more. His eyes narrowed. Ever since the incident, he hadn't left Allen truly alone even for a moment, only keeping a short distance when the boy needed privacy. How could he leave the Allen by himself, when the younger looking exorcist could simply decide to wander off at a whim, uncaring of promises and his own safety?

The worst thing was also Allen's reaction to the whole affair. Allen seemed somewhat pressured by Kanda's admittedly overbearing surveillance, but he hadn't truly complained even once, his objections voiced as nothing more than feeble, halfhearted protests. Kanda could still remember wanting to beat the boy up back in that riverbank, so infuriated he now could admit he had been a risk to Allen's wellbeing, too.

After Allen had disappeared, Kanda had been an absolute mess out there. It took him only a few seconds of staring at the walls uselessly before he started freaking out. Allen's invasion of a city would hardly trouble him in a normal occasion, but the white haired exorcist was clearly out of his mind. Kanda could remember his uncharacteristically uncertain walking, his confused turns and mumblings to himself, not to mention the unusual lies. For all he had known, Allen had gone and walked to the guards without a care, and the many possible scenarios troubled him in more ways than he could admit.

So he had decided to enter the city, too. And, in retrospect, he should have known his attempt had been doomed to be a failure, but how could he have known Allen would return, unharmed and merry, just the other day?

An infiltration was a careful plan composed of previous data gathered about the city, close observation some days prior and a drawn schedule. He hadn't even managed to step inside the damned borders before sorcerers and Order exorcists rained upon him, starting a battle that, for a moment, he thought he wouldn't be able to leave alive. The other problem was that he didn't want to actually flee, considering Allen was still there, and thus avoided most of the chances he had. It was only after realizing the situation was too much even for him that Kanda drew back, running in an mortifying escapade from his pursuers. Deep wounds took long to heal, and he was eventually found in the border once more by a scouting team, the ensuing fight resulting in his victory but also the pitiful state in which an unscathed Allen found him. And to think the boy had the gall to be surprised at his furious reaction!

But that was it – that surprise. It was genuine, not a pretense to calm him down. Kanda wasn't perceptive of other people's emotions and wishes, nor was he interested to be, but if there was one thing he knew, it was when Allen was being genuine. That was because of the time when they were children, he was sure. Allen had grown, but he had always carried a part of the young boy he had been back then… and because Allen was always sincere to Kanda, the Japanese had taken that for granted. But when Allen lied or tried to hide things from him, it was as if that… _cleaner_ part of his nature disappeared. After Allen woke up, for a minute or so, it had been as if it had completely disappeared, though he hadn't been able to identify that back then.

Allen remained like that even as he smiled and reassured everyone, and that was why Kanda insisted in following him and see what was happening. But in the river, when they met once again… Allen all but _shone_ with his usual self. And Kanda was still angry, still wanted to beat him to a sorry pulp… but also felt some relief.

Allen hadn't changed back to that disturbing, slightly unhinged behavior of before, ever since then. But Kanda still watched him closely, even to the point of unpracticalness. One could perhaps question his decision but, when it was all said and done, Kanda had joined the group so he could help Allen out.

And if he had to babysit the beansprout through his temporary insanity, thought he as the object of his thoughts suspiciously distanced himself from the group, then so be it.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

"Let's stop here, it is a good place to rest. I'll just take a bath nearby," declared Allen with what hopefully passed as a convincing smile, as he slowly distanced himself from the others, "but I will be back soon."

"Don't worry," said Yuu with a large and slightly psychotic smile. "I'll make sure you do."

"I… see."

The others, having gotten used to this sort of interaction, respectfully refrained from commenting. Allen made his way to the waterfall close by, Yuu resuming his surveillance and watching Allen very closely, as he'd been doing lately.

All the time.

_All. The. Time._

"You can't really mean to keep staring at me like that as I… as I…"

Yuu's eyes narrowed, dark gaze displaying no hint of mercy. "I can, and I will. There's nothing there I haven't seen before, anyway. On with it!"

"But it's creepy to have a bath with you glaring at me as if wanting me dead!" exclaimed Allen in embarrassment. Should he just return to the others and deal with the fact that he'd need to bask in his own filth from now on?

Yuu grumbled something unintelligible before leaning against a tree, his back to Allen and the cascade of water. "Fine, you don't need to worry for your chastity. Just don't wander, understood? I can hear you, and if you even think about leaving –"

"I won't!" exclaimed Allen, wanting just to bury himself and die. Yuu had been so horribly mad and paranoid ever since Allen left, scrutinizing the boy's every movement as one would while guarding a particularly treacherous prisoner. Just yesterday, Allen had been watching the twilight and Yuu acerbically asked whether he was planning his next escape route, and don't let him even mention when night came and Allen mentioned that perhaps they should remain sleeping in different barracks.

Allen loved Yuu. Deeply.

But this was getting to be a bit too much.

…and worse yet, Allen couldn't really blame him.

He started undressing, piling the clothes neatly in the waterside and entering the water. Delighted at the freshness after a long travel, he picked his bathroom utensils and started scrubbing. A new bar of soap was one of his newly bought items, and he happily indulged in the luxury of taking a semi proper bath. Washing his hair and rinsing, he took note of Yuu's unmoving figure, still with his back to him as promised. A small smiled curved Allen's mouth, the first sincere one of the day. Yes, Yuu was being overbearing, but… Allen didn't know how he would deal with being alone. Yes, his friend didn't know what was happening, but having the constant watch did make him feel a little better, because he needed it right now. Yuu was there to make sure he would be fine. He glanced once more at his companion with affection, hoping the problems would be over soon and he would be able to thank him properly.

Something shifted in his peripheral vision and he tensed, carefully keeping his movements normal as to not alert whoever it was… it if was a person, that is. Allen knew it couldn't be Akuma, since his eye would have detected it, but people could be as dangerous as the demons, sometimes.

To his surprise, however, the movement was coming from his backpack, and he had two seconds to wonder whether it was a squirrel or some other animal looking for food, when he remembered what that meant and his heart sank.

The golem.

Allen had tied it down, tried to cut it from transmitting signals, but he should've known better than to just forget to check it eventually. It was as if he had hoped for an ignored problem to disappear, and that was incredibly foolish of him. He watched, tense, as the backpack moved once more. Perhaps it would stay there. Perhaps it would…

It left the bag, surprisingly silent. Stretching cramped looking wings and baring its teeth at him, the thing proceeded to fly away, and Allen wanted to just ignore it and let it go...

But he couldn't. The golem could have recorded many things about him already. There were only two choices, keep it or destroy it, and the latter option still bothered him intensely. He stared at Yuu, who had yet to see a thing. No way… he couldn't let him know. The taller man was pretty pragmatic, and wouldn't allow Allen to risk their safety by keeping a communication device of unknown origins. And that would be absolutely reasonable of him, too, which meant there would be no arguing against it. Worst yet, Yuu would be horribly mad when he discovered Allen had been hiding the golem from him. And considering how incensed the Japanese had already been this whole time… no, that wouldn't do at all.

Yuu's back was turned to him. Surely if he slowly left the water and left stealthily enough, the man would be none the wiser? Allen had many faults, but he could be very sneaky when it was needed, and the waterfall's noise would mask his own.

Making up his mind even as a part of him screamed _idiot, idiot_ with insistence in his mind, he left the water without making much noise, slowly put on his underwear and trousers and started making his way to the golem that had already disappeared in the greenery.

He felt very much like a child guiltily trying to correct his mistakes before they were known by his caretaker, he realized in embarrassment as he picked the pace up after being far away enough so as not be heard by Yuu. Now where was the golem? If it vanished, Allen would have to pursue it no matter what, and he couldn't disappear once more without being sliced in neat, tiny meat cubes by a certain samurai who could express his care in very… unorthodox ways.

After a minute of looking for the golem, Allen stopped, shoulders sagging with resignation. That was it – he had messed up. The golem would be long gone and impossible to find, and he had to return very soon or Yuu would realize his bath was taking far too long. He wouldn't make the mistake of before and disappear for hours, no matter how important the golem was. Perhaps he should explain his foolish mistake to everyone, or at the very least Yuu, so he could have some help in the search even if the prospects were dire. Just as he was ready to turn back, however, he saw a flash of gold.

To his surprise, the golem was quite close to him – hiding behind one of the trees, it seemed to lighten up at seeing Allen and quickly floated in his direction, but just out of his hand's reach. It then started flying away once more.

Was it… taunting him?

"No way," grumbled Allen, decided to end this for once and all. He was not in the mood to play. Allen was agile and precise; now that the golem had been seen, it had no chance. And it was with this overconfidence that he performed an impressive jump, quickly closing the distance between them and grabbed the golem with his white hand.

" _OUCH!"_ He screamed, blood dripping from the little ball's vicious bite. He stared incredulously at it and readied himself to use his Innocence, but then it floated to a rock in front of him, settling itself atop of it and opening its impressively large, fang-filled mouth.

For a short, silly moment, Allen expected some sort of mortal bean of destruction to fire and obliterate him. Instead of that, however, light shone from the mouth like it would from a flashlight, before it settled in the air as if hitting an invisible wall and condensed into the form of a person.

Any thoughts of capturing the golem flew from his mind, and Allen fell to his knees before the projection in front of him.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Kanda waited as the seconds passed. Once upon a time, he didn't like being still. The lack of activity made him think, and there were few good things to think about, and many unpleasant ones. Allen had taught him to be a somewhat patient person, however. Ever since they found each other, Kanda would sit in silence and sip from the cheap, trashy tea Allen liked to prepare and describe as excellent beverage. He would listen to the tales of the many things the boy had done, at first alone and then with his companions that he found one by one all by himself. Kanda then would tell about his own, like Allen liked to say, 'adventures', and with these pieces of information they shared at every opportunity they grew to overcome the barrier time had created, understanding the changes life had forced in each of them.

Then the method of finding and studying memories started, the process of trying to find his past self. He still remembered Allen's strong reluctance at teaching him, but there was nothing but positive things coming from then on. Kanda didn't care if he had a tragic past. It probably was, considering the Order bothered to keep him alive. So he was surprised to find good things, pleasant even, in the patches of the large fabric that composed his history. He performed the process whenever life allowed it, and started building enough as to truly fuel his desire to unravel it all. Allen had his mission from the past to guide him, and Kanda also wanted to continue from wherever he stopped who knows how many years ago.

So, basically, it all brought him a healthy habit of meditation and patience, even if he didn't care to apply the results in his interactions with the other exorcists. That's why he was calm and silent as he waited for Allen to finish his bath. The boy had been the only one to fight in the travel, so it was natural he would want to freshen up, and he had been behaving normally enough that Kanda could, perhaps, loosen the leash he had on him, as the saying goes.

Still, the boy was taking a damn long time, and he worried.

"Are you hurt?" he finally asked. He had gotten used to the fact that Allen basically didn't have a seal anymore, only an ugly tattoo made of bad memories. "Because you sure are taking damn long."

The waterfall's noise was the only answer he got, and he frowned, thoughts of peace and tolerance and other diplomatic gibberish quickly banishing from his mind. "Allen?"

Nothing.

"Oh no. Oh, no, you didn't," he whispered threateningly, before turning to the water and realizing that _yes_ , Allen did.

 _I will catch you,_ he swore to himself, to Allen and to whatever gods were watching him now, _break your legs, tie you to a stretcher, then drag you around. The others shouldn't care, as long as you are alive._

This must be how the parents of an impossible child must feel, he thought furiously. This enormous desire to strangle and protect at the same time, and why not do both? Where in the world could Allen be? Had he disappeared as soon as Kanda turned his back, or just a while ago? Was he planning on invading a city yet again, for some unknown, unexplainable reason?

Following the direction of wet footsteps that disappeared as grass started, he readied his body for a harsh, long travel. Allen could sure disappear when he wanted to; why, if he followed the same pattern of before, he could be anywhere by now – who knew if the boy even knew what he was doing. Kanda doubted it severely.

So it was to his immense surprise that it didn't take long for his search to stop, short as it was since he found Allen only three minutes after leaving. The boy was kneeling by a rock, his back to him, hair still wet by the interrupted bath, and Kanda's righteous fury deflated as soon as he noticed his shaking form.

"Allen?" he called in a tone softer than he expected to ever manage. The boy flinched, before turning to him in a movement so fast he stumbled and had to put a hand in the ground to steady himself. He then raised his eyes, wide and filled with fear, and Kanda ran towards him, kneeling in front of the white haired exorcist and holding one of his shoulders, the other hand running through the colorless strands. "What happened?" he prodded tentatively.

Allen was bare waist up, and his hands clenched something yellow between them. The normal hand was bloodied, skin torn in a bite mark.

"What is it?" asked Kanda, trying to pluck it from Allen's hand and hoping it would be a clue to whatever in the world was happening. Allen winced instead, grabbing the thing closer and clutching it to his chest, not allowing the other exorcist even a peek. Kanda was extremely disturbed by now, but tried to hide it.

Showing his own anxiety wouldn't help Allen, who was clearly unwell.

"What is it?" he urged gently once again, and the whole scene reminded him so much of Allen's first weeks as a scared, hurt child unable of proper speech that it _hurt_. "What is bothering you?"

Allen took shaky breaths, and Kanda knew better than to urge. They were alone. They had time, even if he felt the urge to rip every ounce of truth from the boy immediately. He would wait.

Turns out it didn't take so long, however, before Allen looked up at him once more, desperation now more subdued into sorrow.

"He is…" whispered Allen, getting Kanda's attention immediately, "he is going to kill me," he said finally, as if imparting a secret he had been holding for a very, very long time.

Perhaps he had been.

"Who?" demanded Kanda, because he didn't care who it was, he would end him. The samurai didn't even consider that someone dangerous enough as to put Allen in such a worrisome state of mind must be incredibly powerful; he would find this source of Allen's problems and destroy him, whoever it was. "Tell me," he growled. "Who is it?"

Allen opened his mouth and the name left it with equal amounts of fear and certainty, _"Allen Walker."_

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·


	16. Aviso Prévio

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

There it was, the fruit of his Akuma reprogramming technique. It was unprecedented and brought about possibilities unheard of. Quite an amazing skill, if he said so himself.

"But… how do I find him?"

A sigh.

One annoying fact about low leveled Akuma was that they were too dumb to properly follow orders. This one at least was a level two, and even then it was already giving him a headache. Were it a level one, Cross was sure he'd just give up and destroy the thing. Level ones were pathetic at imitating humans, and could think about nothing but killing in unintelligent ways.

"Not him. _Them_. Nea Campbell or Allen Walker. Who you find first doesn't matter, you know what you should say to each. I've even written it down for you just in case."

Cross would much rather go look for them by himself, but it would be too much of an inconvenience. Allen was just a tiresome, disagreeable little shit, no matter what his minions liked to say about him. And Nea, who was once an ally he would contact without a problem, had been growing very distrustful as of late.

And it was justified.

"Master Noah… yes, I can feel him," said the thing, twirling the cane in its fingers. It was a memento of the human whose body it inhabited now.

"Good, but unless he is wandering out of the cities, you won't have a chance of making contact. Look for Allen Walker instead. Exorcist, white hair, left hand Innocence," the Akuma trembled at the mention of the dangerous weapon, "but if you even _think_ he is nearby you better start explaining things right away. He will know when you are close and if you don't clarify matters, he will try to kill you."

Allen would anyway, but it would be better if the Akuma managed to pass his message first.

"Follow my instructions. Chances are you will find him. Now go," said Cross, dismissing the Akuma. It transformed and flew towards the direction it was pointed to, towards the place the general believed Allen to be. Hopefully, this one wouldn't be destroyed. Should that happen, Cross would have to confront the kid himself.

Nea would have a fit when he discovered Allen was alive. The boy had been always present in the Noah's mind no matter how much he denied it. Cross would rather not be in the nobleman's presence when the truth became known – the musician, when made irrational, could do much more than play songs.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

"He is… he is going to kill me."

In Kanda's heart, there had been a short lived optimism. Likely pressed by the terror that had been too much for him to deal with by his lonesome, Allen had finally decided to say what the problem was. The crux of the matter seemed to be someone threatening his life, someone so relevant even the typically independent exorcist leader had been losing his mind.

It was believable: whoever the enigmatic pursuer was, he'd been the one to somehow attack Allen in the tent. Even now, Allen sported a new wound in the same hand. It all admittedly made little sense, but having a target brought him a measure of sanity. He would track this person and destroy him; a name and a description, that was all he needed. He would now have an enemy whose destruction would end Allen's grief.

"Who? Tell me. _Who is it_?"

He'd terminate this individual for making Allen, who had grown from a defenseless child to a strong adult, fall into this terrorized state.

" _Allen Walker."_

But that boy always had the power to crumble any of his plans by merely opening his mouth.

"…what do you mean?" Kanda asked when his words finally found their way out. "Are you _suicidal_?"

"I'm not," answered Allen simply, as if he wasn't contradicting his previous statement.

"Then what do you mean by saying you are going to kill yourself?" he demanded, but his voice came out weaker than he intended it to be. The draining troubles of the past days had taken their toll on the Japanese exorcist, forcing him into a tired state, and this unending enigma wasn't helping.

From the moment Allen awoke, he had been Kanda's guiding light. Now it felt like that light was in his hands but dimmed every day, and there was nothing he could do about that but watch.

"I don't want to die," said Allen, interrupting Kanda's dark musings. He rocked back and forth a little, still in his kneeling position. "But he is going to kill me, anyway."

" _You_ are Allen Walker," Kanda felt the need to point out.

"I'm not."

Kanda shook his head in despondency. Everything now made him contemplate flashbacks from their time in the laboratory. He could still see it – Allen, his friend, the one who came to save him from the insanity that had been losing Alma. Yes, that thought made him very selfish, but that was what Allen had meant for him back then. But Allen had been too small and too different from Kanda's first friend, because the white haired boy was his own person.

One day, Allen started seeing lights in the dark, mysterious objects and phenomena in empty places. He would point to people that didn't exist when he was in solitude, describe things that shouldn't belong to this world. Kanda watched the little boy he'd wanted to protect becoming someone who lived in a different world only he could see, someone who interacted with things that didn't exist and said much nonsense, and Kanda had thought Allen demented due to grief.

And now, years later, it restarted: he was seeing the once normal Allen interact with invisible things, speak absurdities and live in his own dimension all over again. The suspicions about a mental disorder grew on Kanda once more, and it was even worse than in the laboratory. Back then, the visions had been temporarily taking Allen away from an horrible world. They couldn't hurt him, not down there in their cage of concrete and steel, where illusions had been preferable to reality.

But this wasn't the case here in the infamous _outside_ , where they fought almost every day with their lives on the line. Allen wouldn't last long if he succumbed to whatever plagued his mind.

Why in the world was this happening? Back then, Allen had proven he'd been right all along, and that his visions were the remembrances of tangible reality; so what could be causing such occurrences, now? Allen had been doing well during all these years. What had been the circumstances that had destabilized his mind? Until now, he had proven himself to be just fine…

_Kanda stared down at Allen, intense anger of the likes he hadn't felt in a while welling up inside of him like lava. "Every night you get to do it. To close your eyes and dive into your past, rebuilding yourself, recovering your history. That is what I want to do, also. I've always seen my past as something untouchable. Perhaps it is. But I want to try. Your memories used to appear without your consent… they were out of your control. Now, they are bent to your will. Surely you can help me with something, damn it!"_

His hands clenched as he concentrated. Why was he remembering this particular argument? It had been after a mission of sorts, and Kanda had decided to do the same immersion and meditation Allen practiced, but the boy had been strangely evasive of his requests. To this day, that reluctance from Allen's part still made no sense. And Allen had said…

" _Yes, I can. It is just… there are consequences, Yuu."_

" _Headaches, tiredness, and nausea, yes? You think I can't deal with these? You insult me!"_

" _There is more… ah, forget it."_

More?

More _what?_

Allen had eventually acquiesced to his demands, he remembered, and that had been it. Kanda had gotten the help he wanted, and never again questioned Allen's odd behavior, letting it fade from his mind.

To now know the strange behavior of his friend's had started much before the incident in the tent worried Kanda, but also made him thirst for new puzzle pieces. Allen didn't want him to do the memory recovery meditation, expressed the worry that something bad could happen. Something dangerous…

"Does this have something to do with your memories?" he asked very slowly. Allen jumped. _Bingo._

After that Allen remained silent, however, though now the fear seemed to have returned to his eyes, stronger than ever.

He pressed on. "I remember you didn't want to teach me how to retrieve my memories. Does your problem now have anything to do with that? Something to do with… _Allen Walker,_ " it was hard to acknowledge a third entity with the name Kanda knew belonged only to the person in front of him, but Kanda would humor the boy, "wanting to kill you?"

Allen's grey eyes widened more and more with each of his words, and Kanda's heart was beating fast with this new clue. He hated the idea of being right, but also wanted to get somewhere. This was his chance to unravel everything.

"Answer me."

Though unresponsive for a while, Allen's gaze never left his own, and then the boy deflated, face producing a weak but true smile. He leaned towards Kanda, his breath hot in the dark haired man's ear.

"You shouldn't explore the memories any more, Yuu. It's a mistake," he whispered as if saying a very crucial secret. "Be happy… with what you have now," he continued in that small, almost inaudible voice, "don't be like me. Don't look for more."

Kanda leaned back, holding Allen's face so close to his own they almost touched. He could see the small details of the boy's almost monochrome irises, framed by familiar white lashes, and the shivering that reverberated through his body. "What if I do. If I want more, if I want my memories, what happens?"

Allen's smile grew slowly, from small to large and then deranged, lips stretched and showing so many teeth but still managing not to display even a hint of happiness. Kanda felt the urge to jump far away, but held himself in place. "Then… Yuu kills you," Allen imparted, before his caricature of a grin dropped and he shook, features giving way to that terror once more. "D-don't let that happen, okay?" Allen pleaded, voice rising more with each word. "You still have time. Don't let that happen! Don't-"

Kanda was alarmed. "Allen!"

"I remember that discussion," cried Allen, tears welling in his eyes and leaking fast. "I warned you, b-but the warning should have served to me as well," he laughed loudly and brokenly. "I guess you are the older brother, Yuu, even though I called you _otouto_. I-I'm only a few years old. I don't have any idea of what I'm going to do, anymore," he said, eyes moving frantically and staring at everything but Kanda. "Will I even get to it? I'd like to-"

"Get a hold of yourself!" shouted Kanda, as seeing Allen like that had made his own body tremble and his own self become desperate, too.

Fear was indeed contagious.

"Don't let him k-kill you too, Yuu," Allen continued, undeterred by Kanda's outburst. "They want to live too, but it isn't fair. We aren't fake. W-we are people too, right?"

"What… care to _explain?_ "

"He said it wouldn't hurt, but it does," confided Allen in a low voice, and though his eyes were directed to Kanda's, he could be as well staring at a faraway tree. "He broke my hand, and he said I'm going to be destroyed-"

Kanda embraced him, tight and uncaring of Allen's hands that were still placed between them both, clenched around the thing. Kanda embraced Allen because he wanted to silence his dooming words, and also because he just felt the need to.

Allen leaned into him, his hot cheek touching Kanda's shoulder, as the taller rubbed circles on his back.

"We will find a way through this. No one is going to die," he swore. "Not you, at the very least."

"We can't do anything," lamented Allen. "we can't…"

"Of course we can," said Kanda, even if he didn't really know what to do. "There is a way for everything. Just… stay with me. We will finish whatever torments you."

"I don't think so, no."

Those words also left Allen's lips, but the tone was so alien Kanda froze. His arms fell from Allen's sides, and he slowly distanced himself, fearing to look at Allen's face… but he did.

It was serious, almost expressionless, not a hint of either sadness or joy. The eyes were clear and focused, but not in a way that brought him any respite.

Such a sudden change couldn't possibly be natural.

"Allen-"

"So selfish," said the smaller exorcist. "I can only feel sorrow for the one who is dead inside of you."

"What do you mean?" he asked even though he understood, with dread, what… _Allen_ meant.

Allen's eyes narrowed, and he let out a heavy, tired breath. "Huh? I don't know?"

A heartbeat. "Allen?"

The other's countenance seemed quite drained all of a sudden, the previous spell broken. "Yuu? What…" Allen's confused frown turned into dread. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Kanda stayed still and silent for a while, before shaking his head. "Nothing. Get up, we've been here long enough," he said, abruptly getting back to his feet and shaking the dust from his trousers. "I don't even have your pack," he continued, avoiding the white haired boy's eyes.

He didn't want to see what he saw ever again.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

"You seem pretty calm," remarked Allen, staring at Kanda as the samurai stood by the tent's entrance.

"So do you," answered Kanda, looking at the boy. Allen was quite composed if you compared his current state to his breakdown in the clearing. He could even pass as a tranquil, unbothered person, were it not by the hands that still gripped the golden object for so long they had to hurt.

Kanda turned away, ready to leave. "Aren't you going to insist we share the tent today?" asked Allen, trying to sound mirthful but letting a drop of anxiety reflect in his tone.

"I'm not," said Kanda. "Somehow, I don't think you will wander off tonight."

Allen's smile became forced. "I see," he answered. "Then I will see you tomorrow."

The taller man didn't answer, leaving the tent and its troubled inhabitant inside.

 _Don't worry,_ thought Kanda, easily understanding Allen's feelings. _I'm not abandoning you._

And with that, instead of arranging his own sleeping place, he carefully circled Allen's tent and set himself behind it, leaning close and creating small opening large enough for him to spy, careful so he wouldn't be seen or heard.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Allen stared at the tent's flap, watching as it was opened to let Yuu out and fell closed after that. By then, his smile had evaporated into nothing, stomach shifting uneasily.

 _This is how it should be,_ he assured himself. _This is surely for the best._

Yuu should be kept as far from this dangerous mess as possible. He was, after all, a potential victim to the same dread Allen suffered.

Just thinking about it made him want to get up and do something, but he felt as impotent about Yuu's situation as he felt about his own. He'd done what he should have so long ago: he had warned his friend. Now he could only hope the man would follow his advice.

Yuu had been ever so patient with him, hearing him out even after he broke his word yet again and left the waterfall. Allen told him the truth, and then Yuu helped him up, took him back to the water so he could wash his dirty clothes and, some time later, guided Allen back to the encampment. If Allen felt too weak and leaned on the Japanese the whole way, no one said anything; Yuu just guided the white haired boy's faltering steps with his own surer ones.

And now Yuu had left, and that was the best outcome he could hope for. Truly, Yuu had done what any rational person would: realizing that Allen's predicament was too complex and hopeless to deal with, he'd gone away, interrupting that constant watch that had been making the both of them crazy these days.

That had been making Allen feel safe.

He directed his attention to the thing inside his hands, opening them and flexing hurt fingers. Allen had been holding it for so long and without paying attention to the strength he used that it was a wonder the golem was still whole. Long tail and delicate wings started unfolding clumsily, clearly unused to the rough treatment.

"You will show me it," deadpanned Allen, uncaring of its clear discomfort. "Once more. All of it."

It was all so surreal, he wanted to pretend he hadn't seen anything in the forest, but he knew the truth would be pushed into him once again sooner or later.

"Show me, or I will destroy you," he declared sincerely.

He'd had too much.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Kanda's eye observed the inside of the tent, peeking through the small slit that he had previously cut. It was large enough as to allow him to, with some luck, watch the proceedings inside without revealing his presence.

He noticed Allen's back was to him, and for a while he thought that unfortunate. Then he saw something fly in a strange pattern in the air – something that shone like bright gold even in the dim light inside the tent.

A golem.

Before he could even start measuring the losses they could suffer by having an unknown golem brought to their midst, he heard Allen's demands and threat to the thing and stilled himself. The golem flew to the floor and opened its mouth and from it, to Kanda's surprise, an image was projected.

It had been a bit of a shock. At first there was only Allen in the tent and then, in the matter of a second, another person appeared, semi transparent but very visible. Kanda had seen holograms before. They were a technology only used by the Order, and Tiedoll owned a golem that could reproduce such a thing.

No, what made him so surprised was _who_ was being projected.

The image that flickered and then condensed in the air was that of Allen himself, smiling, his countenance friendly and light. He was donning the same clothes he'd worn during his first escapade; Kanda had the outfit memorized, the image of it splattered with Allen's blood when Kanda hit the boy's face still fresh in his mind. His face was free of any wound, however, proving the record had been made before their conflict by the river. Behind him was dirty, leathery fabric, and he sat over fabric covered ground, but that was all the area shown by the holograph revealed before it reached its limits.

" _Hello… Allen,"_ he started, _"I'm sure at this point in the game I don't need to explain what is happening. I just thought you'd like to speak to the second consciousness in your mind…"_

Kanda's mouth opened in shock. Once upon a time, he would wonder what in the world would persuade Allen to record a message where he spoke to himself… now, however, he knew there was much more to it than he could have imagined, and it wasn't hard to connect the dots after everything he had seen, heard and remembered today.

" _Yes, this is I, the one you have labeled as a cluster of memories you wish to rid yourself of."_ Even as he touched the harsh topic, Allen's tone was easygoing, though grey eyes dimmed a bit at the last words.

" _But there is the thing, Allen. I am not a cluster of memories. I am a person. A guy with a life, hopes, dreams, projects,"_ continued he, mouth now twisting in displeasure, _"and then it all ended when I died, killed by my father's… sword_ ," he confided, face finally setting in seriousness appropriate for the situation.

" _Then again, I am not dead, am I? For better or worse, I survived… even if only to wake up as a mere spectator, unable to lift a finger. An unwelcome presence in someone else's body… or am I? I never managed to decide whether you and I are the same, separated by a mental disorder caused by brain damage… or if you are an artificial personality, devised by the Order to suppress me while wielding my Innocence and using my eye._

" _Did you know, Allen, that during all this time, you've been ripping off parts of me? I've stopped offering them to you, but you learned to force me open and peruse every inch you wanted, little by little, while at the same time you denied my existence."_

His eyes hardened. _"You say you are Allen Walker. I say you are not. How could you? Isn't it I who have been born in the slums, raised unloved, abandoned and then captured by the Order and treated like an animal? I wanted to change the world, and I would have done it, if I hadn't made the mistake of believing my own father would never hurt me."_

The projection took a deep breath; some sweat now clung to his brow. _"I am getting ahead of myself. Just trust me when I say this situation brings me no satisfaction. You aren't someone I hate, yet you stand in the way. I've been watching you, getting to know you and even grown somewhat fond. You are a good boy. But you've had a few years, and did nothing more than a mere maintenance in the world of the exiles. Whatever you did of impressive, you did with the help of the knowledge you stole from me, and even then, not as well as I would."_

He sighed, seeming more tired and aged than ever. _"I'm going to be frank with you, Allen: you aren't going to survive this war."_

At this, his already harsh breathing became even heavier and more uncertain. The projection's grey eyes narrowed in pain, and shoulders drooped as he seemed to lose most of the energy that maintained his indignation up until now.

" _I… hate what I am doing. Without me, you are essentially a young child… and here I am, twenty years older and saying I'm going to kill you,"_ the recorded Allen whispered. _"But I guess this is war. For all it is worth… I am sorry. Not for my ideals;_ never _for them. But for having to hurt you, who are one of the children I should protect. There is just too much to be done, too much you do not understand, and I am the one who can do it. Forgive me, Allen, but I can't give up."_

His frame now shook, exhaustion taking over. _"I don't hate you and don't see you as the enemy, but this is what the Order has done with us. You are a good person, I shouldn't…"_ he shook his head, interrupting the trail of thought. _"It… isn't going to hurt, alright? It will happen… little by little. Someday it will be over and you won't even know it. I… will win this war, Allen. I owe it to many people. And I owe it to you, who I am going to… put to rest."_

He smiled, eyes touched by regret, but none of the tears that pooled there fell. _"It is scary, isn't it?"_ whispered he, filled with unbearable pity. _"Think of it as the Order's fault. It is always them… who ruin life for us."_ Then he lost his equilibrium, falling to his side. _"Tim? I d-don't think I can do this anymore. Please sto-"_

The image disappeared with a short click, leaving only the tent and its silent inhabitant inside, cold emptiness lingering where a few seconds ago the two Allens had been. The abrupt interruption made everything so surreal; the now darkened tent felt as if this was just another night, and nothing of relevance had ever happened. But the dire warning had been burned into the minds of the two viewers and became unforgettable. Allen was silent and unmoving; the future as they had imagined seemed to have been put to an end before it even started.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

He saw the boy only a few years ago, but it felt like an eternity. Helping him back then had been an impulse with everlasting consequences to the aging general. To this day he still worked hard to properly cover the many years he raised the young exorcist in secret, and his heart ached because he hadn't seen him for so long.

But he never regretted doing that. And it hurt not to know how the boy was, yes, but he had known the day teacher and apprentice took different paths that they probably would never see each other again.

It had gone against his every instinct. If Tiedoll had raised the child, if he had taught him to speak English and read and write, and if he taught him how to synchronize with his weapon and fight, it wasn't because of the Order. It had been for the boy himself. To see him leave to walk by his lonesome in what was basically an apocalyptic world had been almost impossible. He had contemplated telling him to stay many times.

But that fire that had burned in Yuu's eyes, that strong determination to see his friend again told Tiedoll it would be all pointless. That self appointed mission of Yuu's was what kept him alive, and he would never wish to change that.

So he spent his time since then thinking about him. More often than not, his thoughts limited themselves to the most crucial question: was Yuu even alive? The cruelty of not knowing the young exorcist's location was that he had no means to know about his welfare. But, should Yuu be dead by now, that cruelty was also a mercy. There were some news he'd rather die ignorant of.

Sometimes he pondered about whether Yuu had found Allen, too. He didn't like imagining his boy could still be alone amidst the hunger and disease of the wild. And that was all Tiedoll's feelings were limited to: wishing and wondering. He had nothing of Yuu but his memories.

Who would have imagined, then, that he would be presented today with a picture of the young man he considered a son?

"General?" asked the other exorcist who had handed him the printed slip of paper. "Are you alright?"

It was then that Tiedoll remembered that it wasn't normal for a general of the Black Order to tear up at the sight of a rogue exorcist who's supposed to be a complete stranger, so he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down.

"I am quite fine," he assured the now skeptic man, but fortunately he wasn't pressed for more. "So, who is this?" asked he about the picture, even though he knew that person very well.

It was Yuu, the photograph as recent as he could hope. He seemed to be in a forest of sorts. He was dressed in heavy pants, a shirt and resistant looking boots that almost got to his knees. The garments were torn apart, exposing battle wounds that bled profusely. Half of his chest was exposed, displaying the always present tattoo that had to be hard at work even as the picture was taken. Mugen was ready in his hand, blocking an attack from someone the cropped photograph didn't allow him to see.

"That's an exorcist who tried to invade the city general Yeegar is now stationed at," explained the man. "Almost got captured, too, but he was such a good fighter he managed to escape from Order exorcists and the Crow. Even killed some officers who were told to follow him. I heard it was pretty messy, and no one saw him ever since."

"I see. That's a pity," lied Tiedoll, eyes still glued to the precious square of paper in his hands. "And this picture…?"

"Taken by one of the exorcists' golems. It's the best one we got of him." The brunet stared at Yuu's picture for a while more. "Really, I can't understand, general. Why must people like him flee from the Order? The outside is hell in earth, is it not? Anyone there would give almost anything to be inside a city, and exorcists have a free pass. I just don't get it."

Tiedoll looked at him with an understanding expression. This particular exorcist had always been a compliant one, agreeing with the Order's views and never questioning the commands he received. It was normal he had yet to see worst side of the organization he worked for, one that wouldn't hesitate to torture him or use his family members as leverage so as to make him obey. "Yes, I also wonder," he said instead. "I must ask, however, why you gave me this." Tiedoll was secretly grateful for the picture, no matter how dire the situation it was taken in, but the way he received it was odd.

"This guy is an important target," answered Chaoji. "I know any accommodator is, but he is a special case. For some reason, Central wants him no matter what."

Tiedoll raised an eyebrow. "The Order always pursues rogue exorcists."

"Yeah, but this one is different. They are sending whole squads after him! It is a class A mission. They put him under the same priority as Allen Walker!"

It was only through the same self control he had developed in order to lie to his superiors many times that Tiedoll managed to look neutral, masking his faster heartbeat and his dread. "Is that so?"

"Yeah, I wonder whether he is also a very dangerous criminal. Anyway, they sent you this picture because when you travel you are supposed to look for him, too. Please excuse me, general. I have this afternoon off and I plan to enjoy it."

The old exorcist paid no attention to the Chinese man's blabbering, allowing him to leave without a glance. As soon as he was by himself, his grip on the picture tightened, and he had to stop himself from accidentally tearing it.

Yuu was alive. Alive, and that was the best gift he could have asked for.

It was a pity that the good news refused to come without a negative counterpart.

_What in the world have you done to get the Order's close attention, Yuu?_

He sighed, fingers touching the image of the fighting exorcist affectionately.

 _If the Order wants me to look for you, that is what I am going to do, indeed,_ he thought. It had never been a choice.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·


	17. Inimigo Intocável

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Kanda didn't know for how long he stood there, unmoving, eyes still glued to the discreet cut he'd made in Allen's tent. There was a chance he could be caught spying, either by a member of the group or by Allen himself, but it mattered little to him right now.

Today had changed everything.

Never before he had thought he would prefer the idea of a mentally sick Allen, but it seemed less dire than the reality that had presented itself. He had assumed things couldn't get any worse than they had been, had expected the truth to be the way towards a solution… now that he knew it, however, there was no sense of relief, only a worry even worse than the already great one he had been carrying ever since things started falling apart.

How had Allen managed to endure this all by himself, and for how long?

He observed the boy's back, heavy with defeat and anxiety. Allen's countenance was very much a reflex of Kanda's own and the Japanese knew, right now, that the one he was looking at right now was his Allen.

But… for how long would he be able to make sure of that?

Kanda had grown in a world where swinging his blade had been his way to survival. Yes, there was intelligence and cunning involved in staying alive, whenever he infiltrated a city, spoke to one of his contacts in order to arrange his trades or traced the correct paths. But that had always been a small part of the whole picture. Mostly, his day to day was filled with unceasing violence. No matter how smart and crafty you could be, there were times when raw strength, speed and instinct would be demanded in order not to become prey to Akuma, Order officials or exiles alike. Kanda, as a master of his sword, had been able to excel and endure for a time far longer than one would expect from a lone traveler.

Now, for the first time, he was confronted by a new kind of fight – probably the most important one of his life – but Mugen remained deactivated, unable to aid him in winning it.

What good would it do to unsheathe his weapon, when destroying the enemy also meant killing the one you wanted to protect?

What in the world would he do now, and how long before it was too late?

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

And despite all that time passes, indifferent to people's hopes and sorrows.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

_Three months later_

Gloved fingers tied the remaining package closed, before placing it in the very last free space in the large pack. Closing it, the white haired boy placed it over his back and turned to the others.

"Let's go," said he, instead of the usual 'is everyone ready?' that would possibly be followed by someone who couldn't quite finish their packing and a collective and somewhat humorous effort to fit everything inside. Everybody was, indeed, ready to go; it was like the past months had imposed an efficiency they didn't have before.

Still, some things didn't change.

"Er, Allen," said Laboun, in reluctance that used to be uncharacteristic of him, "Lenalee and Miranda, they haven't-"

"I'm quite aware they are late," Allen cut the other man's speech, "but it won't do to dawdle in the area any more. We have planned meeting points; hopefully, they will find us soon."

No one said anything else, and it was for the best.

Three months ago, after Allen's very last mental crisis, the shorter exorcist had been initially filled by a great insecurity that stopped everyone in their tracks. Kanda had expected such a thing to happen, hardly imagining the boy would be able to continue leading a group in this awful world while under such a great strain. But day after day, and week after week, despite Kanda's attempts to try to keep him from the others and find a way to stall their progress without causing much damage, Allen's attitude started changing dramatically. In less than a month, the boy was filled by a conviction unseen in him before, and he started driving the group in their work with a ruthlessness that had been unexpected and, for a while, received with mixed reactions.

That night months ago, after watching the projection, Kanda had initially wanted to barge in the tent and try to soothe the boy somehow, but felt a strong hesitation. That message had been the proof of his newly found fears, the menace behind it tangible and ominous. Even as he stood in front of the entrance, he hadn't known what to do. Allen was being threatened by his past self who, for some reason, wasn't the same person as the white haired boy he knew. And though Kanda still needed some time to process what in the world was happening, the fact was that he simply didn't know what to do.

They started their travel, not as fast as enhanced bodies could manage, but quickly enough so as to strain everyone to a point. Kanda made sure to march in his usual spot by Allen's side, even if being in that place was becoming harder as of late. The boy who initially had isolated himself inside his tent after some time started interacting with others again, and then grew in sureness and resolve and started changing everyone's dynamics; that newfound independency also meant he became much harder to accompany, and it was now impossible to watch his every step.

Despite any discontentment, however, it was obvious Allen had been producing more results than ever in his quest. Plans had been traced, not merely to stay alive or stop the Order from progressing any more, but now also to actively destroy it in a future that seemed nearby. Allen had now a determination in his eyes that was so strong that, despite tiredness and fear, everyone in the group obeyed him wholeheartedly. The boy wasn't by any means rude, but the warmth of before had given way to an impersonal way to deal with others and yet, notwithstanding the receding friendliness, he brought a certain sense of purpose to everyone… or rather, he made their purpose stronger than ever.

"It is because we have never felt safe, to start with," clarified Reed two weeks ago, when asked by Laboun about everyone's determination and effort. Laboun had initially felt slightly unsettled by the stricter demands from their leader and the absence of the amiable allowances of before. "We already live in paranoia and fear of death, ever since becoming exorcists. So if we have to live this way, it is better if we at least have hopes of a better future… if we see the fruits of our labor faster. I have friends who did everything they could for me, even after discovering I had an anti Akuma weapon. If they sold my location to the Order, they would have been rewarded very generously. Instead, not only they kept my secret, but also did everything they could to protect me." He seemed saddened by the memories, and poked the fire with a stick, releasing it when it started being consumed by the flames. "I don't know where they are, and the possibilities of what they could have gone through after I left are dire. Winning this war… is the least I owe them."

"Allen has always been our hope," Miranda had said then, also staring unflinchingly at the bright flames. "If he found a way to end this hell, then we will do whatever we can to help."

That night the whole group, sans Allen, sat to eat and talk about what motivated them until now. It was likely a way to maintain their strength of mind, and everyone but Kanda spoke about their motives and why they were now more optimistic than ever, despite the newfound hardships. Kanda had been the only one to just listen and stay silent, and no one questioned him. It was likely because he was the one who had shown himself the closest to Allen and also the one the boy most trusted.

Or at least, _had_ trusted. As of now, it was difficult to say; they had grown distant, even if appearances showed otherwise. And for the life of him, Kanda couldn't say whether the one he now lived with was his Allen or not.

For a long time he hadn't known, for sure, the identity of the one lurking behind silver eyes. Instinct and familiarity told him his Allen had been fading in the same proportion that the confidence in the boy had grown… but he tried not to fall for mere assumptions.

It wasn't to say Kanda hadn't interacted with Allen. Not once had the boy tried to avoid him, always ever so friendly and apparently open, more than he would be to anyone else. But that could very well be a pretense, and Kanda found himself stuck in paranoia. Every gesture, every single word poisoned him with doubt. The uncertainty on whether Allen was himself or not tormented Kanda day and night: he couldn't say a single sentence to the boy without having it carefully calculated… and he feared the shorter exorcist was acting the same way towards him.

Kanda had never spoken of what happened that horrible day, not after what he saw in the tent. The memory was fresh, the worry new and still growing, and the urge to take Allen to a side and speak frankly to him was too great. There was so much to say. Kanda wanted to tell him he was aware of the problem, that solving it would become his life's mission; he wanted to formulate a plan with Allen, to try somehow to make progress out of this ordeal together with him. More than everything, he wanted to have a frank conversation with Allen, the first one in three long months, but…

…he simply couldn't. When enemy and friend inhabited the same body, what could he do? What if it wasn't Allen looking at him, listening to him and speaking to him, but that other Allen, the very one Kanda was planning against?

It is impossible to be open when you don't know who you are talking to.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

"Rabbit."

The redhead stopped writing in that mysterious book of his, one he always carried around and wrote in but that seemed to never run out of pages.

"Yuu?"

Lavi had known him long enough to know Kanda wanted to be called by his last name, and obviously expected an angry reaction in that amused, infuriating way of his. His body was already tensed, ready to jump at the slightest sign of violence.

But Kanda, for the first time, didn't have the energy to attack or even rebuke the insufferable exorcist; instead, he went direct to the point.

"I need a favor from you," he declared. Lavi raised an eyebrow, and Kanda decided he didn't like the way he had sounded. "Scratch that. It is a favor for Allen. He is going to be the one benefitting from it, after all."

That seemed to get the other's attention; his body relaxed and he leaned back in ease. "What is it, then?"

"Have you ever heard about Froi Tiedoll?"

Lavi chuckled. "Well, of course. He is a general, no? Never saw him, though. I don't fancy them, the Generals. Could cut us in tiny bits without much effort, really."

"That's right," said Kanda, without preamble, "and I want you to contact him."

The redhead didn't answer for a while, staring at him with one incredulous green eye. "Huh, man," he said then, seeing as Kanda wasn't about to take his words back, "did you hear even a word of what I just said?"

"Tiedoll won't kill you," snarled Kanda with impatience, "he's not violent-"

"I'm a fugitive, and he's a general-"

"He doesn't care!" exclaimed Kanda, knowing Lavi was his only chance. It was either the hammer wielding exorcist or himself, but Kanda couldn't leave Allen alone, not for so long. Lavi even had a better chance than him, with his extensive contacts and knowledge. Kanda hadn't contacted Tiedoll all these years for a reason; it was an almost impossible thing to do, and would likely result in death or a lifetime sentence in prison – for him or for them both.

And now, Kanda needed to convince the rabbit to go and do what he hadn't been able to by himself.

Lavi seemed uncharacteristically skeptical. It was strange, seeing that face that was usually distorted into those abhorrent smiles now displaying a certain degree of calculation.

"How would you know?" asked the boy finally. "You are best friends with the old man or something?"

Kanda realized, in that moment, that Lavi wasn't making a joke. In his words there was true speculation, and Kanda would have demanded the reason if he didn't have more pressing worries to deal with.

"I know him… very well," admitted Kanda and, seeing as Lavi wasn't saying anything, he clenched his teeth. "He… he has stayed with me for a while, years ago." No good. He shouldn't be saying anything about Tiedoll. Should this cause the man any trouble, he'd never be able to pay for this treason… but the need for the blasted boy's cooperation was too great, and he was willing to risk everything.

 _Even the general_ , he thought, bitter but accepting of the fact; the other option was to leave Allen unattended and that, in the end, was never a choice.

Lavi chuckled and in that moment Kanda would admit, if only to himself, that the boy looked a little sinister.

"So that's what he was doing during those years, huh?" the boy murmured to himself.

Kanda, however, could hear murmurs very well. "What did you say?" he asked, tense. What did Lavi know, and why? He had never expected, not even once, that the idiot would know anything about this whole mess.

"Let's say I like knowing what happens around," said Lavi easily. "It's what makes me useful in this group, you know. Now, why don't we make a deal, Yuu? You tell me an interesting story, and I will try to do whatever is it that you want so much."

He had him.

And for the life of him, he would make that boy pay for forcing him to do that; but as of now, he needed help, and only the redhead could offer it to him. He knew it, and so did Lavi.

He sat down abruptly, ready to edit and omit as many facts as he could, and already mentally asking the general for forgiveness.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

" _Next time I visit a city, I will do as you asked,"_ Lavi had promised him, after managing to extract much more from Kanda than the Japanese had expected to reveal. He didn't want to think the reason behind the interest on a few years of the general's life.

With Allen giving them tasks so frequently, it didn't take long for the redhead to depart – but not after receiving a very clear warning from Kanda about what exactly would happen to him should he use the information to trouble the general in any way.

Kanda blamed himself for risking Tiedoll's safety but, at the same time, knew he would do it all again if he had to. His only chance was in the data from the Second Exorcist Project, and the general must have enough clearance so as to get his hands in some archives. Komui, one of Allen's contacts, was a scientist, but Kanda had never directly messaged him and couldn't trust the man. Instead, he would try to arrange a meeting directly with the general. Hopefully, the man still enjoyed some of the freedom he had had in the years he raised Kanda while they were hidden from the Order.

Hopefully… he would agree to listen to Kanda, after all this time.

Tiedoll was no scientist, but was quite knowledgeable. Perhaps he would be able to get him a clue on the effects the experiments could have had in Allen's mind. He looked at the other exorcist, who had just finished talking to the leader of a group of exiles. It was so difficult to make plans with the boy as a centerpiece without telling him about them. He remembered the look Allen had after being left by himself in the tent before the projection; Kanda had promised, even if silently, that he wouldn't abandon him, and he hadn't – but he wanted to reassure the boy somehow.

"Allen."

The white haired teenager stopped his movements, turning towards him. Silver eyes blinked, and Kanda bit his lip. "Yes?"

Kanda took a deep breath, before staring at the other's eyes unflinching, not showing a sign of fear. "Don't you worry," he started, and then he placed his hands over the boy's shoulders. "You are going to win. Do you understand? You are going to emerge victorious. Please believe that."

Allen seemed surprised at his declaration, as he should be; Kanda hadn't showed any sort of hostility at the boy lately, but hadn't been this open either. Allen finally smiled.

"Thank you," said he, resting a hand over one of Kanda's own. "I'm quite aware. The Order has its days counted."

Kanda tried his very best to react with proper satisfaction, though he was far from content: Allen's answer hadn't been the one he had wanted to hear; he hadn't been talking about the Order.

But despite the misunderstanding, he still stared deeply at those eyes he'd been avoiding the past months, hoping to discover the secrets they guarded. "You have always been strong. Keep fighting. You can do it," he said, trying to reach the one he truly wanted to speak to.

Allen turned his gaze to the horizon, the healthy shine from his eyes gone. "Yeah. Don't stop, keep walking. I know, I know," said he, before shaking Kanda's hands off gently and leaving him behind, not showing a sign of recognition.

It was really unbearable.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

And as days went by and Lavi just wouldn't come back, it only got worse.

Today, part of the group had stayed to clear a community free of Akuma. With Lavi gone, Allen and Kanda had gotten to the meeting point first. The boy had readied them a quick meal, and they sat side by side in a log, eating a soup that would be better if it only had more than just one kind of vegetable. Kanda spooned the thing into his mouth automatically, but was far more aware of the person sitting to his right than of the weak potato meal inside his bowl.

They finished and remained together in silence, and that was agonizing for him. It had been months since he had last spoken to Allen – truly spoken to him, without the careful words filled with double meanings. His hands clenched hard, his body almost succumbing to the urge to tremble, the urge to lose his control and fall apart right then. These past months had been, to him, about a restraint of such extent he had never had to put so much effort in controlling himself before. Outwardly, he hoped he seemed only slightly disturbed. It wouldn't do to become transparent in front of the one before him.

He didn't know whether it would be safe.

The pressure of the last weeks seemed to have accumulated, however, and he would burst if he didn't release it somehow. His friend had to be alive. Allen had to be alive, by his side, right now, and he would wait no more in order to confirm it.

"We… have to continue with our… mission, Allen," said Kanda finally, awkwardly, but trying to make a point… trying to reach Allen where he had failed so many other times. "I'm sure we can do it-"

"I understand. You don't have to tell me that, you know."

"What I mean-"

"The Order ruins our lives again and again, and every single person in our little group has been a victim from them. That is why I count on you all to eradicate their evil from this world," said the boy in that preaching voice of his. Allen raised his eyes, unfamiliar eyes Kanda had been trying to hard to avoid. They seemed as infected, as corrupted and wrong as they had been that day when Kanda had the unpleasant experience of watching Allen being temporarily taken over by the enemy. "It is good to have you by my side in this journey, Kanda," continued he, still by his side, ignoring the fact that the taller man was very obviously close to a breakdown.

Not Yuu. Kanda.

_Kanda._

There was only one occasion when Allen had called Kanda by his last name – it was right after awakening from those feverish dreams, he now remembered. Kanda realized, nauseated, that it hadn't been his friend back then.

And the one by his side today wasn't Allen, either. Not at all.

Unable to endure it anymore, Kanda got up from his seat in a flash, running towards the shelter of trees. He couldn't determine whether it was because of the unbearable nausea he felt right now or the revulsion at the idea of staring at Allen's face and not seeing him.

He only managed to run a few meters inside before he fell to his knees and lost his lunch. He vomited everything he had in his stomach and more, convulsing violently, nails gripping the earth, yet his body's discomfort was the least of his problems.

Kanda was very sick, and stayed in there for quite a while, trying to regain his breath, when all of a sudden he felt a touch on his bent back – so surprising, so unwelcome, when had _he_ followed him? – and the hand moved in circles slowly, a parody of the way Kanda had tried to comfort Allen long ago. Kanda raised his eyes towards… Allen, who was kneeling by his side, seeming worried about his discomposure.

He couldn't take it.

Slapping the hand away so violently it had to have hurt, Kanda jumped to his feet, trying to fight the strong vertigo that took over him and threatened to bring him to the floor once more. One hand clenched his stomach, and the other touched Mugen's hilt. Allen also stood, tranquil and unworried about Kanda's actions.

"I know who you are," said Kanda, _"I know who you are!"_

Allen tilted his head at the shout, and it was so reminiscent of his friend's habits it was sickening. "But of course. You would be a fool not to." Even as Mugen activated, still sheathed but radiating menace, the boy had yet to even twitch. "I do wonder how much you understand, though."

Having had enough of the enemy's taunting, Kanda jumped towards him, fast as only an Apostle could be. One hand clenched around that thin neck, so hard he could feel the pulse strongly against his fingers, and the other raised his Innocence, pointing it towards a face he shouldn't be forced to attack. He wanted _him_ to be scared, to disappear to wherever he came from and just leave them in peace, and that wish reflected in the strength of his grip and the deadly shine of his weapon.

And still, there was no reaction from that bizarre version of Allen that seemed always so sure of himself.

"Ah, Kanda," said Allen, smiling sadly. His voice was strained by Kanda's grip, but pacific nonetheless. "You must be the only person in this world I don't have to defend myself against. The only one I don't have to struggle from, not even if you say you are going to kill me, not even as you grab my neck, able to crush it oh so easily."

Kanda's breath was erratic and he let the blade touch that white skin. The body in front of him was so familiar, but he hated the one he now talked to so much more than he hated anything else in this world. Right now, the whole Order and every Akuma in this planet was of no matter: Kanda knew there was only one individual he wanted dead, and he was in front of him. However, when the blade drew a thin trail of blood from the white haired boy's neck, the Japanese flinched and took it away.

Allen chuckled. "See?" he asked, now calmly removing Kanda's hand from his neck, one finger at a time. "You, Kanda, are the only person who would never, ever hurt me."

Though his hate didn't diminish any as Allen easily removed himself from his grasp, Kanda felt the truth of the words freezing him to the bones. He knew his greatest weakness, and so did the enemy. Was that it? Were they both – he and the true Allen – truly damned?

"You are someone who should be dead," he snapped, hating every second of this exchange. "You are _taking his life away!_ "

Any pleasantness from Allen seemed to leave his whole visage. He didn't seem menacing… only very disappointed. This Allen, Kanda noticed, was never truly angry at him. Just melancholic, whether he expressed that through a frown or a smile.

This time, it was the former.

"You are so quick to sentence me do death," he whispered, "but it is understandable. You love him ever so much. Allen…" silver eyes looked towards the grey sky, or the small parts of it that could be seen through the treetops. "Another victim of the war, Kanda. He is still here… but is almost gone." He turned determined eyes towards the Japanese man. "Winning the war is the least we owe him, Yuu. It's what he wan-"

The words were cut by a backhanded slap – because Kanda had yet to manage to exercise full force against the other exorcist, and he doubted he ever would, but the strength of the hit was enough to send the white haired leader falling to the floor in a messy heap. With bitter satisfaction, Kanda noticed that, for the first time, he had managed to surprise the bastard, if the astounded expression was any clue.

"It's Kanda for you, you son of a bitch," he snarled, spitting on the floor in front of the other exorcist's feet, before turning and going towards the meeting point.

He'd wanted to know who lurked behind those silver eyes, and now he had his answer. The idea of staying ever a second more than necessary near to that… _person_ was unendurable.

Unbeknownst to Kanda, he would come to regret putting more distance between himself and Allen that day.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Two days after the disastrous fight with Kanda, Allen made his way towards a familiar place, having managed to enter a line of caravans and people and make it seem as if he was a part of it. After receiving a very important message from an acquaintance, he quickly extricated himself from his group, having had no time to explain anything. Hopefully, they would be wise enough to wait for his return. Entering without documents would be another matter altogether, but as of now, he had some time to think.

Allen didn't know how he should feel about Kanda. The whole situation was painful for everyone, but he knew part of the conflict had been his own fault. He had never meant to provoke the other exorcist – Allen held no dislike against the man. But looking back, he felt almost as if he had provoked Kanda… and why would he? Really, none of this should be happening. The younger Allen, in his last day of full control, had exposed his situation to the Japanese exorcist, but with broken words and an obviously confused state. That was all Kanda had known of the situation, and it wouldn't be hard to convince him that had been a mistake. If anyone was able to impersonate the younger Allen, it was Allen Walker himself. He knew the boy more deeply than even Kanda did, having watched every moment of his life. So why was it that he had failed to convince the dark haired man, making a ridiculous mistake such as calling him by his last name, something his counterpart would never do? Even before, when he had a chance to react properly to Kanda's prompting, he hadn't truly acted his best.

But even with such troubles, the last months had been much easier than imagined; he had expected his first appearance to his younger counterpart to be the start of a long battle of wills, but the other Allen hadn't been quite the challenge he had expected. He had felt the boy in the back of his mind ever since he started taking over.

The boy was there, yes, but his resistance was futile and, more than that, it was much weaker than expected. He had waited for the child, who had been in control for so long, to strike back in a desperate bid to survive. Instead, however, he had only felt the boy as a weak light, struggling, but not with much fervor. He was aware that they both watched everything that happened to them with the same eyes, but the younger Allen had only manifested more in the first month, started losing the battle in the second and, in this last one, had been barely trying.

Though initially unexpected, this apathy from the person he'd divided this body with for so long had an obvious reason by now.

Kanda.

The man had abandoned Allen, even after hearing the boy's heartfelt confession about his troubles... or, at least, that was what the younger Allen had believed, but it was very foolish of him. The boy had been losing hope from the start, but it was obvious Kanda had been worrying terribly about him and didn't externalize it for fear of the one in current control.

This last impressive burst of Kanda, however, had made things clear even for the younger Allen, and as of now he felt a greater struggle from him… but it was far too late. Control given up was much harder to get back, and the boy was too deep in the oblivion of his newfound prison, from which he could only watch events passively until he fell unconscious for the last time.

Kanda made a mistake by making it look as if he was uncaring about the younger Allen's plight, while the boy made a worse mistake by giving up just because of that. When you had an objective, a dream, you didn't stop. Not for anything, not for anyone.

Remembering his own tragic death caused by his father, in that day he refused to attack back, the older Allen let out a bitter chuckle and wondered whether he really had a right to judge the two friends. His thoughts were interrupted as he finally reached the gates, and he tensed in expectation. Would he be able to worm his way with help, or would he need to try to leave the line and enter without getting caught?

In the end, Allen entered the city aided by what the Black Order would call a corrupt guard, but he considered an ally. It was ever so convenient that his contact would be on shift at the same time he needed to enter. For his plan to work, he needed to avoid the disturbance that would be caused by any sort of alarm.

Looking at this known place was a surreal experience. It had changed, yes, but even after these decades it still remained the same, somehow. For every part that had been taken down and rebuilt, he could also find a building, a street and sometimes even old trees he had passed by in the past, when he had been an official exorcist of the Black Order… and for all the grief the organization brought him, being able to be a legal citizen who could go from a place to the other without fearing an attack had been a luxury he had missed terribly ever since being accused of treason.

Of course, he watched all of that from a secluded spot he'd found with some ease. This city was set in a place far away from most of the exile communities; that also meant less Akuma circled it, and the city was somewhat… easygoing. Less watched, perhaps. Guards were everywhere, yes, but their vigilance wasn't as paranoid as that of those who worked in cities that suffered more frequent invasion attempts; as long as he played his part well today, he wouldn't have to worry about having to deal with any of them.

Making sure no one was coming in his direction – which would be quite unlikely, considering he was hiding in a corner over a rooftop – he opened his bag and retrieved a few items. They were few and of a light weight: a mirror and a wig, plus a few clothes that had been difficult to get his hands on… elegant ones that would make him at home amidst in the city's richer areas, that was for certain.

He quickly discarded most of the older, somewhat battered clothes he'd worn outside, dressing in the well tailored black slacks and white shirt, a pair of new shoes finishing a simple but respectable look. Huffing in exasperation at what he was about to do, Allen picked the wig and carefully placed it over his head after hiding white strands that fell over his face.

This wig was quite different from the two others he carried, of darker and duller colors that would help him mingle with the crowd. Today's wig was filled with thick hair, dark red and long. Allen stared at his reflex in the mirror and became speechless, despite the fact that he should have known what to expect. It was just that the difference it made on him was breathtaking. His face was still not completely right, not truly his own, but with the scar and the addition of his original hair color, he almost indulged in the fantasy of being back in the past, when he hadn't been killed by his father and didn't have to kill an innocent in order to survive. The fact that he was in one of his favorite cities he'd visited so many times only added to the nostalgia, making his chest hurt.

He placed the mirror back in its pocket and hid the old backpack that didn't suit his elegant attire. That was it; his clock showed him that it was time, and any more dallying would make him late. Cross, a man whose continued existence and youth had to be the result of very advanced magic, had sent him a detailed account of Nea's likely whereabouts through an Akuma Allen later disposed of. Nea would be here again only in the next month, so it wouldn't do to waste today's opportunity.

Allen tried to calm his nerves, unable to control the anxiety that came with meeting his mentor once more. Still, despite the small fear he held at the prospect of Nea's reaction, he smiled at his little plan. It had been quite a while since he had pranked his dear teacher – fifty years, to be exact. It was about time they met again, and they should do so in style.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·


	18. Uma xícara de café

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

" _What is your dream, teacher?" asked Allen one evening, as he carefully placed the test tube alongside others._

_Nea tilted his head and stopped studying the chemicals for a while, staring at the fourteen years old boy's face instead. What had prompted this? He usually made sure their interactions were quite formal. On the other hand, he should indulge the boy's personal questions every now and then, so as to create some sort of bond between them, even if one sided._

" _I want… to find my brother," he declared. 'And kill him'_ _was how the statement should have ended, but it would be better if he kept his murderous plotting to himself._

_All in all, the mere search for a relative was a boring 'dream' to share and would successfully end the conversation. Or so Nea thought, until he noticed the boy was staring at him with eyes filled by surprise._

_It was a little disconcerting._

" _What is it?" asked Nea irritably, when it was clear Allen wouldn't resume his work without prompting._

" _You have a brother?" asked him quietly. Hands that had been preparing field medicine by following Nea's handwritten instructions now rested in the table, making it clear the boy wouldn't be working from now on. "What… what is he like? What happened?"_

_The Noah hadn't expected Allen's curiosity. The boy was naturally nosy, yes, but Nea had managed to turn that inquisitiveness towards more fruitful endeavors, such as battle training and the study of sorcery, biology and sociology. He had created a wall of sorts between them: he would give the young exorcist knowledge and a companionship of sorts, but wouldn't speak of his feelings, cuddle with the boy, or any such family nonsense._

_Making his decision, he smacked the side of Allen's head with a nearby book, and the boy squealed in surprise. "None of your business," decided Nea, "now back to work."_

_Allen seemed to visibly deflate, and he wondered whether he had done the right thing. He'd never say the truth about his damned brother, but he could always lie in a pretense of opening up to his apprentice._

_The young redhead didn't seem inclined to resume his task any time soon, and Nea was about to reprehend him, before the boy spoke in a small voice._

" _My dream…" he started, and Nea could already imagine the end of that phrase. Allen had said it so many times, already. "…my dream… is to find my father."_

 _Well, look at that. He could swear it would be the old 'destroy the Order' thing._ It seems like he doesn't have such a bad case of tunnel vision, _he thought._

" _Is that so…?" said Nea, staring intently at the boy._

_Nea always worked with the young exorcist with the assumption that the boy wanted to terminate the Black Order and nothing else. Should he change his perspective and goals, the Noah didn't know what he would do with him._

" _Yes… his name…"_

_And more than that…_

"… _was Mana," said Allen, imparting what he believed was a great secret._

… _it seemed their 'dreams' were the same._

_Now, Nea had an easy way to finish this night. He could engage the boy in conversation about family, about what they could achieve together, about how they would reach their goals. But he couldn't find it in himself to do it._

_He didn't want to talk of Mana._

" _Ouch!" complained Allen again, the book's hard spine once more hitting his skull. "What was that for?" he whined, and the somber air he had carried when speaking about his so called father was gone._

" _Don't pick up my habits, brat," chided Nea in reference to them both looking for Mana, though Allen naturally wouldn't understand._

" _Huh?" the boy said in confusion, tilting his head._

_Nea's eye twitched, and the book-weapon flew._

" _Ouch!"_

" _I said, don't pick my habits," he snapped once again, noticing that child, as years passed, acted more and more like him, even though Nea hadn't planned so. The similarities manifested themselves through words, actions, decisions and even small gestures, such as the head tilt to express uncertainty._

_Allen's unconscious imitation of Nea shouldn't be a problem, the man pondered as he massaged the annoyed teenager's throbbing scalp in an attempt to appease him. But, and Nea didn't know why, the Noah felt nothing good would come out of it._

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Under the cloudy weather, a gentleman calmly made his way through one of the many abandoned roads. Both his clothes and his countenance were unaffected by the dreadful state of the area around him. One of his gloved hands carried an elegant cane, designed more as a display of wealth than as an aid in walking for the noble who looked admittedly quite young.

Usually, such a sight in the outside meant either a citizen had been unlucky enough so as to get lost or misplace his documents, or an Akuma donning a deceased person's well preserved corpse. The demons would always wear the skin of one of their victims, and were able to restore both the fake body and the original clothes to a perfect state after every transformation.

This person, however, was not a demon, much less an exile. He carried neither the desperation of a lost citizen, nor the ferocity of a killing machine. In a world of ordinary humans, exorcists, Akuma and Noah, he was a part of the smallest group, the rarest; a member of the family that had played with humanity for a very long time, before the tormented people actually managed to grow in power so fast they became, instead of mere playthings, actual enemies.

It was so tiring.

Tyki huffed and kicked a stone that blocked his path. Every day, he found more and more reasons to distance himself from the rest of his family. He had been like that ever since his genes awakened and he became a member of the so called evil noblemen. Once a moneyless vagrant who nonetheless enjoyed a life of debauchery and fun, he'd been recruited by the Noah few weeks after the first symptoms of the change, being informed by the other members of the family that he should rejoice: he was a part of the small group of rulers of the world, blessed with great power and one of the very few leaders of the dark side of the Old War. They presented him to a fantastic world of sorcery and riches, of depravity and dominance over the race he'd once been a part of… the human race.

Back then, the Portuguese man had looked around in fascination, thanking his fellow clansmen like a happy employee would his boss for a new job, before turning tail and immediately returning to his previous life, now a vagabond who had a trump card in the form of immortality, but a vagabond nonetheless.

It had been fun.

That had been two hundred years ago, however, in an era without walled cities, a precarious and still weak Black Order and much more peace. An era where the so called old countries existed and Portugal was more than a piece of desolated earth with a single city.

Tyki had never been a very anxious person. Life had always been about enjoyment, and his disregard towards troubles and responsibility had been something he'd taken with him even after discovering he could walk through walls and control soul consuming demons that he had once believed a fable. That's why it didn't take long for him to leave the Ark, only to have his so called family pursue him in every corner and street of the earth. It had been somewhat entertaining, and though being a Noah meant he would usually be appointed to annoying assignments here and there, his life had mostly been one of freedom.

Then countries closed themselves in the form of many fortresses, slowly but surely separating humanity in two groups in an attempt to exterminate the Akuma in their midst. It was a characteristic of humans, he would notice later, to develop in a pace that became faster and faster, until you couldn't accompany them anymore.

More than a hundred years ago, their patriarch, the Earl, had disappeared for the first time in thousands of years. With humanity's advances and the apparent death of their leader, the family had entered in a panic and basically disappeared from the map. Adam, the first Noah, had always proven himself able to destroy them all on a whim should he wish to. If he could be erased from history, what in the world could the other Noah do?

But the Earl returned, likely thanks to the Noah's eternal rebirth circle…

Yet it didn't take long for the clan to question whether it had been truly the Earl they were talking to. The man was absurdly different: he sometimes acted like his old self, and sometimes exploded or retracted in bouts of anger or fear, whose source they eventually learned the name of…

Nea.

 _Nea, Nea, Nea,_ the insane but still very powerful patriarch would cry and then whisper and then shout, but they couldn't broach the subject without risking their very lives. The Earl would disappear for weeks or months, then reappear looking worse than ever. He adopted a ridiculous costume but, whenever he was out of it, the effects of his desperation were clear on his haunted eyes, his hollow cheeks and twitching fingers. The problem stopped being the Order and became that single entity itself, Nea, whom the man seemed to fear as if he or she meant death itself.

From the 1760s to 1771, the decade of Allen Walker, the Millennium Earl was not only a danger to enemies, but also to his family and even himself. Whenever Allen Walker made a move, he would swear it was this Nea person instead, even though the boy had been born decades after the Earl's descent into madness. In an attempt to solve the situation, the Noah family started pursuing the exorcist too, fruitlessly. The human was almost impossible to find and, when they managed to meet him, he felt indestructible.

But the Earl had been too powerful, and the day when he killed the boy eventually came. Tyki remembered taking a brief glance at the slain body of their bothersome enemy, just before Road opened a door to have them leave, the Earl ecstatic with his victory. Every family member had imagined it was over, and so it was…

For a few years. Very, very short years.

Then the Earl declared Nea was still alive somehow and, decades later, Allen Walker apparently reincarnated somehow, and though they were inclined to believe that a lie – humans had achieved many things, but not yet immortality - the fact was that if the Earl was disturbed before, he now grew absolutely insane, and Tyki honestly wondered whether he could really be called an immortal, since it wouldn't be long before their insane patriarch killed them all in one of his frankly schizophrenic bouts of violence.

That was why he now walked amidst nowhere, mostly trying to occupy his time than to truly do what he used to… play human. There was no point in being what he used to be. Tyki the miner was dead, and so were his friends. The outside didn't really provide pleasant company, and the walls were so closely watched it wasn't like he could entertain himself for long before being approached by the guards and have to beg Road for a door out. He could cause quite some destruction, yes, but had to keep low as of late, lest he approached Nea… Allen Walker… or whoever that damn person was, and ended bothering the Earl.

Really, what was there to do now, anyway? The Ark was hell, and the Earth was separated between dangerous cities inside the walls and useless wastelands outside of them. He wondered whether this was merely an era he could wait to pass, or if the rule of the Noah had truly ended and everything would go down in flames, destroying Akuma, humans and Noah alike.

Yeah, it was sort of a pessimistic vision, and not truly approved by his family anyway. That's why he rarely talked to anyone other than Road or Sheril lately, the latter actually a politician inside the so called safe cities, though his activities would have to be cut short soon because people started noticing the high ranking minister never _aged_.

With those heavy thoughts in mind, he continued his tread. Opening a package of cigarettes and lighting one, he enjoyed his favorite brand. Something small seemed to move in front of him and he initially believed it to be an optical illusion created by the smoke, but then he noticed there was another person coming in his direction.

Tyki raised an eyebrow. He could vaguely see that it was an human shape – an adult, but something was off about them. He knew it wasn't an Akuma – he would be able to feel the Dark Matter even from this distance – so it had to be an exile, but…

He startled. All of a sudden, it was like a light had appeared in Tyki's 'radar'. As a Noah, he had a second vision of sorts when it came to his allies and brethren; it would activate on proximity, allowing him to feel an associate much before he met them.

And what he felt now…

Was exactly what he felt whenever another Noah was nearby.

For a moment, he pondered on whether this was some family member trying to drag his ass back to the Ark, but it would be quite atypical; they usually searched for him with Road's help, and he could feel their individual auras. Yet this one… this one was…

By the time they got close enough to see each other properly, his cigarette had fallen to the ground, forgotten. The man in front of him was as finely dressed as Tyki was. His skin was a warm, light brown, and his hair a straight, messy black. He stared ahead without a trace of hesitation or change of pace, and as he got closer, Tyki felt really strange, because it was as if… he was staring at another version of himself.

Granted, there were a few differences, but their build, facial structure and colors were quite alike, the greatest differences being their attires and the fact that the other's hair was shorter. Basically, they could easily pass off as one another, and at this proximity…

This _was_ a Noah.

There was no way to deny that, not with this closeness, not with this strong feeling of kinship.

"…Millennium Earl?" he asked very hesitantly, because that was what this one's aura felt like; he could distinguish the individual presences of each clan member, and this one was quite familiar in its power, though with _something_ different that made him waver.

The other man, who had been strangely mute and impassive until now, allowed his mouth to stretch into a feral smirk. "Not quite."

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Komui finished analyzing the data collected by the interns. The objective of the Order's most recent search was to look for a pattern in Innocence accommodators. It was hardly an innovative project: the interviews and thorough investigation of friends, family members and acquaintances of the exorcists was something that was always done, despite showing little result. Only a single case of a family with more than one exorcist was recorded in history, and the attempts of forcing Innocence to accept an accommodators' relatives would usually end in wasted time and destruction – both of the experiment subject and the Order's premises. All in all, Innocence seemed to chose random people to synchronize with...

And it wasn't like the organization would discover a pattern of choice if one existed; not with Komui as the Head of the Science Department.

He carefully disposed of the sheets that suggested a predominance of Innocence manifestation to accommodators from less populated areas, leaving no evidence of them.

Finishing the analysis and writing down the usual conclusion of no association having been found, he left the whole report to be made later and studied the Order's latest development – a prototype of a device that should allow security guards to scan people's irises in order to identify them at the gates. In front of him were also the documents related to a new project of a closed circuit television system that should watch both the insides of cities and a certain perimeter around the walls. With a software that would easily record and automatically detect any sort of movement in the external environment, the cameras would be a strong defensive measure against any potential invaders.

Komui sent the first project back to the laboratory with the explanation that Akuma would very likely be able to imitate humans' irises with as much ease as they did the rest of the body, and until they actually could research one of the monsters to confirm or deny such a possibility, the development of machines that would identify a person through their eyes would be ineffective. Looking at the other proposal, however, he knew there was little he could do; the idea was truly useful, didn't need the employment of many security guards to monitor the images thanks to the intelligent software and would make it easier to keep the cities clear of invaders.

With a heavy heart, he approved the project that would surely cause many problems to the rogue exorcists who worked hard to infiltrate cities frequently, including his dear sister. His chest tightened in worry at the mere idea that this action of his had a chance of ending in Lenalee's capture, but he truly had no choice. Komui hindered projects that could hurt the group as much as he could, but if he wanted to remain in his position he needed to continue proving himself useful, and there was no plausible reason he could come up with for denying the development of such an useful technology.

He could only hope the implantation of the monitoring system would take a long time. Having finished his work for the day, he turned to more pressing matters.

"Some day I really want to understand how you do this," said the Chinese scientist, knowing ignoring a problem wouldn't make it go away.

"Heh, I've got my contacts," said the redhead hanging upside down from the high ceiling, held by a foot stuck in the chandelier. The teenager allowed himself to fall to the floor with ease, standing in front of the older man.

"Leverrier, I suppose?" asked Komui in a whim; he had a few suspicions about the man and his underlings in general.

The boy didn't seem to understand, but still looked good humored. "Nope. I don't talk to that guy."

It wasn't surprising that even without talking to Leverrier, Lavi already know about him. Komui wouldn't be surprised if the deranged exorcist had an extensive and detailed file on every person inside the Black Order. "How may I help you?" he asked finally, sitting back in his chair. Lavi occupied the one across of him, with the ease of someone who came here frequently.

"Yeah. So, I was wondering… with your recent promotion to Head Scientist, perhaps you have some sort of knowledge on the people who work or worked here?"

Komui interlaced his fingers, eyes narrowing in thought. "People? That's not what you usually ask of me, but I do have knowledge on most of the exorcists, if that is what you are looking for."

Perhaps Allen had sent Lavi to know something about an exorcist or other. A possible defector and ally?

"Great," said Lavi, as if expecting that answer. "I need the location of a certain man."

"Location? That likely won't do," said Komui without preamble, "I have data mostly about their families and the places where the people related to them can be found, plus health related documents, but I do not have clearance to know where exorcists themselves currently are – that would make no sense, since I wouldn't need that for my researching."

"Eh, surely you can do something?" asked Lavi in his usual friendly way, poking a pile of papers that threatened to fall. "It's not like I'm looking for a random person. He's a general, you see-"

" _What?!"_

"Hehe. Anyway, Allen really, really needs to see this person-"

"There is no way," said Komui with finality, "that I will investigate a Black Order general. I couldn't even if I wanted to!"

Lavi sighed and started folding one of the spare sheets over the desk. "Can't you come up with something? Say you found a pattern in your research that leads to the general, and request an interview with him?"

Komui took of his glasses and started massaging his temples. "I won't even ask how you know about the research," he said weakly, "and that would mean changing a general's agenda. Considering how much is demanded from them, asking for his presence would only bring an enormous attention towards myself and the project. It could even make our next interactions difficult. I don't care how good you are – you won't manage to talk to me should I ever become a suspect. The amount of surveillance on a potential traitor isn't something avoidable."

"They will allow you to interview him if you say there is a chance to find a correlation that will help in producing new exorcists," said Lavi with seriousness.

The boy was right, and he hated it. "That is true…" Komui admitted begrudgingly. "But I was trying to make the whole project seem useless. There _are_ patterns, you see. We could reach a result, and then we will have more people being arrested and taken to forcibly synchronize. More people for you all to fight against, more… more _Fallen Ones_. Is this matter of such importance?"

"Yes," said Lavi, still handling the paper, "it is."

Komui sighed with resignation, before nodding and opening the folder with the files he'd recently received. "Alright. Since a mere interview would be denied, I will say I need to conduct experiments on him. I will also need to ask this of other exorcists, so as to avoid raising suspicions."

"Alright, thank you, Komui," said Lavi, getting up from his chair, leaving a detailed origami in the desk. Komui was relieved at the boy's departure – their interactions were always shorter than this, as they had to reduce the chances of being caught.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Sitting in his chair of always, Nea had been slowly enjoying his tea. He didn't feel like drinking coffee today and, despite recent events, he felt quite pleased with himself. Just two days ago, he had an accidental meeting with a member of the Noah family. They could feel each other, yes, but only within a range of proximity; that had been an absolutely coincidence, meeting the third disciple of all people, and Nea delighted in the knowledge that the man had reincarnated just recently and wasn't quite in his prime. After a battle that mostly consisted of the older Noah throwing the inexperienced youngster around, Nea had the pleasure of opening a door in front of his defeated enemy's eyes – a door that obviously took to the Ark. He had stepped into it with a large smile, knowing it wouldn't be long before the astonished Joyd would run to his brother and inform him an unknown member of the Noah clan had not only attacked him for no apparent reason, but also had easy access to what was the place that served to the Earl as a safe house and storage of some of his most prized possessions.

If feeling Nea's presence had tormented Mana, then getting a verbal confirmation of his existence and threat would certainly drive him senseless. The very thought made his tea sweeter, and he sipped it in smug contentment.

Deep inside his pleasurable contemplations, he was surprised when someone sat in the chair across from him. He frowned – there were many free tables around, this person was beyond rude – before raising his eyes and contemplating the one who caused this disturbance.

At first, he only saw red hair. And to have a young person – a young man, red headed and sitting exactly in _that place_ made him temporarily speechless. That shock quickly changed into deep irritation, however, not only at the inconvenient person who just decided to share his table without asking for permission, but also at his reaction at a mere hair color.

Feeling his previous ease had disappeared, he decided to down the rest of his beverage and leave. That's what he deserved, for mingling in such an useless place just in order to satisfy his ridiculous obsession. Nea started to quickly drain the hot liquid from his own mug. Having a red haired person sitting in his student's chair made him positively nauseous, and he resisted the urge to crush the boy, knowing that would erase any chance of returning here in peace.

"How many sugars, sir?" asked the waiter, ready to take note of the other's order.

The young man hummed in contemplation, before making his decision. "Perhaps seven."

Nea stilled.

"S-seven, sir?"

"Yes, please. I like my coffee somewhat sweet. Ah, and some cream. And chocolate – the warm brown, sweet kind, and add some caramel."

"Sir…"

"And a marshmallow or two. Ooh, is that honey?"

"Ugh," let out the waiter, before flushing and coughing embarrassedly in a closed fist. "Please allow me to bring a larger cup, sir, just so it all fits. One moment, please."

The waiter left, and Nea refrained from crushing his own tea cup with his tensing fingers. Just a coincidence, yes, and what a coincidence. It wasn't enough that he indulged in his pathetic memories by visiting this shop again and again – now circumstances seemed to consent to his masochistic wishes, setting a scenario that only made everything more real.

He wouldn't look at the stranger's face. Not anymore.

"Your drink is boring," remarked the intruder in the same way Allen had decades ago, and he could remember it so well he could see the scene perfectly. It had been a late afternoon, the departing sun coloring Allen's red hair locks exquisitely. His whole countenance had been warmed both by the natural light and his good humor. His clothes were the ones he used when ready to go on a mission, and though he was carrying almost nothing with himself but a few garments and a small bag, Nea knew Allen had been ready for a journey he definitely didn't approve of. To this day he felt the old annoyance bubble inside of him, tinged with regret. He should have just forced the boy to stay – shown him Nea was not only his teacher, but a master whom he had to obey. It would damage their relationship, but Allen would have _lived_.

"I know you think I'm making the wrong decision," continued the long haired stranger, "but it's been far too long, and we won't win without taking risks."

Nea had a small moment to wonder what this unknown lunatic was talking about, before he understood what was happening and the cup finally broke inside his hand, pieces falling to the table and hot tea scattering everywhere. Some drops were falling in the legs of his trousers, but he wasn't paying any attention. Instead, his eyes zeroed in the young man in front of him like a viper would stare at a prey, unwavering and ready to strike.

This boy…

"So please, don't be so mad at me," said he with a smile that was in the wrong face but he could still recognize.

The Noah's world spun wildly, and he wanted to puke.

" _So please, don't be so mad at me", said Allen, looking peaceful in his decision, already made and unchangeable. "You are my mentor. My best friend. I owe you so very much, and you made this life of mine worth living."_

Back then, he had expected the usually sentimental boy to cry. The exorcist had always been too mellow, rigid as a stone in front of the others but pitifully weak in front of Nea. Allen, however, never spilt a tear or even produced them – he had been in absolute control, sincere and tranquil.

"You are my mentor, my best friend. I owe you much and you made my life worth living," the same words also left this boy's lips, words no one else should have known.

Nea had been so angry at not being listened to. So they had had their last coffee together, Nea refusing to speak a single word and forcing upon Allen the brunt of his disapproving stare. He had hoped to move the boy, to make him go back in his intentions, but it never worked, and to this day he wished he had spoken more to Allen in what he hadn't known would be his last opportunity.

"Thank you so much for everything," Allen continued, very much like before, "I will see you soon."

Those words… the last he heard of Allen. The very last.

He heard them in his mind every day, but it couldn't be compared to listening them from a solid person, right in front of him.

"No," whispered Nea, despite himself, "you won't."

His breath was labored, hands still clenching the remains of the cup, dark red blood mixing with the tea in a color he was too disturbed to appreciate. And he felt an indescribable emotion at finally saying the words he had wanted to say to Allen. He had always wanted to tell that boy, his boy, that he wouldn't be able to come back, that he should just stay under Nea's protection and stop playing against the adults. Against Nea's brother, who would end Allen like a human who crushed an insect – without a thought.

"You are going to die," continued Nea in desperation, as if truly having a chance of travelling in time and speaking to the Allen of more than fifty years ago, "without accomplishing anything. So _don't go._ "

Allen smiled, eyes misty with emotion.

"I should have listened to you back then. I'm so sorry, teacher."

And Nea felt such an enormous sense of accomplishment at finally managing to warn Allen. He wouldn't leave, he wouldn't confront the Millennium Earl and be reduced to a miserable, bloody corpse-

It was then that reality, cold and bitter reality got its hold over Nea once more. This was a mistake, and he was a fool. He shouldn't… shouldn't be feeling this relief. It was wrong. Wrong, because this wasn't Allen, and he wasn't telling his student anything.

Allen was still dead.

"Who are you?"

"Nea-"

He got up so suddenly the desk made a screeching noise as its legs scratched the polished floor, and the chair he was previously seating in fell to the ground with a loud clatter.

" _WHO ARE YOU?!"_

His wrathful scream made the other patrons' eyes widen, some in apprehension and some in fear. He paid them absolutely no mind. They didn't matter.

"Your skin… your eyes. I should have known," said the young man sadly. "Teacher, please control yourself."

He spared barely a glance at his dark grey skin, and was sure his eyes shone a hateful gold. People around then had gotten up, leaving the shop in a hurry, and he could already hear someone screaming for the police.

"We need to leave," said the stranger, "do you have the means, or should we do it the old way?"

A fist to the face was the only answer the redhead got. Fueled by raw dark matter, the strike that should have ruined his skull was instead stopped by the boy's left hand. It had grown considerably, metallic claws ruining a white glove and burning the Noah's hand.

"We can't do this here," exclaimed Al- _the boy_ , the boy who for some reason had _Allen's goddamned Innocence_ , before he dodged a flurry of spell cards from the Order's caster who had arrived quite fast. The chair he had been close to evaporated in a gust of slicing wind. "Do you hear me? We can't-"

"You want to leave with me, huh?" asked Nea, a deranged smile on his face as he easily deactivated a spell this time directed towards himself, making it crumble to the floor into pieces of burning, useless paper. "So be it."

The stranger seemed relieved at Nea's words, before his eyes widened when Nea's portal opened horizontally in the very floor beneath his feet. He fell to the Ark with a cry of surprise, and Nea jumped after him, the door closing behind them both with a slam, leaving the astounded humans and their commotion behind.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

 


	19. Allen e Nea

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Perhaps it had been Nea's reaction, far worse than he expected. It could also be the fact that their conversation went out of the white haired man's control quite fast, or maybe even how Nea had not hesitated in trying to deal him a blow that could have easily ended in his death, had it not been for the quick activation of his Innocence.

Whatever the reason, Allen started regretting his way of greeting a longtime friend deeply, pondering about his actions even as he fell, upside down, in a place that was more white than anywhere he had been, from the cleanest hospitals to the coldest snow covered places on Earth.

It was through a certain measure of effort that he managed to fall to the hard, cold floor without breaking a bone. His body still rattled with the impact, and he stood with wobbly movements. Just as he managed to get to his feet, a loud _boom_ shook this new dimension, making his ears hurt and the floor vibrate. Nea had just fallen too, the impact of his feet hitting the ground so hard it created a small crater. Allen hurriedly stared at the portal many meters above their heads but only had a glimpse of the coffee shop's ceiling, before the door that defied reality flickered and disappeared.

Fearing for his safety, Allen quickly directed his attention to his friend-turned-opponent. The air crackled with pressure from Dark Matter so thick even a seasoned exorcist such as himself was unused to it, but the worst of all were the _eyes_ – Nea's eyes, already made so maddeningly strange in their golden color, were narrowed into slits that shone with unspeakable fury.

Without a doubt, his joke must have been horribly distasteful.

When Nea took a single menacing step towards him, the very air in the room felt as if it also moved in synchrony with the man. Any humorous thoughts fled from Allen's mind, and he could only curse at himself for having messed things up so badly.

Then, Nea attacked.

He was a blur of grey, black and a hint of gold, and once again Allen had to rely on instincts born out of experience in order to survive. He could recognize a few of Nea's movements from the times they sparred together – mostly one sided beating sessions until Allen had actually gotten better and also older – but Nea must have changed a lot in the past years, or perhaps today he had stopped holding back.

Nea was clearly not a normal human, but Allen himself had a body enhanced in strength and speed, even if the accelerated healing had died out. That is why he managed to keep up, if just barely, and Nea seemed none too pleased by that.

Allen had always felt as if he was a step ahead of everyone ever since waking up in a future that wasn't ready for him… but when it came to Nea, he knew there was no way he could win, not without a very strong celestial intervention he didn't even believe in to start with.

Nea had always been a mystery to him, never revealing anything but the shortest hints about his self, about his power. But Allen had always known, even if subconsciously when he was a child, that the black haired man was _strong_. That had not changed with time, and the fact that the mere approach of his teacher made his whole body and Innocence stiffen with apprehension and the instinct to flee only spoke about the difference between them both.

They separated, jumping to opposite sides of the room, where the floor damage had been expanding due to its exposure to their inhuman strength. It was then that Allen, with his body aching, realized he hadn't been the only one to take damage: Nea's skin, where it was visible, had clearly been burnt. The injuries were black charred paths in the grey skin, and existed everywhere his Innocence had touched.

_An angry opponent can have an increase in raw power, but not in precision…_

Shake the control of your enemy, he had learnt, if you truly have no other alternative. Well, he had done that alright, if the way Nea's power leaked from him in burning waves was any sort of indication. On one side, he had never meant to do more than surprise the man, and angering him hadn't been a part of the plan; on the other, he thought as he evaded a strong but predictable attack, perhaps it had been for the best. A cold headed Nea was far more dangerous; his mentor had never had any patience to drag a fight for long. It wasn't frequent that Allen had had the opportunity to see Nea fight, but the usual pattern was a very swift attack that finished the combat almost as soon as it had started, leaving no room for pondering or word exchanging. Had Allen been against _that_ Nea, he was sure his reawakening in the world would be a much shorter one.

Now, however, Nea felt like a combination of eagerness for violence and, at the same time, some sort of hesitation; should he wish Allen dead, it wouldn't take long, and could have happened back in the city. Here, however, the Noah seemed ready to attack but, at the same time, he wouldn't use his abilities as well as he could.

_Noah…_

Dark grey skin, black stigmata carved in the forehead and gold eyes in Mana. Dark grey skin, black stigmata and gold eyes in Nea. In both situations, here and decades ago, they had felt so very wrong. Allen had learned about the Noah, even if there was a limit on how much you could research in the topic before your sources ran dry. Enemies of humanity, powers beyond even that of exorcists, the close family of the Earl's – all in all painted as devils, and Nea was _one_ –

He'd expected it back then, in his last years of life. Nea hadn't been very careful with the clues. Like Mana, he dropped one here and there absentmindedly, not realizing or caring that his pupil was slowly putting the pieces together.

Despite his obvious wounds, Nea advanced as ferociously as before. Their clash was one where he would have lost a limb if not for the intervention of his always useful anti Akuma weapon, and Allen watched in dread as Nea's own arm, raised to strike, remained in contact with his own. Nea was clearly burning where they pushed against each other, dark and noxious smoke released from his damaged flesh and permeating the arm as Allen's weapon slowly sank into his flesh.

"Stop," said Allen finally, "Your arm…"

"I don't know where you found this, or why it has accepted you," said Nea, voice more threatening than it had any right to be, "but _I'm going to rip it away from you and let it sink the ocean._ "

He had expected his Innocence to be enough proof of his identity. Why was it so hard for Nea to believe in him? Why was it so difficult, when most of the world had already accepted?

Even though Nea was the one who had been hurt in their contact, Allen was the one to jump away at the threat. Nea's deformed arm, that had been melted to the bone, started reforming with the promptness of accelerated healing, only even faster than Allen's had been even during its prime.

Another strong bolt of raw dark matter followed Allen, and he dodged it with a fast beating heart. It hit the wall behind him, but the exorcist didn't have the time to inspect the damage. Nea was clearly wishing for his death. His teacher – the Noah – attacked him once more, and this time it almost got him, passing only about a centimeter away from his left eye and cutting some strands of white hair.

It was unexpected but, fortunately, he didn't lose his bearings because he was used to it, even if he hadn't thought it would happen right now: his eye, having almost been touched by dark matter, activated, turning the left side of his vision a field of inverted colors. Nea shone with maliciousness at the center of it all but, for the first time, the enemy detected by his eye didn't have a soul attached to him.

The reaction lasted only for a second before his curse deactivated once again. Though adrenaline pushed Allen to continue fighting, Nea's expression made him stop because finally, _finally_ the man seemed reluctant and out of his crazed rage. Allen watched as the fury seemed to drain away from his body and it relaxed, not absolutely calm but in a more contemplative position.

Nea seemed pensive, staring at him as if he was a particularly tricky puzzle – one whose solution meant life or death.

Allen already readied himself for Nea's defusing. He would apologize profusely to Nea for pissing him off this badly and then he would sort of punch him in the face for almost murdering him.

Instead of the dialogue he had been hoping for, however, Nea inserted his hand inside his now damaged coat. He retrieved what looked, to Allen's confused gaze, like a little white box. As Nea started shuffling it, however, Allen realized they were actually cards.

_Not good._

"Listen to me!" Allen finally exclaimed, but the other continued handling the dangerous weapons, unwavering. "Nea-"

"What can you do," mused Nea, now walking in calm nonchalance, "if your Innocence is rendered useless?"

Allen tensed at the implication and its possibilities, and then Nea launched his attack. Unable to defend against it, Allen could only watch as the spell cards attached to his arm, deactivating his Innocence and making his arm limp and unserviceable.

He stared at the strips of paper, and...

"A binding spell specialized in Innocence?" he asked in confusion, not out of fear but simply because this was unreasonable. Binding spells of this sort were cards created and used by the Black Order for more than a hundred years as a means to control their accommodators who had parasitic Innocence and thus, couldn't be separated from their weapons. Being caught by this trap usually meant the battle was over for any exorcist.

Any exorcist but him, that is. Allen had learned, in his past life, the way to undo this spell and became known as the only exorcist who could escape from it. To this day he used the technique quite frequently, and now he did so once more, performing the hand signals and taking the reverse binding spell card he always made sure to draw and keep with him. Carrying ways to undo binding spells was almost as important as carrying food, and considering Nea had been the one to teach him how to undo the restraints, he could only wonder why the man thought this would stop him.

Strangely enough, Nea did not look so surprised at Allen's ease in removing his attack. It was almost as if…

Could it be?

"I only taught Allen this procedure, and made him swear he wouldn't teach it to anyone, even other exorcists…" Nea mused out loud, eyes unreadable.

Allen's chest filled with hope. "I never passed the technique to anyone, just as you asked."

"Or perhaps the idiotic brat did just that, and that's why I have an impostor who can pretend to be him so well."

The white haired exorcist sagged with emotional exhaustion. Would this not work? Had he, by contacting his teacher, basically committed suicide? _"I am Allen,"_ he said, for the lack of more impacting words.

"Allen is dead," proclaimed Nea with certainty, but the bitterness was palpable and even surprising. Allen had expected his death to be a mere inconvenience to his teacher and his rebirth, a somewhat pleasant revelation. To see Nea now, however, was to understand that the whole ordeal meant more to him than he wanted to let out.

Had his mentor truly cared?

"I will only be dead if you decide to kill me," said Allen, feeling unpleasant feelings rise on him. They weren't fear and adrenaline – not quite. They were, instead, waves of bitterness and resentment. He didn't know what to make of them, so he continued, "Are you going to kill me again? I have my Innocence, I have my memories, I can prove my identity! First Mana, and then you! _Are you really going to kill me again?_ "

The grey skinned Noah visibly froze. From all the things Allen had said and done, nothing seemed to have affected him as badly as now, and he didn't seem angry; no, he seemed thunderstruck, startled in an unpleasant way.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

" _Are you really going to kill me again?"_

Even if he had been slapped in the face by that boy, Nea wouldn't be more dumbfounded.

Allen had been an uncertainty in his life for far too long. Seen at first as a way to get his hated brother, Allen became important by himself – though Nea had never realized that, not until the boy died, trespassed by Mana's sword.

Mana, _damned_ Mana, whose existence was meant to torment and destroy Nea's own. Then he went and killed Allen, doubling his hate for the Millennium Earl – something he'd never thought possible. His life ever since his student's death had been a constant of forgetting all about Allen and then finding himself immersed in thoughts of the boy… wanting to understand more about him. Wanting to see him again, replaying that final moment of theirs in that coffee shop like an idiot lunatic. And being aware, with painful conviction, that Allen had been human and humans, once finished, wouldn't wake anymore.

And then Allen – _this boy_ appeared, playing his apprentice's part, and Nea had wanted to rip him apart. It wasn't out of a need to affect Mana, or even to help or harm the world; it was just his need to destroy anything and anyone that messed with the memory of Allen too much, who pried and interfered into things that should be left in the past.

The young exorcist had always been Nea's open wound – he now could admit it, no matter how shameful of a weakness it was. It tormented him that he had killed the boy. He didn't do so with his own hands, no, but he did so indirectly with his actions. Training the child ever since he was young to become a remarkable exorcist, aiding and giving him incentive in his absurd quest to win the war and, inevitably, passing the boy his techniques and strategies, his way of acting and thinking and part of his combat skills.

It was only natural that the youngster got the attention of Mana as he had. It was only natural that his brother, insane and idiotic and _powerful_ as he was, would think of Allen as an incarnation of Nea and destroy him.

Nea had been readying Allen like a pig for a slaughter; there was no other way to describe it. He had his own voice, his so-called 'conscience', repeating to him over and over again in the last decades that _it was his fault_ , that _he_ _had killed Allen_.

And now he had a boy with Allen's Innocence and Allen's eyes and Allen's mannerisms blaming Nea for _Allen's death_.

He wanted to kill the boy for being an impostor.

But he also was reluctant to, because…

If he killed this young man without being absolutely sure he wasn't Allen, he would have the rest of eternity to ponder whether he had truly killed his apprentice again or not.

_What madness have I fallen in?_

Walking towards the distressed boy who had taken an obvious beating, he did only one last thing he could think of: he raised his hand, filled with Dark Matter potent in force and malice, and raised it towards the boy's scarred eye, so as to confirm what he thought he had seen.

He almost wanted the eye to remain unmoved. He wanted it to remain as it was, grey and unchanged as a proof that the scar was a fake, and that this whole ordeal had been an elaborate scheme to fool him. He wanted, wanted so _badly_ to take this judging stranger away from the Earth, to give him a tomb in the Noah's Ark.

The eye reacted as it always used to, despite his wishes, widening involuntarily. He watched it as it was filled with Dark Matter of its own, eager to answer Nea's call, morphing an once normal grey orb into a black and red sphere, one with a penetrating gaze, exactly as the one he remembered about.

He knew about it, had studied the boy as a child; the eye was impossible to replicate, impossible to imitate. The eye that could see trapped souls… something only the Earl of the Millennium could do. He, and those he allowed to do such a thing.

"Mana's gift…" whispered Nea, overwhelmed and feeling as his whole world was thrown upside down for the first time in many years. But before he could do anything else, he felt a strong pull on his energy and strength, one that drained his vitality from his very core and bound it tightly, in a way that he had never felt before.

Allen, with still mismatched eyes, held his hands in the symbol for _bind_.

Nea fell to his knees as his body was drained of the strength giving Dark Matter, the fuel of all Noah related abilities; his skin returned to its humane, tan color, and he knew the stigmata and golden eyes were also gone. His angry energy was gone, and his torso and arms were glued together by many cards.

"The fourth binding category: Dark Matter specialization. It is fortunate I have never lost the habit of carrying it around," said Allen, now looking down at him from his standing position. Both grey and red eyes were filled with apprehension.

"My own creation," said Nea, recognizing the drawn symbols instantly. The weapon he had created against his brother, against the rest of his family; back then it was only a prototype, but it was more than enough to bind down Akuma and render them useless.

"Yes… you were really going to kill me, right?" asked Allen, and Nea raised his head in surprise. No, he was not. He _wasn't_ – " I guess this finishes negotiations, if they ever had started," continued the boy, raising a hand to his still active cursed eye. "I apologize for the way I approached you. I guess I am truly dead in your eyes."

Ah. His test had been to activate Allen's left eye by putting it close to enough Dark Matter so that it would mistake it for an Akuma's presence; naturally, having Nea raise a hand filled with the malicious energy so close to his head must have looked more like a murder attempt.

"I wasn't going to kill you," said Nea sincerely. Well, _now_ he wasn't. A minute ago, however…

Allen's eyes narrowed. "I cannot believe you," he stated, "I… won't do anything to you, though."

Nea blinked, perplexed.

"I… won't hurt you. Just open one of your portals, and I will leave you alone," said the boy, sounding defeated. "Or can I use one of those white doors to depart?"

Wait. So the boy thought…

The boy thought…

… _How laughable_.

Some aspects of a person's character won't change, no matter the situation, and if Nea was anything besides vengeful, it was prideful. He was overwhelmed by Allen's continued existence in this world, by the many _possibilities_ –

But he had a young boy, a child by his standards, insinuating he had defeated his master, a Noah hundreds of years old.

The proper greetings could wait.

"Aren't you getting ahead of yourself, Allen?"

He saw the boy's eyes widen at finally being called by his name, but it could also be apprehension caused by Nea's threatening tone.

"Whatever do you mean?" asked Allen, his voice not as sure as before.

"Did you really think, even for a moment," he continued, raising from his uncharacteristic and admittedly humiliating kneeling position in the floor, "that I would create and much less _teach_ a technique I can't fight against?"

"You-" Allen started, Innocence ready to fight, but he had no chance. If there was a reason this version of the bind was a mere prototype, it was because it could be defeated by raw strength, one mere Akuma couldn't imitate.

The strength of a Noah.

Gathering all he had in order to release himself from Allen's spell, he felt the containing cards fight against his will, trying to keep any energy he generated bound inside their invisible barriers. Nea was far too much, however, and he could feel the exact moment they couldn't contain him anymore: the pressure became far too great, the considerable barrier created by years of spell craft giving way as the strips of paper burned and fell apart uselessly.

The outcome was devastating.

Finally released from a containment it wasn't used to, and already fueled by Nea's attempt at drawing as much of it as possible, the Dark Matter exploded from his body in a enormous, deafening wave without a target. It reverberated through the chamber, causing mayhem and throwing Allen in the air. The boy fell in a heap meters away, gasping for breath and staring at Nea with the wide, fearful eyes of the defeated.

Nea smirked in satisfaction. That would teach the arrogant little brat. "Good. Now, I want to-"

His request for answers was interrupted by a loud groan. It made him tense, and Allen winced. It wasn't a normal noise; instead, it sounded extremely loud and grave, like the moan of an enormous, dying creature. Nea looked around, at first in confusion, seeing nothing but his battered student and a ruined room.

As if to answer his internal doubts, another growl started. The floor – everything around them – shifted as strongly as a ship hit by a strong wave would, and Nea had to work hard to keep his balance. He once more looked at the state of the Ark.

No… no, it couldn't be –

"What is happening?" asked Allen, looking pathetically confused by the whole situation. He still seemed quite wary of Nea, but afraid of the room also, so there was no place for him to run to.

"The Ark…" said Nea, inspecting the damage. Right then, a chunk of the wall behind Allen fell. It was three times the boy's size. "Move!" he shouted, almost going to push Allen out of the way, but the boy managed to dodge the enormous piece of white substance. It fell to the floor and impaled it like a giant dagger would.

Allen stared in alarm at the hole left by it.

There was no room beyond that wall – instead, revealed by the newly created opening, was a darkness so profound it was almost unbearable to look at. If the inside of the room was white, the outside was nothing but black. Not the black of walls painted in such a color, or the black of shadows. This black was that of pure absence of anything, of space devoid of any object, any substance. He felt a strong need to get away from the damage, as if the nothingness of the outside could suck them away without any warning.

Nea turned back to Allen and, if the way the young man took an involuntary step back was any indication, then the alarm in the Noah's face must be indeed quite dangerous.

The pressure in the air changed, the area oppressive with a threat greater than any exorcist or Noah, and something that felt deep and far away rumbled with menace.

" _Damn it_ ," swore Nea, understanding now that he had managed to destabilize the Ark.

This had never, ever happened before, no matter how much the Noah family played with space, time and the many dimensions they had no complete knowledge about.

"Perhaps…" whispered Allen, "you could open a new portal such as the last one?" The _and take me with you_ went unspoken but quite clear.

"No, I cannot," snarled Nea, even though the ignorance wasn't the boy's fault. Things weren't so easy. The instant transportation provided by the Ark depended on its whole construct; he didn't want to think about what could happen to them should they walk through a device that would be as disrupted as the Ark itself. "I must correct this. Come," said he, running towards one of the white doors. It was already crumbling under the pressure of breaking walls, but he managed to pass through with a forceful kick that tore it apart. To his relief, Allen had forgotten their previous death match and followed his instructions without preamble; the fact that the space they were in before was about to collapse had also to be quite the incentive.

"Where are we?" exclaimed Allen, clearly not seeing their salvation in Nea's most important room.

Nea didn't waste any time explaining, however; not when even the chamber, that was his control room, was ready to fall into ruin. Running towards the musical instrument and settling himself there, he placed his fingers over the piano keys, and started playing without hesitation, rendering himself to the ease of practice, emptying his mind of any urge, any restlessness or fear; a mistake could ruin everything. After all, this was far from just a piano.

It was a key. A key that opened the Ark, that closed it, that kept the portals and that ruled over space and matter inside that little pocket of his that remained in a different dimension.

The song was always the same; instead of different codes for different purposes, the tune and message persisted, uncaring of being used to build or destroy; it was, instead, the intent of the player that decided what would be the fate of the rooms around them. Once upon a time, it ruled over the entire Ark. Now, it held only a small session of the whole construct, the rest under the control of the Earl and his bastardized, dark version of the instrument.

Everything around him lost its importance, even Allen himself, as he felt rather than watched, with closed eyes, the slow but sure reconstruction of his rooms; he had managed to avoid their end by a very small margin, and there was nothing to do but fulfill his role until everything was stabilized once again.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Initially, Allen had been astounded at Nea's actions. He had expected a escape route, a safe house, anything that could save them from the collapse of this place that clearly couldn't be on Earth. What he had been presented with, however, was a room as white as the one before, with nothing but a piano in the center; it was devoid of any useful means that he could see. He looked at the door he had just ran through and watched, distressed, as it was torn apart by the weight of the wall; the previous room was clearly impossible to go back to, and he wouldn't risk attack the building and damaging it even more.

Then Nea ran to the piano and started playing, ignoring Allen completely. Allen had wanted to scream, to hit his teacher, even. They were going to die here, and the man was going to play a song. Was he going completely insane? Without any hope, he still ran close to the chamber's walls, hoping to find a secret device, a passage, anything so he could grab the Noah and drag them out of here and to whatever lay outside.

Then, the song started.

Allen stopped in his tracks after the first notes were revealed, paralyzed. He could do nothing but pay attention to what he heard. The rumble and the noise caused by the destruction seemed to disappear from the forefront of his mind, much less important than the notes he heard, and he slowly turned back to watch his teacher as he played the ethereal music.

Around them, the destruction and movement stopped and, under Allen's astonished gaze, the area started slowly repairing itself; only part of his attention was turned towards it, however. Most of his mind was on his teacher, on the song, because he could, as always, remember it by heart.

There were two 'useless' things Nea taught Allen when the then redhead was a child.

… _and one or two embers in the fading ashes of the fire…_

One was a lullaby, that he refused to sing to Allen as he slept because _I am not your parent,_ but would sing distractedly here and there, in a way so unfitting to his personality.

… _Dreaming many thousands of dreams,_

_spreading across the land…_

Allen never asked him the origin of the song, afraid that touching on the subject would make the man close up. There were so many things they didn't talk about.

… _Even though countless of years_

_turn so many prayers back to earth…_

He could recognize the words, even if Nea wasn't singing, even if the instrument was the only thing making sounds.

… _somehow, love this child, please…_

The other 'useless' thing Nea taught him... had been how to play the piano.

 _A skill of absolutely no use for someone who must spend every minute of free time he has to learn how to survive,_ Nea had grumbled even as, contradicting his own statement, he placed Allen's smaller hands over the old keys and taught him in that irritable and impatient way of his, _but I suppose a child must have a hobby, even if just so you will stop trying to play detective on my personal matters._

Nea hadn't really taught him how to play the piano; he taught, instead, a sequence to press the keys in order to perform a single melody. Only one.

And even then, Allen had never stopped practicing, because Nea had never taught him anything that wasn't deemed practical or necessary. It was the closest Allen felt to him in that moment, through that single song; and so he had practiced and memorized the movements, playing even in the air when a piano wasn't necessary. His fingers moved over ghost keys when waiting for a Black Order commander, when given a moment of rest in the field or even when he just needed to sit and calm down.

He had been a child of the streets, yet it had been so easy for him to learn, even if Nea only taught him in a handful of moments.

It didn't take long for Allen to understand why it was so easy to remember, so easy to perform.

It had been… Mana's secret code.

And ever since the boy realized, he had stopped seeing his mentor with the same eyes.

He walked towards the piano, and towards this man who had known Mana somehow.

Leaning over Nea, Allen positioned his hands over the keys, and the man startled but, before he could even react, Allen pushed the grey hands away and took over. Instantly, the map of the place they were in filled his vision, and he could watch the rooms shifting and repairing themselves, little by little, fed by the song that was the key to control it and keep it stable. Fed also by the mere presence and the will of the one who played.

He didn't really know for how long he played; but a minute after the map in his mind stopped changing, after utter silence broken only by the music could be heard, Nea started getting up. Startled at being pushed away from the piano by his rising back, Allen blinked, as if out of a trance.

"That's enough," said Nea, and Allen finally took a look at the room with his own open eyes; it was pristine, clear of any damage. Even the ruined door they had used was now in a perfect state, as if denying the previous ordeal they had just gone through.

His legs felt weak.

Allen sat in the floor, giving way to his emotional and physical exhaustion: he couldn't easily point out which troubled him more. The Innocence had deactivated long ago, and his position was full of openings; he carried the air of one who had given up on any sort of conflict.

He was also the one who broke the silence.

"Mana… you know, Mana taught me… when I was a child…" he took a deep breath, decided to explain things properly; he wouldn't ruin this moment with words tainted by hesitation. "Mana taught me a code, shortly after we got to meet each other. He would draw it in a paper and then then burn it, or over a dusty surface he would later wipe clean; but he taught it to me many times. At first I thought it was a cool secret code, a new language," said Allen, remembering those many moments. The moments near his father, whom he still refused to completely link with the Earl. "But we never used it to speak, really. It was just a sequence of symbols and pauses. I knew how to draw it. I knew it by heart, but that was all; still, it was one of the few things that were _steady_ about father, and I wanted to learn it and keep it close. So I did.

"He said once, in that distracted voice of his, when he would murmur and not look at my face… he said it was a key. Said that someday I would go home, so I better remember it.

"He never spoke a word about that ever again, though. I asked him why the code was a key and he wouldn't remember. Or sometimes he would get all nervous… I… just wanted him to remain calm and happy, so I was careful with everything I said. Like with you," Allen explained, staring at Nea's unreadable eyes. Eyes that were a gold so dark they could be called a light brown; the stigmata marks were gone, and his unblemished skin was growing lighter. A good signal.

"Then you taught me your own code. No, a song. It was a song, didn't you say that? Useless, you said, and acted like it was such a trouble to teach me, but I hadn't really asked. All of a sudden, you decided I had to know. Like Mana."

Grey eyes, pleading for honesty, were unwavering. "What is Mana to you, Nea?"

Nea remained silent for a while, pondering on whether he should open to the boy or simply revert to misdirecting answers that would eventually close the topic.

But that thought only lasted for a short while. Allen was alive.

 _Alive_.

There was no way he would replay the same story of decades ago.

"He is… my other half," said he sincerely, and Allen seemed surprised at the answer. Not wanting to lose his determination to speak, Nea continued, "a half of the Millennium Earl."

Allen's body stiffened, his frame clearly rigid with apprehension, even if he still didn't get up from his sitting position. He looked at Nea with the same eyes one should have at such a revelation, before he deflated – he was the picture of tiredness.

It made Nea worry.

"You are… the _Millennium Earl?_ " Allen choked with difficulty. He looked so broken, so far away from the defiant boy Nea knew he was. "Because… if you are…"

Nea knew what that meant; knew that his revelation could change the boy's entire perspective. He didn't ready himself for attack or even defense, however.

Today had been too much for both of them.

"If you are," continued Allen, and Nea readied himself for the declaration of war – for the restart of the battle, even. "Then this war is lost. I… am ready to fight… Mana. Who isn't my father anymore. Not as he is; but not you. That is far too much. If I must defeat you…" Allen let out an unamused laugh, "then my rebirth was meaningless. I can't, and even if I could, I don't want to fight you. No, no. My fathers… both my fathers…"

 _Fathers?_ Alarmed, Nea decided to cut that trail of thought before it went too far.

"I am not truly the Millennium Earl. I may be a half of the first disciple, of the patriarch, but the Millennium Earl isn't about genetics or the Noah identity – he is about ideals, about objectives and the final mission of enslaving or destroying humanity. We are like black and white, like oil and water; so different we actually separated into two and are in a constant circle of trying to destroy each other." That had happened long ago, much before Katerina even dreamed of being born; before her parents and grandparents existed, even. The Millennium Earl grew to have doubts, to question his destiny. He began to distance himself from the _design_. The doubts grew and grew until both sides couldn't live with each other anymore; rather than being halved in two identical parts, Nea believed he himself had been expelled from the rest. Given new names and identities by a human female who fancied herself their mother, they lived together in harmony for a few short years but, naturally, it wasn't meant to last.

The part named Mana wanted the part named Nea dead; that was invisible in their first decade together, but started to show in Mana's behavior in the second and resulted in that final conflict.

Allen still looked desperate, but to a lesser degree. He shook his head and then his body tilted; he held himself with a hand, avoiding falling to the floor. "I see. That is relieving." He then raised his eyes. "Allow me to help you, then."

"Your mistake has always been to wish to destroy the Order without first erasing the Millennium Earl. Are you sure-"

"I know what I must do, now," said Allen, eyes hardened, "and I paid a great price for not listening to you. _Let me help._ "

Nea was still very apprehensive. The boy had already been killed once, in a fight with that man. "You have always seen him as your father. I don't want you to die yet again, held back by your useless memories-"

"I won't," he said with determination, finally getting up from his position in the cold ground. Nea also left his seat. "My father died when he left me, out of his own volition. I saw it with my own eyes, before the day he disappeared. He was being taken over, little by little. I only came to recognize it… when it was too late."

"Still…"

"He _died_. He told me so! He warned me. My father is my father, and he will always be. I'm not renouncing the Mana that took care of me for those years. I'm just accepting he is gone, devoured by the one who killed me. The one who wants to kill _you_."

This boy… this boy. He hadn't changed at all. He was shorter, and he had strange looks, but he was the same of always – impossible to hold back, impossible to contain, not for as long as he was alive.

And even after death, it seemed, he persisted.

Nea's lips curled in wry amusement, despite the situation. "Devoured, huh… an interesting term you use, indeed. But let me clarify one thing," he said. His eyes shone gold yet again and were even more feral than before. " _You aren't going back on your promise_. You aren't going to die because of your foolishness yet again. If you so much as get a single scratch because of that infuriating reluctance of yours, _I will destroy you myself_. This is not an empty threat; you became my weakness, the way I wanted you to become Mana's. So you better be worth the risk, got it?"

There, he had said it; in short words, he had revealed his initial intentions with the boy, the reason why he had saved him as a child. He had even threatened his life for the thousandth time that day. In a normal relationship, such an attitude would sever any remaining bonds between two individuals.

Allen looked suitably afraid for about two seconds, before his face eased into that contented smile of his. "Ah, there's the teacher I know and love."

_...Idiot._

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·


	20. Transição

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Pain. A word that had grown to become subjective.

Animals cried at it, humans moaned and screamed, and he saw it ever so frequently, displayed in front of him – either when walking by one such scene or when he, himself, inflicted it upon others. Because of that, he had thought he understood it profoundly, as if being its constant witness and source was enough to comprehend and grasp the whole of it.

When had he forgotten?

It was a fact that Noah didn’t get sick, and rarely got hurt. Chances of experimenting what were generally human limitations usually appeared only in a confront against another member of the Clan, or in a fight against a remarkably powerful exorcist. With both situations being rare, his body and soul had grown complacent, more even than those of his family: he, as the Noah of Pleasure, was the very embodiment of notions such as self serving, selfishness and utterly rejection to any sort of suffering. Whatever displeased him passed right through his flesh without effect, or was promptly expelled from his vicinity.

And that must explain, he pondered as he tried to keep a hold on his mind, why this hurt ever so much, intolerably, _intolerably_ –

“A member of our clan,” snarled Sheryl for what could be the hundredth time. “How could this be? Who would dare, _WHO?”_

The deep punctures and gashes covered his whole body, some having hit past flesh and breaking bone. Whole pieces of him had been obliterated in the conflict, and he feared seeing his own state, avoiding any reflective surface. Any attempt to move a centimeter was met with a deep protest from his body, that screamed with the sudden possibility of actual death. The wounds weren’t natural – no one such as him should be suffering for so long. His flesh should have mended itself hours ago, and all he could do was pray that it eventually would.

“-unbelievable, we can’t stay put, not through this,” continued his older brother, who wouldn’t stop his angry pacing and gesturing, as if that would help him control his hatred. The shock Sheryl had felt at seeing his younger sibling’s state quickly became fury when an explanation about the one responsible for it finally came out of Tyki’s lips, together with a handful of blood.

_‘Noah.’_

Who in the world was that person? Why did he look like Tyki, why did he feel like the Earl and more importantly, what had prompted that attack? The utterly joy with which the man had attacked Tyki was disturbing, and the power he wielded with ridiculous ease was even more alarming. Tyki wasn’t the strongest in the family, but he was far from the weakest. What would they do with a creature that was able to kill a member of the Clan on an one to one fight?

Because if he had wanted to, admitted Tyki with a bout of nausea, the stranger could have easily killed him. And with that, he realized his life wasn’t so boring, after all; that he didn’t want it to be held in other person’s hands, that he didn’t want it to end without his permission.

With great effort, he managed to turn his head to the left, slowly. Ignoring the furious Sheryl, who was dangerous but predictable, Tyki’s golden eyes searched for someone else.

And there she was, indeed, but he wouldn’t have known it if he hadn’t looked for her. She had been so silent.

Road. Dreams, the one who held the key to the Doors, the eldest of them all. Truly ancient, but eternally mocking her old age with her childish appearance. From the day he first met her to now, nothing had changed – not a strand of hair, not a trace on her face.

Today, she looked worried.

And more than anything, that made him worried, too.

It wasn’t normal for her, the closest to the Earl and, arguably, the most powerful after him, to be bothered. Not the girl who told them to stay calm when their patriarch himself disappeared, the one who was a pseudo leader whenever their Clan Head lost his mind.

If Road suffered, Tyki felt with certainty, then soon the entire Clan would, too.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

“This is absolutely incredible. _You_ are incredible. I pledge my eternal allegiance to you, my lord,” said Allen from his position in one of the short tree’s sturdier branches. Nea rolled his eyes at his dramatics, but didn’t complain as the boy ceremoniously picked an apple and bit into it as if it was the sweetest fruit available on Earth.

After the fifth apple, however, and seeing as the boy refused to be done with his theatrics, Nea had enough. “However pleasant it may be to see that you finally appreciate my grandness,” said he drily, “I do think the way you eat these fruits is quite indecent. Do they taste so terribly good?”

“Oh, you want one?” asked Allen, quickly throwing the fruit towards his teacher. The dark haired man grabbed it, but made no move to eat. “I’m sorry I forgot to offer. As for the taste, well, what can I say? I get to eat it without any undercover operation, without having to fight dangerous battles and hiding from guards, or asking my comrades to do so. So it tastes incredible.”

Nea made sense of that declaration and then nodded; he also did have a period on his life where he had to worry about such things, though he had been rich, and thus his every human need had been supplied. He could still remember it, after such a long time: wheat fields, golden and stretching so far that, as a young child, he had thought the mansion he lived in was the only building that existed, and that the rest of the world was composed of that vibrant hue. His life had been filled with beauty and comfort, with warmth, wealth, Katerina and Mana…

Ah.

That’s why he couldn’t have good memories.

So in the end, he had never dealt with the hardships his apprentice lived with daily, and would allow him these pleasant days, and he indulged the boy with many instant travels to somewhat pleasant places and let him act like the child Nea had always seen him as. Those days of peace would be over soon, anyway.

He looked at the boy – no, the young man, who lounged in the tree happily, waiting for him to open the door to their next destination. They had just met, and Nea would be soon throwing Allen in one of the most dangerous places on Earth, behind only the Millennium Earl’s Ark itself. It felt like something treacherous and inconsequential to do, but Allen had already proved his strength.

His performance against Nea had been the best he had seen so far, specially considering Nea was as strong as the Earl himself – a mirror copy of the ridiculous psychopath, if only saner and with ideas that were the exactly opposite of the Clan’s Head. He had also watched the great influence Allen had managed to rebuild as he investigated him during the time he thought the boy was an impostor.

So Nea decided to acknowledge his strength once more. It had been something he had grown to associate with him in the past, and the only time his exorcist apprentice had truly disappointed him was in that fight against Mana, whom the boy had stupidly refused to hurt, who had been too strong for Allen to have a chance to win against, anyway.

If the boy had finally let go of that lethal irrationality of his, however, Nea had every reason to believe he would be a force to be reckoned with.

Allen was strong. He would have to be, in order to survive what lay ahead.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Allen had stressed the need to return to his allies as soon as possible, specially considering the many days they took to understand each other’s situation and have a somewhat even footing once again. Still, he had accepted to sleep in the quarters once more. They had been stable enough for him to stop having nervous ticks about sleeping in the place that, four days ago, almost became their tomb.

Still, despite having a bed, Allen always ended sleeping in a couch he placed near the piano. At first, Nea thought it was so he could be near the instrument that controlled this fraction of the Ark, and didn’t berate him for it. But as the boy relaxed more and more and started waxing poetic about how utterly comfortable the couch was, he noticed it was indeed a sleeping preference, even though the young exorcist hadn’t given the bed a try.

Allen had never taken things for granted, not before and not now. But ever since Nea met him, he noticed the boy appreciated things even more than fifty years ago. Actually, he revered small comforts to an obscene level. At first, he had suspected the white haired exorcist had only been trying to mock him, but there was an undeniable sincerity in his eyes whenever he praised a roof over his head, simple but decent food and basic comforts such as a clean and comfortable place to sleep.

It must have been hard, decided Nea, staring down at the sleeping boy, whose white hair almost disappeared against the white bedclothes he’d dragged to the piano room.

It had always been hard. But as a child, Allen had always had a place to return to. It couldn’t ever be called home; it was more of a prison, where he was tormented and enslaved. But it did supply his basic needs. As an exorcist, Allen would always have a good bedroom, furnished with everything he could need, waiting for him. Food was plenty inside the walls and never denied, and any of his wounds would be treated with the utmost care and speed, as his status as a rare accommodator demanded. Of course, outside the walls, he lived in a war; but he knew that, as long as he survived whatever mission he was working in and managed to return to a city, he would be well fed and cared for and his supplies would be restocked.

A lone exorcist couldn’t have such luxuries. Nea was hardly aware of what their lives were like, as he had been focusing much more in the Earl and the Order than the rebels who sided with none of the aforementioned forces. But it wasn’t hard to imagine what it was like. Cities that would hastily open their gates for Allen now would not only deny him entrance, but actually attack him if he came too close. Not even the exiles who were once counted as his allies could be relied upon; they were hungry, sick, desperate people, and would easily attack their supposed savior in exchange for basic supplies that became worth more than gold.

And for all these years, Allen hadn’t had Nea with him, either.

Nea liked to think he had always been there for Allen. He never overindulged the boy – actually, he would admit he was sometimes excessively strict with him – but whenever the child had asked him for instructions and for help in how to solve a situation, he would be there. More than once, in the start of their acquaintance, Nea would destroy some of his enemies from the shadows, when he thought they were too much for the boy to handle. The Order had been insane to send such a young person to fight many times by himself. Allen had never known of Nea’s interference, though, and had grown strong enough that slowly but surely the Noah had needed to interfere less and less, but he knew the then redhead would have been killed as a child if not for the constant vigilance he kept over him. That wasn’t Nea being arrogant; it was just a fact.

And there was something inevitable that would grow inside a person when they took care of someone, making sure they survived, instructing them and watching them grow. He placed a hand in Allen’s hair, and it looked almost brown against the colorless strands. As he looked at that face where the only thing he was familiar with was the scar, he tried very hard to reconcile it with the Allen he had always known, and it was difficult. Right now, it was as if he was looking at a stranger who had painted a tattoo over his eye. The eyes, nose, mouth, cheekbones, they were all wrong and difficult to accept, and he felt a bout of nausea take over him, as something in his chest clenched. Then so did his hands, closing into tight fists. Was this a stranger? Had he been fooled? Had he –

 _“Oww!”_ exclaimed the boy, and Nea noticed that the strength he was exerting on his right fist must have been ripping some hairs off the exorcist’s head. “What are you doing?” exclaimed Allen, massaging his abused scalp.

And there, in front of Nea, the stranger became Allen. The alien features became familiar once again, alight with the voice and mannerisms of his student. The nausea receded, and he forced the suspicion that had grown on his heart to disappear.

“Teacher?”

“Get out of my couch,” grumbled he, for a lack of anything better to say. _I was wondering whether you actually are an impostor_ wouldn’t go well, he supposed, specially after what they had gone through to ascertain Allen’s identity. “I’ve provided you with a fine bedroom and won’t have you lounging in my main chamber like a vagabond.”

Allen looked temporarily speechless, and his left eye seemed to have fallen under a nervous tick. “You… you just ripped my hair off, only because of this?”

“Out with you,” grumbled Nea, kicking the couch. It reverberated with the strong hit. Allen jumped from it, before grouchily picking the bedclothes and dragging them with him to the bed.

These past days, thought Nea as he watched the boy’s retreating back, were doing no good for his heart.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

As soon as the bedroom’s door closed behind Allen, his annoyed expression turned into a pensive and worried one. He thoughtlessly walked to the bed but, for once, he didn’t spare a thought for the luxuriousness of the settings. Instead, he sat in the bed, cross legged and absentmindedly hugging the messy bedclothes.

It had been quite a scare, to wake up with Nea looking at him like that, eyes fierce and filled with menace, a hand holding his hair in such a painful grip Allen had to exercise a great amount of self control in order to not attack.

Nea didn’t waste time in turning back into his usual testy, pompous self, saying nonsense about Allen’s sleeping habits and whatnot. For his part, Allen had dutifully played his role in the little play, hardly wishing to breach the subject of Nea’s temporary hostility.

Allen guessed he was lucky that the Noah had decided to attack his hair, and not his neck, while he was unconscious.

It was a painful reminder that all was _not_ well.

Allen didn’t blame Nea; he couldn’t, even if the man’s behavior occasionally threatened him. This whole situation couldn’t have been easy on the man’s part; actually, it must have been harder for Nea than it had been for Allen, who had always imagined his teacher would be alive. Nea… Nea had had to deal with Allen’s death for fifty years. Whether he had done it with ease or it had caused him any emotional distress, it was a fact that after such a long time, Allen’s demise would have become a fact set in stone. Surely he would have found it easier to believe in Allen’s existence some days after his death, or even some weeks or months… but it had been half a century. The mere fact that Nea accepted, even if partially, Allen’s story, was a miracle on itself.

He was bound to question the truth sometimes, though, and it was up to Allen to prove to him who he was. He was sure that, with time, they would be once more in tune, and his teacher would trust him more. As of now, however, he had to be very, very careful.

Like, for example, with the only relevant part of his story that he had kept hidden.

They had spent the past days getting to know each other once again, and understanding what had happened in the past years. Nea had mostly explained of his mission to find and destroy his brother, and the limitations to his plan that had put a stalemate on his attempts. Allen, meanwhile, told everything from the moment he woke up in the laboratory, but it had been… difficult.

He had been there, watching everything, but the actions hadn’t been his own; it had been the other Allen, whom he had grown to recognize as a second personality. Speaking of what happened as if he hadn’t been merely watching had been complicated and, more than once, he wondered whether he shouldn’t tell his teacher of his personality split. It was mostly solved, after all; for a long time, he hadn’t been taken over by the boy – not even once.

Today he got his answer, though: it wouldn’t do for him to reveal such a thing to Nea. The man was already paranoid and partially doubtful, even as Allen presented an apparently intact mind. Telling the Noah he had had an split personality problem and only recently got to control his own body would do absolutely no good to their reborn relationship.

He closed his eyes, trying to look for that second presence that was weak but constant in the back of his mind, and found nothing. Perhaps it was finally over, he thought. The boy was put to rest, and would suffer no more.

The conclusion didn’t bring him any relief.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

The weather had thankfully calmed after some days of scorching heat. Kanda sat over one of the highest branches of a tree, feeling the wind and the cold. It wasn’t comfortable to be up there when the temperature was down but, when by himself, he always preferred finding places where he could watch what was happening around him.

Seven hundred meters to the southeast was the exorcist encampment, but he hadn’t stopped there for more than to grab some food in the last days. He also didn’t appear to offer any sort of help, and the others didn’t bother him about it. They didn’t even care, and Kanda was grateful for it.

He had never felt truly a part of the team.

It had been strange, initially, to be part of such a group. No, scratch that – it never stopped being strange. Never had he thought that by finding Allen he would also get attached to so many other fighters and travel in such a large group from then onwards. To this day he felt the situation was surreal, for though being with Allen had always seemed natural and right, their other companions were… extras, that he had never quite gotten used to.

They were mostly loud, yes, and two particularly clashed with his temper in a very bad way. He also didn’t feel comfortable in group talks and outings that didn’t involve work and he'd remain comfortably closed off, unless Allen actually dragged him by the arm towards unwanted interaction.

All in all, however, it hadn’t been a bad change. His need for privacy and his selectiveness when it came to company were irrelevant in the larger scheme of things, and being able to sleep at night because someone else was watching for him actually took a lot out of his shoulders; it also meant freely travelling through the open lands, without fear of being attacked by a number of Akuma large enough to destroy him.

Right now, however, and for the first time, he felt he was truly, fundamentally alone; indeed, he was quite sure of it. Because many days had passed since… Allen's disappearance, in a private mission of his that should have taken a single day but he had yet to come back from. Kanda had allowed him to go, wanting to stop looking at the familiar face with wrong eyes, and also not having a choice in the matter to start with. Now, however, he regretted his decision. It was as if everything he did to Allen lately was wrong, and though he didn’t truly have the means to stop the boy and lock him up as he had fantasized so many times about, he still felt he should have done _something_.

The urge to go after him was strong: The insane psychopath who wouldn’t stay dead and took control over Allen could hardly be trusted, but it wasn’t like he could explain the matters to the others without being labelled as crazy. But even if they didn’t know of Allen's situation, it frustrated Kanda to no end that the idiots who had lived with the boy for so long weren’t worried about the obvious personality change and allowed him to do as he wished.

He had done the mistake of trying to talk to them about Allen's absence, only to have them say they trusted Allen and that the white haired exorcist would be fine. Watching their expressions, clearly full of confidence in their statement, he finally understood how ignorant they were.

There was only one good thing about it: By having Allen far away, Kanda was also out of reach of the enemy. He could operate only when distanced from him, and if Lavi would just come back already with good news, he'd actually be able to do something instead of staying perched in a branch like a damned owl and doing nothing with his life but contemplating uselessly.

Inactive and alone in his worries, for even the redhead seemed quite at ease with the whole situation, his thoughts started taking a darker direction. For if even someone as intelligent as the redhead wasn't expressing any trouble with Allen's change, the perhaps it wasn’t that they didn't know; maybe, and just maybe, they simply didn’t care about the boy as long as they won the war.

Without a doubt, Allen's previous refusal to call any of them family made much more sense.

His stomach growled and, with it, came a new bout of nausea. Knowing he couldn’t postpone this any longer, he opened the box in which he carried what was left of his share of the rations. Inside was what was left of his part of the food they had gathered the last time. He placed some dried fruit in his mouth and started eating but, as soon as it hit his stomach, it was like the already unbearable hunger grew tenfold. He had to restrain himself from finishing every last scrap of food he had in his hands, instead trying to limit his intake to the  very basic he needed to stay up and functional.

He had been growing quite thin as of late. That was hardly a rare situation but if even he, with his enhanced body, was suffering from a lack of food, then the others had to be in more of a critical situation. Eventually they would have to move, whether Allen came back or not.

Movement below made him stare down. At the very roots of the tree stood a child of about seven years of age. With brown hair that was dark either from a natural color or from dirt and a pale and thin frame, she looked at him – or rather, his food box – with undeniable interest.

This was just one of the many times he dealt with such a situation but, as of late, he had grown used to having Allen alert him of any Akuma nearby whenever they were together. Now, however, he was by himself, far away from any other exorcist, and would have to exercise judgment on his own.

The first signs of an Akuma pretending to be a human would be a healthy pallor or intact, crispy clean clothes. Such amateurish mistakes were usually committed by the weakest of their kind, who had yet to kill enough humans in order to evolve and have intelligent thoughts other than wanting to kill. The child below didn’t fit any of these descriptions, however.

“What do you want?” he asked her, without moving from his place. The child, or machine, either wanted food or his life. Another test was to check their speech pattern. Akuma frequently spoke like well mannered, educated adults, even while inhabiting the bodies of starving exiled children. The supposed child didn’t open her mouth, however, her gaze unwavering but rather hopeless.

Kanda sighed, hating the whole situation. He had no means to confirm the truth and, though he would never bring her to the encampment or give her many supplies – they would hardly last long if they started practicing charity – he couldn’t stand to just leave her here. Still on guard, he jumped down, and his knees hurt with the strain of the fall. He really would have to get some true food soon. Perhaps he’d leave this deserted part of the forest and hunt for a damn animal or something, and to hell with the Order’s caravans – what would be the use of avoiding them to the point of starving to death?

“Here,” said he, extending the box to her and decided to turn his back and leave. There wasn’t much he could do to help, and he better go as she ate, so she wouldn’t have time to trail after him. He watched as she placed the first dried fruit in her mouth with dirt stained fingers.

And then, she was on fire.

Kanda jumped away almost instantly, Mugen drawn and ready before he even had his feet in the ground once again. Any instinct to help was subdued as soon as the child’s screaming morphed into the horrible, deafening sound of the wringing of a metallic contraption as she – _it_ turned back into a large machine that contorted in the flames, slowly melting inside a fiery circle with the kanji for fire.

“Phew. I’ve been after that one for a while,” said a voice, and Kanda turned towards Lavi, who walked towards the Japanese exorcist and the dying Akuma leisurely, his hammer reducing its size as he approached. “It was very weak, but also very fast. I bet it didn’t think it would run into another exorcist, though.”

“I… didn’t know it was an Akuma,” admitted Kanda, before shaking himself out of the surprise at the sudden events happening before him. “Rabbit,” he said, voice full of demand, “have you contacted the General?”

“Contacted? Heh, I’ve done far better than that. You owe me soo bad, Yuu,” said he with a chuckle. Then, the boy appraised Kanda with his single green eye. “Perhaps you should have a bite of something before we speak, though,” said he, reaching for his large backpack.

“You can speak while I eat,” said Kanda, accepting a lunch box, but his anxiety didn’t allow him to eat. Lavi was his only hope, and that was not a good feeling to have. “On with it, rabbit! Did you manage to talk to him? What did he say?” The hammer wielding exorcist just _had_ to have done it. Kanda didn’t know what he would do otherwise.

Just as Lavi was going to open his mouth, too, the sound of steps from deep in the forest stopped him. Alarmed, Kanda quickly activated his sword once again, feeling his weakened body protest at the painful strain. He blinked twice, however, when he noticed that Lavi was still at ease, Innocence inactive and hidden inside his clothes.

“You came quite fast, sir. Gave Yuu a scare, you did,” said the boy in good humor, and it took a while for Kanda to understand these words.

“...What?” asked he, staring at the space where the noise was coming from. He felt Mugen turn inactive in his grasp once more, without his permission.

“He was held by quite a few Akuma in our way, you see. Still – he’s amazing. We could travel in a straight line towards here, because he would destroy even those enormous hordes we usually avoid unless we are in a group-”

By then, Kanda had already tuned out Lavi’s incessant yammering. His gaze didn’t move from the trees until a man finally appeared there, dressed in a long, beaten down brown coat and seeming far older than the last time Kanda had seen him. Still, he was impossible to mistake for someone else. Kanda’s knees felt weak, and if that was because of the surprise, the confusion or the _utter relief_ he felt, he didn’t know.

 _“Gensui,”_ whispered Kanda, as both Mugen and the food fell to the ground, forgotten.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·


	21. O que for preciso: Kanda

" _Gensui?"_

The adrenaline from the short battle he almost had to become a part of had made him hyper aware of his surroundings, despite his poor physical condition. But when Kanda saw _him_ , it was as if the whole world around him lost its importance. His vision tunneled, focusing only on the person in front of him. The remains of the disposed Akuma, the burning forest, Lavi, _everything_ _else_ disappeared from his awareness.

Unbelievable as it was, Tiedoll was in front of him. The other man didn't look exactly like what Kanda had expected – the face was older, the hair whiter. He seemed shorter, even though that was likely due to Kanda's last growth spurt. Yet his power seemed undeniable, and he couldn't deny it even if he wanted to – that was Froi Tiedoll in front of him, undeniably real, wearing a uniform of black rimmed with red that the younger exorcist had learned to associate with danger. And still, this was the General, the one he had been almost hopelessly looking for, so the dark colors and the Rose Cross didn't inspire the usual hatred and fear – they brought relief instead.

His heart had been weighed by many different pressing concerns and doubts. To have such a relevant one lifted away left him breathless, filled with hope, yet so weak. He felt the connection with his Innocence disappear, and his sword slipped from his fingers and fell to the ground, a second before his vision darkened and his knees failed him.

There was a rush of hurried steps and someone barely managing to keep him from hitting the ground. He then felt his body being taken away from the fire and the poisonous smoke. Someone shouted something, but he didn't understand it, and he didn't react as he was placed in the floor, sitting with his back resting against a tree.

"Hurry up, boy," urged the familiar voice, and Kanda almost felt alarmed at that, but his weakness didn't allow him to experience much more than confusion, and he also eventually realized the command wasn't directed towards him. The other person there… Lavi, was carrying something, and deposited it in the General's hand.

He felt something being placed on his lap – a small box and, when it was opened, he felt the delicious aroma of fresh food. He couldn't focus on it though, and turned instead to the older exorcist, whose face became clearer due to Kanda's own adrenaline.

"General," said he, feeling the urge to say everything he could, to relay as much content as he could, because this meeting could very well be time limited. "Listen-"

"I won't listen to a single word," said Tiedoll instead, and the fierceness of his eyes and tension in his frame was enough to astound Kanda into silence. "Not until you have eaten, and eaten well. _Now_."

The request from the man seemed irrational and impossible, as if focusing on anything but talking to him was absurd. However, as he turned his attention to the box, he felt as if he had forgotten everything else.

Feeling his shoulders sag, he let the spoon sink in the mixture of rice, beans, vegetables and everything else and took it to his mouth. After doing so, his hunger awakened once again, and he started digging into it without a care, waiting for the relief that came from a good meal. Once the box was empty, he leaned once again against the bark, eyes returning to the general and now seeing him more clearly. The blurriness slowly left, and the details became more visible and real.

Seeing Tiedoll brought about a wave of relief, but also anxiety about the man's wellbeing. "How did you...how did you get here?" asked Kanda finally, trying to get some strength into his voice. Seeing as the general wasn't in a hurry to leave, Kanda allowed himself to sit and rest some more.

"Your young friend brought me here," said Tiedoll, and Kanda finally remembered about Lavi's existence. He looked around, but couldn't find the redhead. He had disappeared to somewhere while they interacted.

"But still... why did you come? Damn, that rabbit must persuasive," said he with a weak smirk, still unable to believe that the gamble of telling Lavi had worked out.

The man seemed truly puzzled by Kanda's words.

"He said he knew where I could find you," said Tiedoll, as if saying a very obvious thing. "Of course I came."

Kanda's eyes widened a little at that, before his shoulders started shaking as he chuckled, and then the chuckles turned into laughter. _Of course he came_. Seeing Tiedoll's worried expression, he took a shaky breath and covered his eyes with one hand, gathering himself one more. When he stared up once again, he was in control.

"How... have you been?" asked he, hating how mundane the question sounded, even when it was so important.

"Deathly worried about you. How did you manage to…" Tiedoll started, before shaking his head. "No, let's not waste time with such talk. I made sure to come as soon as I could, but there is still risk in lingering around here. I understand you called for me," said Tiedoll, voice careful and worried. "What is it? I will help you with whatever you need."

Kanda knew those weren't empty words, and he was grateful, for he had really needed to hear them; to know that the general would be willing to help him, even though the Japanese exorcist had put him under such danger just by trying to make contact. He would help despite the fact that this very meeting must be dangerous to him, as a general's absence would be surely noted.

He breathed in, gathering courage. "It's... it's Allen," He admitted, and just knowing he would finally speak about it to someone was somewhat of a relief. "He... he..."

Silence. The words wouldn't come, and he paused at the general's expectant look.

How could he ever speak of it?

Why had he not planned this properly? How could he say it, what words could he use, so that the general would understand what was happening to Allen? A situation that was so utterly unbelievable that to this day he hadn't told a soul? If only he had the golem's recording, but even that had been taken away. So he stared at the older man wordlessly, feeling as if gathering words was harder than any battle he had fought before.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

Tiedoll looked at Yuu in askance. The dark haired boy seemed unwell – and not only due to starvation and the many battles he must have fought. There was _something_ in his eyes, a desperation that had never been present there before. Even years ago, when neither Yuu nor him knew what had happened to Allen and couldn't even tell whether he was alive or not. He had to wonder about what in the world could have happened to put his son, a person who had endured so many difficulties in life, in such a state.

Yuu had wanted to help Allen; that much was expressly told to him the moment he first met Lavi. But what could have happened to the mysterious exorcist? What could be grave enough to put Yuu not only in such a defeated state, but also desperate enough to contact him, risking himself and his friend so badly?

Adding to that the obvious hunger the Japanese exorcist was going through, it was incredibly difficult for him not to question the boy about his own condition. But it was obvious Yuu wasn't going to be able or willing to say anything about himself until they spoke of Allen, and thus Tiedoll forced himself to focus on the other boy, even though he wasn't the man's main preoccupation right then.

"Where is Allen right now?" he asked, hoping the boy would be nearby, though he had to wonder what it was that he could help with. Were they needing some sort of restricted medicine? "Yuu?" he pressed, once he realized there was no answer coming.

His insides clenched with dread.

Could it be…

No, surely not. And yet, he had to know.

It was terrible to ask. He came here to help his son, to give him a solution to whatever difficulties he was going through, no matter what.

But if what he suspected had happened, then he would never be able to reverse it, no matter how much he wanted to. He would have no answer to the boy, and it would break him apart.

Still, he _had_ to ask.

"Yuu…" he whispered, ever so reluctantly, fearing his answer more than anything. "Is Allen dead?"

The words felt heavy and wrong, but he could not take them back. The General watched his son's reaction carefully, however, and they weren't what he expected. The boy's dark eyes widened with shock at his assumption, and Tiedoll almost felt relieved, because this wasn't an expression of pain and denial, but one of surprise.

"Of course not! He's… he is…"

Yuu's shocked countenance started falling apart slowly, however, his whole posture slackening with defeat, and Tiedoll's silence was filled with askance.

"…he cannot be," Yuu whispered, as if the whole concept was a new possibility he hadn't ever thought about.

"Was he captured by the enemy?" asked Tiedoll, wondering whether this was the crux of the matter. If so, the contradictory answers would make sense, as Allen's fate would be impossible to predict.

Yuu leaned against the tree yet again, feeling tired from the whole discussion. Though his heart still beat fast with the very unwelcome possibility the General just brought about, his body was too exhausted, and he crossed his legs and arms. Despite the restful countenance, however, he still looked tense.

"You could say he has, but not in the way you think. Both Allen and I have gone through the same experiment and the same procedures, so I had expected us to go through the same difficulties. Allen has…" he covered his eyes with his hands, still unable to say it. "Allen has not been feeling well."

"Is it his body? Has he gotten hurt, or sick?"

"No. Not like that. I mean, his seal is gone. The thing you've seen healing me so many times… Allen doesn't have his anymore. He's been hurt far too many times. He was being hurt and using it every day while I was with you. But that is not the matter."

"Then what it is?"

Kanda was suddenly filled with irritation towards his own inability to speak properly. What was the point of putting the general through such trouble, of wanting to meet him so badly, if all he could do was sputter?

He slowly got up from his position in the ground. He'd just say it all openly, and hope for the best.

"Allen has… grown to have a second personality."

Of course, that didn't mean it was easy.

Seeing as Tiedoll had fallen silent at that, he made sure to continue, so he wouldn't lose his line of thought.

"Just… let me explain. He saw memories in the laboratory – I've told you that. It seems, however, that instead of merging with his own memories, they have… been growing into something else. Into a second person." He gathered the courage he needed to stare up at Tiedoll, fearing that the man would ponder about Kanda's own mental health, instead of Allen's. He looked troubled, however, and attentive to his words. Motivated by that, he continued, "I'm not saying I understand what is happening inside Allen's head, because he didn't, either. But he would access his memories every night, in a meditative state. That would stop his recollections from randomly starting at inconvenient moments, and he also managed to focus on the important things that would help us all. He started acting strange as of late, however. He hurt himself once, apparently for no reason, then started wandering around in confusion, and couldn't describe his actions…"

Kanda didn't realize how disturbed and desperate he started looking as he retold what they had lived through, and almost jumped when he felt the general's hand on his shoulder.

"Calm down," he said quietly, "and continue."

He breathed in and out, and nodded, frustrated at his own state. "He stopped being reliable. I had to follow him around, and he would mumble to himself, take strange paths, walk like one who is lost… and put himself in danger, bringing back no explanations. I couldn't stand it anymore. And then, once… after a lot of trouble, he…"

He sighed. Better let it out. "He received a message through a strange machine. A golem, I would suppose, since I have seen how some of those work a few times. It was… a message from himself," he explained, remembering the moment he saw it with Allen, though the latter didn't know it yet. "It looked like him, at the very least. It was a recording of his body that was made in one of his escapades, in a strange place I cannot identify. It said… it said it was going to take over, warned Allen that, from then on, he would lose control over himself. That he would be taken by this other personality."

There was deep silence after that, and the only thing that they could hear was the noise of the occasional insect and Kanda's troubled breaths.

Tiedoll finally spoke, his voice no more than a murmur, but still perfectly audible. "I… must confess I will need a more in depth explanation, Yuu, but I got the basics of it, at the very least. And I know you are worried about your friend, but I must ask… are you going through the same thing? Even if just a little?"

Kanda shook his head. "No. I have started Allen's meditation process, but my recovery was considerably slower and whatever I gathered was too small to consider. While I had to work hard for the smallest scraps of information, Allen would be flooded with them without asking. Our situations were very different."

"I see," said Tiedoll, though he felt it would take a long time for him to truly _see_ anything about this situation, at all. "Do you have any theories about what could be the reason behind what has been happening… to Allen? You said he was losing control over himself?"

"He has already lost. As for the first questions, I have no means to know… that's where I need your help."

"What do you mean, he already lost?"

"The Allen that is with us is not the correct one. He is a stranger, walking in Allen's body. He took over, tried to pretend to be Allen, but his mannerisms gave him away, and no one but me noticed," snarled Kanda, glowering at the ground hatefully, as if he were staring at the other exorcists, instead.

Tiedoll looked slightly doubtful, though he was clearly trying to contain his expressions. "Are you quite sure, however? Do forgive me, but I have never heard of such a case, and though you feel Allen has changed, that could very well because of the difficulties he is going through. What is to say your friend is not merely acting in a strange way?"

Kanda knew he would have to explain much but to this question, at the very least, he had an answer. "He told me so himself."

Tiedoll looked surprised, and motioned for him to continue.

"He… has told me, admitted it. That Allen is gone. He also mocked me, because he knows I won't hurt him. Not when his body is also Allen's. Damn it… General, the signals have been appearing for a long time, but I was too blind to notice them, until it was too late. Please, help me find a way to undo this damage. I can't kill one without killing the two. Even if you don't know more than I do, surely you would have a guess? Surely you would be able to think of, or look for something-"

The general sighed, holding up a hand so Kanda would stop. "There are… only two other answers I can think of," the general decided, and Kanda stiffened in surprise. He'd been breaking his head over the matter for so long, yet the man could already think of two different explanations? Perhaps he had, indeed, knowledge about what happened to them and how it could affect their minds. He was reluctant to feel true hope, but still stared intently at the other man.

"You say you have had access to your own memories, though to a very small extent," started Tiedoll. "Do you have any idea of how long you have been kept sleeping inside the laboratory? How long ever since your… first death?"

Kanda's lips thinned and he frowned in concentration. If his answer could help Allen out, he wanted to say it. But he had seen so little, and the places he had remembered could not be associated with a specific time. More than that, he had stopped trying to access his past ever since he discovered what happened with Allen, and listened to his dire warning during one of the last times they ever spoke to each other.

"I don't know," Kanda admitted with frustration. "The things I saw do not give me a clue of what year it was."

"I just wonder," continued Tiedoll, "about how long the Order could store a person waiting for them to awaken, before giving up on them."

Kanda looked puzzled at that, and Tiedoll also sat down, feeling as tired as the boy. "I don't mean to bother you," he started delicately, "but have you ever seen or known of any of the other Apostles, who had yet to awaken… being disposed of?"

The Japanese seemed caught off guard at that. "No," he denied, "they were always the same. The same names. I would know, Alma made sure to repeat every one of them… but…"

"But you would not know it if one was taken away while you were somewhere else, correct? You boys knew the names only because the scientists told you, isn't that right?"

"Yes…" admitted Kanda. "But I wouldn't think there were so many dead exorcists with intact heads around for them to take there. I have known about one being taken to the cold rooms, but it wasn't to substitute another; he was taken to an empty pit."

"That may be so, but even if they never disposed of any of the sleeping ones while you were there, you had been awake for only two years and a few months. That time may have felt unbearably long to you, but it was short if you consider the whole duration of the Second Exorcist project as a whole."

"Alright. I get it. But where are you trying to get, asking about exorcists being disposed? What does that have to do with Allen?"

He thought Tiedoll had looked old before, but now, he seemed completely bent under the trouble he had to be feeling at what he was going to say. Kanda's hands clenched unconsciously, his blunt nails digging into his crossed arms.

"Yuu… what I mean to say is that, while I am no scientist, I understand fifty years is a long time to keep someone comatose. A _very_ long time."

Kanda felt his heart starting to beat faster, against his will. He didn't like the possible insinuation. "So what? We have been through that… Allen has, at the very least. And we don't know about the others, even Alma. It might have been a normal procedure. Their technology-"

"Fifty years, Yuu. If people could be preserved for so long, it would have been done more than once. It is basically a lifetime."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Kanda, growing defensive.

"There may have been an exception made for Allen, because of who he is. He is a powerful exorcist with a special ability that, from what I understand, no one ever managed to duplicate. He may have taken too long to wake, but I can't imagine people giving up on him. They would have kept him frozen down there, hoping to get whatever advantage they could from him, no matter how long it took."

"So you mean to say… we, the other exorcists, have all been there for a shorter time?"

"Though I may not be part of the project, I know the very idea of it started only twenty years before you woke," he said, and Kanda felt his mouth go dry. "That was a long time before they built the facilities inside one of the worst countries for humans to be in, just so things could be kept quiet. And yet, Allen was there. He must have been put into stasis much earlier, and the project was created as a desperate attempt to use him while they still could. It expanded to use other exorcists, yes, but… do you understand where I am trying to get?"

"You are saying Allen is too old… too old to have a sharp mind."

"He is almost eighty years old by now. And though that age doesn't mean one is incapable, he has spent most of it being preserved by seals, and then inside the underground tanks. Allen's body didn't immediately count with the best technology to make it stable. I am saying… I apologize, Yuu, but I am saying that…"

"That his brain has rotted down there," whispered Kanda, his lips stretched into a mockery of a smile. His hands were now clenching his hair as if trying to rip it out of his scalp, and if his eyes were once angry, they were now filled with hate.

Tiedoll had to force himself to stay still, and not touch him. "I wouldn't use such an extreme word, but… yes. I could be wrong," said Tiedoll, though he didn't sound as if he believed that himself.

Kanda stayed silent for a while, and the general tried approaching him, hating the pain his son was clearly going under. Before he got too close, however, Kanda turned around and vomited most of the food he had just eaten. Tiedoll worriedly tried to steady him as soon as he was done.

"The second one."

"What?"

"That second theory of yours," growled Kanda, roughly cleaning his mouth with the back of his hand and staring at him in a way that was full of anger and desperation. "Spit it out, because the first one is _wrong_."

The general sighed and nodded, relieved to leave the subject behind. He was starting to regret ever saying what he thought. How could he think Yuu would be able to deal with it? Moreover, he _could_ be wrong.

He would always hope he was.

"The second possibility I can imagine is a purposeful manipulation of Allen's mind. The Chan family created revolutionary medicine and can perform experiments that sometimes feel as if they don't belong to our time, as if they are something from our future. Yuu, the Order has already controlled people's mind, to a limited extent.

"Reborn exorcists, even if with perfectly working brains, would awaken as children and put under torture just a few seconds after dying – or it would feel like that to them. But the Black Order would want perfect soldiers. They tried to perfect the bodies, they would want to perfect the minds. It makes no sense that Alma would have never seen anything, and you would have seen so little. I believe they could have very well manufactured new personalities to overwrite your new ones. It makes sense – have the scientists ever shown any surprise at you awakening without remembering anything but your basic abilities of movement, coordination and speech?"

"No," admitted Kanda, and agreeing that was more plausible. New personalities… empty personalities, ready to accept whatever new orders were thrown at them. No previous life or knowledge to help them to resist or question what they saw.

But still, if that was true…

"Then… am I a second personality, too?"

"There is a possibility, indeed. As of now, I can't confirm whether you went through a memory deletion or actually overwrote… Yuu?" Tiedoll asked worriedly, looking at the other's anguished state.

"Allen told me not to look at my memories," said Kanda with a small voice, "because if I did, _Yuu_ would kill me."

"You would… oh," said Tiedoll, "perhaps he came, then, to the same conclusion. And perhaps… you should heed to his advice, son."

"Is this who I am? Not a reborn exorcist, wronged by the Order, but an artificial personality created by them, and taking away someone else's life?"

"I don't know. We must discover about that, to help your friend. But that is it. Even if that is the truth, you aren't taking anyone's life. Whoever it was before, they died already. It is you who is alive now, and you who must fight."

"Still-"

"If we discover that is the truth, and that both you and Allen are indeed taking away another's place, as intended by the Black Order, are you going to stop trying to help him? Are you going to accept the so called true Allen as the rightful owner of that body and mind?"

" _Never,"_ Kanda said with so much vehemence there was no doubt about it.

"Then there you have your answer. No matter what, you will help your friend… so I will hear no more of this self-deprecating speak, either."

"What are we going to do, then?" asked Kanda. "Can you still help me?"

"Of course. If anyone has the details of what you and the other reborn exorcists went through, it is the Order. I never went after more information because it was too dangerous, and seemed like an useless course of action, from a more practical point of view. Now, however, exploring the experiment is our priority. I wish we could have the help of Allen's allies inside the Order, but after what you told me, they also should be kept in the dark, and that only makes the situation more dangerous. Who could I approach to ask about this, I wonder? There is that boy from the Chan family…"

The dark haired exorcist watched Tiedoll as the man thought aloud, and couldn't help being surprised. Not wanting to interrupt, he let the man continue pondering on their next course of action. After a while, however, he couldn't take it anymore.

"General," said Kanda, "why are you doing all of this? I mean… I know you care for me. The fact that you came here proves that. I must thank you for what you are doing. But this is Allen, not me. What makes you so… determined to help?"

Tiedoll turned towards him, and his eyes seemed as troubled as Kanda's own had been for a long time, and the Japanese felt bad at putting the weight of his troubles over the man's shoulders.

"There is a chance this could also affect you, Yuu. This is what moves me the most. If we help your friend, we… assure ourselves that the same won't help with you." The man leaned against a tree, finally tired enough after what had to have been a very difficult day. "And from a different point of view – not mine as a person, but as a general who cares about what happens to us in the next years – Allen is an important figure. Lending him a hand should also benefit us all. So even from a more rational standpoint, this is the correct path to take."

Filled with relief and certainty, Kanda nodded, a small smile on his face. "I see. Thank you, general. If you need anything, please tell me. I've infiltrated cities more than once, so we can communicate, and if there is a point where you think the investigation gets too dangerous… just tell me where to go, and I will."

Kanda thought this would seal their deal, but the general didn't seem pleased with his words. Instead, a frown marred his brow, and the man opened his pack and took some food out of it, handing it to him. Kanda started eating it, more slowly than the first time, and waited, as it was clear the man wanted to say something.

"I am glad we will work together, even if the situation is dire. But do you understand the situation you are in, Yuu? We can't simply communicate by meeting in the borders or inside the cities, as you wish. That would be far too dangerous. Coming here already took much preparation, and that is because I have clearance to cross the borders… but if I go to places I am not supposed to be at too many times, questions are bound to be asked. It simply won't work."

"You will not have to trouble yourself with that," guaranteed Kanda with determination. "You told me, before we parted, that perhaps I wasn't ready for this world… and you were right. But I have grown far more capable than I used to be. I only met Allen months ago, general. I've spent the rest of the time we've been apart living by myself, and have invaded and left cities more than once. I also learned much from Allen after I met him. You just stay inside the walls, and I will meet you – I can be as discreet as needed. I need to invade anyways, to gather medicine and other provisions. Nothing is going to change."

Seeing the older exorcist wasn't convinced by his words, Kanda wanted to insist, but was cut by the general. "Yuu, I believe in you, but the situation you are in now is completely different. I believe in your abilities, but whatever hardships you are used to, they are doubled now. I simply cannot condone such a risk."

"What are you talking about?" asked Kanda. What had changed?"

"Don't you know? Haven't you noticed anything different, when you went in one of your excursions? Haven't you had more trouble than usual?"

"No, I have not," denied Kanda. Tiedoll's words only brought about that time he followed Allen and almost got killed for his trouble, but that had been a special situation. Worried for his partner as he had been, he had also been careless and, in his urgency to enter and retrieve him, he had committed mistakes that had been almost fatal. "I had a difficult fight once, but there was a reason. There should be nothing different, I am telling you-"

"Ah… now that it comes to this, I get to ask you a question that has been bothering me for a long time," said Tiedoll, yet again rummaging around his pack. He easily found whatever he had been looking for – a paper, which he unfolded and turned towards Kanda. "Son… what in the world have you done that resulted in this?"

Whatever he had expected to see in the paper, it wasn't that.

Kanda looked at something he had not seen in a long time – a picture of himself. Battered as he was and in the middle of battle, bloody and ferocious as he fought for his life with the forest as his background, it wasn't hard to know when and where this picture had been taken – the very day and place he had just been thinking about. The day Allen disappeared, disoriented, inside the enemy's walls.

But the picture wasn't what alarmed him the most – it was what was written below it.

He knew what the paper was. It was a standard pamphlet issued by the Black Order, and it should have a mug shot of him, if they had access to one. It was frequently used point out people who were missing, specially criminals. He wasn't surprised in the least that he was listed as one, even though having a picture taken was worrisome. No, what troubled him were the words that defined him as a class A fugitive, and the smaller letters that spoke of matters of recompense and punishment should anyone fail to report him to the authorities.

Kanda didn't understand much of the Order's criminal ranking system. It hardly mattered to them since, as exorcists, they should do their very best to elude the Order, regardless of how they rated you. Whoever wielded Innocence would be high priority for them, always.

Class A, however, was something he had seen stamped only on the picture of another person, during his whole life.

"Yuu, tell me… why have they put you under the same priority as Allen?"

…Troubles never stopped coming.

"I don't know," said Kanda, not even trying to think of the matter. What had he done, but live as any other rogue exorcist? What relevance did he have, that it made the Order as desperate to grab him as it was to get their hands on Allen? "I swear I have no idea. Of what use am I to them, if not as another exorcist? Unless they have associated me with Allen, and want to use me to get to him."

"There are exorcists and officials scanning the continent for you, all around the continent," said Tiedoll, trying to make Kanda understand his situation, and the Japanese froze at that. "You somehow became as important as Allen in their eyes, son. Do you understand what that means?"

"…shit," said Kanda, hitting a nearby tree, for the damn things were the only things he had close by. "I will just have to live through it, then. Allen did so, and I will, also. That's all there is to that. And as for why this is happening… I can't even begin to think of a single reason."

"It is not as simple as that, Yuu," Tiedoll reprimanded sternly. "Allen has always had connections you do not. I am sure that, in many situations in which he should be caught, he counted on his people to let him out. You do not have this advantage. I know you almost got captured the day this picture was taken, Yuu. Don't overestimate yourself."

Kanda snarled at no one, starting to lose control once more. Why, just why couldn't things work out even once? "What am I to do, then? You have already agreed to help, but you also said you can't leave the cities as you wish, and I can't enter, either. So what? I stay here, not knowing of your progress?" He tried to imagine himself for weeks, months, possibly years without news, and couldn't stand the thought. "I can't do it. I trust you, I really do, but I can't stay here walking in circles anymore. I can't!"

"That is not what I'm suggesting, Yuu," said the man, grabbing the other exorcist's shoulder, and Kanda had to refrain from shaking it off, from continuing his tirade, from telling Tiedoll they _couldn't do it._ "I can help you, but not like this," said Tiedoll, gesturing to the environment around them, "sending secret messages, having secret meetings… no matter how careful we are, this situation won't last for long."

"Then what do you suggest?"

The hand on his shoulder tightened, and the general stood straight. "Come with me. From the very moment I knew I would meet you, I had everything ready. We will need to work on this together, if we are to succeed. There is nothing for you do to for your friend outside the walls."

Kanda's eyes widened at the prospect. _That_ had not, by any means, been what he had expected. So surprised he was, he couldn't automatically deny it, as he had planned to.

Going with the general? Going with him, once more, inside the walls?

He thought of his life outside, and of the terrible wake-up call it had been to be left by himself, naively expecting things to work out, thinking he was powerful to easily deal with the world on his lonesome. The offer was tempting, but also difficult. When would he see Allen again, should he accept? He thought of the white haired boy, and what he would feel and think when he realized Kanda had gone without a word.

Then again, would he ever see Allen again, if he stayed? All he had now was an imposter he could not stand to even look at.

He had been staying still, hoping for news, for information, for _help_ for so long that it had been driving him crazy. Now, the chance he had prayed for was here. He could finally move once again, instead of staying in this hopeless nowhere, this wasteland of a continent.

"Yuu, I don't mean to be insensitive, but I have risked a lot by coming here today," the general said with a reluctant voice. "Please decide soon. What I have arranged will only work if we leave now. We can speak more once we are in relative safety."

Kanda looked at Tiedoll, the man who seemed to have arranged everything for them, for _him_ , without anyone asking for it. He remembered of a time years ago when it would be the same. Like today, Kanda wouldn't know what the plan was and what would come of it.

But they had always been well, and he had learned, then, to trust his teacher wholeheartedly.

Uncertainty slowly left his body, and he felt released from at least part of the stress that had been troubling him.

"Just let me get my things," he said, discarding the remains of the last fruit he ate. The relief on the general's face was obvious, and he could feel a tentative smile of his own. He was _finally_ moving on.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·

In and out the needle went, in a pattern known by someone who would sew with frequency. Another piece of cloth mended, and she went for the next one – Allen's trousers, that had an ugly rip on the right knee. Line through the needle, needle through the fabric. In and out. In and out.

It helped her forget the worry and the hunger.

Lenalee had always cared for other people's things. When she had first been caught mending another exorcist's clothes, Allen had reprimanded her, saying that she should allow others to care for their own things. That it wasn't her duty to sew other people's clothes, to prepare their food more often or to check if they needed something too frequently.

She had smiled, and said she didn't mind. And it was true. With her brother gone from her life, she had needed to redirect that need of hers to care towards someone else. Or many someones. It eased the pain in her heart.

She started hearing steps outside, and her heart felt light with hope. This was Allen's side of the encampment. If someone was coming near, it was likely him, or Kanda.

She left the tent to make sure. Just as soon as she passed through the opening, she saw Kanda walking by. Initially, she had expected to feel disappointment, as she had hoped it would be Allen. Instead, she felt almost as happy as if it were. It wasn't that surprising – Kanda had been around for long enough for her to grow to care about him also, and he had stayed too far away as of late – in a place as dangerous as this, and with as little sustenance as they had, a person's absence could have varying degrees of explanations, from a wish to be alone to capture or death.

He stared at her for a while, his form as tired as her own due to the difficult past days, but with a strange but pleasant glint in his eye, and she couldn't help but smile slightly. Even that was a good advancement, when comparing to the look he had carried the past days.

"I see he's not here yet, then," said Kanda, and the voice that once should have displayed at least some worry was absolutely impassive. She nodded, and he just continued walking, now towards his own tent, that was almost falling apart due to lack of maintenance.

She felt guilty at that. She had been so focused on caring for Allen's things that she had neglected Kanda's own. Even if that wasn't her duty, even if Kanda likely wouldn't react well to having his possessions touched by her, a little remorse still made sure to grab at her heart.

She should return to her own place and continue what she had been doing. She stared, instead, at the falling tent, and heard the noise inside as Kanda rummaged through his things. He finally left, his backpack clearly heavier than before, and she froze.

Right then, a great fear took over her heart. She watched his confident steps as he strode away, uncaring about his falling tent and whatever he had left behind. He marched back to the direction he came from purposefully, and she couldn't help but take a few steps in his direction, too.

What was he doing?

"Kanda?" she asked with a voice that was loud and reluctant at the same time. The man turned towards her. His expression didn't seem different from his usual one – serious, and somewhat annoyed, but in a way she had learned to associate with him in a pleasant way.

"What's it?" he asked, seeming a little impatient.

"Where are you going?" Lenalee blurted, and then she corrected herself, "that is… if you want to say."

Kanda had always been quite closed off. Initially, the impression she got was that he was either indifferent to other people, or downright nasty. The only exception had always been Allen, from the very first day she saw them together – where both men donned expressions she would rarely see on their faces. Allen would always be their bridge to Kanda, and vice versa. They looked inseparable, no matter how much they hid it before other people's eyes.

That was what had made Kanda so easily to accept in their midst, a group that initially had trouble trusting each other, much less an exorcist that came out of nowhere, without Allen seeking him first. That was also what had made her so sure that Kanda would always do his best, and never leave – he would stay for Allen, and fight for Allen, if not for them all.

But as of late…

As of late, they had been quite strange towards each other. It was difficult to explain, but their disconnection was worrisome, like the way Kanda seemed to have lost his trust in Allen and questioned him in front of others. Yes, Allen had changed, but was it enough to ruin their obviously good friendship?

As she pondered on that, Kanda's expressionless face lightened up, if only a little, into something pleasant, and she stared up at him in surprise.

"I'm going to look for some food," he said, and continued, before she could protest: "We are going to be of no use if we just die here. I know the place is free from the Order's interference, but that's because they don't want their soldiers to die in the middle of nowhere."

She wanted to protest, wanted to say Allen had told them to stay here, and so they should – but he was right. Their situation was becoming too worrisome. They would eventually have to leave.

"Be careful," she said then, instead of telling him to stay. "As soon as you hit the borders, you run the risk of running into the caravans…"

"I know. Just remember that I can run as fast as you," he said, and then turned his back to her once more. "Take care."

"Kanda," she said once again, enjoying his apparent good mood, "would you like me to come, too? I could help you out, since we are both… fast," she said simply.

His head turned towards her once more. "No need. Just stay here. And take care of… Allen. He's all confident and set up now, but he's not infallible. It won't do for us to lose him again."

"Alright. Thank you so much, Kanda."

He sighed, looking ahead, his back to her. "If I don't come back in a while," said Kanda, "then you guys should leave a message for Allen and depart. It is dangerous to stay here so weakened, for so long. You may not be able to leave, then," he said, and walked away.

She watched him disappear in the forest with conflicting emotions. It was good to have a pleasant conversation with the man once in a while, but it did feel like a goodbye, and she wanted right then to just grab him and not let him go.

But she was also too used to seeing people leave to dangerous places, without being sure they would come back, and doing nothing to stop them. How could she? She also departed in the same fashion many times. Even his leaving words were not uncommon – they always risked their lives, so speaking about the chance of one of them not coming back was a harsh reality that was also a part of their normalcy. So she reigned over her emotions and let him go, reassuring herself that he would be back soon. He would always be, as long as Allen was with them.

·÷±‡±±‡±÷·


	22. O que for preciso: Kanda (2)

÷±‡±±‡±÷

The job of a gatekeeper was a coveted one in every city. The salary was quite fine, so as to be compatible to the critical nature of their work. Despite the great responsibilities the position entailed, however, it did not involve very challenging tasks. All procedures, without exception, were carefully drawn and drilled into every operative’s head. Should any complication arise, they were to contact the Black Order guards or, in case of Akuma sightings, the Exorcists.

What to do, however, when a gatekeeper found himself in a situation not mentioned in any rulebook they had ever studied?

÷±‡±±‡±÷

It started around half past five in the afternoon. The gatekeeper’s shift would end in about thirty minutes, and he gazed morosely towards the horizon, filled by dark pine trees and decorated by a large, snow topped mountain. A beautiful sight, specially as the sun touched it and slowly disappeared, turning the sky into a myriad of beautiful colors that would last only for a short while. He always thought himself lucky for being able to see it – should his shift end any earlier, he would have already returned home by the time the sun set, and the large walls that circled their city didn’t allow them any sight of the sun as it arrived or departed.

His pleasant thoughts were interrupted when he saw something approaching. Picking the binoculars they were always to keep close, he realized it was a Black Order carriage. The distinguishable crest of Central was visible, and he stiffened. Today’s visitors were clearly important, and he couldn’t remember being informed of their impending arrival. Usually, whenever officials and Exorcists from Central arrived, they were supposed to follow extensive procedures both of security and of welcoming, that would be supervised be the city’s chief himself. Worried about that, he decided to contact his superiors, but something strange made him pause.

Now that he paid closer attention, the carriage did seem to be approaching them in great velocity. It was not normal, and he wondered whether the rider had lost control over the horses. He was just about to call for others and ask for instructions when he saw it.

The trees behind the carriage shook, as if strongly impacted by something large and powerful, and a few fell to the ground. Emerging from it came a giant bear like monster whose clawed hand tore yet another piece of greenery from its way, and the gatekeeper almost let his binoculars fall.

“Akuma,” he whispered, before grabbing his telephone and dialing the main hall’s number with trembling fingers. Akuma were a troubling occurrence, but not truly rare. Every gatekeeper and wall security guard with some years of experience had seen quite a few, and to this day, not a single one had managed to invade their fortress. The science division’s barriers against Dark Matter did a good job in stopping the monsters from getting closer than three hundred meters from the walls and, should that fail, the Exorcists were always ready to act and eliminate the threat of the enemy before it even managed to touch the walls.

The problem today was the fact that the monster seemed quite close to getting to that carriage. Until now it only ran and no one left it to fight, so he supposed there was no Exorcist inside, and that was a bizarre situation in itself. They had to take these people from Central inside the walls as soon as possible, but the Akuma seemed too close and too fast, and he doubted they would be able to save their allies in time. Still, they had to try.

“This is Madison from G3,” shouted him to the phone as soon as someone picked it up. “There is an Akuma approaching, and one of our carriages are outside. We need Exorcists immediately!”

“How many Akuma there are?” asked a voice that seemed far too calm for the gatekeeper’s liking. He opened his mouth to say there was only one but, as he raised his eyes to confirm it, he immediately his voice.

A horde of Akuma was approaching from the forest. The disturbance that was composed by nothing more than a few misplaced trees had given place to a burning hell. The forest ahead of them was being ruined by the flames and an enormous cloud of smoke and dust rose up to the sky, staining what he had once declared a beautiful twilight with an ominous mass of black.

“There are… there are ten… no, scratch that, twenty… they keep coming! _Send someone!”_

The person in the other side of the line agreed quickly before hanging up. The gatekeeper could do nothing but watch in horror as the army of monsters approached the carriage, and now he did not fear only for it – the people inside were undeniably condemned to death – he also feared for the city itself, because never before had he seen such an enormous amount of monsters marching against them at once.

When he thought things could not get any worse, he saw a flash of light that almost blinded him, before enormous humanoid figures in white rose among the ashes. He watched, terrified, as the behemoths also marched in the direction of the city, wondering whether they were all hopeless. The figures in white, instead of marching together with the other Akuma, however, started tearing them apart. He watched in fascination and realized they were not Akuma – no, considering the way they were finishing the monsters with ease, they had to be exorcists – or rather, an exorcist’s Innocence.

He had never imagined any exorcist could be strong enough so as to kill so many monsters with mere swipes, but it was happening before his eyes. Perhaps they had a chance – the city, at the very least. There was nothing that could be done for the carriage. Many Akuma were getting closer to it already, and the exorcist was busy fighting a long distance behind. Madison watched with a heavy heart, waiting for the moment when the people inside would be killed. And they were so close to the city, too, but it was far too late.

The carriage’s door then opened with a bang so loud he could hear it from his position. Whoever was inside would now try to flee by foot, he thought, until, to his immense surprise, the figure – donned in the unique red and black they knew so well – turned towards the monsters and, with a flash of light, attacked.

_Another exorcist then_ , thought Madison, trembling with relief. No one else seemed to be inside the carriage, so perhaps no one would die today. Still, despite the fact the person had an anti-Akuma weapon, their small figure seemed far too defenseless before the numerous horrors that marched towards them.

Despite the direness of the situation, the gatekeeper had already done what he could, and would now wait for help. So he decided to watch the fight – he expected this one to be a fascinating thing to see.

He was right.

It was a show of light and colors. Hours later, he would chastise himself for ever finding beauty in such a terrible scene. Still, right then, he could only be a fascinated bystander, watching as the newly revealed exorcist held the monsters back, and even killed some, with shining slashes that liberated ethereal creatures that ate away at their enemies. This, thought he, was why they had hope; these people’s existence, that they should protect no matter what. Never before he agreed with the Order so badly, and he cheered on the two powerful exorcists with his whole heart.

It did not take long for him to realize, however, that all was not well. Despite the obviously rare skill possessed by both fighters, it was obvious the one that executed the illusions was slowly being overwhelmed by the monsters. His released energy became weaker even to the gatekeeper’s untrained eyes, and he could see the Accommodator being hit more than once. When his blood started marring the ground, Madison finally left his trance, and grabbed the phone once more.

“WHERE ARE THE EXORCISTS?” He screamed, forgetting any sort of protocol. “Our men are dying! _Exorcists_ are dying!”

Whatever the obviously fearful person on the other side of the line was going to say was drowned by a multitude of people that entered the watching room. High ranking officials, some Madison had never seen before, ran towards him and grabbed the binoculars, swearing profusely.

“Where are the reinforcements?” Shouted the gatekeeper, uncaring for ranks or for the fact that he was screaming at his commanders. Exorcists were dying out there and today of all days, the city’s exorcists had disappeared?

“They were going through a health check, but there was an accident in the medical corps. They are coming immediately.”

“Was it grave enough so as to keep them for so long? This is an emergency, they aren’t going to make it,” Madison said weakly.

They watched as the exorcist who had invoked the humanoid giants finally defeated his foes and ran towards the other, in a flash of black and gold. The sword wielding Accommodator had clearly lost all his energy and fell to the ground; though it was impossible from the great distance, he almost heard the wet thud of shredded flesh hitting the blood soaked ground. The General wasn’t going to reach him in time, he just wasn’t –

They passed by the watch room’s right like shadows, so fast it was almost impossible to be seen through naked eye; two exorcists from the city jumped from the walls and to the outside in what had to be a painful maneuver before they proceeded to unflinchingly attack the remaining monsters who were ready to finish killing the sword wielding warrior. Madison fell to his knees in relief, unable to deal with the tension of the day. Around him, he saw the other officials and commanders shout in triumph as another exorcist left the city through its gates and finished lending aid to his companions.

Madison forced himself to his feet. The ground in front of Gate Three was a ruined mess, torn apart by explosions, slashes and fire, and now polluted by the acrid dark smoke that rose from the Akuma’s corpses. The city’s exorcists ran towards the fallen person, but seemed to hesitate to move him. It was understandable, as his condition must be very grave indeed.

Remembering his function, he quickly grabbed the phone and dialed once more, this time for the medical corps. “Bring the emergency equipment. We have a mortally wounded exorcist in the grounds outside gate three. The entrance is going to be opened in sixty seconds – I am giving you two meters. Come now!”

It had not been the perfect speech he had been taught but, today, he could hardly care. As soon as the medical team was positioned by the gate, Madison typed the security code and allowed the gate controls to read his retina and fingerprint. With the added permission from the city’s chief, the gate was opened, and he watched as the battered body – _corpse?_ – of the exorcist was placed in a stretcher and quickly brought inside.

The gate was closed as soon as the other exorcists also joined in. The officials left Madison and quickly ran towards the General in a procession of questions that were presented in murmurs and shouts.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Kanda’s world was filled by pain, but that was not a new situation to him, and was hardly unbearable. A body that had already taken damage that would have killed hundreds would hardly be unable to withstand today’s ordeal and, despite the fact that he had been quite literally torn apart, the pain was but a small thorn in the very back of his mind.

Indeed, it was quite meaningless. What made his heart clench, however, what made his pulse beat accelerated and made his body tremble not with pain, but out of sheer _terror_ , was the fact that he was inside a walled city – hardly for the first time but, this time, he was being escorted by the Black Order itself.

Staying unmoving in the stretcher was one of the most difficult things he had done in his whole life. It went against his every survival instinct to remain still as he was carried towards the very heart of the city, under the watchful eyes of guards, doctors, and perhaps even other exorcists. He wanted to jump, to slice his enemies and flee; to return to the cover of the forests outside, the forests that were far from safe, but at least didn’t promise him imminent imprisonment or death.

He dared to open his good eye, even if just slightly. Around him, people spoke hurriedly, shouting commands even as they ran with him to what had to be a medical facility or laboratory. And as the strangers in white discussed his medical condition and examined his body, he was taken back to the horrible moments he lived in his last days inside the laboratory he had been reborn in, as the people who had tortured him during his whole lifetime envisioned ways to keep him alive.

This time, however, he was not in danger of dying – not from his actual wounds, that is. His seal, as per usual, was working perfectly. Even now, he could feel it repairing his body in a hurry, and he could only pray that no one would notice. His face was a disfigured mess, but soon it would also be placed under the healing spell. Kanda knew he had little time before he would be recognized – either because of his seal or because of his features that, according to Tiedoll, were stamped in walls of cities all around the world.

His hands clenched tightly around his weapon, holding it as a lifeline. Nobody tried to take it from him and, for that, he was grateful. He watched and felt it as he was placed inside a vehicle and it started moving. He should wait until he was inside an hospital – it would be the one inside the core of the city, Tiedoll had explained, and from it he would be able to reach his next destination. Still, as his clothes started being cut by the doctors, he knew he wouldn’t have all that time. Before they managed to uncover his chest, he turned around violently, falling from the stretcher and over the moving vehicle’s floor.

“He’s awake?” Shouted an astounded woman.

“Get him!” urged another, and Kanda felt as gentle but firm hands tried to guide him back up. He started fighting against them, without leaving his position on the floor. His whole body was being slowly healed despite his own resistance, and he couldn’t allow them to see his chest or face.

“He’s convulsing,” whispered a doctor, “we need a tranquillizer-”

“Nothing we have can be applied to someone in this state!”

“Hold him down!”

Despite his wounds, Kanda was far stronger than the doctors around him, and did not allow them to move his body, pretending to be thrashing due to pain.

“We are here,” whispered a female, and Kanda felt the vehicle stop. This was where he needed to be – he needed to be taken inside. Hoping for the best, he started resisting, and felt himself being dragged – and tied – to the stretcher, as people brought him to the emergency room.

“Bring in the sedatives,” called the one who seemed to be the head surgeon and, by then, Kanda knew his time was over.

÷±‡±±‡±÷

Sixty seven Akuma. That had been the number they had been able to round up, both by chance meetings in their search and through Tiedoll’s own sensitiveness to the presence of Dark Matter.

Yuu had assured him he would be able to deal with them all. They were mostly level twos, the young man had said, and he had fought worse battles. There had been confidence in his dark eyes, and a promise to stay safe in his lips. And so, he had allowed their admittledly precarious plan to go on, because there was simply no way to smuggle someone inside a city with a security as high as Wales’. Yuu would have to enter through the front gates – no disguise or secret passage were available to help him.

So Tiedoll had played his part, and allowed the boy to play his own – until, after a few minutes of their charade, as he finished his share of the enemies and turned to his adoptive son, he saw him splattered in the floor, looking, after all was said and done, as if he had been already gone from the world.

Never before had he seen Yuu so hurt, in his entire life.

Yuu’s life had not been an easy one. Actually, his fate had been, until now, one of the worst Tiedoll could think of. As the Japanese exorcist grew up and… warmed up to the General, somewhat, he had explained the ordeals he had gone through in the laboratory in detail. Listening about these events had left him utterly horrified and, even then, he felt his adoptive son had been trying to shield him from the worst of it. Even after they parted ways, Yuu’s life had been incredibly harsh; as they talked to each other in the eight days they took in their journey to Wales, Yuu had opened up about the hardships he had had to face, from broken bone to burnt flesh and consuming disease.

And even then, despite the heaviness of his heart, he had not been prepared for such a sight.

For a moment, he thought the boy was not alive, anymore.

Exorcists came from the walls, in order to aid them – and the General cursed himself, because not only he could have helped Yuu easily, he also had been the one responsible for the women’s delay. And now he stared at his charge, who was a sick mixture of black and red in the ground, not moving even to breathe. Forgetting everything they had agreed upon, he ran towards the boy, uncaring about any emotions his face had been displaying right then. His son could be dead – and it would be his fault. Because Yuu had promised he would be fine, he had promised he could handle it, but he could very well have miscalculated –

Men in white approached, and took his son away, with care but with haste. They passed by the gates once more and Tiedoll joined them, knowing that, despite his great prowess as an Exorcist, any medical worker would be able to do more for Yuu than the General himself could.

He had wanted to smuggle his boy in – now he just wanted him to stay alive.

“General? Sir, are you listening?”

Tiedoll blinked and managed to leave his stupor. Such weakness would usually be intolerable but, right now, he felt like he was slowly losing whatever control he still had over himself.

“Of course, Chief,” he forced himself to say. “I do apologize, but this whole ordeal is weighing heavily in my mind.”

“I am sure, General. But you can be sure our surgeons are doing their very best to save the young exorcist.”

“He seemed fatally injured,” said the General, and the horror in his voice displayed itself despite his attempt to hide it. “Does he even have a chance?”

The elderly man in charge of the city seemed astounded at the raw pain coming from the General. That only seemed to make him more determined to answer, however. “Yes, General. Please believe me. I have been informed Mr. Galen was still alive once he got to Emergency, and they were ready to stabilize him before beginning the operation. Such wounds would usually mean certain death, but… this is the city were the last member of the Chan family lives, sir. The young man will be well. Bak will make sure of it.”

“Yes… I have seen the lad once or twice,” said Tiedoll weakly, ignoring the hot chamomile tea that was placed in front of him by a maid.

Han Won seemed to look uncomfortable with Tiedoll’s statement. “I know he is very young, General, and not very… _invested_ in the Order,” admitted the man, flinching slightly, no doubt at mentioning something so dangerous in front of the organization’s General, “but he is incredibly talented in the medical field. He has acquired the knowledge from his family and has always helped us… at least when it comes to medicine.”

“I see. Make sure he will put his knowledge to good use today, then,” said Tiedoll, raising serious, implacable eyes. “We would not want an exorcist to die here.”

The chief’s face tightened under the strain of stress. “Of course not, sir.”

÷±‡±±‡±÷

“I found Mr. Galen living with exiles in a forest close to one of our smaller cities. His condition was, naturally, precarious, and he was mostly incoherent. It took me many days to get him to be able to converse somewhat coherently. Whatever ordeal he has been through since his disappearance, it has clearly broken him.”

“I see,” answered the Great General through the phone. “And why have you decided to take him to the city you are in now? Would it not have been better to have him treated in a place closer to where you were a week ago?”

“His greater wounds are of the mind,” said Tiedoll, the answer already prepared ever since they started thinking of this wretched plan. “As of his physical state, the only problem was a slight start in malnutrition. They would not have been able to help him there, not like a greater city would.”

“I wouldn’t expect someone who got lost in the outside for months to be so physically well.”

“As an exorcist, Mr. Galen was the only one who could keep the group of exiles safe from the Akuma. Naturally, they would provide him with whatever food and shelter they had. They seemed quite… reluctant to allow me to take him away.”

The questioning continued, as thorough as Tiedoll had expected. With the events being as relevant as they had been – a powerful city almost being invaded, the recovery and subsequent almost-death of a lost exorcist and the involvement of a General – it was obvious they would not wait for answers. The General stuck to the story he had elaborated.

Seven months ago, an exorcist named Samuel Galen had disappeared when escorting a travelling group. The carriages had been destroyed and no one, no officials or civilians, had survived. Galen’s body had not been found. Despite his death being almost granted, an exorcist was a precious asset to the Order, and so extensive searches were made for him.

After a couple of months and a great waste of resources, the Order called off the searching, but insisted any officials and exorcists kept his face in mind and looked for him when they were working on their own tasks.

Tiedoll doubted very much the poor young man would be alive, but he did find an opportunity in the disappearance to have Yuu enter a city connected to Rome. Considering Yuu’s own status as a high priority fugitive, however, and the fact that the city knew its lost exorcist well, they had needed to create a commotion large enough so as to distract the Order personnel from following the usual protocols or paying much attention to Yuu’s features. The solution to this question had been provided by Yuu himself, as they travelled together to their targeted city.

_Tiedoll had just explained how difficult it would be to enter the city; there were no blind spots in the walls, a large shield prevented any attacks inside a close perimeter and the general had no traitor guards on his side. Moreover, the security procedures carried there were extensive, regardless of the time they cost._

_“I have made successfully made contact with someone that can shelter and transport you, but that is only once you are inside the city,” Tiedoll finally said, pondering on a way to solve the puzzle. “We must think of a way to safely take you inside by the time we reach Wales.”_

_“Don’t worry about it, General,” said Yuu, and he looked more confident than he had ever be since they met. “I already thought of a way.”_

_The general had been surprised, back then. Despite his determination, Yuu seemed like he truly would not be able to enter the city without help. “And that would be?”_

_Yuu smirked, looking sure of himself. "I go right through the gates, while forcing them to skip protocol.” At Tiedoll’s confused expression, he clarified, “How could they take the time to carefully probe the identity of a grievously hurt exorcist who is in need of urgent help?” He pointed towards his chest and continued, “they have given me an advantage. It is about time I use it for more than escaping.”_

_Tiedoll had protested immediately, but Yuu had been unwavering. He insisted that this would be the only way to impersonate the disappeared exorcist; by allowing himself to be hurt in a battle and using the short window of time he would have to enter the city while not being recognized._

_“My use of Innocence before the gatekeepers will already prove I am not an Akuma. They will take me in. I just need to get inside, right? Once I do that, according to you, I should be able to disappear.”_

This had all started because Tiedoll mentioned Galen’s disappearance, and lamented the fact that they couldn’t simply have Yuu pass as him due to the Japanese exorcist’s newfound notoriety in the Order, that would make sure he would be recognized. Once Yuu proposed his solution, however, Tiedoll had denied it vehemently. Giving the boy to the authorities was already unacceptable, but doing so while he was hurt? And still, as Yuu insisted more and more and Tiedoll could not come up with a better solution, he had to eventually accept, but only on the condition that Yuu would be very careful, that his wounds would be superficial and just enough to have him pass by.

They had gathered Akuma, something that was easy for anyone in an Exorcist uniform; the creatures despised and hunted exorcists as much as exorcists hunted them. Instead of fighting them, they drew them towards the city, in a number that the General knew would be enough to cause a mayhem to destabilize the Order, but small enough that he would be able to destroy.

He had held back, of course, fighting only a part of them and allowing Yuu to play his part.

And look where that trust had gotten him, he thought with a heavy heart, even as he continued answering the Great General’s incessant questioning. He just wanted to be by Yuu’s side and be sure the boy would be fine, but had to remain inside the chief’s office with a phone by his ear.

“Mr. Galen, as I said, was in an incoherent mental state. He seemed to have temporary panic attacks. One was long enough for him to leave my grasp and be seen by Akuma. As I had given him an uniform and the creature saw it, it was inevitable that it would attack us with all it had. It ran away, however, apparently to alert its many companions, that followed us until we reached the city.”

There was a long, silent pause on the other side of the line. Then, “these things seem to be growing more intelligent. The Order must be put on alert. Very well. We will continue this later, General Tiedoll.”

“As you wish,” answered the man tiredly, before hanging up.

He allowed himself to cover his eyes with his hands for a few moments, before he got up from the chief’s chair and opened the office’s door, signaling the others could enter. During his conversation with Central, even the chief himself had been excused from his office.

“What is Central’s position about the situation, sir?” asked Han Won, taking his place behind his desk once more. Tiedoll remained standing.

“I am sure they will wish to investigate the matters properly before taking a decision. This city has already lost an exorcist on a campaign, and now is almost losing him again due to the lateness in taking action. I’d say their… position will be quite unfavorable, chief.” The man nodded gravely at that, looking troubled, but not surprised. “Now, what of Mr. Galen? Have you had any news of him until now?”

“He is having seizures of a sort, sir, but doesn’t present the unresponsiveness we would be afraid of. I will call the hospital at once,” he said and, at Tiedoll’s curt nod, he did so. Tiedoll tried not to look very tense as the man held the phone to his ear. Nobody answered, however. Han Won frowned and dialed again.

After a tense minute and the third tentative, someone finally picked the phone. Tiedoll heard the man chastising whoever answered the call, before asking about Yuu.

The employee’s voice could be heard from where the general was, and it seemed to carry a great urgency.

“What? How could this be?” asked Han Won, and his large hand almost crushed the telephone. “No, no… but how many doctors were in there?” he exclaimed, before covering his face with a hand. “Alright. You do that – immediately. We are going there.”

As the damning words were spoken, Tiedoll’s hands clenched hard, and he could hear his own heartbeat, and the pulse of it reverberating through his body. He felt weak and groundless; he leaned forward as soon as the chief let go of the phone.

“What happened to him?” demanded the general. No, Yuu could not have died. He said his seal was working well, he _promised_ he would be fine.

But what if… what if he had lied?

Tiedoll distinctly remembered Yuu had said Allen’s seal had been spent; it did not work anymore, not after being used for too long. Clearly, it wasn’t infallible. But Yuu had also assured the older exorcist his seal had been working properly, he had pointed to it as the solution to their problems. This should not be happening, he thought desperately.

What if Yuu had lied, however? What if, in his desperation to help Allen Walker, he had tricked the general into believing he still had his regenerative abilities, just so the man would allow him to go through with his foolish plan?

If that was true…

If that was true, Yuu would surely die. He had been torn open; Tiedoll was sure his adoptive son hadn’t been put inside a body bag then and there only because the medics had miraculously found a pulse.

“Sir? General Tiedoll?”

“What is it?” asked the man, unconscious of his already weak façade breaking apart.

“I’ve been informed that the exorcist… has disappeared, sir. I deeply apologize. I swear we will track him, no matter what.”

“Disappeared?” repeated the general weakly.

“Yes. Apparently, he has attacked two doctors, and the remaining ones fled from the room. He was impossible to control, they said. We are ashamed of what happened, but we had not expected the need to keep anyone to restrain him nearby – he looked to hurt to properly move. Now he can’t be seen anywhere, but just give me half an hour or so-”

Tiedoll’s heart finally stopped beating so fast. He felt the colors returning to his vision, and allowed his tired body to sag on one of the chairs. Yuu had escaped. Things were going according to the plan.

As the city’s chief continued trying to assure him of the exorcist’s safety, Tiedoll could only think that Yuu was _alive_.

“What of the boy?” he asked finally, having gotten a hold over himself. It was only Han Won’s own deplorable state that allowed him to believe he would not realize his strange behavior. “What of Bak Chan?”

“Sir?”

“Was he also hurt by the exorcist? It would not do to have the city’s best medical specialist unavailable.”

“Ah… that is…” Han Won also seemed to collapse on his chair. “The young Chan has yet to appear. He has not been found as of yet. Perhaps he was involved in the ordeal that also made the exorcists late… I don’t know, sir, but we are also looking for him right now-”

Tiedoll raised a hand. “Enough. I understand. The inefficiency in this city’s works is worrying me, chief, but I suppose it is fortunate that Bak Chan was not anywhere near the exorcist when he attacked. So long as the boy is there to help Mr. Galen when he is found, it will be fine.”

“He will, sir. I promise you,” said the other man, who didn’t seem to have the strength to look desperate, anymore.

Meanwhile, Tiedoll finally allowed himself a moment of peace. It would be long before he would be able to meet Yuu without raising any suspicion, but at least things were going as they should: the unavailable exorcists, Yuu’s escape from the hospital and Bak’s own temporary disappearance. He supposed he could allow a small amount of optimism to take root on his heart. Still, what a surreal situation, to have his boy in the same city as him and to have to stay inside this office, pretending to be worried about a stranger, pretending not to know anything about the confusion that was taking over this place.

With a sigh, Tiedoll ordered a cup of coffee and readied himself for one of the longest nights of his life.

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End file.
